I donāt remember the day I met you. Nor do I remember the day your face became the most beautiful thing in this world to me.
Although I never got to ask you, I still wonder if you wouldāve accepted my feelings for you.
To this day I remember the way you made me smile when you made a joke, the way youād giggle when someone did something completely stupid. I remember everything about you.
In some ways, I hope you remember me. In others, I donāt. Like the way I embarrassed myself the first time we talked in Spanish class.
Although I wish I had the courage to say something, the door that traps me seems to not be budging and Iām tired of trying. Iām scared of what Iāll find on the other side. Iām scared of who Iāll lose at the other side. Iām scared of who Iāll be on the other side.
Iām not sure how you feel about the other side, and Iāll make sure to never ask you so you donāt ever feel uncomfortable.
I have to accept this as goodbye, I never want to write to you again. I want to leave you a thing of the past and move on, with the door you took a peek through remaining closed.
Iāll have to learn how to live like this eventually.
I hope you find someone who loves you very much. Someone who is willing to break down every barrier, every wall, every stereotype. Someone who has the guts to do everything that makes you happy.
That is the type of person you deserve. At the same time, it is not the type of person I am.