#deancore

to me, fem dean’s still named dean on her birth certificate. there’s just something so her about a girl with a traditionally masculine name. i imagine john really wanted his firstborn to be a boy, and when the couple found out they were having a girl, they decided to give her a boy’s name and raise her almost like one. before mary’s death that really only meant smaller things like putting her in every sport imaginable and while all her classmates were dressing up as princesses for halloween, she was there beaming a toothy smile as the lead singer of led zeppelin. after mary’s death and the start of john’s crusade, that twisted into something more heavy and truly when she began to adopt that oldest daughter syndrome.

dean was that kid who swore she’d never wear makeup, called herself a tomboy, said anything “girly” was beneath her. but as she got older and grew into a teenager, she started to experiment with her femininity and found a lot of freedom and power in it. femininity became her own small way to be her own person in contrast to how john wanted to shape her into the perfect soldier. and with that came an awareness of her sexuality, one that made people call her “fast.” she was the girl who had a new boy thing every other week but the moment they started getting attached, she was ghosting. somehow, no matter what new school she ended up at, there was always a group of girls who instantly decided they couldn’t stand her. warning their boyfriends not to even glance her way, while at the same time secretly thinking she was the coolest person in their small town.