#dearn

Why do you keep falling like this?

Is it because my heart misses him too much

and you just can’t hold it in for me anymore?

Maybe you're the only part of me,

Here’s to my ‘what if’. I really liked you. And I think it was the first time again in a long time that I liked someone that way. I wanted to go out on a date with you so bad. You did ask me out though, a couple of times. But something always came up. Or time didn’t let us. Or I had other responsibilities.  And I didn’t try asking you out at all after that. And now that I think about it, I don’t even know why I just didn’t do what I knew I wanted to do. I waited for you to make the first move. I wanted a sign that I should drop everything and just go for it with you. But the sign never came, you didn’t choose me. So I didn’t choose you too.

There were times that, I swear to God, He was making me choose between you and just a nobody. And every time, I didn’t choose you. I wasn’t ready to let go of that part of myself. And I knew that if I chose you, I would have to make decisions that I’ve been avoiding. 

Your replies (no matter how late HAHA), random topics like witchcraft and the biggest dick in the world (LOL), pictures of your dogs out of nowhere, and the times you cheered me up when no one can were the things that made me attached to you. I will always appreciate them. I cannot thank you enough. Without you knowing, you were the only person there for me in my darkest time. And for that, I will be forever grateful. 

But I’m glad you’re just my ‘what if’. 

I love the person I’m with right now. And if we happened, I wouldn’t have met and fallen in love with him. We’ve been through so much already, but I know it’s all worth it. I did with him what I wasn’t able to do for you, I let go’d of a part of myself. A part that belongs in the past. I chose him and I will choose him everyday. And I hope he continues to choose me in the future.