#deadnamed

Neighbor: HEY [DEADNAME]! (shouted at my window from the back yard for everyone else to hear, because he can't text or ring the doorbell like a normal person) Me: Um, I don't know if your wife or my family told you, but I changed my name almost 2 whole years ago. N: Oh, right! Aw, why'd you change it? I like [DEADNAME] better! Okay... innocently, this guy doesn't know shit about gender or anything else. But even if it had nothing to do with that (anyone can change their name for any reason! don't resonate with your birth name? change it! live your life)--how tactless can you be? Why would this have anything to do with you and which name you prefer for someone else? Even if in your head you think you like my deadname better, keep that to yourself maybe? It serves no purpose and it's just rude to say. Same goes for hairstyle or anything else anyone changes. When I cut all my hair off at 17, I had to endure constant "why'd you do that, I liked your long hair!" for years. To this DAY I get comments asking me why my hair is short and "you'd look prettier with long hair"--It's short because I like it that way, my dude. I guess most people are just that self-centered? I don't even know. I can't imagine why you'd say something like that. Unless literally asked for your opinion or unless you're my stylist, don't say anything. Just shh. Go whine in your journal if you must. But know that not everything is about you. My name, my hair, my self-expression, and my personhood are not about you.