#deanxofc

“Elizabeth-”

“Don’t do that.” She waved a hand at you before picking up a shot and downing it. “You sound like mom.”

“You think I like that I have to basically mother my older sister?” She shot you a look and picked up the second shot and downed it. You shook your head as two fingers pointed to the empty glasses. “No. I’m cutting you off.”

“It’s barely 9pm.”

“Exactly. And I’d like to not have to pick you up off the floor before 10. Go home, Beth.”

“Samuel-”

“No!” You told her, then turned him and pointed angrily at him.

His hands went up. “Sorry Elizabeth, I’m not getting between you two. Not making that mistake again.” He shook his head.

You grabbed the empty glasses and put them in the sink before walking off to serve a table.

Since you went off to serve someone else and Sam was busy with other customers, she got up, reached over the bar and grabbed a glass stacked by the sink and poured herself a beer from the tap. “You’re too good for this place.” She told him.

“Don’t I know it.” He muttered, moving past to grab whiskey off a shelf, not really looking at her.

“You’re not interested in me, are you?” He laughed. “Yeah.. Wish you had a brother.” She muttered, taking a sip.

“Elizabeth!” You yelled at her, slamming a tray of empties down on the counter. “Did you serve her?” You glared at Sam as he moved past.

“Nope. Must have grabbed it herself.” He put the drinks down, and got the money for them before coming back over towards you and your sister. “And I do.”

“You do what?” You looked at him.

“Have a brother.” Her eyes shot up to him.

“No.” You warned both of them.

“Older?” She asked and he nodded. “Interesting.” She licked her lips and smirked. “As good looking as you?”

“Don’t answer that.” You pushed Sam away, and snatched the beer out of her hand. “Go. Home.”

“But Samuel has a brother for me.” she pouted. You pointed towards the door and she sighed. “Why do I come here?” she muttered and wander off towards the pool tables.

“Don’t you dare.” you shot Sam a look.

“Don’t I dare what?”

“Introduce her to your brother.” you sighed. “You know how she is..”

He laughed. “My brother has a reputation of his own. Besides, she’ll meet him sooner or later.” You cocked an eyebrow. “He’s moving to town in a few weeks.”

“Shit.” the last thing you needed was a strain between you and Sam, and you knew that’s what would happen. It’s what always happened.

Dean Winchester’s reputation hit town before he did, and it kind of shocked you. He sounded so vastly different from how you knew Sam was.

And then you met him. He was charming, cocky, and he knew how good looking he was. But he was sweet too. There was no denying they were related, but there was also a vast contrast between them.

Soon after, he met your sister. Bought her a few drinks, and you didn’t see them for the rest of the night.

Around 4am, not long after getting home, there was a knock on your apartment door. “Hey, can I crash here?”

“Yeah, sure.” you opened the door to let Sam in. “What’s wrong with your place?”

“Dean.” You nodded, remembering Dean was living with him until he got his own place. “And your sister.” Your eyebrows shot up. “In my bed. Can I also use your laptop to find a new mattress so I can burn this one?”

“Yeah.” you winced, shutting the door. “Find me something to burn that mental image out of my brain.”

“Hey, I had to walk in on it.” he grumbled.

“Netflix to distract you so you don’t have nightmares about it?”

“Please.”

Barely half an hour later, Sam looked from the tv in your bedroom, down at you curled up towards him fast asleep. He smiled softly, and reached for the remote. Turning down the volume, he then put it back on the nightstand and got comfortable himself.

It was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. Only this time, you honestly weren’t sure what that was going to be. She had sworn this time was different. He was different, and she was as well. But you couldn’t help but warn her anyways.

And yet here you were, frustrated beyond belief at the situation. When she had told you what happened, she didn’t even let you open your mouth before she started yelling at you. She was positive you would say ‘I told you so’ and she wasn’t going to give you the chance. So she screamed at you before storming out.

And then you stormed out.

“Where is your brother.” You growled as soon as you were in the bar.

Sam looked up. “I don’t know.. Home, if he’s not with your sister..”

“No, no he’s not with her.” You shook your head. “He was, and then she caught him fucking someone else.” You turned and stormed out.

Sam closed his eyes and sighed. “Come on, Dean…” Sam groaned. This was going to complicate things.

When he heard a pounding on the door, Dean got up. “Hang on, don’t get your panties in a wad.” Opening the door, he cocked an eyebrow. “What can I do for you, Princess.” He smirked.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” You shoved him, making him stumble back, and you stormed into the apartment.

“Come on in.” He muttered sarcastically, shutting the door. “What’s up your ass? If you’d like it to be me-”

“Why would you do that her?” You turned on him.

“Who?”

“My sister! I get that she isn’t perfect, but fuck, Dean.. she didn’t deserve that.” He rolled his eyes and went for a beer. “Do you even care?” Once he closed the fridge, you pulled the beer out of his hand and slammed it on the counter away from him. “You cheated on her, Dean and you don’t even fucking give a shit how bad you hurt her.”

“I didn’t cheat on her.” He pointed out, looking a little agitated at the accusation.

“No?”

“No.”

“So, you didn’t take my sister out and get caught fucking someone else?”

“No, that did happen..”

“That’s cheating!”

“No.” He shook his head. “Your sister and I were never exclusive. She was never my girlfriend. We didn’t even go on a single date.” He pointed out. “We just drank, and fucked.” He shrugged. “She’s not the kind of girl I date, sweetheart. She’s the kind of girl I call once, maybe twice, if she’s lucky.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“No. Well, maybe.” He shrugged. “But I never told her we were more than we were.” He licked his lips. “It was just sex. Good sex, I’ll give her that. But I hear she’s had almost as much practice as me.” He smirked.

“Ugh.” You got a look of disgust and shoved him away from you. “What do women see in you?”

“Good looks, charming personality.” You scoffed, making him smirk again. “And a dirty filthy mouth that makes promises I can keep.”

You rolled your eyes and turned to walk away. “You’re a piece of shit.”

“The more you talk like that, the harder I get.” He teased coming up behind you. “And dirty talk isn’t all my mouth is good for.” You shivered as his breath fanned out on the back of your neck.

“Fuck you.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. I bet it doesn’t even need to come to that to make you cum.” He chuckled.

“You probably couldn’t even do it then.” You turned your head, defiance burning in your eyes. “You’re obviously overcompensating for something.”

He bit his bottom lip. “I knew I liked you. Let’s make a bet, Hm?” His nose brushed against your neck. “We’re going to go sit down, you and me. My hands are not going to touch you, not unless you asked me to. And I’m going to make you cum.”

“Fat fucking chance.”

“Hey, I had your sister begging in minutes.” He smirked. “If I can make you cum, or make you ask for me to touch you or fuck you, I win. If I get nowhere, you win.”

“I’m pretty sure either way you’re a winner, so why would I agree to this?”

“If you win, I’ll apologize to your sister. I’ll admit I was wrong, I will take her out somewhere nice, and I will treat her like a fucking queen, if she’ll let me.”

“And if you win?”

“You go on a date with me.” He grinned. You shook your head. “Come on, Princess. There’s a fire in you that I want to see more of.” his mouth moved over your neck, making you moan softly. “Good girl.” he took your hand and started leading you towards the couch.

He sat down, and watched you as you stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“Sit.” You went to sit next to him but he stopped you. “Oh no. You’re not sitting there.” He pulled you forward so you were straddling his lap. “Right here.”

“Dean-”

“Ah.” He put a finger to your lips to shush you. “No talking. Only I talk.” He smiled, and his arms stretched over the back of the couch. “Unless you’re going to give in already. I’d be very disappointed if you did.”

“No. I just-”

“Ah.” he shook his head. “Now, let’s see.. What are you into..” He eyed you a bit, eyes lingering on your breasts, and then again between your thighs.

“Worst foreplay ever.” You mumbled, sitting back more on his thighs.

Dean laughed. “You don’t know how bad I want to kiss you right now.” He smiled at you. His eyes shining playfully.

“Mhmm.” You hummed, looking around Sam’s living room as if he couldn’t be any less interesting and chewed on your bottom lip.

“I wanna bite that bottom lip.” Your eyes shifted back to him as let your bottom lip fall from between your teeth. “I wanna feel your tongue against mine. So soft and wet. I bet you wanna feel mine too, don’t you sweetheart? But elsewhere.”

The left corner of his mouth curved up slightly and he watched your throat as you swallowed. You did your best to ignore him, eyes fluttering away again.

“I’d love to taste you.” He shifted slightly, an inch or so lower on the couch, getting comfortable. “Lick up the side of your neck to your ear.” He smirked when your brow twitched. “You’d thought I’d say something else, huh.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll get there eventually.” You shot him a glare and he grinned. “I want to taste every inch of you.”

“This is getting ridiculous.” You started to get up.

“If you get off my lap I win.”

“That wasn’t-”

“Winner by default because you forfeit.”

“You’re so full of yourself.” You scoffed. “Do you actually think you-”

“I do.” He nodded. “I can practically smell it.”

“You’re a dick.”

“I have one. And I’m damn good with it. Is that what you want to talk about? About how good my hard cock will feel deep inside you? Hm?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Or, and this could be a fun time too.. How about I just rub my cock between those lips, letting your clit feel every fucking vein. How does that sound, princess?” You bit your bottom lip again. “If you want, I’ll cum on your clit, it’ll feel so warm and good. And I’ll rub it in. With my cock or with my fingers, the choice is yours.”

You shifted your hips a bit, and you cursed yourself and him, because you couldn’t even try to hide it. You couldn’t close your legs, you couldn’t just get up and leave. Well, you could, but your pride wasn’t letting you. And yet, your pride was losing here too.

“Come a little closer, baby.” he shifted his hips again. “You can get that little bit of friction you need, and I won’t even count it.” You gave him a suspicious look. “Rules were that I wouldn’t touch you. I never said you couldn’t touch me.”

Your eyes moved down his chest and settled on the bulge in his jeans. You watched as it twitched under the denim, and your eyes went back to meet his. He had been watching you the whole time.

“You’re getting more curious.” He smiled. “Curious what all the fuss is about. I can tell you, if you come a bit closer.”

You couldn’t help yourself, it was almost like autopilot, you shifted just enough to barely feel his bulge against you. You didn’t want to give him the full satisfaction, so you were able to hold back at least that much. But you had a feeling this small victory wouldn’t last. You wanted him to keep talking.

He leaned forward a bit, so his voice was low and right by your ear. “It’s the drag, sweetheart. When I bury my cock as deep as I can and I slowly pull it out, the drag is what pulls you under.” You bit your bottom lip again and closed your eyes. “I can go back in just as slow if you want. Take my time with you, torture you an inch at a time.” You shifted again, thighs opening wider, not realizing you were starting to grind against him. “You like that? You want me to take my time with you? Worship you as if you were the most precious thing on this earth? I’d gladly do that for you, baby. Again and again.”

You let out a shaky breath, pressing a bit harder on him.

“Or, I can fuck you.” He went back against the couch again, eyes locked with yours. “Your feet over my shoulders so I can fuck you deep. I’ll watch those tits bounce with every thrust I give you. Or maybe I’ll have you on your knees, face in the mattress to keep you quiet while I fuck you with everything I’ve got.”

You groaned, and let your forehead rest on his shoulder. You could feel how wet you were getting. Between the promises he made, and you knew damn well they were promises of what was to come if you gave in, and the feel of him hard underneath you, you were barely fighting it.

“Do you want me to cum inside you? Filling you up again and again? Letting you feel how I swell with cum right before I shoot it deep in your cunt? Or do you want me to mark you as mine with it? I’ll cum anywhere you want baby.”

“Dean..” you moaned softly.

“Maybe I will mark you as mine. With my cum, with my fingers and with my teeth.” he gave your earlobe a soft bite.

“Please..” You whimpered.

“Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll fuck you from behind, let my cock hit you deep and hard, make you scream my name, and right before I fill that soaked pussy of yours, I’ll bite you like a fucking animal.”

“Dean, please.” you whined.

“How wet are you right now, baby? You soaking through your panties just thinking about it?” You nodded. “What do you want?”

“Please, stop.” You begged, but you’re heart wasn’t in it.

“Not gonna happen, sweetheart. Not until you either give in, or soak through your jeans and mine. I wanna feel just how fucking wet you are.”

“Shit..” You breath hitched.

“Such a good girl.” He smirked. “You’ve already out last your sister.”

“Don’t.” You warned him and he chuckled.

“Answer me this, and I’ll never mention it again.”

“What?”

“How bad do you want my cock right now?” You groaned, and he chuckled again. “Just say the word and it’s yours.” You shook your head. “So stubborn.” He smiled. “I guess I’ll just keep imagining it, and telling you. Know what I’m thinking right now?” You shook your head again. “I’m thinking about ripping both our clothes off, and you grinding that wet pussy of yours onto my cock right here, like this.” He bit his bottom lip. “And maybe, just maybe, once it’s coated in you, it’ll slide right into your cunt. Mm.” He moaned, his head going back. “I bet you look so fucking good when you ride a cock.”

“Fuck.” You cursed, trying to get more friction.

“I want to bounce you on my cock so fucking bad right now.”

“Dean…”

“I’ll rub your clit while you do it.”

“Dean..” You breathed impatiently.

“Rub your warm wetness into your clit until you cum screaming around my cock.”

“Jesus, Dean just shut the fuck up and fuck me!”

He grinned. “You got it.” He lips pressed to yours hard, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you tighter against him. Your mouth opened to him almost immediately, you were hungry for him. His tongue swept in over yours, his hands moving to rid you of your shirt.

Your lips parted just long enough for him to toss it aside, and in that moment, you saw the calmness in his eyes was long gone. All that was left was hunger. Dean wanted you bad.

You lips met his again, teeth scraping against his lips, and he groaned as he stood, lifting you with him as he started for the bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind him before laying you on the bed. “How do you want it, Princess?”

“I don’t fucking care. Just make me cum.”

“Just remember, you owe me a date after this.” He grinned.

Sam walked in, tossing his keys down. He was so exhausted he left work a few hours early. His night had been spent trying to figure out what the hell he was suppose to do now. This had been why he had moved away from his brother years ago. Dean complicated things. And now he was complicating things here. He realized he’d have to have a talk with Dean about it. Either get his shit together or get lost.

Sam grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked towards the living room. Dean wasn’t there, so he figured his brother had gone out after being yelled at by you. He dropped onto the couch and took a swig.

When he looked down at the bottle in his hand, he noticed a shirt on the floor. His brow furrowed as he nudged it with his foot. He recognized that shirt. Picking up, he took a better look. It had been his, once. Until he gave it to..

Sam looked to his bedroom door. Dread filled him as he got up and slowly moved towards it. Silently opening the door, he felt his stomach drop when he saw you and his brother sleeping naked in his bed. He gently closed the door, and left his apartment.

You had been glad to wake up before Sam got home or Dean woke up, and snuck out of the apartment. You hid away all day, but now it was time to work. With a sigh, you pushed open the bar door and headed into start your shift. “Hey Sam.” You gave him a smile.

Sam didn’t even look up from the drink he was pouring for your sister. Didn’t even acknowledge your presence. But the look on his face told you all you need to know. He knew.

Your mood dropped, drastically. “I’m a fucking idiot.” You mumbled to yourself as you started for the back, barely hearing the door opening behind you.

“Hey princess.” Dean’s arm went around your shoulder. “How we doing today?”

“Peachy.” You muttered, pulling away from him and heading to the back.

Dean furrowed his brow at that, and went for the bar. “What was that about?” He asked as Sam came over. Sam slammed a beer on the bar, and Dean quickly plugged up the neck with his finger when it started to foam over. “What the hell, Sammy?”

“I can’t fucking believe you, Dean.”

“What’d I do?”

“You fucked her.” Sam growled it out. “And you don’t even give a shit about how it might make everyone else feel.” Dean looked down the bar at Elizabeth, and then back at Sammy. “I liked her, Dean. I really fucking liked her.”

“Sammy, I-”

“Yeah, you didn’t know. Just like last time, right?” He shook his head and walked away.

Dean felt like shit. He pulled his finger from the bottle and sat there staring at it. “Fuck.” He got up.

By the time you came out, Dean was gone. There was a full beer and some money on the bar, but he was no where to be seen. “Where’d Dean go?”

“Don’t know, don’t fucking care.” Sam grabbed the money and the beer and moved away.

“Sam-”

“I don’t want to hear it. But maybe your sister might like to hear the apology.”

Your eyes moved to your sister and you saw how hurt she was. “I’m sorry, Beth.” She shook her head and turned away.

Sam didn’t talk to you unless he needed to, at least not until the next night. “Dean staying with you?”

You furrowed your brows. “No, I haven’t heard from him since he left the bar yesterday.. Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Sam shook his head and walked away to put chairs up as you two closed up the bar. Despite his words, he told you anyways. “Hasn’t been back to my place, hasn’t answered my calls… Probably just fucked off somewhere else.”

You glanced to Sam’s phone, that he had left on the bar. Taking it in your hand, you unlocked it and searched through his contacts until you found Dean’s. Then you pulled out your phone and dialed, only for his voicemail to pick up after a few rings.

“Hey, you’ve reached Dean-”

“Jerk!” Sam’s voice cut through the message.

“You’re a bitch, Sammy.” And the tone sounded with a beep.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam turned and looked at you. “It’s Y/N. I just..” You sighed. “Come home, Dean. Sam’s worried. And I’m still waiting for that date you promised me.” You smiled softly to yourself, not noticing how Sam watched you. “It’s rude to stand a girl up like this. You’ve got my number now, so call me, okay? I’ll be waiting.” You looked down at your phone as you hung up.

“A date?” You nodded. “He hasn’t taken a girl on a date since Lisa broke his heart.” Sam muttered mostly to himself.

“And it looks like he still isn’t going to.” You put Sam’s phone down and tucked yours back in your pocket.

“Shit.” He muttered, heading for his phone.

“What?” You looked at him confused as he grabbed it and dialed.

“Hey, Dean.. Sammy.” Sam sighed. “Call me back, okay. I guess the three of us need to talk since it looks like I’m not the only Winchester who fell for her.” Your eyes went wide. “You’re still an ass, but you should have just told me.. Come on home. Jerk.”

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Tagging : Dean - @evyiione   @soythedemonqueen   @deanandsamsbitch @akshi8278 @haelyn   @aubreystilinski @hobby27 

Supernatural - @roxyspearing @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels  @internationalmusicteacher @extreme-supernatural-lover @super100012 @legend-o-zelda @kickasscas67 @just-a-fiction-lover @sandlee44 @dancingalone21 @castianityislife02 

She turned away to hide the pain on her face. Endings were always the hardest part, and they’d always been running downhill toward this end. She knew it from the beginning. She was tripping and falling the whole way down.

“Em, wait.”

“What?” She asked before turning her head. “What else could you possibly have to say?”

He wanted to fight. He knew that’s what Sam would do. He wouldn’t walk away, but Sam was a goddamn doormat. Emerson was right. They weren’t Ophelia and Sam. If she didn’t want to be with him he couldn’t make her. He wouldn’t make her. All pushing does is hurt. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already had. “Nothing.” He forced a smile, like everything inside wasn’t crumbling. As if a small breeze wouldn’t make him fall apart. “Just wanted to make sure you’d still be around. Just in the normal way. Friends and all that.”

“Of course I will be around. You’re Dean. Don’t think I can completely cut you out. That’d be wrong.”

“And you’re Emerson.”

“Just like I always was.” She turned her head again to go, but he stopped her one last time.

“Sky is beautiful tonight though, ain’t it?”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you always did have pretty eyes, Dean Winchester.”

She shut the book, just like that, and he let her. He released the line between them, and when she walked away he didn’t stop her. He just watched her disappear back toward the camp, his hand over his chest, as if the pressure would stop his heart from breaking.

****

“Phel we need to talk.” Emerson said, stepping into the tent. It was dark inside, but she could make out her sister from the lantern that was lit.

“I see you got out of the tent today.” Pheli said with a wide smile. “I’m really glad.”

“We need to talk.”

“Jeez, okay. You’ve got your serious face on, what’s up?”

“You said... you said you took care of it. What do you mean by that, Phel?”

Ophelia pulled her knees to her chest. “You really want to get into this?”

“I do.” Emerson frowned. “What? You thought I’d just accept that answer with a grain of salt and never bring it up again?”

“I kind of hoped you would.”

“What did you do, Ophelia?” Emerson asked, lowering herself to a seated position in front of her sister. She took Pheli’s hands in her own. “Tell me.”

“I... I took care of him. I want on a supply run with some of the guys...”

“You did what? Are you fucking crazy? When?”

“This morning.”

Emerson’s head throbbed. She knew that there was a huge chance that she could’ve lost her sister while she was asleep, while she was talking to Lisa. It made her want to throw up. “That was really fucking stupid.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you I volunteered. I’m capable, Em.”

“It isn’t about being capable! This isn’t the school musical or a homecoming committee, Phel. This is life and death.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Pheli hissed through clenched teeth. “I know that. Trust me.” She instinctively rubbed the hand print scar on her ankle from where she was grabbed.

Emerson let the anger that welled up inside of her calm a bit. Everything was okay. Pheli came out unscathed as far as she could tell. “So, you went on a supply run. Then what happened?”

“I was partners with Gordon. I wanted to confront him.”

Em curled her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms as her heart rate skyrocketed. “You could’ve been hurt.”

“I was armed.”

“So was he, and he’s strong Phel...”

Pheli reached forward and grabbed her sisters hands. “I know, Em. I just... he needed to pay.”

She nodded and wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand. “You were partners.”

“We went up to the roof and he latched the door. He wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

“He assumed I was there to confront him. He just... he said horrible things, Em. He is a disgusting person. I just... I had my gun and suddenly I hit him. I was pointing it at him.” She pressed her lips together, her hands trembling.

“You killed him.”

Pheli avoided her eyes.

“Phel you killed him? My god.” Emerson covered her mouth and stood up. She paced for a second before turning back to her sister. “I didn’t want... I just can’t believe... god...”

“I wanted to protect you.” Pheli was crying now. Her hands were shaking. “I knew what I had to do. He would’ve done it again...”

“I am an adult, Phel. I can handle my own problems! I can’t believe you did this... confronted him. That was so risky, and what about now? What happens now?”

“I know you can, but you’d do it for me. We protect each other. I just saw you so broken... he ruined everything. You were finally happy, and Dean keeps begging me to see you...”

“That’s over.” Emerson crossed her arms.

“I hoped... I hoped getting rid of Gordon would change that.”

“It isn’t just about him.” She said, wincing at the sound of his name. She knew that she wouldn’t be sleeping that night. “Dean and I... not everyone gets happily ever after. It’s just not in the cards. I couldn’t give him enough of me before the assault. Now there’s nothing left to give. He deserves more than that.”

“You deserve more than this.”

Emerson locked eyes with her sister. “I do.” She agreed. “But people keep taking my choices away from me. So I’m just left with this. This is the end, Phel. It’s time we just accept that.”

****

“How’d it go?” Sam asked his brother as he walked up to their original tree. Sam sat below it, cleaning their guns. He didn’t know what else to do with his time. He had a new sensation for the first time since being pre-law, he was bored.

“It’s over, man.” Dean said, slumping down next to his brother.

“Over?”

“Yup. C’est la vie.”

Sam put down the piece he was cleaning and turned toward Dean. “That’s bullshit. No way.”

“You like to hear me repeat myself, Sammy? Come on, give a guy a break.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache.

“What happened?”

“Dunno. She claims that it’s not about Lis. She said she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want me. Can’t make her want me, man, no matter how much I want her to.”

“I just... after all this time, man, I was sure that she wanted to be with you. I thought the back and forth was just a game. I really did.”

Dean sighed. “So did I. Deep down, ya know? Just me thinkin I’m not good enough and her pushin me away. Maybe she was keeping me at arms length, because she really wanted me to stay away from her? I can’t take a fuckin hint, apparently.”

“Maybe Phel can...”

“Nah. I don’t want her to. I want to respect Em’s choices. I should be the good guy, for once.”

Sam slapped his brothers shoulder and squeezed. “You’re always a good guy, Dean. Pain in the ass, but you’re a good guy. What about Lisa?”

“What about her?”

“She still wants you. That’s pretty obvious.”

“I don’t want her, though.” Dean said, digging in his jacket for his flask. There wasn’t much left, but being rejected so completely made him ache for something to numb his senses, even for just a second. “She’s not the one. She never was the one.”

-5 Years Before-

It was Emerson’s first day of senior year. Sam woke up early and surprised Pheli with breakfast, it was their first day tradition. That left Emerson to a cold breakfast burrito and a languid walk to school. It wasn’t a big deal. She could’ve taken the bus, but she had a lot to mull over. Her head still pounded from the party on the pier. She wrapped her arms around herself. She’d done such a good job of keeping Dean out of the soft places within her, but somehow he still got in. He wiggled in through the cracks and made them bigger. She was spilling out of them.

She turned a corner toward the school when she felt a yank on her backpack, sending her flying backwards. She screamed, high and quick from shock. Her back was pressed against a tree, and when her eyes finally focused she saw that she was nose to nose with Dean Winchester. “Christ!” She said, slapping his chest. “You scared me.”

“Em.”

“Dean?”

“Skip school today.”

She frowned, eyeing him. “It’s my first day. I can’t.”

“It’s your first day, you can.” He insisted, eagerly. “You won’t have any homework. You won’t miss anything.”

She could smell cigarettes on his breath and it made her nose curl up. “I might. I can’t skip.”

“You can.” He sighed, resting his palm next to her head. “But you won’t.”

“Yeah, okay. I won’t. What’s so wrong with that? I value my education... I value...” My heart. She thought, selfishly.

“I get it.” He sighed, moving his arm back to his side.

She grabbed his forearm and bore her eyes into his. “Why do you want me to skip today?”

His tongue darted out across his bottom lip, like he was trying to find the right words. “I’m runnin out of time, okay?”

Emerson couldn’t help but smile. His eyes looked so green next to the grass and the leaves from the tree. The nature framed him like a picture. “And you couldn’t get any of your other girlfriends to spend the day with you?”

He frowned, his eyebrows coming together. “Don’t have any other girlfriends.”

“You? Come on, Dean. You don’t have to keep pretending...”

“Whose pretending?”

She let go of his forearm, his skin white for a beat as her tight grip disappeared. “Why me? Can’t be just because of Phel and Sam.”

He smiled, letting out a breath. “You... it’s you, because when we were kids, I tried to touch your butt, and you punched me in the face. You broke my goddamn nose. You were this little scrappy thing with braces. You didn’t take my shit, and you don’t take it now. You’re just special, Em.”

She searched his face and as far as she could tell he was being genuine. “One day.” She agreed. “Just fucking one. So don’t screw it up.”

“Yes m’am.” He said with a grin, taking her hand in his. He lead her to the Impala and opened the passenger door for her.

She slid in and tossed her backpack into the backseat. He slid in next to her and started the car. “Where are we going?” She asked him.

“It’s called a surprise, Em.”

She rolled her eyes. “I hate surprises, Dean.”

“Lighten up.” He popped in a cassette tape and sang along.

Emerson smiled and kicked off her converse, placing her bare feet on the dash. She rolled down the window and let the warm air cover her. She wasn’t the kind of girl that went with the flow, but she decided that day would be different.

He got on the highway near the beach and drove along the coast. Emerson breathed in the warm, salty air. She turned and caught him looking at her. “What?”

“I like you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Relaxed. It’s a good look on you.”

Emerson waived him off dismissively and turned back to the blue of the ocean. She could look at it forever. She always felt the most at peace near the water. She closed her eyes, to let the heat of the sun soak into her skin, and the ocean waves rock her to sleep.

“Hey.” Dean whispered. “We’re here.”

“Hm?” She asked, sitting up slowly, blinking. Where the hell was she?

She looked around. They were on a bridge in what looked like the middle of nowhere. She squinted at Dean, and then it all came back to her. He convinced her to skip school. Shit. She sat up straight, alarmed. “Where are we?”

“Come on.” He said, with a smile. He offered her a hand, as he got out of the car.

He guided her out to the bridge where she found more people gathered at the edge of the bridge. They were strapping a man around his ankles and hips. “What’s going on?” Emerson asked.

“Ready!” The man said, with a huge grin, as he hoisted himself over the railing of the bridge.

Emerson’s eyes widened and she grabbed Deans hand instinctively. “What the...”

The man screamed as he let himself tumble over the edge. Emerson let go of Deans hand and ran to the edge. She watched the man dive down, dip into the river and bounce back up from the bungee cord. He was laughing hysterically and wiggling.

“Oh my god.” She exhaled in relief. Dean appeared behind her, resting a hand on her lower back.

“Amazing, ain’t it?”

“Incredible.”

“We’re next.” He grinned.

“Excuse me?” She looked at him with horror.

Dean pushed her hair behind her ears and held her face. “You weren’t scared to jump this weekend.”

“That wasn’t this high up.”

“I’ll be right there with you. Do it with me, Em. Let’s just do something fucking crazy.”

The breeze off the river was cool. It was September, but the heat of the Summer lingered well into October. Emerson stepped into her hip harness and allowed herself to be strapped in. Her ankles were pressed together and strapped in place. She wrapped her arms around Dean after he snapped their hips together. They stood on the ledge outside of the bridge, up against the railing. His strong arms held them in place.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.” She said, looking up at him.

He smiled brightly, his eyes lighting up. “You’re telling me.”

Somehow anything felt possible in that moment. Emerson half expected him to sprout wings and fly away. The breeze tickled her cheek, and she gripped his shirt in her fingers. Their eyes locked, and she thought that she would kiss him. She thought that maybe she finally would give in. She raised her heels, hearing their hip gear jangle between them as she slowly closed the space between them.

He was crazy. He was wild and unpredictable. He wasn’t like Sam. Things with him were complicated and mixed up, but when she was so close to him, things just made sense. She wasn’t the girl who had to take care of her mom. She didn’t have to shoulder the responsibilities of an impossible disease and a sister who needed a parent more than ever. She didn’t have to be the angry, guarded girl whose father walked out and took away her trust. She was just a girl. She was completely herself.

Their lips were a breath apart when Dean let go of the railing. They fell backwards, and his arms wrapped around her tightly. It was a fast fall, despite the height, she screamed, and he laughed. Their lips brushed from the impact of the fall. It wasn’t a kiss. It wasn’t anything, really. It was a reaction, chained onto another action.

Their heads dipped below the water and they came out laughing and swinging by their ankles. “That was incredible!” She shouter, squeezing him tightly. “That was amazing, god I could just...”

“Just what?” He asked, looking into her eyes. He was still grinning widely and panting from the breath that was ripped from his chest.

“I...”

Dean reached down and uncoupled their ankles, causing them to fall into the river. She came up, breaking the water, and she spit some at him. “Hey, ass!”

He smiled at her warmly. “Come on. I heard there are leaches in this river.” He said, swimming toward the shore.

“What?” She squealed, swimming after him.

“Just kidding.” He laughed as he settled onto the bank of the river.

“You’re such an ass.” She complained, settling down next to him.

“So I’ve heard.” He grinned, laying on his back and staring at the sky.

Emerson followed his lead and laid on her back. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For bringing me. I wouldn’t have done that in a million years.”

“You gotta keep doin that, Em.”

“Jumping off bridges?” She laughed.

“Taking risks. I don’t want you to live in  shell.” He reached forward and poked your side. “You look alive.”

“What do I normally look like?” She asked him, propping herself up on her elbows. “A zombie?”

“Kinda.” He laughed.

“You’re just asking to get your nose broken again, Winchester.” She eyed him.

“No.” He said, rolling onto his side. “Just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” She assured him. “In this moment... I am happy.”

Dean rolled back over and looked at the sky. He rested on his arm like a pillow, watching the clouds.

Emerson watched him. There was a peace in him that she hadn’t seen before, and she suddenly wished it could always be like that. She missed him so deeply in that moment. She mourned for the moment in time that she possessed. So mourned it before she even let it pass. Her heart ached, because she knew that they would never be able to replicate that day that they spent by the river. Her heart ached, because she knew in that moment that she would never love another person like she loved Dean Winchester.

—————

Chapter Nineteen

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Ash was a serious genius. He didn’t look like much in his cut off flannel and mullet, but he went to MIT before it all went to shit. He made the water filter system in the camp and was solely responsible for the gate around the community. He was damn fun at get togethers, too. The first night by the fire he ended up buddying up with her and Sam singing along with Benny. He made a genuine fool out of himself, and that made him okay in Pheli’s book.

“So fucked up.”

“Agreed.” He said, adjusting his machete on his shoulder. “Let’s head to the Jeep. Gordon’s probably already there.”

“Who else is coming?” She asked as they began their walk to the gate where the Jeep was parked.

Ash shrugged, walking with a bit of a bounce in his step. “Hell if I know. People don’t tell me shit. Always be underestimated, Blondie. When you are, it’s really easy to surprise people.” He offered her a wide grin.

“I know exactly what you mean.” She said smoothly.

Her hair was in two braids down her back to keep her hair out of the way. There were no flowers in them that day. There was no time for glitter and pleasantries.

Ash was right. Gordon was already in the front seat, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. “Shot gun!” Ash called with a wide grin, breaking out into a funny, wobbling jog to the Jeep.

Pheli rolled her eyes and picked up her speed. She opened the back door and slid in.

“Surprised you made it.” Gordon grunted from the front seat.

“Lots of that going around.” She said, shifting her weight to keep her knife from digging into her calf.

The door to her right opened up and Dean slid in next to her, wearing a wide ear-to-ear grin. “Ready to go!”

Pheli started at him her heart rate leaping at the sight of him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She hissed through clenched teeth.

“Cas mentioned your heroic volunteering. Couldn’t let you have all the fun.”

“Did you tell Sam?”

“And let him try to follow you? No fucking way.” Dean laughed breathlessly. He reached forward and patted Gordon’s arm, causing Pheli to flinch instinctively. “Come on, Buddy. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Ash?” Gordon asked, starting the Jeep.

Ash leaned forward and pressed a garage door opener, causing the gates to spring to life. They opened with a creak and a groan. “Outward and onward.”

Gordon pulled out of the camp and headed back toward the city. “We don’t have many more runs to Dallas. It’s about picked dry.”

“And overrun.” Ash agreed.

“So.” Dean said, leaning close to Pheli. “What’s this about?”

“I wanted to wear the cute thigh holster.” She said, deadpanned.

“Oh, sure. Of course.” He said, not sounding at all convinced.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before he poked her leg.

“God, what?”

“I go by Dean, actually.”

Pheli glared at him. “Was this your plan all along? Trap me in the backseat so I can’t run from you? You want to ask about her. We just talked yesterday. I said...”

“You said you’d talk to her. Did you?”

“She isn’t ready, Dean.”

“Isn’t ready for what?” He asked, weakly. “If you haven’t noticed the world is ending.” He said, gesturing to the wreckage outside the Jeep. “We are on sort of limited time here.”

Pheli sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s not my place to tell you. It’s hers, if she wants to.” She said low enough for only him to hear it.

In the front seat Ash sang along to some old cassette tape that was jammed in the Jeep’s radio. It was loud enough to drown them out. She just hoped Gordon wasn’t paying attention.

“I don’t wanna lose her again.”

“You two are so fucking frustrating, you know?”

“Try being a part of it.” He said with a dry laugh, scratching the back of his head.

“We need to cut your hair.”

“What? The long hair is only cute on Sam?” He teased.

“Yes actually.”

“Hurtful, Phel. You’ve got a mean streak. Who would’ve known?”

Gordon turned down the radio and glanced at Dean and Pheli in the rear view mirror. “We are approaching our drop point. We will split in groups of two. Ash has maps of the places around the block that need to be searched and what’s expected to be found in each place. We have a list of supplies that we need, but if you see anything worthwhile grab it. And Ash that doesn’t include skin mags and more ball caps.”

“You have to have culture to have a functioning society, Gordon, you snob.” Ash complained.

“Everyone has been issued a watch. We are staying an hour. That means that when we exit the Jeep, it will be rolling out in sixty minutes. With or without all of us, so make sure you’re back and buckled in before that hour is up. If not, I hope you’re a good runner, because you’ll be footing it back to camp. Keep your guard up, and try not to shoot unless you have to. Sound attracts them. Any questions?”

“Just one.” Pheli said, leaning around the seat.

“What is it?”

“I want to team up with you.”

Gordon shrugged. “Fine.”

“Aw, my ego is fucking bruised, sister.” Dean complained.

“Don’t sister me, Winchester.”

“Alright get your fucking head in the game team.” Gordon said, pulling into downtown. Ash handed the maps along with the packs that were required to make the run.

“Everyone has the same list.” Ash explained. “Just get what you can. Use common sense and you’ll be fine.” He offered a smile before the Jeep rolled to a stop.

“Sixty minutes.” Gordon said, making eye contact with Ophelia in the mirror. “Let’s go.”

****

Emerson stretched out in bed, reaching out and missing her sisters warmth next to her. “Phel..” She groaned sleepily. When she didn’t get a response, she sat up slowly. The tent was empty.

She rubbed her eyes and stood up, still crouching so her head didn’t graze the top of the tent, and she wrapped her blanket around her. She expected to find her sister cuddled up with Sam, or getting her morning coffee. Pheli was all about her beauty sleep, but ever since the incident with Gordon neither girl was able to sleep well.

She poked her head out of the tent. The camp was quiet, still lulled in the early moments of morning.

She felt dead most of the time. Like Gordon reached up inside of her and pulled out the part of her that was human. The part of her that was alive. She wondered if it was how the Rogue’s felt. Sometimes she felt like she was on autopilot, just doing what was expected. She smiled when it was required, even though it never reached her eyes. She knew that Pheli had to see it, but she didn’t comment on it. She was giving Emerson space and that was truly all she could ask for. She’d successfully dodged Dean since that last moment that they had with Lisa. She couldn’t stand it, looking into his warm green eyes. She couldn’t have him look at her like he wanted to see the sky within her, because the fucking sky was dark. There were no more stars. There was no moon. There was nothing but darkness.

She squinted at the camp. The burning embers left in the fire showed the late night conversations had by old friends. It was the only sign that anyone lived there. Everything else was still.

She took advantage of the stillness to get some coffee and to just befor a bit. She wouldn’t have to act or pretend. She could just sit and fill the hole inside of her with black coffee and dark thoughts. She pulled her blanket tightly to her chest, closing herself into it, as she walked to the coffee cart. She didn’t care if it was last nights brew or if she had to brew it herself, she would suckle the caffeine and try to remember how to be a person, because every day that went by was harder and harder to remember how.

She reached the coffee stand, and picked up the insulated pitcher and poured into one of the available canteens.

“Pour me one?”

Her back stiffened and she turned to see Lisa standing with her baby strapped to her chest. “I was just up getting Ben back to sleep. He gets restless sometimes. A walk usually puts him right back down, but Mommy needs a pick me up.”

“Sure.” Emerson said, forcing a smile. She offered the canteen that she poured for herself. Suddenly coffee didn’t sound as good as it had before.

“Emerson, right?” She took the canteen, and gratefully sipped at it.

“That’s me.” She hugged her blanket around herself, like a protective layer.

“You came with Sam and Dean.”

“You’re observant.”

“You don’t like me much.”

“Very observant.”

Lisa shifted her weight, bouncing Ben. “You know Dean and me...”

“He’s all yours.” Emerson said quickly. “I won’t be standing in your way.” She caught a glimpse of little Bens freckled face, and she felt sick to her stomach.

“I don’t need your permission to pursue him.”

“But you’ve got it anyway.” She forced a smile. “Life is sometimes nice that way. I better get back to bed, Pheli will be looking for me.” She pushed past Lisa, trying to hold everything in. She was the little Dutch boy with her finger in the dam. Any minute now everything would come rushing out, and sweep her away.

“Emerson.” Lisa said, causing Em’s feet to plant in the dirt. She waited for whatever Lisa wanted to say. She didn’t know why. She didn’t owe the woman anything. She wasn’t the bad guy. She was backing down. What else was she expected to do? “It isn’t up to us, you know. Dean was always a complex man, but this part isn’t complicated. He either loves me or he doesn’t. There’s nothing else to it.”

Emerson smiled bitterly to herself. “If you really think that, you’re so much dumber than I thought.”

She didn’t wait for a response, and made her way back to her tent. She didn’t make it a habit of shitting on other women. It wasn’t the way she was raised. Women were allies. They had to stick together, but this time... this time was too much for her. She didn’t have the patience to rise above. She’d lost enough.

She curled up in her blankets, pulling them over her head. She sat under there, and she pulled out her bag. She dug all the way to the bottom and pulled out a notebook and her pen. It was getting close to the end of the notebook. Time had gotten away from her. She clicked the pen a few times, before flipping to an open page.

Dear Dean,

I want to go find you. I want to walk over to your tent, pull you out of bed, and shake you until you understand. I need you to understand. More than anything I need things to be different. I need all of this to not have happened. I’ve coped. Haven’t you watched me cope all this time? I got over you. (Am I seriously trying to lie? Way to go, Em) I was a kid when this all started. When I watched you walk away. But I coped. I’m still coping.

But still I want to go find you. I want to let you remind me what it feels like to be alive. He fucking hurt me, Dean. In a way a person should never have to be hurt. I thought the way that you hurt me was the worst thing I’d ever feel, but losing you... that hurt in my heart. This is different. He reached inside of me and cracked me open. He stole pieces that will not allow me to be whole ever again.

Part of me wants you to fix it. I know if I asked you to, you would crack pieces of yourself to put me back together, but what would that make me? I can’t give you what I need when I’m like this. Not when I still wake up in a cold sweat feeling his weight on me.

All I’ve ever been for you is complicated. Things have never been easy. It was never the right time. Who are we to think that this is the right time? During the fucking apocalypse, of all times. You deserve something better. You deserve what I wish I could let myself be.

I remember the night at the ocean before you left. I remember what I almost... you said you wanted it to be real. I’m not real, Dean. I’m not myself. Not anymore. I’m a shell with Emersons face. The girl you knew is dead.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Em

She closed the notebook, shutting away her letter along with dozens of others from the years that she never sent. That she never had any intention to send. The wall around her heart was complete. Brick by brick. She was a princess in a tower of her own design. A tower with no escape hatch and even when the prince came... she would not let down her hair. She would ignore his calls and pray to a god that wasn’t listening that he would go away. That he will finally leave her to her poison thoughts and shackles. That he would finally leave her alone with the greatest monster of all, herself.

****

Pheli’s bag weighed heavily on her shoulders as she climbed a set of stairs behind Gordon. They spent the first forty-five minutes finding most things on the list. She’d scored with a huge bottle of low grade pain killers and several canned goods. There was soap and clean underwear tucked in the bottom of her bag. Gifts for Emerson. After everything was over Pheli wanted to burn her old ones. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Gordon wasn’t in a chatty mood. Every time Pheli tried to get him to talk to her long enough to get anything from him, he would just grunt and move on to the next aisle. She was getting really fucking tired of it.

“So where are you from, Gordon?”

“Doesn’t matter. That’s all gone now. Look for some honey. Cas likes it.”

Pheli’s eyes narrowed as he rounded a corner to of sight. He knew she was circling him.

“Is there really more stuff up this high?” She asked, gripping the railing as they ascended the stair’s, climbing higher and higher.

“There’s somethin important up here.” He grunted out.

He unlatched the door, swinging it open. His boot crunched as he passed through the threshold. She followed him, stepping into the sunlight. They were on the roof. She frowned and turned to him, watching him latch the door again, locking them up there together.

She crossed her arms. “What the fuck are you doing, Gordon?”

“I’m not stupid, Ophelia. You volunteered because you have something to say to me. So have at it.”

“You presumptuous fuck.”

“Oh so you don’t have anything to say? I sleep with your sister and you don’t care. Great. I was worried that there was something off with you two, but maybe not.”

Bile rose in Pheli’s throat. It stung and bubbled like the rage within her. “You...You...”

“I fucked her. Yeah, I know. It was okay.” He shrugged. “Can’t be too picky around here.”

“You son of a bitch. You raped her.”

“She was flirting with me all night.” He said flatly, approaching Pheli slowly enough that she wasn’t preparing against it. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Leave her alone when she said no.”

“Gotta repopulate the human race. Can’t be so picky.” He shrugged smugly.

“And you can sleep at night with that logic?”

“Like a baby.”

It was so fucking wrong. It was wrong that he didn’t feel an ounce of guilt, while Emerson cried in her sleep. It was disgusting. She didn’t feel sick anymore. Her skin was hot, and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. It wooshed like the sound of waves at the ocean.

“You fucking men think you can do whatever you want.” She said, closing the space between them.

He reached forward, pushing a loose hair behind her ear. “We don’t think, Princess.” He leaned in to her ear. “We know.”

Something possessed Ophelia in that moment. The girl who was made of cinnamon sugar got a hint of cayenne. Something sparked in her. Maybe it was his hot breath against her neck, or the smug sound of his voice, but something overwhelmed her. It was like she was watching her body from above as she grabbed the back of his neck and slammed her forehead into his, knocking him backwards.

He was taken off guard and he stumbled. Her head pounded in response, but her adrenaline kept her moving forward, her self defense class she took in college bubbling up to the surface. She pulled back and kicked him square in the chest, her leg aching from the strain in her muscle as he fell directly on his back.

His head smacked the concrete of the roof, and he looked up at her shock present on his full lips and wide eyes. “You’re going to regret that, you bitch!”

“I already do.” She said, pressing the heel of her boot to his throat. He gasped in response. “I regret not hitting you sooner. I think you’ve seriously made me stupider since I had to listen to you talk. Is it contagious, Gordon?”

He gurgled, unable to respond due to the boot pressed firmly against his Adam’s apple. He clawed at it, but she had the upper hand. “Tsk tsk. Better not. It doesn’t take much pressure at all to break that little ball in your throat. I wonder what the survival rate of that is in a post apocalyptic world?” She smiled, saying it all a little too sweetly, as she pulled his gun off the holder on his belt. She tossed it away, and it clanked as it skipped across the ground.

She pulled her shot gun off her shoulder and loaded it, cocking it into place with a sharp click. “Get on your fucking knees, and don’t try anything funny.” She said, removing her foot.

He immediately gasped, clawing at his throat as a breath flowed back through him.

“Now, you son of a bitch. Knees!”

He complied, climbing up to his knees. She pressed the shot gun barrel to his head, directly between his eyes. “No.” He muttered between snotty tears. His hands came up in front of his chest, his palms facing her in surrender. “D...don’t do it. I’ll apologize.”

“But you aren’t sorry, Gordon. That’s the problem. People like you just take what they fucking want no matter what the cost. You hurt my sister.”

“I did.” He sobbed, his voice trembling. Clear snot rolled down out of his nose and onto his lip.

There was no satisfaction for Pheli in his tears.

“You have to pay for that Gordon.”

“You aren’t a killer, Ophelia. Don’t do this.”

She laughed, causing the barrel of the gun to tremble against his skull. The cool metal leaving an indention on his skin. “Maybe not, but there’s no law anymore. There’s no justice. There are just people and monsters. The people kill the monsters, and from the little time I’ve known you, it’s pretty obvious to me what side you’re on.”

“I’m not a monster! I... I will be a better man...I’ll...”

“It’s too late for that, Gordon.” Pheli said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Make peace with whatever god you believe in.”

There was something tragic about the loss of innocence. The loss of faith in humanity. The loss of hope. Pheli stared down the length of her shotgun and said goodbye to the part of her that was human. Because he was right. She wasn’t a killer, but if it was between her sister and her innocence it was an easy pick.

She wouldn’t be the girl with flowers in her hair anymore, but maybe that was okay. Maybe it was time for her to retire her braids and grow the fuck up.

She pulled the gun off his skin, just back far enough.

“Please...” He begged, as her finger rested on the trigger. “I had a sister, too. I lost her. I lost her. I lost...”

Bang!

—————

Chapter Seventeen

Get caught up!

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