The Most Painful of Heartbreaks- Part 2
Eleven months. It'd been almost a year since Castiel had seen Faith, months since she'd pinned him up against the wall of the bunker, an angel blade to his throat. But he couldn't hold it against her, he knew she was in massive pain over losing Sam and Dean Winchester. The angel still couldn't believe his family was gone. It even felt like Faith was dead. The happy lively girl was gone, and what remained, he didn't recognize. He knew she was still alive, the stories he'd heard over the last few months told him so. Silence is what they were calling her now, and the demons Castiel had run into were terrified of her. The brutality of her kills, demons and monsters alike, even some angels. The way she'd stalk her 'victims'. They refused to talk about her, but when they did, they spoke with such fear that Castiel almost swore they were talking about someone else entirely: Brutal, violent, vengeful, cutthroat, cold, heartless, and that's just to name a few. He remembered the last demon he'd run into.
"Where is she?!" Cas asked the demon. "I don't know. I'm trying to stay away from the bitch. She's lost her damn mind ever since the Winchesters." Castiel growled and pulled the demon by his coat collar. "Don't you even speak their name." He plunged his angel blade up through the demon's jaw, the white light spilling from its eyes before he dropped the body and stalked back to his car, the pain of the loss of his friends still fresh.
A single tear fell down his cheek as he thought of Sam and Dean, wondering what they would do in this situation. What Dean would do to bring her home. Of course, that wasn't even a question. If Dean were around, he wouldn't be tracking her down. Castiel swallowed hard and turned his pained blue eyes up to a starless, silent night sky. "Faith, please..I know you're out there. Let me help you. You don't have to do this alone, I know how you feel."
"You couldn't possibly know how I feel." A startlingly cold female voice broke the silence surrounding the angel as he turned to face the owner. She was dressed in ripped jeans, her black boots, the Samulet, a red flannel over a black tee-shirt. Her now black hair was done up in a braided pony tail. Her blue eyes were darker. They were no longer bright with life and love and light. All they held now was rage and heartbreak and determination. Despite everything, Cas was happy to see her. "What do you want, Castiel?" the girl asked, swallowing thickly. "What do I want? Faith, I wanna see you. I wanted to see how you are, I haven't seen you in almost a year." "Okay," the girl answered and shrugged, glancing down at herself. "Now, you've seen me. I'm gonna go now," she said and turned to leave. "No, wait, please. Faith, please." "Cas, don't." Her voice broke into a whisper, and Cas could feel her pain, even with the distance between them. She turned back to him and shook her head. "I can't, okay? Just let me go." "You know I can't do that. Dean wouldn't want--" "I don't give a shit what he would want!" Faith cried out, her breathing shaky, her eyes glowing blue. "I didn't want him to die, him or Sam! And they did anyway! They left me here, ALONE! So I don't give a shit what he wants!" she growled, then bit the inside of her cheek as she swallowed hard, the tears falling down her cheeks. Cas' brow furrowed as he took a step towards her, freezing when she took a step back. "How could you think that they chose to leave you? How could you ever think that?" "Dean's final words to me painted a clear message. 'Be happy.'" Her voice cracked as she clenched her jaw, the tears still falling. "He didn't want me to join them in Heaven." "Faith, Dean loved you. He still does. He wants you to--" "What? Live my life? Castiel, it physically hurts to breathe. Every breath I take just reminds me that Dean isn't taking any. It takes everything I have and then some to keep going, to get out of bed. And I know, if I could just get rid of every monster, demon, and douchebag angel that exists, I can be happy with my boys in Heaven. But I don't trust other hunters to get the job done. So, I'm doing it myself." "Faith, you can't keep going like this." "Why not? Huh? What should I do instead, Castiel? What? Pretend I'm normal? Human? Get a house in Lawrence and raise a family and act for the rest of my life like I didn't lose the love of my life and Sammy? What, cut that part of my life off and pretend it never happened? You may be an angel and can turn off your humanity, but those boys meant everything to me. They were my everything, and now, I have nothing." "That's not true. You still have me. And Jody, and Donna, and Claire. Faith, listen to me, I'm still here and I can help you get through this." The girl shook her head and sighed. "I'm of no use to them, Cas. I'm of no use to you. I am so broken, I don't think I can be put back together. And I'm not sure I want to. Cause then, what does that say about me?" Faith fell to her knees and let her head fall. "I just want to see them. I want my boys. I want Dean. They didn't deserve to die. They should've gotten out and gotten normal lives. I wanted to spend my life with Dean, grow old together, watch our kids and grandkids play in the yard." She rocked herself back and forth, her eyes squeezed shut. "They deserved better. I failed my boys and now they're dead. It's my fault." Castiel cried as he watched her, then knelt down and gently tilted her chin up, and wiped a tear from her eye. "Faith Delaney. You know this isn't who you are, this...caped crusader person..you're a Winchester." The name brought fresh tears to Faith's eyes. "I want my boys, Cas. I miss them so much, I can't do this. I can't. Please, Cas..please," she cried, burying her face in his shoulder as she cried, unable to hold back the tide. The pain threatened to tear her apart. "Just let me die, Cas. Please? Let me be with them." The angel held his friend and let her grieve, crying along with her as he set his chin on her head. It was awhile before Faith pulled herself together and got to her feet, looking down at the angel who then stood up in front of her. She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "So, now what? You turn me in to your angel bosses for being a bad little Nephilim?" "No, of course not. Faith, I didn't come here to retrieve you." Faith just watched him for any signs he was lying to her. "Do you really think I'd turn on you, for Heaven?" he asked, sounding genuinely hurt. The girl took a beat before shrugging one shoulder, swallowing thickly. "Well, I've killed a few angels that came down and had the sack to try and arrest me. Six in total. Unless I'm going to see my boys, I'm not going anywhere near that hellhole." "That's actually why I wanted to find you. I can take you to see them." Faith backed off with a growl. "Don't play games with me, you son of a bitch. Do not do that." Castiel rose his hands and locked eyes with her. "Faith, I swear to you, this is real. I will take you to see Sam and Dean in their heaven." The girl tilted her head as she eased closer, glancing around, half expecting an army of angels to show up with enochian cuffs before she gave in and looked back at the angel in front of her. "Promise me." "I promise, Faith, this isn't a trick." He held his hand out to her. Faith hesitated, but placed her hand in his. A white two-story house stood in front of Faith and Cas, with a wrap around porch, Baby in the driveway, and Dean in a rocking chair in the front porch. A brown haired little girl and a sandy-blond haired little boy ran around laughing in the front yard, not even noticing their guests. Tears rose in Faith's eyes as she moved towards the front porch. Dean stood, the smile disappearing as he moved down the steps and towards Faith, setting his glass down on the steps. Faith took a shaky breath as he now stood before her. "Dean?" she whispered, then reached up and cupped his face in her hand, tilting her head as he leaned into her touch, his eyes falling closed before he opened them again and gently pulled her into his arms, tightening his hold on her as she began to cry into his shoulder, holding on with a death grip. Dean cradled the back of her head and kissed the side of her head, tenderly. When the two pulled apart, Dean rested his head against hers, and Faith took a breath as she looked up at him. "You're domestic." The man smiled crookedly at her. "Yeah, I am. With you." Faith swallowed hard, her brow furrowing in confusion. "You're here, sweetheart, you and the kids that I always wanted." Faith's eyes fell to the two children, still running around and playing. "Those are our kids?" she asked, earning a nod from the former hunter, his arm wrapping around her. "Come on, come inside," he said and took her hand, leading her back up the steps. Faith turned back to Cas who shook his head. "You go ahead, Faith, I'll be waiting." She then turned and went inside with Dean. Once inside, she looked around and swallowed hard. "So, this would've been our life together," she said, softly, stroking one picture in particular. One that existed in real life, on her nightstand in the bunker. One of the two of them, Dean kissing her cheek in the driver's seat of Baby. Both of them laughing, both of them happy. Faith turned to find Dean standing in front of her, his eyes full of love as he leaned down and claimed her lips with his own, setting his hands on her hips. Faith felt like she could breathe again, as she kissed Dean with every ounce of feeling she had. Pulling back after several minutes, she looked up at him and bit her lower lip. "Why?" she asked. "Dean, why did you leave me? You promised me-" "I know, sweetheart. I know." Faith's lip trembled as she took a shaky breath. "How are you?" he asked. Faith laughed a broken laugh, surprised by his question. "How am I? You can't tell?" she asked, then swallowed hard and shrugged, trying to find the words. "I'm dead inside, I can't even begin to describe what it's like to live without you. I wouldn't even call it living. Hunting is all I do anymore. I don't even live at the bunker anymore. But soon, it will all be over." Dean's brow furrowed as he slid his hand into hers. "What are you talking about?" he asked. Faith shook her head as she sat down on one of the steps. "Dean, I can't do this. I can't. I've gone eleven months without you, but I have no idea how. I've lost my family, the only people who keep me going, who make me laugh, who...give me life. Once I've eliminated every demon and monster and every other son of a bitch infesting the planet, I'll be done. I'm not doing this without you anymore. I have nothing but time now, and yet, all I want is you." Dean knelt down in front of her. "Sweetheart, you can't do this." The girl swallowed hard as she locked eyes with him. "Are you saying you don't want me to join you up here?" she asked, her voice breaking. Dean sighed and took his ring off before gently taking her hand and sliding it onto her thumb. "Listen to me, okay?" he asked, earning her attention. "I know you're hurting right now, but it will get better." Faith scoffed and stood, and moved into what looked like the kitchen, knowing he would follow her. "Dean, I don't want it to get better, I want to be with you." She moved closer to him and cupped his face in her hand, swallowing thickly. "And up here, we can be together for eternity, in peace. Neither of us will get killed or get sick. We don't have to hunt, we don't have to worry about each other." Dean glanced down at her, sliding his hands into hers and lacing their fingers together. "I know, baby. I know," he whispered, then pulled her into his arms and kissed the side of her head again. "I have nothing without you," she whispered, keeping a death grip on his flannel. "I love you so much, Dean, god...you have no idea," she said and pulled back to look into the hazel eyes she still continued to fall for. "You're the best thing in my life," she whispered, then leaned up and kissed him with every ounce of love that she felt for him, able to feel like herself for a moment again. Dean slowly pulled back, then kissed her forehead, holding her tightly against him.Â
"I have something for you." He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket and dipped down to one knee, opening it to reveal his mother's ring. "Faith Delaney. Even dead, I know you're the love of my life. You were it for me, and you still are. I want you to be mine forever. I love you, Faith, more than you could imagine. Will you marry me?" he asked, earning a tearful nod from the girl. He took the ring and slid it onto her finger before kissing her once more, Faith's hands moving to the back of his neck. He lifted her onto his waist and set on the couch, holding her in his lap. The two stayed like that for several hours, until Cas came to get Faith. Tears welled up in her eyes before turning back to Dean, swallowing hard. "Where's Sammy? He okay? I wanna see him before..." she bit her lip and glanced up at him. "Yeah, uh, let me take you to him." He took her hand and led her out the back to the house right next door, walking in through the back door with Faith in tow. He came across his brother in the library, reading research. "Why am I not surprised? Man comes to Heaven and starts reading lore," Faith asked, a warm smile crossing her lips, causing the man to look up, recognition lighting up his eyes. He stood from the desk and moved to her and hugged her tightly. Faith held onto Sam tightly, inhaling his scent, trying to keep her composure. "Please tell me you're not--" Sam pulled back and looked down at her. "No, I'm...well, I'm breathing. Unfortunately." Faith tried to smile, but it came out pained before she bit her lip and slid her hand back into Dean's, lacing their fingers together. "How are you, Sam?" she asked. Sam shrugged and nodded. "We're hanging in there, you know, its..different up here. We haven't found Bobby yet, but I'm looking." Faith smiled softly as she looked up at him. "You're supposed to be, I don't know, drinking margaritas or protein shakes, or whatever it is you drink, and relaxing. Not looking for dead people." Faith finally felt somewhat normal, despite knowing she'd have to go back soon. The reminder made her flinch as she swallowed hard and gently tightened her grip on Dean's hand. He noticed and leaned over, kissing the side of her head. "I see Dean finally gave you the ring." Faith glanced down and smiled softly. "But as far as we're concerned, you've always been a Winchester. That just makes it legal," Sam said with a wink. Faith smiled, the name making her flinch again before her eyes fell. "Problem is, I'm going back to a world without you two. And I don't know how to get through every minute of every day without you. I'm lost and scared and cold and alone. You two were my home and now you're gone and I'm just...alone." "Sweetheart, you're never alone," Dean said, wrapping his arms around her from behind, kissing her cheek. "You have Jody and--" "Dean, they're not you. And I'm alot further than out of my head with grief. I'm a zombie most of the time, unless I'm hunting. Its like I become something else. And I don't care anymore. I hunt cause I can take my rage out on something. I just wanna be with you two." Dean sighed, looking up at his brother. "Faith, I want you to do something for me. Go home, and go to Jody's, and grieve. Don't hunt, don't do anything. Please. Do this for me. I don't want you hunting, and you know better than to hunt alone." "What about you?" she asked, her voice breaking. "What am I supposed to do?" she asked. "Sweetheart, just let them be there for you. I don't want to worry about you, Faith." She leaned her head against his and closed her eyes, swallowing hard, then looked up at Sam, taking his hand into hers. "I love you both. So much more than you'll ever know. Sammy, you're my brother, my best friend. And Dean, you...god, I don't even know where to begin. You're the love of my life." Dean smiled softly and kissed her temple. "I know you can do this, sweetheart. You're the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'll always be there with you. I'll be that annoying voice in your head." Faith smiled softly and turned her head, kissing his cheek and closing her eyes. "I love you both so much," she whispered and glanced up at Sam, then turned to Dean and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. "Dean--" "I know, baby," he whispered and reluctantly pulled back. "I love you, Faith. I always have, and I always will. But I want you to be happy. Go live your life, live for me," he said, taking her hands into his. "And when the credits roll for you, I'll be right here waiting for you." He swallowed thickly, knowing how he felt and that she didn't want to leave him. "I love you, sweetheart." Faith shook her head and licked her lips, then leaned up and kissed him before pulling away from him completely. She hugged Sam tightly, whispering her love to him as well, then pulled away from the Winchester brothers and drug her feet back to Castiel. She took one last glance over her shoulder and forced a smile, and before she knew it, she was standing outside Jody's house, where everybody was waiting for her. Faith moved towards Jody and hugged her tightly, crying into the sheriff's shoulder. Jody held the girl tightly, cradling the back of Faith's head to her shoulder, slightly rocking. She looked up at Castiel and nodded in agreement that she would take care of Faith for the time being, and the angel disappeared. "I gotcha now, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay, we're all here. Okay?" she soothed the girl and the Wayward Daughters went into the house.
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