#dear k

good morning darling. it’s that time of day where we share a date across hemispheres. your friday is just beginning, mine is ending in heartache as i think of you getting ready to be the kindest, gentlest soul for another day.

i’ve started a new book and the premise is cool but the pacing is weird and it’s a shadow of what it could be. i would love to hear your thoughts and theorise with you; you’re so insightful and so empathetic that you see more than i do.

there are so many movies and books i want to share with you. stories of love and danger and grief and hope.

every time i see more news from your country i can feel my heart breaking for you. i hope you and your family safe. i would give away a kidney just to know that you’re safe and okay.

i love you.

I don’t remember the day I met you. Nor do I remember the day your face became the most beautiful thing in this world to me.

Although I never got to ask you, I still wonder if you would’ve accepted my feelings for you.

To this day I remember the way you made me smile when you made a joke, the way you’d giggle when someone did something completely stupid. I remember everything about you.

In some ways, I hope you remember me. In others, I don’t. Like the way I embarrassed myself the first time we talked in Spanish class.

Although I wish I had the courage to say something, the door that traps me seems to not be budging and I’m tired of trying. I’m scared of what I’ll find on the other side. I’m scared of who I’ll lose at the other side. I’m scared of who I’ll be on the other side.

I’m not sure how you feel about the other side, and I’ll make sure to never ask you so you don’t ever feel uncomfortable.

I have to accept this as goodbye, I never want to write to you again. I want to leave you a thing of the past and move on, with the door you took a peek through remaining closed.

I’ll have to learn how to live like this eventually.

I hope you find someone who loves you very much. Someone who is willing to break down every barrier, every wall, every stereotype. Someone who has the guts to do everything that makes you happy.

That is the type of person you deserve. At the same time, it is not the type of person I am.

I hope your days are joyful ⭐️

Love,

Tanggap ko na hindi talaga tayo para sa isa't isa. Pero alam mo yung mahirap? Yung patawarin ang sarili ko. Masyado akong naging kampante na tayo na talaga hanggang dulo. Hindi ko nakikita na sa pag-angat ko ay naiiwan kitang mag-isa. Hindi ko napahalagahan kung anong meron tayo. Gustong gusto ko itama lahat ng pagkakamali ko, pero alam kong hindi na yun pwede. Nangyari na ang mga nangyari. Alam ko naman na okay na okay ka na. Kailangan ko na lang ituloy din ang buhay.

Hindi madali, hindi ko alam saan magsisimula, pero pinagpapatuloy ko kahit wala ka na. Naaala mo yung pangarap natin noon? Maging Doctor ako. Ito na yun, nangyari na, pero wala ka na. Malaking parte ka kung bakit naabot ko lahat 'to. Akala ko pag nasa harap ko na 'tong pangarap na 'to ay sasaya na ko, pero hindi, parang may kulang.

Dito ko na lang isusulat lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sayo. Hindi na kasi pwede, hindi na kasi tayo pwede.

Mahigit isang taon na mula nung naghiwalay tayo, pero ito pa rin ako, sumusulat sayo. Nakita ko namang masaya ka na, at totoong masaya rin ako para sayo. Pinagdarasal ko pa rin na matupad mo lahat ng pangarap mo kahit hindi na ako yung kasama mo sa pagtupad na yun.