#samxofc

She turned away to hide the pain on her face. Endings were always the hardest part, and they’d always been running downhill toward this end. She knew it from the beginning. She was tripping and falling the whole way down.

“Em, wait.”

“What?” She asked before turning her head. “What else could you possibly have to say?”

He wanted to fight. He knew that’s what Sam would do. He wouldn’t walk away, but Sam was a goddamn doormat. Emerson was right. They weren’t Ophelia and Sam. If she didn’t want to be with him he couldn’t make her. He wouldn’t make her. All pushing does is hurt. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already had. “Nothing.” He forced a smile, like everything inside wasn’t crumbling. As if a small breeze wouldn’t make him fall apart. “Just wanted to make sure you’d still be around. Just in the normal way. Friends and all that.”

“Of course I will be around. You’re Dean. Don’t think I can completely cut you out. That’d be wrong.”

“And you’re Emerson.”

“Just like I always was.” She turned her head again to go, but he stopped her one last time.

“Sky is beautiful tonight though, ain’t it?”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you always did have pretty eyes, Dean Winchester.”

She shut the book, just like that, and he let her. He released the line between them, and when she walked away he didn’t stop her. He just watched her disappear back toward the camp, his hand over his chest, as if the pressure would stop his heart from breaking.

****

“Phel we need to talk.” Emerson said, stepping into the tent. It was dark inside, but she could make out her sister from the lantern that was lit.

“I see you got out of the tent today.” Pheli said with a wide smile. “I’m really glad.”

“We need to talk.”

“Jeez, okay. You’ve got your serious face on, what’s up?”

“You said... you said you took care of it. What do you mean by that, Phel?”

Ophelia pulled her knees to her chest. “You really want to get into this?”

“I do.” Emerson frowned. “What? You thought I’d just accept that answer with a grain of salt and never bring it up again?”

“I kind of hoped you would.”

“What did you do, Ophelia?” Emerson asked, lowering herself to a seated position in front of her sister. She took Pheli’s hands in her own. “Tell me.”

“I... I took care of him. I want on a supply run with some of the guys...”

“You did what? Are you fucking crazy? When?”

“This morning.”

Emerson’s head throbbed. She knew that there was a huge chance that she could’ve lost her sister while she was asleep, while she was talking to Lisa. It made her want to throw up. “That was really fucking stupid.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you I volunteered. I’m capable, Em.”

“It isn’t about being capable! This isn’t the school musical or a homecoming committee, Phel. This is life and death.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Pheli hissed through clenched teeth. “I know that. Trust me.” She instinctively rubbed the hand print scar on her ankle from where she was grabbed.

Emerson let the anger that welled up inside of her calm a bit. Everything was okay. Pheli came out unscathed as far as she could tell. “So, you went on a supply run. Then what happened?”

“I was partners with Gordon. I wanted to confront him.”

Em curled her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms as her heart rate skyrocketed. “You could’ve been hurt.”

“I was armed.”

“So was he, and he’s strong Phel...”

Pheli reached forward and grabbed her sisters hands. “I know, Em. I just... he needed to pay.”

She nodded and wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand. “You were partners.”

“We went up to the roof and he latched the door. He wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

“He assumed I was there to confront him. He just... he said horrible things, Em. He is a disgusting person. I just... I had my gun and suddenly I hit him. I was pointing it at him.” She pressed her lips together, her hands trembling.

“You killed him.”

Pheli avoided her eyes.

“Phel you killed him? My god.” Emerson covered her mouth and stood up. She paced for a second before turning back to her sister. “I didn’t want... I just can’t believe... god...”

“I wanted to protect you.” Pheli was crying now. Her hands were shaking. “I knew what I had to do. He would’ve done it again...”

“I am an adult, Phel. I can handle my own problems! I can’t believe you did this... confronted him. That was so risky, and what about now? What happens now?”

“I know you can, but you’d do it for me. We protect each other. I just saw you so broken... he ruined everything. You were finally happy, and Dean keeps begging me to see you...”

“That’s over.” Emerson crossed her arms.

“I hoped... I hoped getting rid of Gordon would change that.”

“It isn’t just about him.” She said, wincing at the sound of his name. She knew that she wouldn’t be sleeping that night. “Dean and I... not everyone gets happily ever after. It’s just not in the cards. I couldn’t give him enough of me before the assault. Now there’s nothing left to give. He deserves more than that.”

“You deserve more than this.”

Emerson locked eyes with her sister. “I do.” She agreed. “But people keep taking my choices away from me. So I’m just left with this. This is the end, Phel. It’s time we just accept that.”

****

“How’d it go?” Sam asked his brother as he walked up to their original tree. Sam sat below it, cleaning their guns. He didn’t know what else to do with his time. He had a new sensation for the first time since being pre-law, he was bored.

“It’s over, man.” Dean said, slumping down next to his brother.

“Over?”

“Yup. C’est la vie.”

Sam put down the piece he was cleaning and turned toward Dean. “That’s bullshit. No way.”

“You like to hear me repeat myself, Sammy? Come on, give a guy a break.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache.

“What happened?”

“Dunno. She claims that it’s not about Lis. She said she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want me. Can’t make her want me, man, no matter how much I want her to.”

“I just... after all this time, man, I was sure that she wanted to be with you. I thought the back and forth was just a game. I really did.”

Dean sighed. “So did I. Deep down, ya know? Just me thinkin I’m not good enough and her pushin me away. Maybe she was keeping me at arms length, because she really wanted me to stay away from her? I can’t take a fuckin hint, apparently.”

“Maybe Phel can...”

“Nah. I don’t want her to. I want to respect Em’s choices. I should be the good guy, for once.”

Sam slapped his brothers shoulder and squeezed. “You’re always a good guy, Dean. Pain in the ass, but you’re a good guy. What about Lisa?”

“What about her?”

“She still wants you. That’s pretty obvious.”

“I don’t want her, though.” Dean said, digging in his jacket for his flask. There wasn’t much left, but being rejected so completely made him ache for something to numb his senses, even for just a second. “She’s not the one. She never was the one.”

-5 Years Before-

It was Emerson’s first day of senior year. Sam woke up early and surprised Pheli with breakfast, it was their first day tradition. That left Emerson to a cold breakfast burrito and a languid walk to school. It wasn’t a big deal. She could’ve taken the bus, but she had a lot to mull over. Her head still pounded from the party on the pier. She wrapped her arms around herself. She’d done such a good job of keeping Dean out of the soft places within her, but somehow he still got in. He wiggled in through the cracks and made them bigger. She was spilling out of them.

She turned a corner toward the school when she felt a yank on her backpack, sending her flying backwards. She screamed, high and quick from shock. Her back was pressed against a tree, and when her eyes finally focused she saw that she was nose to nose with Dean Winchester. “Christ!” She said, slapping his chest. “You scared me.”

“Em.”

“Dean?”

“Skip school today.”

She frowned, eyeing him. “It’s my first day. I can’t.”

“It’s your first day, you can.” He insisted, eagerly. “You won’t have any homework. You won’t miss anything.”

She could smell cigarettes on his breath and it made her nose curl up. “I might. I can’t skip.”

“You can.” He sighed, resting his palm next to her head. “But you won’t.”

“Yeah, okay. I won’t. What’s so wrong with that? I value my education... I value...” My heart. She thought, selfishly.

“I get it.” He sighed, moving his arm back to his side.

She grabbed his forearm and bore her eyes into his. “Why do you want me to skip today?”

His tongue darted out across his bottom lip, like he was trying to find the right words. “I’m runnin out of time, okay?”

Emerson couldn’t help but smile. His eyes looked so green next to the grass and the leaves from the tree. The nature framed him like a picture. “And you couldn’t get any of your other girlfriends to spend the day with you?”

He frowned, his eyebrows coming together. “Don’t have any other girlfriends.”

“You? Come on, Dean. You don’t have to keep pretending...”

“Whose pretending?”

She let go of his forearm, his skin white for a beat as her tight grip disappeared. “Why me? Can’t be just because of Phel and Sam.”

He smiled, letting out a breath. “You... it’s you, because when we were kids, I tried to touch your butt, and you punched me in the face. You broke my goddamn nose. You were this little scrappy thing with braces. You didn’t take my shit, and you don’t take it now. You’re just special, Em.”

She searched his face and as far as she could tell he was being genuine. “One day.” She agreed. “Just fucking one. So don’t screw it up.”

“Yes m’am.” He said with a grin, taking her hand in his. He lead her to the Impala and opened the passenger door for her.

She slid in and tossed her backpack into the backseat. He slid in next to her and started the car. “Where are we going?” She asked him.

“It’s called a surprise, Em.”

She rolled her eyes. “I hate surprises, Dean.”

“Lighten up.” He popped in a cassette tape and sang along.

Emerson smiled and kicked off her converse, placing her bare feet on the dash. She rolled down the window and let the warm air cover her. She wasn’t the kind of girl that went with the flow, but she decided that day would be different.

He got on the highway near the beach and drove along the coast. Emerson breathed in the warm, salty air. She turned and caught him looking at her. “What?”

“I like you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Relaxed. It’s a good look on you.”

Emerson waived him off dismissively and turned back to the blue of the ocean. She could look at it forever. She always felt the most at peace near the water. She closed her eyes, to let the heat of the sun soak into her skin, and the ocean waves rock her to sleep.

“Hey.” Dean whispered. “We’re here.”

“Hm?” She asked, sitting up slowly, blinking. Where the hell was she?

She looked around. They were on a bridge in what looked like the middle of nowhere. She squinted at Dean, and then it all came back to her. He convinced her to skip school. Shit. She sat up straight, alarmed. “Where are we?”

“Come on.” He said, with a smile. He offered her a hand, as he got out of the car.

He guided her out to the bridge where she found more people gathered at the edge of the bridge. They were strapping a man around his ankles and hips. “What’s going on?” Emerson asked.

“Ready!” The man said, with a huge grin, as he hoisted himself over the railing of the bridge.

Emerson’s eyes widened and she grabbed Deans hand instinctively. “What the...”

The man screamed as he let himself tumble over the edge. Emerson let go of Deans hand and ran to the edge. She watched the man dive down, dip into the river and bounce back up from the bungee cord. He was laughing hysterically and wiggling.

“Oh my god.” She exhaled in relief. Dean appeared behind her, resting a hand on her lower back.

“Amazing, ain’t it?”

“Incredible.”

“We’re next.” He grinned.

“Excuse me?” She looked at him with horror.

Dean pushed her hair behind her ears and held her face. “You weren’t scared to jump this weekend.”

“That wasn’t this high up.”

“I’ll be right there with you. Do it with me, Em. Let’s just do something fucking crazy.”

The breeze off the river was cool. It was September, but the heat of the Summer lingered well into October. Emerson stepped into her hip harness and allowed herself to be strapped in. Her ankles were pressed together and strapped in place. She wrapped her arms around Dean after he snapped their hips together. They stood on the ledge outside of the bridge, up against the railing. His strong arms held them in place.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.” She said, looking up at him.

He smiled brightly, his eyes lighting up. “You’re telling me.”

Somehow anything felt possible in that moment. Emerson half expected him to sprout wings and fly away. The breeze tickled her cheek, and she gripped his shirt in her fingers. Their eyes locked, and she thought that she would kiss him. She thought that maybe she finally would give in. She raised her heels, hearing their hip gear jangle between them as she slowly closed the space between them.

He was crazy. He was wild and unpredictable. He wasn’t like Sam. Things with him were complicated and mixed up, but when she was so close to him, things just made sense. She wasn’t the girl who had to take care of her mom. She didn’t have to shoulder the responsibilities of an impossible disease and a sister who needed a parent more than ever. She didn’t have to be the angry, guarded girl whose father walked out and took away her trust. She was just a girl. She was completely herself.

Their lips were a breath apart when Dean let go of the railing. They fell backwards, and his arms wrapped around her tightly. It was a fast fall, despite the height, she screamed, and he laughed. Their lips brushed from the impact of the fall. It wasn’t a kiss. It wasn’t anything, really. It was a reaction, chained onto another action.

Their heads dipped below the water and they came out laughing and swinging by their ankles. “That was incredible!” She shouter, squeezing him tightly. “That was amazing, god I could just...”

“Just what?” He asked, looking into her eyes. He was still grinning widely and panting from the breath that was ripped from his chest.

“I...”

Dean reached down and uncoupled their ankles, causing them to fall into the river. She came up, breaking the water, and she spit some at him. “Hey, ass!”

He smiled at her warmly. “Come on. I heard there are leaches in this river.” He said, swimming toward the shore.

“What?” She squealed, swimming after him.

“Just kidding.” He laughed as he settled onto the bank of the river.

“You’re such an ass.” She complained, settling down next to him.

“So I’ve heard.” He grinned, laying on his back and staring at the sky.

Emerson followed his lead and laid on her back. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For bringing me. I wouldn’t have done that in a million years.”

“You gotta keep doin that, Em.”

“Jumping off bridges?” She laughed.

“Taking risks. I don’t want you to live in  shell.” He reached forward and poked your side. “You look alive.”

“What do I normally look like?” She asked him, propping herself up on her elbows. “A zombie?”

“Kinda.” He laughed.

“You’re just asking to get your nose broken again, Winchester.” She eyed him.

“No.” He said, rolling onto his side. “Just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” She assured him. “In this moment... I am happy.”

Dean rolled back over and looked at the sky. He rested on his arm like a pillow, watching the clouds.

Emerson watched him. There was a peace in him that she hadn’t seen before, and she suddenly wished it could always be like that. She missed him so deeply in that moment. She mourned for the moment in time that she possessed. So mourned it before she even let it pass. Her heart ached, because she knew that they would never be able to replicate that day that they spent by the river. Her heart ached, because she knew in that moment that she would never love another person like she loved Dean Winchester.

—————

Chapter Nineteen

Get caught up!

Tag List:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies

@hanaissupergirl

@deans-baby-momma

@cpag7

@squirrelnotsam

@tftumblin

@formulafun

Ash was a serious genius. He didn’t look like much in his cut off flannel and mullet, but he went to MIT before it all went to shit. He made the water filter system in the camp and was solely responsible for the gate around the community. He was damn fun at get togethers, too. The first night by the fire he ended up buddying up with her and Sam singing along with Benny. He made a genuine fool out of himself, and that made him okay in Pheli’s book.

“So fucked up.”

“Agreed.” He said, adjusting his machete on his shoulder. “Let’s head to the Jeep. Gordon’s probably already there.”

“Who else is coming?” She asked as they began their walk to the gate where the Jeep was parked.

Ash shrugged, walking with a bit of a bounce in his step. “Hell if I know. People don’t tell me shit. Always be underestimated, Blondie. When you are, it’s really easy to surprise people.” He offered her a wide grin.

“I know exactly what you mean.” She said smoothly.

Her hair was in two braids down her back to keep her hair out of the way. There were no flowers in them that day. There was no time for glitter and pleasantries.

Ash was right. Gordon was already in the front seat, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. “Shot gun!” Ash called with a wide grin, breaking out into a funny, wobbling jog to the Jeep.

Pheli rolled her eyes and picked up her speed. She opened the back door and slid in.

“Surprised you made it.” Gordon grunted from the front seat.

“Lots of that going around.” She said, shifting her weight to keep her knife from digging into her calf.

The door to her right opened up and Dean slid in next to her, wearing a wide ear-to-ear grin. “Ready to go!”

Pheli started at him her heart rate leaping at the sight of him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She hissed through clenched teeth.

“Cas mentioned your heroic volunteering. Couldn’t let you have all the fun.”

“Did you tell Sam?”

“And let him try to follow you? No fucking way.” Dean laughed breathlessly. He reached forward and patted Gordon’s arm, causing Pheli to flinch instinctively. “Come on, Buddy. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Ash?” Gordon asked, starting the Jeep.

Ash leaned forward and pressed a garage door opener, causing the gates to spring to life. They opened with a creak and a groan. “Outward and onward.”

Gordon pulled out of the camp and headed back toward the city. “We don’t have many more runs to Dallas. It’s about picked dry.”

“And overrun.” Ash agreed.

“So.” Dean said, leaning close to Pheli. “What’s this about?”

“I wanted to wear the cute thigh holster.” She said, deadpanned.

“Oh, sure. Of course.” He said, not sounding at all convinced.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before he poked her leg.

“God, what?”

“I go by Dean, actually.”

Pheli glared at him. “Was this your plan all along? Trap me in the backseat so I can’t run from you? You want to ask about her. We just talked yesterday. I said...”

“You said you’d talk to her. Did you?”

“She isn’t ready, Dean.”

“Isn’t ready for what?” He asked, weakly. “If you haven’t noticed the world is ending.” He said, gesturing to the wreckage outside the Jeep. “We are on sort of limited time here.”

Pheli sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s not my place to tell you. It’s hers, if she wants to.” She said low enough for only him to hear it.

In the front seat Ash sang along to some old cassette tape that was jammed in the Jeep’s radio. It was loud enough to drown them out. She just hoped Gordon wasn’t paying attention.

“I don’t wanna lose her again.”

“You two are so fucking frustrating, you know?”

“Try being a part of it.” He said with a dry laugh, scratching the back of his head.

“We need to cut your hair.”

“What? The long hair is only cute on Sam?” He teased.

“Yes actually.”

“Hurtful, Phel. You’ve got a mean streak. Who would’ve known?”

Gordon turned down the radio and glanced at Dean and Pheli in the rear view mirror. “We are approaching our drop point. We will split in groups of two. Ash has maps of the places around the block that need to be searched and what’s expected to be found in each place. We have a list of supplies that we need, but if you see anything worthwhile grab it. And Ash that doesn’t include skin mags and more ball caps.”

“You have to have culture to have a functioning society, Gordon, you snob.” Ash complained.

“Everyone has been issued a watch. We are staying an hour. That means that when we exit the Jeep, it will be rolling out in sixty minutes. With or without all of us, so make sure you’re back and buckled in before that hour is up. If not, I hope you’re a good runner, because you’ll be footing it back to camp. Keep your guard up, and try not to shoot unless you have to. Sound attracts them. Any questions?”

“Just one.” Pheli said, leaning around the seat.

“What is it?”

“I want to team up with you.”

Gordon shrugged. “Fine.”

“Aw, my ego is fucking bruised, sister.” Dean complained.

“Don’t sister me, Winchester.”

“Alright get your fucking head in the game team.” Gordon said, pulling into downtown. Ash handed the maps along with the packs that were required to make the run.

“Everyone has the same list.” Ash explained. “Just get what you can. Use common sense and you’ll be fine.” He offered a smile before the Jeep rolled to a stop.

“Sixty minutes.” Gordon said, making eye contact with Ophelia in the mirror. “Let’s go.”

****

Emerson stretched out in bed, reaching out and missing her sisters warmth next to her. “Phel..” She groaned sleepily. When she didn’t get a response, she sat up slowly. The tent was empty.

She rubbed her eyes and stood up, still crouching so her head didn’t graze the top of the tent, and she wrapped her blanket around her. She expected to find her sister cuddled up with Sam, or getting her morning coffee. Pheli was all about her beauty sleep, but ever since the incident with Gordon neither girl was able to sleep well.

She poked her head out of the tent. The camp was quiet, still lulled in the early moments of morning.

She felt dead most of the time. Like Gordon reached up inside of her and pulled out the part of her that was human. The part of her that was alive. She wondered if it was how the Rogue’s felt. Sometimes she felt like she was on autopilot, just doing what was expected. She smiled when it was required, even though it never reached her eyes. She knew that Pheli had to see it, but she didn’t comment on it. She was giving Emerson space and that was truly all she could ask for. She’d successfully dodged Dean since that last moment that they had with Lisa. She couldn’t stand it, looking into his warm green eyes. She couldn’t have him look at her like he wanted to see the sky within her, because the fucking sky was dark. There were no more stars. There was no moon. There was nothing but darkness.

She squinted at the camp. The burning embers left in the fire showed the late night conversations had by old friends. It was the only sign that anyone lived there. Everything else was still.

She took advantage of the stillness to get some coffee and to just befor a bit. She wouldn’t have to act or pretend. She could just sit and fill the hole inside of her with black coffee and dark thoughts. She pulled her blanket tightly to her chest, closing herself into it, as she walked to the coffee cart. She didn’t care if it was last nights brew or if she had to brew it herself, she would suckle the caffeine and try to remember how to be a person, because every day that went by was harder and harder to remember how.

She reached the coffee stand, and picked up the insulated pitcher and poured into one of the available canteens.

“Pour me one?”

Her back stiffened and she turned to see Lisa standing with her baby strapped to her chest. “I was just up getting Ben back to sleep. He gets restless sometimes. A walk usually puts him right back down, but Mommy needs a pick me up.”

“Sure.” Emerson said, forcing a smile. She offered the canteen that she poured for herself. Suddenly coffee didn’t sound as good as it had before.

“Emerson, right?” She took the canteen, and gratefully sipped at it.

“That’s me.” She hugged her blanket around herself, like a protective layer.

“You came with Sam and Dean.”

“You’re observant.”

“You don’t like me much.”

“Very observant.”

Lisa shifted her weight, bouncing Ben. “You know Dean and me...”

“He’s all yours.” Emerson said quickly. “I won’t be standing in your way.” She caught a glimpse of little Bens freckled face, and she felt sick to her stomach.

“I don’t need your permission to pursue him.”

“But you’ve got it anyway.” She forced a smile. “Life is sometimes nice that way. I better get back to bed, Pheli will be looking for me.” She pushed past Lisa, trying to hold everything in. She was the little Dutch boy with her finger in the dam. Any minute now everything would come rushing out, and sweep her away.

“Emerson.” Lisa said, causing Em’s feet to plant in the dirt. She waited for whatever Lisa wanted to say. She didn’t know why. She didn’t owe the woman anything. She wasn’t the bad guy. She was backing down. What else was she expected to do? “It isn’t up to us, you know. Dean was always a complex man, but this part isn’t complicated. He either loves me or he doesn’t. There’s nothing else to it.”

Emerson smiled bitterly to herself. “If you really think that, you’re so much dumber than I thought.”

She didn’t wait for a response, and made her way back to her tent. She didn’t make it a habit of shitting on other women. It wasn’t the way she was raised. Women were allies. They had to stick together, but this time... this time was too much for her. She didn’t have the patience to rise above. She’d lost enough.

She curled up in her blankets, pulling them over her head. She sat under there, and she pulled out her bag. She dug all the way to the bottom and pulled out a notebook and her pen. It was getting close to the end of the notebook. Time had gotten away from her. She clicked the pen a few times, before flipping to an open page.

Dear Dean,

I want to go find you. I want to walk over to your tent, pull you out of bed, and shake you until you understand. I need you to understand. More than anything I need things to be different. I need all of this to not have happened. I’ve coped. Haven’t you watched me cope all this time? I got over you. (Am I seriously trying to lie? Way to go, Em) I was a kid when this all started. When I watched you walk away. But I coped. I’m still coping.

But still I want to go find you. I want to let you remind me what it feels like to be alive. He fucking hurt me, Dean. In a way a person should never have to be hurt. I thought the way that you hurt me was the worst thing I’d ever feel, but losing you... that hurt in my heart. This is different. He reached inside of me and cracked me open. He stole pieces that will not allow me to be whole ever again.

Part of me wants you to fix it. I know if I asked you to, you would crack pieces of yourself to put me back together, but what would that make me? I can’t give you what I need when I’m like this. Not when I still wake up in a cold sweat feeling his weight on me.

All I’ve ever been for you is complicated. Things have never been easy. It was never the right time. Who are we to think that this is the right time? During the fucking apocalypse, of all times. You deserve something better. You deserve what I wish I could let myself be.

I remember the night at the ocean before you left. I remember what I almost... you said you wanted it to be real. I’m not real, Dean. I’m not myself. Not anymore. I’m a shell with Emersons face. The girl you knew is dead.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Em

She closed the notebook, shutting away her letter along with dozens of others from the years that she never sent. That she never had any intention to send. The wall around her heart was complete. Brick by brick. She was a princess in a tower of her own design. A tower with no escape hatch and even when the prince came... she would not let down her hair. She would ignore his calls and pray to a god that wasn’t listening that he would go away. That he will finally leave her to her poison thoughts and shackles. That he would finally leave her alone with the greatest monster of all, herself.

****

Pheli’s bag weighed heavily on her shoulders as she climbed a set of stairs behind Gordon. They spent the first forty-five minutes finding most things on the list. She’d scored with a huge bottle of low grade pain killers and several canned goods. There was soap and clean underwear tucked in the bottom of her bag. Gifts for Emerson. After everything was over Pheli wanted to burn her old ones. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Gordon wasn’t in a chatty mood. Every time Pheli tried to get him to talk to her long enough to get anything from him, he would just grunt and move on to the next aisle. She was getting really fucking tired of it.

“So where are you from, Gordon?”

“Doesn’t matter. That’s all gone now. Look for some honey. Cas likes it.”

Pheli’s eyes narrowed as he rounded a corner to of sight. He knew she was circling him.

“Is there really more stuff up this high?” She asked, gripping the railing as they ascended the stair’s, climbing higher and higher.

“There’s somethin important up here.” He grunted out.

He unlatched the door, swinging it open. His boot crunched as he passed through the threshold. She followed him, stepping into the sunlight. They were on the roof. She frowned and turned to him, watching him latch the door again, locking them up there together.

She crossed her arms. “What the fuck are you doing, Gordon?”

“I’m not stupid, Ophelia. You volunteered because you have something to say to me. So have at it.”

“You presumptuous fuck.”

“Oh so you don’t have anything to say? I sleep with your sister and you don’t care. Great. I was worried that there was something off with you two, but maybe not.”

Bile rose in Pheli’s throat. It stung and bubbled like the rage within her. “You...You...”

“I fucked her. Yeah, I know. It was okay.” He shrugged. “Can’t be too picky around here.”

“You son of a bitch. You raped her.”

“She was flirting with me all night.” He said flatly, approaching Pheli slowly enough that she wasn’t preparing against it. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Leave her alone when she said no.”

“Gotta repopulate the human race. Can’t be so picky.” He shrugged smugly.

“And you can sleep at night with that logic?”

“Like a baby.”

It was so fucking wrong. It was wrong that he didn’t feel an ounce of guilt, while Emerson cried in her sleep. It was disgusting. She didn’t feel sick anymore. Her skin was hot, and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. It wooshed like the sound of waves at the ocean.

“You fucking men think you can do whatever you want.” She said, closing the space between them.

He reached forward, pushing a loose hair behind her ear. “We don’t think, Princess.” He leaned in to her ear. “We know.”

Something possessed Ophelia in that moment. The girl who was made of cinnamon sugar got a hint of cayenne. Something sparked in her. Maybe it was his hot breath against her neck, or the smug sound of his voice, but something overwhelmed her. It was like she was watching her body from above as she grabbed the back of his neck and slammed her forehead into his, knocking him backwards.

He was taken off guard and he stumbled. Her head pounded in response, but her adrenaline kept her moving forward, her self defense class she took in college bubbling up to the surface. She pulled back and kicked him square in the chest, her leg aching from the strain in her muscle as he fell directly on his back.

His head smacked the concrete of the roof, and he looked up at her shock present on his full lips and wide eyes. “You’re going to regret that, you bitch!”

“I already do.” She said, pressing the heel of her boot to his throat. He gasped in response. “I regret not hitting you sooner. I think you’ve seriously made me stupider since I had to listen to you talk. Is it contagious, Gordon?”

He gurgled, unable to respond due to the boot pressed firmly against his Adam’s apple. He clawed at it, but she had the upper hand. “Tsk tsk. Better not. It doesn’t take much pressure at all to break that little ball in your throat. I wonder what the survival rate of that is in a post apocalyptic world?” She smiled, saying it all a little too sweetly, as she pulled his gun off the holder on his belt. She tossed it away, and it clanked as it skipped across the ground.

She pulled her shot gun off her shoulder and loaded it, cocking it into place with a sharp click. “Get on your fucking knees, and don’t try anything funny.” She said, removing her foot.

He immediately gasped, clawing at his throat as a breath flowed back through him.

“Now, you son of a bitch. Knees!”

He complied, climbing up to his knees. She pressed the shot gun barrel to his head, directly between his eyes. “No.” He muttered between snotty tears. His hands came up in front of his chest, his palms facing her in surrender. “D...don’t do it. I’ll apologize.”

“But you aren’t sorry, Gordon. That’s the problem. People like you just take what they fucking want no matter what the cost. You hurt my sister.”

“I did.” He sobbed, his voice trembling. Clear snot rolled down out of his nose and onto his lip.

There was no satisfaction for Pheli in his tears.

“You have to pay for that Gordon.”

“You aren’t a killer, Ophelia. Don’t do this.”

She laughed, causing the barrel of the gun to tremble against his skull. The cool metal leaving an indention on his skin. “Maybe not, but there’s no law anymore. There’s no justice. There are just people and monsters. The people kill the monsters, and from the little time I’ve known you, it’s pretty obvious to me what side you’re on.”

“I’m not a monster! I... I will be a better man...I’ll...”

“It’s too late for that, Gordon.” Pheli said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Make peace with whatever god you believe in.”

There was something tragic about the loss of innocence. The loss of faith in humanity. The loss of hope. Pheli stared down the length of her shotgun and said goodbye to the part of her that was human. Because he was right. She wasn’t a killer, but if it was between her sister and her innocence it was an easy pick.

She wouldn’t be the girl with flowers in her hair anymore, but maybe that was okay. Maybe it was time for her to retire her braids and grow the fuck up.

She pulled the gun off his skin, just back far enough.

“Please...” He begged, as her finger rested on the trigger. “I had a sister, too. I lost her. I lost her. I lost...”

Bang!

—————

Chapter Seventeen

Get caught up!

Tag List:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies

@hanaissupergirl

@deans-baby-momma

The house didn’t smell like baked goods, or lemon tea, or the flowers from Pheli’s hair anymore. Now it smelled like medicine. It smelled like sterile bed sheets, and oxygen. It smelled like pre-death. The Maklen sisters changed their last name when their father left, in solidarity, to stand with their mother. The girls were no longer the Wilson’s. They didn’t fit in the mold that Carl and his mustache left. The two tween girls and their mother burned all of the belonging’s he left in the house ceremoniously. They danced around the flames, and consumed an entire bottle of red wine.     Both girls adored their mother, from her kind eyes, to her full laugh. They thought she was the most beautiful woman to walk the planet Earth. All the girls could hope for when they grew up, was that someday they would be half the woman their mother was and twice the cook. They didn’t expect to have to say goodbye to her so soon, but then again, saying goodbye was never something that can be planned for. It always seemed too soon, even if there was all the time in the world. The house smelled like medicine, because their mother was dying. Her MS had gotten so bad that she was on a ventilator. She couldn’t move, and she had a permanent live in nurse. Emerson was convinced that she wasn’t even there anymore.

“She’s a husk, Pheli. We should just be done. Don’t you think she’s suffered enough?”    

“How could you say that?” “Look at her!” Emerson gestured to their mothers slumped body in hospital bed in the living room. “She doesn’t go to the bathroom by herself. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t talk!” “She’s our Mom, Em.” Pheli said weakly, her hands dropping to her side. “I know who she is.” Ophelia forced Emerson to be the logical one. To be the harsh one. Emerson liked to think it was because she was the big sister, even by two minutes. It was her duty to carry the difficulties for both of them.

I took a lot of talking, crying, and shouting to finally come to an agreement. It was time. It was time to let her go. So they packed up their bags at the beginning of Summer break, during their senior year of college, and decided to come back home.    

They came back to the town they grew up in, to the green grass, and lazy people lounging on their front porches with an early afternoon beer in hand. Emerson went away to college to escape their old neighborhood. To escape the people who still saw her as the stringy haired girl with braces. The one who beat up all the boys. She wanted to escape their stares, and their jokes, but most of all she wanted to escape him. So, imagine her surprise, when the girls pulled up to their childhood home, just to see Dean Winchester waltz out of his front door to grab the newspaper, of all things. “Sam.” Emerson hissed, eyeing Ophelia’s boyfriend, and Dean’s younger brother, in the rear view mirror. “What is he doing here?”

Sam shrugged, and ran his finger through his shaggy hair. He was trying to grow it out for a man bun, and Ophelia supported the idea. She was always trying out new kinds of braids, and was excited to have someone to practice on. “Dunno, Em.” Liar, Emerson thought. She knew the boys kept in pretty constant communication. They were almost as needy as she and Ophelia were. Dean was four years older than the girls and Sam. He seemed to always be around when she was growing up, but the older they got the more annoying he was. He’d bring bimbos to their hangouts, and he always ended up smoking pot or sneaking alcohol into their basement.

“Dean you’re going to get us in trouble,” Ophelia complained as he lit up a cigarette.

“God you’re such a girl.”

“That's offensive, ass.” Emerson said, punching his arm.    

“Sammy, you seriously gonna let them talk to me that way?”

Sam shrugged. “Probably.”

The four of them were always stuck together. The boys were inseparable, just like the sister’s, and once Sam and Pheli started dating, the four of them were laced and tangled together. No matter what Emerson did, she couldn’t shake Dean Winchester loose. He was always there, seemingly lurking around the corner. “This is just not what I need this weekend.” Emerson complained, quietly.     Pheli reached for her sister and squeezed her arm. “Hey, don’t worry about him. This weekend is about us. It's about Mom.” She said softly. “Don’t let anything else distract you.” Em sighed, letting out all the breath in her lungs in a single huff. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry.” The girls smiled at each other warmly, as Emerson parked the car. Sam ducked out of the back seat stretching his arms into the air. “That drive will never not suck.” He complained gently, before resting his arm across Ophelia’s shoulders. He was almost an entire foot taller than her, and sometimes when they were together it was almost comical. Dean was still standing in the driveway, looking dumbfounded in his pajama pants and ratty AC/DC t-shirt. He gave Emerson a half wave, and she wiggled her fingers back at him. When she was a junior in high school, and he was twenty-one he decided to join the military. He was gone for so long that she barely remembered what he looked like, that was until he came home for his first Christmas back. It was her last Christmas before college. His hair was short, and he had developed muscles that she didn’t know existed. He was wearing his camouflage uniform, buttoned and steamed pristinely, as he waltzed up to her door.

“Hey Em.”    

“Dean.” “Hm.” “What?” She asked, crossing her arms. “Just not used to people calling me that. I’m just Winchester in the military.”  He was standing up completely straight, and there was little snark to his voice. Emerson raised her eyebrow. “Yeah, I guess they would, wouldn’t they?”

“It’s pretty weird.” He said, scratching the back of his head.

“Did you need something?” “What? Oh… no. I don’t.” He said curtly. “Just letting you know I’m home.” “Cool.” She said awkwardly, leaning against the door frame. “Well, guess I’ll see ya later.”

“Guess so.” She said, slowly shutting the door. His hand slipped in, catching the door before she could shut it. “What?”

“Merry Christmas.” He said, before letting the door click shut. 

He looked different now. His hair was longer, not long like Sam’s, but longer than she saw him with in awhile. He looked tired, his shoulders were slumped and he had purple half moons under his eyes from lack of sleep. “This weekend is about us. It’s about Mom. Don’t let anything else distract you.” Her sisters words echoed in her head. She was right, of course she was.

Emerson pulled her bag out of the backseat of the car and walked up the steps, unlocking the door to the house. She instantly got a whiff of something musty and her nose curled up. “Phel, go open up all the windows?”

The nursing staff had taken their mom back to the hospital per Emerson’s request. She didn’t want to have to take care of the body once they pulled the plug, if they were in the hospital the staff did that. She knew she would have bigger things to worry about. She knew Pheli wouldn't handle it well. She was such a delicate flower. 

“Sure.” She went to go open up the windows, and Sam followed her like a puppy. He’d been doing that his whole life, and if Emerson was being honest, it was beginning to lose its charm. Maybe she was just turning into a cynic. Their mothers hospital bed was still in the middle of the living room. A flimsy mattress on wheels. Medical supplies were covering every spare counter space. An IV bag still hung on its pole over their mothers bed, the tube swinging in the fresh air that rushed through the house.

This is going to be such a pain to clean up. Emerson started to make a mental checklist of everything she had to do. She had to return all of the medical supplies, call the funeral home, set up a service, call the lawyers… her thoughts rattled off, only being interrupted by a rap at the door.

Christ, what now?

She drug herself to the front door, swinging it open. “Yes?”

Dean grinned back at her. She looked him up and down, noticing that he decided to change into some real pants, even if the jeans did have holes in them. “Wow, so chipper, Em.”

“What are you doing here, Dean?”

He shrugged, pushing past her. “Just noticed you guys pulling up. I’m going to this party tonight, if you guys want to come.”

“A party? Seriously?” Her eyes followed him, locking on his bare skin poking out from his short sleeved shirt. “Did Sam not tell you why we were here?” “No?” He groaned, hopping up on the counter. Emerson rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She eyed the six foot tall man that was now swinging his legs like a child off the edge of her mothers counter top. “But I did forget that you’re boring. You’d never go to a party. Can’t have any fun.” He teased, his green eyes challenging her. Emerson rolled her eyes. “Get a fucking grip, Winchester. We are here for Mom.” Her tone hit him like a truck, causing him to suck in his breath.

“Mom… is Jana okay?”

“No. She isn’t.” Emerson said harshly, even though she shouldn't have. He obviously didn’t know.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, before gathering up her long blonde hair, and twisting it in to a bun on the top of her head. “We are letting her go, Dean. She’s been on the vent for a year. It’s time.”

His eyes softened, his lips parting to let out a whoosh of air. “What? Shit… I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t.” She snapped. “How could you know? Not like we talk anymore. All you’re worried about is the fucking party. So go would you?”

He winced and hopped down off the counter. “Fine. Don’t have to ask me twice. Tell Sammy to come by and see his big brother.” He said before pushing out into the yard, slamming the door behind him, causing the frame to rattle.

“What was that?” Ophelia called from the back room. 

“Nothing Phel!” Emerson called back, before pressing her back against the door, and slowly sliding to the floor. She captured her face in her hands and let out a low scream, tears stinging her eyes. It was all just too hard. Too damn hard. She let her head hit the door, hoping for a little clarity that didn’t come. Maybe she should go to the party after all. -4 Hours Before-

Sam was being unsurprisingly helpful. He was able to reach everything on the top shelf, and he and Pheli weren’t even being as flirtatious as they usually were. They’d been cleaning, and organizing, and making calls for the last four hours and Emerson just about had it. She fell back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling fan.

“Sam?”

“Sup?” He asked, poking his head out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water. “The fan is so fucking dusty. I doubt anyone has cleaned it in ten years.” She commented, staring at the fluff that was poking over the edge of the fan, threatening to float down, directly into her face.

“I’m on it, boss.” He said with a grin. She didn’t see it, but she heard it in his voice. She rolled her eyes.

“I’m getting a headache.” Pheli complained. “Can we get something to eat? Take a little break?”

“Oh that sounds awesome.” Sam agreed.

The couple poked their heads over the side of the couch, and Emerson slowly opened her eyes to catch them staring at her. “What do you say, Em?”

“We have so much to do, Phel.” Emerson sighed. I’m the bad guy, again. “I’m sure you need a break, too.” She said quietly. “Come on. Look at you, you’re wiped. We have all Summer to clean the house... it doesn’t have... it doesn’t have to be done before we go to the hospital in the morning.” Emerson watched her sisters fingers go into her mouth, as she bit at her cuticles. It was an anxious habit that their mother had tried to break her of, but she never quite could. Emerson didn’t bother mentioning it in that moment, though, it wasn’t important. Not really.

“But I did forget that you’re boring. You’d never go to a party. Can’t have any fun.” Dean’s voice entered her head at that moment. Maybe she couldn’t have any fun, but that didn’t mean Pheli didn’t deserve some. She was about to lose her mother, after all. Emerson pressed her lips together, making a decision that she was sure she would regret. “Fine. Let’s have fun tonight.” She swung her legs over the side of the couch. “Dean mentioned a party to me earlier.” “You talked to Dean?” Phel asked, raising her eyebrows. “Do you want to go, or not?”

“Yes!” Ophelia said quickly, eyeing Sam. He shrugged in response. “Call him, tell him we’re in.” She looked excited, her face lighting up. It was enough to make Emerson stand up, and walk right over to the Winchester house and knock.

“I got it!” She heard Dean shout from behind the front door. The lock clicked and the door swung open. His green eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, Em, hey.” He scratched the back of his head, exposing a bulge of muscle under the skin on his bicep.     She shifted uncomfortably, tugging on a hair that was coming out of her bun. “I talked to Pheli, and she is interested in the party... so do you have the details?”

“You want to go to a party?” Dean asked, flustered. Emerson raised an eyebrow, confused by his reaction to her. Maybe it was all the time that had passed, or maybe it was the fact that he knew that her mother would be dead in less than 24 hours, that was making him squirm. “Not me, but Pheli, and well, where she goes I go.” “Right, I’m just surprised.” “I can see that.” Emerson smirked. “You going to give me the details, or not?” “Actually... not.” Dean said, his eyebrow quirked upward. “And why the fuck not?”

“Relax, Maklen.” He laughed lightly. “I just don’t think that party is a good idea, but I do have something else in mind. I’ll pick you up in an hour? Tell Sammy to come over here. I want to talk to him.” He shut the door before she could argue. Her lips were hung open, her jaw slack. She let out a huff of air and turned on her heels, marching back to her own front door. He is so fucking annoying. She shook her head, not believing she agreed to spend her last night before the worst day of her life with him, of all people. You’re spending the night with Pheli. Not him. She reminded herself.

“So, what’s the four-one-one?” Pheli asked, anxiously, the moment Emerson walked in the front door.

“Well, we aren’t going to a party.” She began, and watched her sisters face melt in front of her.

“Oh.”

“Hey don’t give me that. We aren’t going to a party because Dean Winchester has something else in mind for tonight.” Emerson pursed her lips. “So if you’re wanting to risk that, then he is picking us up in an hour.”

Ophelia’s face lit up again. “Sweet! I’ll get changed.” “Oh, and Sam, he wants to see you.” Emerson added before pointing to the front door. “So, I guess we will see you in an hour?”

“Guess so.” Sam offered, with a shrug, before kissing Pheli’s forehead and walking out the front door. The girls went up the stairs to their old, shared bedroom. It was all flowers and sheer curtains. Lanterns were strung over their beds. Clearly Ophelia was the interior designer, and Emerson was just living in it. “So...” Pheli started, as she lowered herself in front of her vanity. “When did you see Dean?”

“In the yard.” Emerson said, dumbly, sitting on the edge of her bed. She had no intention of changing out of her jeans and t-shirt to hangout in some mysterious location with the boys next door.

“I was with you in the yard, he didn’t mention a party. So try again?” Her sister asked her, eyeing her in the mirror as she let down her own blonde hair.

“He came by after that. When you were opening all the windows.” Emerson said, nonchalantly. “Oh, sure. That’s not worth mentioning.” Ophelia rolled her eyes, before running a brush through her hair. “Then what happened?” “He came inside and was an ass, like usual. He invited us out, and I told him we weren’t exactly here to party.”

Pheli sat her brush down and turned on her stool. “Ah, Em. You told him about Mom.”

Emerson pinched the bridge of her nose and shrugged. “Guess I did.” 

“I know you guys don’t get along, but do you really think he’s that big of a monster that he would just gloss over that fact once you told him?”

“Kind of.” She admitted with a sigh. “I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to knock him down a peg. He is so... infuriating. You know? Cocky.”

“Cocky.” Ophelia echoed. “That’s what I said.” Emerson said, her cheeks heating up.     “I know.” She grinned back at her sister. “Just making sure you heard it, too.” She shrugged. Dean Winchester had always been a lot to handle. Between his car and women, the only reason she could deal with him at all, was the way he was with his brother. He never let anyone bully Sam growing up, and in turn, never let anyone mess with the girls, either.

“You know, you two are freakishly similar, right?” Pheli added, as she touched up her makeup. “Excuse me?” “Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t see it? Even after all this time, you’re both the same.” She rolled her eyes.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Emerson asked, standing up. She crossed her arms. “Okay, I guess we have to do this now.” Pheli said, finishing her lipstick. She glanced at herself one more time before turning to her sister. “Ever since we were kids you’ve both liked each other. Don’t bother arguing, I’m your sister. I have twinsense. I can tell who you like, even if you’re too stubborn to see it. When he came home for Christmas from Afghanistan he was here to see you. Now you just have to decide how you feel, because watching this dance is honestly exhausting.” She stood up and walked to her sister. “Now lets get you changed, because I’m not letting you go to this thing wearing jeans and a t-shirt.” Emerson rolled her eyes, but didn’t bother arguing. She never bothered with Ophelia. She could talk her face blue, just to get the person she was arguing with to give in. Emerson didn’t see the point in trying to prove someone wrong who refused to listen to reason.    

Ophelia dressed Emerson in a black dress, and let her hair down. She slid into her ankle boots, and hid behind her red plaid flannel, before meeting the Winchester brothers on the front porch. Dean leaned against his Impala with his arms crossed. He wore a flannel that was pretty similar to Ems, over his AC/DC shirt, jeans, and boots. Sam had a blue button up, and looked like he finally brushed his hair. Ophelia leapt into his arms and he spun her around, kissing her. Emerson walked to Dean. “So, where are we headed?” “It’s a surprise, Em. Don’t you know how to relax?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“No.” She said, before opening the back door and sliding into the back seat. She watched the scenery fly past them as they sped down the road. The world blurred like sidewalk chalk in the rain.

“Here we are.” Dean said, pulling up to the pier. Emerson raised her eyebrow. “Please tell me we aren’t going fishing.”

“No.” Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Better.” He pulled out the keys and slid out of the car. The girls eyed each other and Pheli shrugged, taking Sams hand.

The brothers lead the girls to the end of the dock where a large sail boat was  tied. Dean gave a goofy grin, before hopping up on the deck. “All aboard!”

“Do you say that to all your dates?” Sam asked with a smirk.

“Whose is this?” Emerson asked, watching Sam hoist Pheli up onto the boat. “Dean Winchester, whose boat is this?”

“One of my officers, relax. He’s still overseas, and I clean it for him.” He shrugged. “He’s fine if I take it out.”     “You never cared about sailing before.” Emerson said, pursing her lips.

Dean rolled his eyes and offered her his hand. “Like you said, we don’t talk anymore, so you don’t really know what I’m into. Just trust me.” There was something about the softness to his green eyes that made her groan and rest her hand in his. He pulled her up, whipping her into his arms. ”Hey there, Sweetheart.” He murmured, his face close to hers.

“Let me go.” She said shortly, and he released her from his grip.

“Alright, folks. So we have refreshments down below, I hope you are all ready for the most epic goodbye party I could come up with in an afternoon.” He grinned widely and started to untie the boat from the dock. Emerson met her sister at the front of the boat, while Sam helped Dean get the boat out of the harbor. “Do they know what they’re doing?”

“I don’t know,” Pheli admitted. “But it sure is beautiful, isn’t it?” “It is.” Emerson admitted, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. The girls watched the boat leave the harbor and Emerson suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. She turned her face away from Pheli. She promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t cry around her sister. There was only one emotional Maklen sister, and it wouldn’t be her. “Phel, come here! I got you a drink.”

“Duty calls.” Her sister said with a grin before walking back to her boyfriend.

Emerson gripped the railing and felt the tears sting her eyes. She blinked a few times, urging them to leave her, like the boat left the dock. “Hey.” His voice invaded her space, causing her to jump. “Shit, Winchester.” She exhaled, eyeing Dean. “Got you something.” He said, offering her a beer.

“May need something stronger.” She admitted as she took the beer from him. She took a swig and wiped a tear from her cheek. If he noticed it, he didn’t mention it, and she was grateful for that. “Got that too.” He grunted, pulling a flask from his pocket.

“Thank god. Your wild ways are finally worth something.” She said, taking the flask from him. She unscrewed the top and took a swig, letting the warm whiskey roll down her throat.

“Damn.” Dean laughed, as she took another swig. “Maybe I was wrong about you after all.”

She eyed him. Could she be wrong about him too? “Maybe you were.” She handed him back the flask, and he met her eyes as he took a swig himself, replacing the cap.

“Don’t put it away so fast.” She said softly, her voice almost lost in the wind from the sail.

“Keep pace, Sweetheart.” “I’m not your Sweetheart.”

“I know.” He said, his eyes traveling from her eyes to her lips. “Trust me, I know.” “Good.” She said, peeling her eyes away from his, and back out to the ocean. “It’s endless, isn’t it?” “Sure seems that way, sometimes.” “I like it.” She admitted. “I hate endings.”    

“I know what you mean.” He said, leaning over the railing. “But sometimes an end can be a new beginning. One door closes another opens, and all that.” “Where’s the other door for this?” Emerson asked him. “Where’s the way out?” She turned to him, catching him staring at her. Her blonde hair blew in the sea breeze and he reached forward pushing a piece behind her ear.

“This time it may be a window. Sometimes you gotta get creative.”

“You think you’re so fucking cute, don’t you?”

“Do you think I’m cute?” He wiggled his eyebrows, and suddenly she was shot back to reality.

“No.” She took a swig of her beer and focused on the horizon again. “Sky's beautiful.”

“Sometimes, when things are real shitty, I look up at the sky.” He said with a shrug. “Sort of makes everything else seem small. All my problems, what the fuck are they compared to the sky?”

“They feel pretty big from down here.” She admitted. He cracked a sad smile. “I get what you mean.”

“Why are you back, anyway?” Emerson asked, eyeing him. “Where’s the famous Lisa that I’ve heard so much about?” Dean’s jaw tightened at the mention of her name and he turned to Emerson. “We aren’t exactly friends, Em. Maybe we should just keep the talk to the sky, and the sea. Not get too serious.”

“You invited me here to... what? Get fucked up before I have to kill my mom in the morning? Not exactly a time to be telling me what I’m allowed to talk about.”

He ran his fingers over his face, almost as if he was trying to wipe away the growing frown on his lips.

“You know your face is going to get stuck that way if you keep that up.” They’d tell him when they were kids. “Yeah, fuck you, too.” He’d cleverly retort. “I heard keeping shit bottled up makes you have premature wrinkles,” she said, running her fingers over her own forehead where his had deep thoughtful, frown lines.

“There’s nothin premature about me, baby.” He said, looking at her through perfectly curled eyelashes.

“God.” She groaned, turning away from him. “I don’t know why I even bother.” She pulled her flannel together, suddenly feeling over exposed. “You’re exactly the same as you’ve always been. You’ve never said a single thing that’s real in your entire life! Have you?”

“And you do?” He laughed, turning toward her. “We all have defense mechanisms. Mine is humor. Yours is bitchiness.”

“I’m sorry, bitchiness?”

“Did I stutter?” He asked, inching so close to her that their chests brushed gently.

“I do not hide behind bitchiness.”

“You’re doing it right now.” Dean laughed, gesturing to her. “You’re too busy worrying about how Phel’s doin that you don’t even let yourself be sad about your mom. That’s thirty levels of fucked up.”

“And what about you? Sargent Dean Winchester with the US Army, back at home at twenty-seven living with Mommy and Daddy? What the fuck is that about? Where’s your fiancée, Dean?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business.” He stared down into her golden eyes, challenging her. “You offered up the information about your mom, I didn’t pry. So stop weaseling into my business.”

“Whose hiding behind bitchiness now?” He made her crazy. She wanted to punch him, like she did when she was eight and he pissed her off. She broke his nose. It was a life highlight for her. She wanted to hit him, but there was something else. He smelled like pine soap, and the whiskey he was drinking. His face was damp from the sea spray, and the sun had finally dipped below the ocean. She could see him clearly in the silver light of the moon. Every fleck of gold in his green eyes. Every hair that pushed through his skin on his cheeks and chin. Every freckle on his nose that could make constellations like the endless night sky. He made her crazy. Dean Winchester was made of something entirely different from anyone she’d ever met. He was made of oil, car parts, sass, and a honey so sweet it made her teeth ache. His tongue darted out of his mouth and ran over his bottom lip, so quickly, that if she hadn’t been staring at his mouth she may have missed it, but she saw it and it made her stomach flip. “Guys?” Sam said, coming up behind them. “Not to interrupt or anything but...” The two turned to look at Sam, breathing heavily. He held Pheli’s hand in one hand, and pointed out past them with the other. Ophelias hand was covering her mouth, and even in the silver glow of the moon Emerson could tell that her sister was pale. Sam’s eyes were wide, as he stared past them. Their chests were still touching as they followed his pointed finger out toward the shore, where in the distance an orange glow lit up the sky. “What the...”

The world shook. The sea collapsed over itself, sending the four young adults slamming against the railing, and barely keeping the sail boat upright. Seawater sloshed aboard, and into their shoes, across their shins. Emerson tumbled over the side of the boat in a single, fluid motion, the rail slamming into her stomach. She groaned in pain, as Dean grabbed ahold of her hand at the last possible moment. His grip was tight, even in the spray from the ocean. She hung freely over the edge, gripping at his hand, trying to pull herself back on board, as the wave rocked the boat back upright. Dean hoisted her small frame up easily, back over the rail. He wrapped his arms around her instinctively, his feet planted on the deck, as if the simple force of his stance could keep them from capsizing. They turned back to the orange light, white clouds seeming to rush up from the ground.

“Is that...?” Pheli asked, her voice trembling.

“It’s a mushroom cloud.” Dean confirmed. His eyes were focused off in the distance at the explosion. The clouds of dust, or smoke, curled up like a hand toward the sky. It was gripping for God.

“Is it a bomb?” Pheli gripped Sams chest, and he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“Dean, maybe we should go under?” He asked, quietly.

Deans hands still gripped Emersons wrist. Her eyes traveled from the explosion to Deans solid expression. She could see him working out a plan. “Yeah.” He said suddenly. “Let’s go under. We can try the radio, and see if anyone’s talkin. We need to get some kind of cover, because if its a terrorist attack they may strike again.” “Terrorist?” Pheli started to cry. “Oh my god.”

“Hey,” Emerson said, turning her attention to her sister. “It’s okay. We are okay. Look at me, we are okay. Dean knows what to do.” Pheli pulled her fingers up to her mouth and bit down on some loose skin around her thumb, but she nodded at her sister. She believed her. What other choice did she have?

“You three go down, I’ll get the sails back up and get us a little further out to sea.”

“Do you need help?” Emerson asked, eyeing him.

“Not safe.” He grunted. “Go down. Now.” She nodded. “Okay, but hurry. If it’s not safe for us, it isn’t safe for you either.” She took her sisters hand and let Sam lead them down below. She made her way to the radio next to the bed. Sam lowered his girlfriend to a seated position, she looked like she was losing it. Other than the tears rolling down her cheeks she seemed pretty catatonic, staring blankly forward, past Sam, at nothing.

Emerson clicked on the radio and flipped through the stations. Click. Click. Click. Buzz. “Nothing. Fuck.” She said to herself.

She met Sams eyes and shook her head. All of the stations were dead. The air on the other end was empty air. It was like the smoke reached up, and ripped God straight from the sky, leaving it empty, void of communication. Pheli gripped the cross around her neck and mumbled some kind of prayer. Emerson moved her eyes from Sams to her sister. She didn’t have the heart to tell her that she didn’t think anyone was listening, not anymore. 

—————

Chapter Two 

“I know.” He pointed at her name tag above her left breast. “I can read.”

“It would be appropriate to tell me your name.”

“You don’t want to know me, Lis.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Why not? Because you’ve had a bad time of it? We get a lot of Vets in here. I know the drill.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “You get a lot of Veterans, but yet you still don’t know to leave us the fuck alone? You’d should move along, sweetheart, you don’t know shit about war.”

“I had two older brothers die while in service. I know a little about it.” She said, flatly as she wiped down the bar top.

“Shit.” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. He was an asshole. He was a crippled asshole.

“You all think that you own your pain, I’m just telling you that there are people who get it. There are people who could help you.”

“What? People like you?”

Lisa laughed and shook her head. “Me? Fuck no. You’re attractive, but you’re an ass.” She said, handing him his tab. “I’ll take that whenever you’re ready.”

After his accident everyone walked on eggshells with him. They did worse than that most of the time. Most of the time they avoided him all together. It was nice to be called out, because she was right. He was an ass, and he was wallowing. He pulled out some cash from his wallet and laid it down, deciding right then and there that he would be good enough for her one day. He had to be, because the alternative meant that he would be his father, and he would be damned if he ended up anything like John Winchester.

-19 Months Before-

“Lisa, the guy is here again.” One of the wait staff from the bar said.

She rolled her eyes and ate the last bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He was like clockwork, every day. “Dean.” She said when she reached the bar.

“Shit, am I late?”

“Late for what?”

“Your break. You usually take it at this time and well…” He held up a paper bag. “I brought you dinner.”

She eyed him. “What’d you bring?”

“Bacon cheeseburger. It’s my favorite.” He shrugged, handing her the paper bag. “You can have it, anyway.” He stood up from the stool.

“Where are you going?” Lisa asked, eyeing him, the bag in her hand.

His green eyes met her brown ones. “I was just here to drop that off.”

“You’re not going to stay?”

Dean shook his head. “I’m not ready, Lis. I’m only going to ask you out when I’m good enough for you.” He leaned on his cane to take the pressure off of his bad knee. “So for now… take the burger as a peace offering.”

He walked to the door and opened it. “Dean?” She called after him.

“Yeah?” He turned toward her.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He nodded and pushed into the night.

-18 Months Before-

Dean brought Lisa dinner every night that she worked. He brought her doughnuts and coffee when she worked the day shift at the bar, and quickly learned her food preferences. The more he went to see her, the less he felt the self-loathing that plagued him.

He brought in her turkey bacon club with extra guacamole and spicy french-fries from the local place on the corner. He pushed into the bar. “Hey, Lance, where’s Lis?”

“She told me to have you meet her out back.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. He expected at some point that she would be sick of him, and he sighed, gripping the bag. He pushed too hard. He walked through the back door to find Lisa sitting alone at a single table with two plates, and a glass of water in front of her and the other empty seat. “Lis?”

“Hey, Dean.” She stood up with a smile. “Are you ready yet?”

“What?”

“You said you had to wait until you were ready to ask me out and well… I decided that I’m ready. I got you a bacon cheeseburger, and I was wondering if you’d want to have dinner with me… for real this time.”

Dean smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

-16 Months Before-

“Dean, babe, wake up.” Lisa said quietly. He sat up, sweat covering his chest, back, and face. Lisa’s hand was over his heart. “Your pulse is racing.”

“Sorry.” He exhaled, trying to catch his breath and slow his heart. He clamped his eyes shut. You’re okay. You’re okay.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “No... I…”

“It’s okay.” She assured him, wrapping her arms around his middle. She placed a kiss on his jaw. “I’m here to talk when you’re ready.”

But he would never be ready. He still saw the look on Charlie’s face. How wide her eyes got. How she was laughing right before.

“You’re seriously telling me you have no one at home? Even I left some ass behind.”

“You’re vulgar.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“And you’re a prude, Winchester.”

Dean shrugged with a laugh. “I’m not, actually. I just don’t have anyone at home.”

Charlie narrowed her eyes. “Maybe it isn’t a girl… oh my god, Dean are you gay?”

He rolled his eyes. “Christ, no. I am not gay.”

“It’s okay if you are, you know. I am.”

“I’m aware.” He grinned.

“I’m just surprised, I guess. You look like a fucking supermodel. Your face is perfectly symmetrical. It’s kind of creepy. You really don’t have any girls coming after you?”

“Hey, my face is not creepy.”

She laughed. “Deflection. Nice, but yeah it is kind of creepy.” She poked his cheek. “You don’t even look real.”

Dean always expected that being buried alive would be the thing that would haunt him forever, but life was funny like that. Life was real fucking hilarious, and he was the butt of the joke. It wasn’t the child size coffin, or dirt in his lungs that haunted him. It was something else altogether.

The smell of burning flesh. The sight of Charlie’s arm off her fucking body. His knee completely twisted so his foot was facing the wrong direction. The sight of her empty expression looking up at him from his lap.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. It’s not that bad. It’s not that bad, you’ll be okay.” He pressed his hands to the space where her arm used to be. They always teased her about being pale, but fuck she was so pale. “I’ve got you.” He kept whispering. They were alone. There wasn’t a medic. There was no one. Just Dean Winchester holding Charlie Bradbury as she died in his arms, bloody and alone.

“I’m here, Dean. I’ll always be here.” Lisa promised, hugging him tightly. Dean wished that people wouldn’t make promises, because there was no way they could be kept. Charlie died, Lisa left, and he was broken. He probably always would be.

-18 Days After-

“Lisa.”

“Oh my god.” She murmured, her eyes immediately spilling over. “I thought… This whole time I’ve been so terrified. I thought you were dead.”

“Not dead.” He said blankly. It was like he was shot back into time, back into her bed, into her arms.

“I’m so glad.” She exhaled quickly, running around the coffee cart. She wrapped her arms around his neck before he could stop her. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

He instinctively wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her back. As bad as things ended between them, he was glad that she was okay, too. “Where’s uh…”

“Greg is gone.” She said quickly.

“Gone?”

“He left after Ben was born.”

“Ben.” Dean said slowly, trying out the name on his lips. He felt sick to his stomach.

“That’s my son. He’s beautiful.”

Everything crashed and burned. My son. Dean let go of the hug. “I’m glad you’re okay, Lis.” He said before turning on his heels and walking right back to Sam, leaving her standing alone next to the coffee cart.

“Where’s the coffee?” Sam asked. He was sitting with his back against a tree with his legs stretched out in front of him.

“The what?”

“You good?” Sam asked, eyeing him.

“Lisa is here.”

“Wait, like your Lisa?”

Dean nodded quickly. “Yeah, she was running the fucking coffee.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed. “What are the fucking chances?”

“Did she say anything to you?”  

“She hugged me.”

“And?”

“And her boyfriend dumped her after she had the baby. Ben.” Dean said quietly. “Fuck, I never thought I’d see her again.”

“But you don’t want to be with her, right? You’re with Emerson.”

“Right.” Dean said with a nod. “I want to be with Em. Shit, this just surprised me.”

“I’ll say. Relax, dude, just tell her you’re not available, and don’t drink her cool aid. It’ll be okay.”  

“Right.” Dean said again, his heart rate finally slowing back down. “Just brought back some shitty memories.”

“Maybe you should sit down?”

“Yeah.” He lowered himself to a seated position. “Have you seen Em?”

“She’s still with Phel getting settled. I hope they’re getting some rest.” Sam said, elbowing his brother. “We should get some rest, too. This is the safest we’ve been in day’s. We should take advantage of it while it lasts.” Then Sam closed his eyes and crossed his arms.

Dean was exhausted, but sleep was reserved for the guys that weren’t juggling an ex-fiancée and a childhood love in the same fucking camp.

****

“My hair looks fine.” Emerson swatted her sister’s hand away. “Quit Trying to braid it.”

“Please! You haven’t washed it in days.”

“Neither have you!”

“Yeah, but you can’t tell because of the braids! Just let me do the front. Dean will love it.”

“You don’t know what he’d love.” Emerson complained.

“You’re right.” Pheli put her hands on her sisters knees. “What does he love?”

“It’s all so new, Phel. Am I crazy to try to start this during all of this? During the fucking end of the world?”

“If not now, then when?

“The next life?” Em offered weakly.

“Come on, what do you have to lose?”

“Everything. I could lose everything.”

“You’ll only lose everything if you let him see your nasty hair.” Ophelia teased. “Now let me braid the front!”

“You are terrible at pep talks.”

“Or am I really good at them?”

“Whatever just braid it before I change my mind.”

****

Benny sat by the fire as it licked up toward the moon. His acoustic guitar sat on his knee. “Say you’re leavin on a seven thirty train and you’re headin out to Hollywood. Girl, you been givin me that line so many times it kinda gets like feelin bad looks good.”

Dean laughed and Benny nodded at him.

“That kinda lovin turns a man to a slave. That kinda lovin sends a man right to his grave.” Garth joined in, singing off key, just like old times.

“I go crazy, crazy, baby I go crazy. You turn it on, then you’re gone. Yeah you drive me crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby. What can I do, honey? I feel like the color blue.” Benny and Garth sang together. They sounded like a pair of coyotes howling at the moon, but it reminded Dean of when things were good.

“Is this what is was like?” Sam asked him, leaning against the tree.

“Was what like?”

“Your deployment.”

“Kind of.” Dean said with a smile. “Sometimes.”

Castiel joined in, strumming on his knee completely off beat. He waved Dean over, and Dean finally rolled his eyes and walked right up to the group. “You’re packin’ up your stuff and talkin like it’s tough, and tryin to tell me that it’s time to go. But I know you ain’t wearin nothin underneath that coat.” Dean sang with his gravely voice, his boot on the stump next to Benny.

“Crazy, crazy, baby I go crazy...”

Dean’s eyes locked with Emerson across the camp as she exited Castiel’s tent. Pheli had braided her hair out of her face, but the rest spilled down her back. Her flannel was tied around her waist, and his breath hitched in his throat when she reached up to stretch and the space between her shorts and her tank top met the firelight.

“I need your love, honey, yeah. I need your love.” The men harmonized, without Dean. His mouth was completely dry. She did that to him, caused his head to spin, like nothing else in the world mattered at all.

Garth handed Dean a beer. “They’re far and few between.” He winked. “But we’re celebrating, right?”

“Right.” Dean exhaled, his eyes still on Emerson as she walked toward the fire.

“Dean!” Lisa said, as she jogged over to him. She had an infant in her arms.

He swallowed hard at the sight. Holy shit. “Lis.” He breathed, her name barely a whisper.

“I wanted you to meet Ben.” Her eyes flickered up to Sam’s. “Oh, hi Sam.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Lisa.”

“It’s nice to see you, Sam.”

“Likewise.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Look at him.” Dean said, distracted by the child’s chubby cheeks. He had Lisa’s dark hair and her lips. His tiny thumb was in his mouth as he sucked away. He didn’t notice Lisa snake an arm around his waist to bring Ben closer. “Wow.”

“He’s incredible.” She agreed.

Little Ben gave a sleepy sigh and a few baby babbles, causing Dean’s heart to squeeze. He never let himself admit how much he wanted that. Not until he almost had it. He loved Lisa, and he loved her pregnant. When he left he knew it would be better. He wasn’t made to be a father, but that didn’t mean he didn’t secretly wish for it in the deepest parts of his soul. “Hi, Ben. I’m...”

“Dean.”

His eyes flickered up. “Em, hey.”

The Maklen twins stared at him. When they were young he used to think they were creepy. There was always something creepy about twin girls, especially when they stared at him. He stopped thinking that, the older he got, but in that moment Ophelia had a murder look in her eyes and Emerson’s jaw looked tight. “Uh, Em this is Lisa...”

“Lisa.” Emerson repeated.

“Yeah, uh Lis this is Em my...”

“Friend.” Emerson said, smoothly. “Our sibling’s are dating.” She added quickly. “This is Ophelia.” She tapped her sisters arm.

“Nice to meet you.” Pheli said with equal parts aggression and sugar. She was good at that.

“I was just helping her over to Sam since she hurt her ankle. I’ll see you guys later.” Emerson said before turning away.

Dean stared at her and didn’t stop her as she walked away and sat on a log right next to another guy who was sharping a blade. He pressed his lips together and just watched.

“Dean you fucking idiot.” Phel hissed. “Go after her.”

He watched her lean in to him, asking questions about the knife, he assumed. Friend. Our siblings are dating.

“I think I need to lay down.” He said, offering Lisa a weak smile. “See ya later, Lis. He’s a cute kid, really.”

“Thanks.” She said, looking confused as he made his way back to the tree that he and Sam were using for camp.

He looked at the full beer in his hand that Garth gave him. He stared down the neck of the bottle before pressing it to his lips, and welcoming the warmth. It wasn’t Jack, but he’d be happy if it helped him sleep. Anything to quiet the noise in his head, and blank out the image of some other guy’s baby in Lisa’s arm, that guy’s hand on Emerson’s thigh, and the life draining from Charlie’s eyes.

—————

Chapter Fourteen

Get caught up!

Tag List:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies

It was three months until Dean left for the military, and the four of them were spending as much time together as possible, even though the twins were the only two who knew. In turn, Emerson couldn’t stop staring at him. She’d started having pretty graphic nightmares of him stepping on land mines, or coming home with only one leg. She would run to him, but she would never reach him in time. She would wake up with his blood on her hands.

“Em?”

“Hm?” Her eyebrows raised at the sound of his voice.

“You getting out of the car?”

She looked around and noticed that they stopped. She opened up the door to the Impala, and immediately heard the screams. They came from all directions. The roar from the carts climbing up the hills. Steel on steel as the rides screeched to a halt at the end of the tracks.

“I love Happy Fun Land!” Pheli screeched, bouncing up and down, her hand gripping Sam’s. He laughed in response and kissed her head.

“Such a terrible name.” Emerson complained.

“Come on, Grumpy.” Dean said throwing an arm around her to pull her forward.

“Back off, Winchester.” She batted him away, but kept pace with the group.

It was Ophelia’s idea to spend the day at the amusement park. Summer had officially began and it was just what the doctor ordered. Maybe if the doctor ordered torture and spending too much money, but who was Emerson to deny Pheli a day of fun? It wasn’t really in her. So she bought a ticket and hopped in the back of the Impala.

“Alright so what’s first?” Sam asked, curling his finger around one of Pheli’s braids.

“I want something fried!”

“Phel you can’t eat something fried before you go on rides, you’ll throw up.” Emerson said, bumping her sisters hip.

“I will not throw up!”

“Throwing up is half the fun of the amusement park.” Dean teased.

“You’ve never seen her puke.” Emerson raised an eyebrow. “It isn’t pretty.”

“That’s Sam’s problem.”

“It’ll be all of our problems if she throws up. Trust me.”

“She’s right.” Sam chuckled.

“You all suck.” Pheli complained.

“You love us, Maklen, admit it.” Dean grinned.

“I think you’re thinking of Emerson.” Phel laughed, skipping ahead of the group. “We are going to have fun today! It’s a royal decree!”

-15 Days After-

They made their way back to the Impala after the hospital. The girls slept in the backseat, cuddled together. Emerson’s head was in Pheli’s lap, and Pheli’s head rested against the window.

Sam glanced back at them and smiled. “They’re out.”

“Finally.” Dean said, his eyes flickering to the rear view mirror. “Em’s barely slept.”

“Who does that sound like?”

“Shut up.” Dean gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white. They’d spent the night in the hospital. The girls needed to say goodbye.

There wasn’t any movement in the hospital that he could detect, and he would’ve known. He was up all night with his finger on the trigger of his gun. It wasn’t any different than being in war. He got used to the constant callous on his trigger finger. He told himself, when he was discharged, that he wouldn’t touch another gun. But the situation they were in was the perfect excuse to break his own rules. No matter what guns made him into.

“It’s looking stormy.” Sam commented, squinting through the windshield.

It did. The sky looked angry. It was dark, to the point that it almost looked like night time ahead of them, but it wasn’t. It was the early morning. White licks of lightening shot across the sky in a jagged line. Thunder boomed, shaking the road beneath them.

“Maybe we should find cover.” Sam offered, as if it hadn’t occurred to Dean. He shot his younger brother a look.

“There’s nothing for miles.” He gestured to the trees. “And after that fucking snake, man, we don’t know what’s out there.”

“Wait, what road is this?” Sam squinted at the signs that they were speeding by on the highway. They hadn’t seen any other cars. It seemed that everyone tried to evacuate taking the other highway out of town. “Shit, Dean. You know what’s on this highway?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. Some gas station that sells nerd merchandise?”

“No, you cranky asshole, Happy Fun Land!”

Dean was tempted to slam on his breaks immediately and make Sam get out, but the whole impending doom of a storm kept his foot steadily on the gas. “We are not going to Happy Fun Land, Samuel.”

“Aw, come on.”

“It’s not like it’ll be running.”

“Well, yeah, but they have tons of buildings. We can find shelter there.”

“You’re no different than when you were ten.” Dean grumbled glancing at the billboard advertising the amusement park. His fingers itched at the memory in the back of his mind from the last time that they went together. “Fine. You’re right, anyway. Not sure what else is out here.”

“Hell yes! Phel will be so excited.” He grinned widely.

“You’re so fucking weird.”

“Am not. Nostalgic, yeah, but not weird.”

“Sure thing, kid.”

-5 Years Before-

“Who is down for a roller coaster?” Dean asked, wiggling his eyebrows at the group.

“Me!” Phel said, jumping up and down. “Sam, will you hold my hand?”

“Of course I will.” He winked at her.

“My protector.” She purred, lacing her fingers with Sams.

Emerson rolled her eyes and Dean took a step closer to her. “Guess it’s just you and me, Em.”

She shook her head. “No way. You can’t pay me enough to get on that.”

“If not payment,” He began, stepping even closer. Pheli and Sam were kissing and didn’t notice the older Winchester approaching her. “Then what do you want, Maklen?”

“Nothing from you, Winchester.” She said, her voice hitched in her throat.

“Mhm.”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“Come on.” He said quietly just to her. “Just ride it with me one, and if you hate it then I’ll sit out with you on the rest of the rides.”

“No you won’t.”

“Scouts honor.” He held up his three fingers together, batting his eyelashes.

“You weren’t a scout.”

“No, but Sammy was.” Dean grinned widely. “Come on today is supposed to be fun!”

“Fine! I’ll go just... stop being so annoying.” She pushed past him, trying to get the heat that was climbing up her neck and onto her cheeks to calm the fuck down.

Dean smirked, watching her walk away, knowing he’d won at least that small battle.

The four of them settled into their seats on the roller coaster. “You’ll protect me?” Pheli asked, one more time, to Sam.

“From anything.” He promised, kissing her.

“Will you protect me?” Dean asked Emerson, doing a perfect Ophelia impression.

She couldn’t help but bust into a fit of giggles. “Fuck off, Dean.”

“Hey, that isn’t your line.”

She winked at him, and the rollercoaster shot forward, immediately creeping up a hill. Emerson felt her stomach drop. She could feel her pulse in her ears. She gripped the arm bar tightly, her knuckles white.

“You okay?” He asked her, as the crept toward the top.

“Yes!” She said, her voice a little too high pitched. “I can’t fucking believe you talked me into this.”

He smiled at her a little, unable to hide how adorable she looked with her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip before offering his open palm to her. “I actually will protect you, ya know that, right?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Her eyes were clamped shut tightly. “Just tell me when it’s over.”

“I think you’ll know when it’s over.” He teased, his eyes never leaving her.

Then they dropped over the edge. They plummeted down, and her eyes shot open, her hand immediately grabbing Deans. He curled his fingers around hers and let her squeeze.

They rounded a corner and she slid against him, screaming, tears streaming down her cheeks. He laughed, and he felt a little mean for it, but he couldn’t help it. She was so fucking adorable. The cart traveled the hills, around tight curves, through the trees. Emerson screamed the whole way, digging her nails into the back of Deans hand.

They came to a quick stop. He expected her to shoot him an angry look for laughing at her, but instead she turned her body and buried her tear streaked face into his chest.

“Hey, you good?” He asked, wrapping an arm around her. The cart jolted forward so they could get parked and exit.

“Fuck you, Dean Winchester.”

“Hey.” He lifted her face and wiped her tears. Her eyes were red and her mouth was open, letting out ragged breaths. Dean held her face in his hands and he offered her a smile. “You hated it, didn’t you?”

“How can you tell?”

“Em, are you okay?” Pheli asked from outside of the cart, but Emerson didn’t look at her sister. Her eyes didn’t leave Dean’s.

“I’m sorry I made you come.” He said softly. “I’ll sit out with you for the rest of the day.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah I do. A deal’s a deal.”

-15 Days After-

The sky was looking even more menacing as the black Chevy Impala pulled into the parking lot of the amusement park. There were more cars than expected, but it seemed empty, just like everything else.

“Twins.” Dean said, glancing back at the girls. “Aye, we need to get cover. Looks like rain’s comin.”

“Hm?” Pheli asked, opening her eyes. “Shit, where are we?”

“Look around.” Sam said with a smile.

“Oh my god!” She squealed, causing Emerson to shake awake.

“What the fuck?” Emerson asked with a yawn. “What’s going on?”

“They took us to Happy Fun Land!” Pheli squealed.

Emerson sat up and squinted out the window. “Is this a joke?”

“I wish.” Dean laughed. “But no. It looks like the weathers about to get bad, and we needed some more protection than Baby can give us.”

Emerson offered Dean an exhausted, tight smile. “Back on with the masks.”

“Yup.” He said as he grabbed his.

The four of them slid their masks on and grabbed their bags from the trunk. Dean took the lead, like usual, but this time Emerson was on his heels. Jana’s death had wrecked her, and she didn’t want to stay behind anymore. It was time for her to take control.

They pushed into the park, to find a place to take cover. Everything was dark. All of the rides had been disabled. It looked so much less magical not all lit up. Trash was pushed by a gentle wind, and danced along the cobblestone pathway.

Pheli’s grip tightened on Sam’s hand. It wasn’t the way she remembered it. She knew that things were bad, that was pretty clear, but it was hard to find the magic when Happy Fun Land looked so crushed.

The sky growled it anger, thunder rolling over their heads. Dean glanced around before spotting a diner. He waved them forward and they pushed into the restaurant. It was all glass walls and windows, but the back portion was covered by thick walls, in case they had to take cover.

The tables were still covered in food, molding fries and burgers sat, covered in dried ketchup, right where their owners had left them. Dean picked up the red baskets from a long booth and threw them out before settling in.

-5 Years Before-

“Burgers? Really? We can have burgers anywhere.”

“Yeah, but they’re always good.” Dean grinned.

“I want something weird. A funnel cake?” Pheli grinned, batting her eyelashes at Sam.

“You got it.”

“And then we are doing the roller coaster that goes upside down!”

“Perfect.” Sam grinned widely.

“I’ll stay with Dean.” Emerson said before the two couples parted ways.

“Wow, volunteering to stay with me? What’d I do to deserve this honor, m’lady?”

“You were being nice. Don’t fuck it up.” She said before going up to order a set of cheese fries.

Dean ordered a bacon cheeseburger, duh,  and a root beer float. They sat across from each other in a booth near the window. People chased their children down the cobblestone path outside of the window , couples held hands and shared ice cream cones, everyone was living their life, but yet Dean was staring at her. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“Yeah.” He said, reaching forward, brushing her bottom lip with his thumb. “Got it.” He murmured.

She pressed her lips closed. She felt like she was looking at him for the first time. His eyes were green. Green. Like the apples she’d eat in the fall after they were dipped in caramel. His lips were full, and they looked soft like a fresh peach. He had a sky full of stars of freckles on his nose and cheeks. She wanted to reach forward and connect them all with her index finger. To find a picture in him like Pheli did when they looked at the clouds. “What’s this?” She asked, reaching forward, across the table, and plucking at the necklace around his neck.

“Sammy gave it to me when we were kids.”

“And you still wear it?” She ran her fingers over the weird, misshapen metal face around his neck.

“Of course I do.”

Dean Winchester danced with his mom, he sat out with her when the roller coaster was too much, even though he wanted to go, he wore some ugly necklace for years just because Sam gave it to him. “You know, you’re more than what you seem to be, Dean Winchester.”

“So are you, Emerson Maklen.”

She leaned forward, to reach for his touch again before something came over her. He was a good man. He was leaving. He was going to Afghanistan in three months. She recoiled back to her seat and shoved five cheese covered french fries into her mouth.

-15 Days After-

Emerson looked out the window with her arms crossed. She spent so much time trying to be what she was supposed to be according to other people, according to herself. She went to the college that Ophelia wanted to go to, because they were expected to do everything together. She went to homecoming with Dean, because Pheli wanted her to. She said no to Dean countless times, because he wasn’t right for her. She didn’t even know why she was always resisting. It was fucking exhausting being so self righteous all the time. Being so bottled. The sky shook above them with an angry clap of thunder. She understood how it felt. She wanted to scream, too.

The rain came down a few droplets at first. No one seemed to notice, but Emerson. She noticed. She stepped closer, pressing her gloved hand to the glass on the window. “My god.” She whispered inside of her mask, before turning, and running toward the door.

Her index finger worked its way inside of the glove on her opposite hand, peeling it away. Both were falling to the floor. Her fingers curled under the chin of the gas mask, pulling it up and over her head. It crashed to the floor as she pushed out into the rain.

“Emerson, no!” Dean shouted inside of his mask. The three that were left at the table scurried to their feet, they ran after her only to find her standing in the middle of the cobblestone street, with her face looking toward the sky and her arms open. Clear rain poured over her. Clear. She laughed and spun in a circle.

Dean pulled off his own mask, Pheli, and Sam followed.

“Come on in, the water’s fine!” She laughed, spinning in circles.

Ophelia didn’t need to be asked twice. She stripped herself out of her jacket and ran into the warm, Summer rain. She locked hands with her sister and they spun around, their hair getting soaked. Emerson pulled her into a hug and ruffled her hair.

“Fuck it.” Sam said, dropping his own mask. He ran into the middle of the two girls, picking Pheli up. He threw her over his shoulder causing her to squeal.

“Come on!” Emerson said, waving for Dean to join them. She looked beautiful in the rain. “You’re more than what you seem to be, Dean Winchester.” She pushed her soaked hair behind her ears, laughing as Pheli kicked barely missing her head. “You see me, Dean, and I see you.” She did see him. She always did. “You think you’re so fucking cute, don’t you?”

So he ran to her. He dropped his fucking gas mask in a puddle and he ran to her, pulling her into his arms. He was always going to run to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Fancy meeting you here.” She murmured, her nose brushing his.

He blinked the rain out of his eyelashes. “Small world.”

“Mhm.” She mumbled before holding the back of his head in her hand, and pulling him closer, closing the space between them. His lips were the way she always expected them to be, soft and warm, despite the cool wetness from the rain. She could feel the surprise in his lips, his mouth opening slightly when her lips pressed to his. Then he smiled, his eyes fluttering closed, and he kissed her back. He put his hands under her thighs, hoisting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held his face in her hands.

His scruff scratched against her face but she didn’t care. She was kissing Dean Winchester! He ran his tongue along her bottom lip, asking for permission. She opened her lips to let him in. She was letting go. It was raining, and they weren’t burning. They weren’t red. Things were finally looking up.

Pheli smacked Sam’s shoulder when he put her down and they booth applauded. “Fucking finally!” She laughed, wrapping her arms around Sam’s waist.

Emerson pulled back from him, panting, her forehead pressed to his.

“Does this mean you actually like me?” He asked, his shit eating grin taking up most of his face, but his eyes were soft, vulnerable.

“To put it mildly.” She murmured, just loud enough for him to hear.

His smile softened, his teeth disappearing under his lips. His eyes closed and he slowly lowered Emerson back to the ground, her feet splashing in the puddle below them. His hands never left her, and she was still pressed against him. She looked up at him with a smile. She never thought she would be one of those girls to kiss in the rain. It seemed more Pheli’s style, but yet. But yet...

“What was that?” Sam asked, turning and squinting into the rain.

It was a miracle that they heard it at all under the roar of the downpour. It was a single groan at first, and sounded a bit like Dean when he was woken up too early. Then it was more like a sea of groans, and foot steps.

“What the...”

They were close enough to be seen then, with their mouths open, and hands gripping, reaching for them. They were soaked, their eyes glowing red in the darkness. People. Twenty of them at least, their skin looked like it was burnt, bubbling and red. Their mouths hung open, their heads titled in curiosity as they walked through the rain, seemingly careless about the water. The first in the group looked up and made eye contact with Emerson. The creature looked like it was once a woman, from her small stature and long stringy hair, but now she was something else all together. She opened her jaw to let out a horrible, blood curdling scream as she pointed a bony, burnt up, fleshy finger at the four of them.

“Run.” Emerson said, as Dean curled his fingers sound hers. “Fucking run!”

—————

Chapter Nine

Get caught up!

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Emerson looked up at him with a sleepy expression, her eyes still heavy from the night. “You okay?”

Dean shrugged in response. “Yet to be determined. Let’s check out the deck.”

“Okay.” She sat up and stretched, her elbows popping in response. She was sore from sleeping on the stairs, but she knew that she was lucky for being able to get any sleep, no matter how terrible it was.

The two stood up and Dean slowly opened the door. The sun spilled over them, surrounding them in an almost holy light. Emerson covered her eyes to block out the bright sunlight. Maybe it was from laying in the dark cabin for so long, but the sun seemed brighter and harsher than it had the day before. The deck was covered in standing blood red water, which had yet to be evaporated by the suns blinding rays.

Dean crouched down and touched the water with his index finger. “It’s not hot anymore.” He said cautiously, before stepping out onto the deck.

Emerson followed behind him. “God, does the sun feel brighter to you?”

“Yeah, actually.” Dean squinted. “Wasn’t even this hot in Afghanistan, and fuck that’s sayin somethin.”

Emerson pressed her lips together. Dean never talked about his time in the military, not even to Sam. She turned her body toward the shore and squinted. Black plumes of smoke danced toward the sky. The world was on fire. The ocean looked like it was bleeding from the rain, everything was red as far as her eyes could see, and when they reached the shore… everything was ash and fires. The world was hazy from all of the smoke, it was like the smoke was behind her eyes, in her nose, her lungs. She gasped. It was too much. Her mother was over there, helpless. She couldn’t reach her. Emerson didn’t realize how close she was to passing out until Dean grabbed ahold of her arms. “Hey, I’ve got you.”

Her head rolled to the side, resting on Dean’s chest. “Dean.”

“There’s something in the air.” He said, confirming her thoughts. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back into the safety of the space below deck.

“Em?” Pheli called sleepily from below deck, before a little more urgently. “Emerson?”

“We’re over here.” Dean said, as he helped the half-conscious Emerson down the stairs.

“What happened?” Ophelia sat up on her knees on the bed in alarm. Her usually perfect hair was sticking out on one side, and flattened on the side that was snuggled against Sam.

“Dean?” Sam asked, his eyes mirroring his girlfriends.

“She’s okay.” He said through clenched teeth. He laid her down. “Right, Em?” He leaned over her, pressing two fingers to the pulse point on her throat.

“I feel a lot better now that I’m inside.” She agreed weakly. “What the fuck was that?”

“There’s something in the air.” Dean said quietly.

“Why weren’t you effected?” She asked, trying to sit up.

“Hey, cool it.” He pressed a hand to her chest, urging her to lay back down. “I was effected.” He said quietly. “Just assuming it takes more for me since I’m bigger than you.” He pushed her hair behind her ear. “So just relax.”

“What do you mean there’s something in the air?” Pheli asked, moving to Emerson’s side. She took her sisters head and rested it in her lap. “Like poison?”

“Or a toxin, from the bomb.”

“So what now?” Sam asked. “We obviously can’t go outside.

“It may not matter. We are still breathing the same air.” His eyes flickered to Emerson’s.  “Last night it rained blood red, hot rain, and I’m talking Mom’s dishes water hot.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “How is that possible?”

“I don’t know.” Dean admitted. “I really don’t.”

Pheli grabbed Emerson’s hand. “What are we going to do?”

“I think we have to go outside.” Emerson said, sitting up. “We are sitting ducks in here.” Her throat was a little raw and she cleared it a few times.

“How? Look at you, Em! You were barely outside.” Pheli’s voice was small, and weak.

“Hey.” Emerson smiled, touching her sister’s cheek. “We will figure it out. Right Dean?” Her eyes flickered to the older brother. She wasn’t sure what moment they became partners, but it was clear that they had.

“Yeah.” He offered a weak smile. “Of course we will.” He met Sam’s eyes. His younger brother didn’t look too convinced. Dean made a mental note to reconvene with Sam once they had the girls secured. He didn’t plan on this being a permanent set up.

“Maybe we just need some kind of filter to protect us from the air?” Sam offered. “Like a gas mask?”

“That could work.” Dean admitted.

“I don’t think we have gas masks in a sail boat.” Pheli said weakly. She looked afraid, and she brought her finger to her mouth and bit on the skin around her nail.

“No.” Emerson said, looking around. “But we may have surgical masks in the first aid kit.”

“It won’t work as well, but fuck, Em. You may be a genius.” Dean grinned at her.

She shrugged in response, before hopping up to help him look for the first aid kit. “Bingo.” She said, pulling the white box out from under the bed. She opened it up and pulled out a plastic bag full of surgical masks. “What about hats? The sun was so hot. We will sunburn really quickly.”

Dean got up and opened the closet door and rifled through it before pulling out some clothes. He tossed a pair of rain jackets at the girls. “Ready to forge forward?” He grinned widely.

“May as well.” Emerson said, slipping into the jacket, and taking her sisters hand. “Don’t worry.” She murmured. “We got this.”

-7 Years Before-

Ophelia sat with her legs crisscrossed on the porch swing on the front porch of her house. It rocking gently back and forth as she stared intently at the book in her hands for school. Out of the two Maklen sisters, Pheli was not the most studious. It took her twice as long to finish things as it did for Emerson, her head was always in the clouds. She was reading Jane Eyre for class, and while it should be entertaining for her, being the romantic she was, all it was doing was causing her head to spin out of control. She was imagining her own Mr Rochester.

She folded the corner of her page down to mark her place when she noticed Sam Winchester slowly approaching, with his hands in his pockets. He was the short, scrawny boy who lived next door to her her whole life. He seemed really shy, and despite being her neighbor, he had barely spoken to her. “Hey.” She said, cautiously.

“Oh, uh, hi.” His face was bright red and Pheli grinned in response. Even at age fourteen she was a bit of a narcissist.

“Can I help you?” She asked, batting her eyelashes.

“I was...no.. that’s okay.” Sam turned on his heels to leave and Pheli quickly stood up.

“Do you want some lemonade? Mom made some. She has cookies too.”

“Sure.” Sam pushed his hair behind his ears. It was shaggy. He looked at her from the bottom step of her porch, his dimples popping up on his cheeks.

“Come on.” She gestured for him to step inside. “I hope you like cinnamon sugar cookies.”

“I do.” He smiled even wider. “It’s cool that your mom bakes, mine can’t cook at all.” He laughed dryly. “She buys them from the store and pretends she baked them.”

“My mom can’t cook either, but she can bake.” Pheli said handing him the plate of cookies. She went to the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade. “Ice?”

“Okay.” He reached forward and took a big bite of cookie. “Holy crap, thats delicious.”

Pheli grinned proudly, and handed him the glass of lemonade. “Here.”

“Thank you.”

She leaned on the counter across from him and took a bite of her own cookie. “Emerson said I’m going to get fat if I eat too many of these.”

“Is that your sister? I’ve seen her around.”

“Yeah.” Pheli chewed, and eyed him suspiciously. “You’ve seen her around?”

“Mmhm.” He mumbled, before swallowing his bite of cookie. “Outside, around school.” He shrugged. “I have her in biology.”

“What? Are you in love with her or something?” Pheli asked suddenly, before covering her mouth with her hands. What the hell is wrong with you?!

“What?! No!”

She wished she could curl into herself and disappear. She’d seen Sam around, too, and his older brother. “Just making sure... because... uh... I think she likes your brother and that’d be weird.” Pheli said. It came out like word vomit, she didn’t mean to say it, and her sister would kill her if she found out. They’d never talked much about the boys next door, let alone liked either of them. So why was Pheli being so dramatic? Why was her stomach flipping now that she was in the same room as the younger Winchester?

“She does?” Sam asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Yeah. He’s all mysterious. She eats that stuff up.”

“Huh.”

“But don’t tell him! She will be so mad at me!”

“Right, I won’t.” Sam promised. He reached for another cookie, but the plate was empty. They’d eaten the entire thing while they were talking. “Wow, I see what you mean. These things are addicting.” He grabbed a crumb off the plate and stuck it to his tongue.

“That’s an understatement.” Pheli laughed nervously, biting at her cuticle.

“You were reading when I walked up. What book was it?”

“Jane Eyre. It’s for class.” Pheli took a sip of her lemonade. It was a little too sour, and her nose wrinkled in response. “Why did you walk up?”

“I...” Sams cheeks turned even more red. “I’ve been trying to get the nerve to talk to you for awhile.”

“Really?” She squeaked.

“Yeah.” He laughed, taking a sip of his own lemonade just to have something to do with his hands. “Wow, that’s really sour!”

Ophelia busted into a fit of giggles, covering her mouth. “Yeah, it is really bad!”

Sam laughed in response. Every time they would slow down they’d meet eyes and roll into another fit, until they were both holding their stomachs and begging the other to stop.

“Told you she was terrible at everything other than baked goods.” Pheli said breathlessly.

“You weren’t wrong.” Sam agreed, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

She grabbed both glasses and dumped them down the sink. “Why... why were you afraid to talk to me?”

“You’re intimidating, Ophelia.”

“You can call me Pheli.”

“Okay.” Sam said, softly. His eyes were glued to his lap.

“I’m not.”

“Not what?” His eyes flickered up to hers.

“Intimidating.”

He laughed lightly. “Yeah, you are.”

“You can talk to me any time you want, Sam.”

“It isn’t just talking... I actually had something to ask you.” He let out a breath.

“Okay. What is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s probably stupid, forget it.”

“Just ask, sam.”

“I... ugh, fine okay.” He looked like he was going to pass out before he quietly mumbled, “Will you go to homecoming with me?”

A grin grew on Opehlia’s face. It almost hurt to smile that widely, but when he met her deep brown eyes he saw the night sky in them. They sparkled like they were full of stars. “Yes! You cute little idiot. I’d love to!”

****

“Was that Sam Winchester in our house earlier?”

“You saw that?” Pheli asked, from her bed. She had her book light on, trying to catch up on her reading before her due date the next day, but in reality she was day dreaming out homecoming.

“Yeah.” She laughed. “I was coming downstairs for a drink, and I figured I should leave you two alone.” She shrugged, rolling over onto her side on the bed so she could get a better look at her sister in the darkness.

“He asked me to homecoming.”

“What?” Emerson sat up. “Really? Have you ever even talked to him before?”

“No.” She laughed. “Not really... but he’s cute, Em. Really cute.”

“I guess.” Emerson laughed quietly and rolled her eyes.

“What if he is my Mr Rochester?”

“That book is kind of dysfunctional, Phel.”

“I think it’s romantic.” She cooed in response. “He could be my Romeo. We could be soulmates.”

“Phel, they both died. That’s not really romantic... it’s tragic.”

Ophelia shrugged in response. “He has a brother, you know. It’s always been my dream for us to marry brothers. We could have a double wedding!” She sat up with a wide grin. “You have to take Dean Winchester to homecoming.”

“I would rather eat Mom’s pot roast than take Dean Winchester to homecoming.” Emerson said flatly. “He wears too much Axe, and I’m pretty sure he smokes. No way.” She flipped over to face the wall to go to sleep. “I will never like Dean Winchester, so you may as well let go of that dream now, Phel, before you get too disappointed.”

-8 Hours After-

The group looked ridiculous in their boat hats, rain jackets, and surgical masks. Dean went up on deck with Sam to sail back to the mainland, leaving the Maklen sisters below deck.

“I can’t believe this.” Pheli said, plopping on the bed, with her face in her hands.

“We will figure it out. We have each other, that’s all we’ve ever needed.” Emerson said, resting her hand on her sisters shoulder.

“I need a distraction, or I’m going to start crying.” She sucked in her breath before her eyes flickered to her sisters. A perfect reflection of herself. “What was going on with you two on deck last night? Before everything happened. It looked intense.”

“It... it was a little intense.” Emerson admitted, leaning against the wall. “He is a little intense.”

“What were you talking about?” Pheli asked, quietly, glancing at her sister.

Emerson looked far off, as if she could see through the walls of their tiny cabin. “The sky.”

“The sky?”

“Yeah.” She glanced down at the tiny blisters on her palm, before curling it back into itself. She wasn’t much of a talker. She wasn’t a romantic, like her sister. She didn’t watch the stars, or find shapes in the clouds. She didn’t dream about a boy who would sweep her off her feet and change everything. She didn’t believe anyone had that power, and if anyone could, it was God, and he’d obviously left the building.

—————

Chapter Four