#deacon headcanons

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

0. Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired.

[  ] A synth?

[  ] A ghoul?

[  ] An alien or other cryptid?

[ X ] A time traveler? — AR I’m so down for a Doctor Who crossover where Deacon is actually a Time Lord. I won’t elaborate further here but let it be known that I think about this weekly.

[ X ] From before the war? — AR Not one that I often put into my writing but I do love the idea of him being pre-War, somehow. 

[ X ] From a vault? — AR But not one from the Commonwealth.

[  ] From the West Coast or New Vegas?

[  ] From the Capital Wasteland?

[ X ] Married? — I believe Deacon’s third affinity was truthful (for the most part) and thus I believe Barbara was truly his wife. I hc her as his second wife, however. The first one was a childhood sweetheart, supposedly taken by the Institute, thus spawning the hatred towards synths that led him to joining the UP Deathclaws.

[ X ] A widower?

[ X ] A father? — He makes a comment amount not being able to have “anymore children”, and that line always has me wondering whether he was ever a parent. I like to hc that yes, he was. It gives him yet another layer and I think it’s something he can bond over with the sole survivor. He can understand the pain of losing their child because he’s been there, albeit in different circumstances, but a lost child is a lost child. It’s also why he hates playgrounds; they’re a constant reminder of what he lost.

[ X ] A former raider/gang member? — UP Deathclaws. And it’s why he absolutely detests raiders.

[  ] A former teacher?

[ X ] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction? — Recovered, but it was a long road. If you accept the hc of him being a raider, I think it’s fair to assume he was also addicted to chems. Jet, maybe. Buffout. It took the pain away from losing that first love of his, it numbed his feelings. It made the job easier… until it didn’t.

[  ] Agamemnon?

[ X ] John D.? — I don’t know why but I adore the idea of him being John D. Maybe it’s because both he and John D are so mysterious, so if they were the same person it ties both mysteries up with a neat bow? But also the implication of what that means for both Deacon and the Railroad itself… I’ll explain more in the point below.

[ X ] The/a founder of the Railroad? — Deacon isn’t a founder in the true sense, but (if you hc him as John D), I believe he had a very firm, solid hand in building the Railroad up into what it is in-game. The contributions he makes, the dedication he gives to the cause, is why the Railroad is still running. Why the Institute hadn’t wiped them out years before. Without Deacon (/John D) they wouldn’t have survived beyond Wyatt’s years. He was instrumental in setting up the dead drop system, the railsigns, the routes in and out of the Commonwealth. So whilst not a founder in the original sense, he’s a founder of how the organisation works today.

[  ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

Casual Observation

1. How old is he? How old does he look?

I hc Deacon as being in his early-mid 40s. His age varies depending on what face he’s using. Sometimes it suits him to look 20. Sometimes it suits him to look 60. Sometimes he’s tempted to look 200+ and disguise himself as a ghoul. But it is getting to the point where Deacon is beginning to forget his true age (his true self, at times).

2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like?

5’10. Again, the posture depends on the character he’s playing. Deacon as Deacon, however? Attentive but slightly slouched. If he’s able to drop one layer of whoever he’s trying to be, it means he’s a little more relaxed. 

3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More?

More. To survive in the wasteland, you have to be physically fit, if only to outrun some sort of irradiated monster. Especially because he likes to wander, too. He has muscles under those disguises of his. They’re nothing to shout about, but they keep him alive. 

4. Is he naturally bald, balding, or would he have a full head of hair if not for removing it? What is his natural hair color? Does he have body hair?

I love me a ginger Deacon! But whether or not the baldness is natural… I like to theorise that the ginger hair makes him stand-out, and so he chooses to shave. It also makes the wigs easier to wear. Body hair, yes, unless he needs to have a wax for a character disguise. 

5. How often does he wear that pompadour wig? Does he have other wigs?

The pompadour is his favourite but I think it’s fair to assume he has others. Many, many others. It’s like that scene in the Office where Dwight keeps a wig for every one of his colleagues. Deacon is Dwight. 

6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings?

Originally, yes to the freckles, but since his face swaps, he’s lost them. The same with mole on his shoulder and the birthmark on the back of his thigh. They’re too distinguishable.

Scars are trickier. Yes, he’s had some work done but Deacon hasn’t removed them entirely. They’re a reminder of all the fights he’s fought and lost, as a reminder of what’s at stake if he loses again. All the scars the remain are on parts of his body where they’re able to be hidden; his arms, his legs, his back, his stomach. They range from knife wounds to gunshot wounds, burns and bites. Some are more recent than others, and he doesn’t let anyone but his face-doctor know about them. 

Tattoos… A sore spot. He has one. It’s the symbol of the UP Deathclaws, again kept as a reminder, only this time it’s of what happens when he loses control, when he gives in and takes the ‘easy way’. It’s on the small of his back, out of sight and out of mind until he needs the reminder, and it’s surrounded with some of those knife wounds from when he’d tried to cut it off himself in the wake of Barbara’s murder. What can I say? Who doesn’t like to torture their blorbos with emotional guilt?

7. What kind of clothing does he wear when he's not working/when he's at rest?

Deacon has a whole stash of clothes he keeps for his disguises, and because I theorise him losing who he truly used to be because of all the characters he’s played, he just cycles through those. Deacon doesn’t have his own style because Deacon isn’t his own person anymore.

8. What are his hands like? Soft, calloused? Are his nails rough, neat, bitten?

Calloused and rough hands that are often dry. His nails, on the other hand, are as neat as can be in the wasteland. Usually filled with dirt, blood etc. if he’s out on the road.

9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like?

Compared to some people in the Commonwealth, Deacon’s hygiene habits are pretty decent. He bathes as often as he can. It’s difficult in a world where the water is deadly. If he’s undercover and not able to wash and clean himself, he does feel it. He doesn’t like to be dirty. He’s already got enough mental dirt staining him, he doesn’t need more wasteland filth. And because of that, when he scrubs down his body, he scrubs hard. He brushes his teeth and has regular check-ins with Carrington.

As for his scent, I’ve never really thought too much about this. Part of me wants to say almonds because of their link to cyanide and the espionage world, but realistically I don’t think he’d actually have a signature smell. Soap, when he can find some and is able to bathe lmao. 

I think it would change based on the clothes he wears because, without perfume and colognes, the clothes on his back would be stronger than any natural scent. Some reek of dirt and the earth, some of smoke and fire, some of mould and damp. Those are Deacon’s least favourites to wear. But sometime he’ll find clothes that have a more floral smell to them. Or they’ll have a sweet, fruity scent that makes his mouth water when the wind blows just right. 

10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them?

He takes them off when he sleeps, but only when he’s sure he’s alone. He’d claim it’s because his eyes are one of the only things the doctor’s can’t change when he’s undergoing the face swap surgeries, and thus his eyes could blow his cover. In reality, it’s much more complicated. Those eyes belonged to another man in another lifetime. Those were the eyes that loved Barbara. But they were also the eyes that witnessed the person he helped the UP Deathclaws lynch.

And the saddest part is that, despite his lost identity, his eyes are the only things that remain. And Deacon doesn’t want to see them. He doesn’t want to see the world through them. He doesn’t want anyone else to see who he used to be. So he keeps them hidden from everyone, including himself. Maybe one day he’ll take off the glasses for good, but for now they’re like a safety net.

Further Investigation

11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any?

In Deacon’s mind, Deacon is whoever Deacon needs to be to get the job done, to keep the Railroad running, and to keep himself and his colleagues safe. He doesn’t have a sense of self anymore. He’s the Railroad’s intelligence guy. He goes out into the wasteland, learns shit, and delivers. For a while, at the beginning, he still answered to anyone he called out his original name, John. Now, he doesn’t even flinch and actively avoids any undercover character names that begin with the letter J.

12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why?

Deacon trusts himself. Kind of. He’s come to learn that he’s the only person he can trust, but that trust hasn’t come easily. If one hates themselves, can they truly trust themselves? Deacon’s trying to answer that question every day. He knows he has issues with commitment, that he wants to pop a stealth boy and run any time someone tries to get close to him. And if he could run away from himself, he would. Hell, he does whenever he puts on a new disguise.

I think Deacon trusts the idea of Deacon (as discussed in the question above). But if he had to sit silently in a dark room with just himself? He’d find that difficult.

Naturally, over time, he learns to trust the sole survivor. In all my headcanons, he trusts all the soles, even the ones who ultimately end up betraying him and the Railroad. He believes he’s found a kindred spirit in them, someone he can finally let his guards down around and just breathe. 

13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all?

I do really love the idea of his name originally being John Deacon. But I also really love the idea that Deacon is the name he chose as a codename after that first Pinky terminal entry because after Barbara was taken from him, Deacon found himself in a church, praying to a God he’d never believed in before, just because he thought it might bring him solace. And it did. It ended up leading him to the Railroad, which might not have been peace but it was what he needed. This isn’t to say Deacon is a believer. He’s far from that. But the name is an ode to what led him to his life’s purpose.

14. What is going on in his head? This could be just a notable train of thought or it could be a full exploration of what makes him tick, up to you!

This one made me chuckle out loud because what is going on inside Deacon’s head???? I like to headcanon that a LOT goes on inside that bald little cranium of his.

He’s an over-thinker (and not just because I want to burden him with my own shit). He’s constantly looking for an exit, for a get-out, for the best way to manipulate a situation in his favour. His mind is always ticking away. And even though he might not look it, Deacon is the kind of person who thinks everything through. He knows the cost of making a mistake. Nothing is down without purpose, no matter how spontaneous he might seem. The quick change of plan? That had been decided three blocks away when he saw the flash of a light in the distance that most people wouldn’t see until it was too late. 

15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why?

Again, I believe that he was telling the truth in that third affinity conversation, and so he joined because he felt like he owed it to Barbara and all the innocent people (and synths) he’d had a hand in destroying. It’s his atonement, but it’s also his calling. It’s the one thing he’s actually decent at in this world, and if it helps a handful of people, he’s more than content to continue.

I headcanon Deacon as joining sometime before 2266, but not too long before that first terminal entry. If we go with the John D headcanon, then he’s still a recent member (given he’s noted down as a runner in that entry).

16. When might he retire or step away from the Railroad, if ever? What might motivate or influence that decision?

I don’t think he’d ever step away because I don’t think he’d ever feel like his sins would ever be atoned. Deacon will die in the Railroad because that’s how he thinks it should be. The only thing—and I mean the only thing—that would have him stepping away would be the sole survivor, but even that would be a hard struggle for them to win.

And even if that did happen, I don’t think he’d ever truly leave that life, either. It’s a part of him now. Without the Railroad, he truly doesn’t exist. Deacon is Deacon, and Deacon is the Railroad. He’d come undone. 

17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it?

This is another point I’ve never really considered. It depends on the version of the story. If he’s from a Vault, I headcanon him as someone who isn’t from the Commonwealth. Maybe Midwest?

But if we’re going down the route of my usual universe I write, Deacon is from what used to be Boston. I don’t think he’d remember much, if anything from his childhood. I think he’d joke, “Was I even ever a child?” to kind of bat away any questions from the sole survivor that cut too deep.

What I do think, however, is that, wherever he came from, he ran away. He joined the UP Deathclaws because he wanted to belong somewhere. By the end of his time with them, he went along with their crimes and their attacks because he couldn’t bare to be kicked out. Maybe Deacon has always had that sense of lost identity because he never truly had one to begin with, and maybe that stemmed from whatever home life he had… You’ve made me think about this now and I’m going to have to go away and think more about it. This is what will be eating away at me at 4am!

18. Where is the furthest from the Commonwealth that he's been? Why did he go there?

100% Deacon has made it to the West Coast. All of it was for the Railroad. He’d love to visit South America one day. No job has given him the excuse yet, though. He’d also like to cross the old border into what was once Canada. He loves to travel. Loves it. If, one day, he did leave the Railroad, I could see him becoming some sort of nomadic traveller. 

19. Why does he favor the tactics/weapons that he does? Is he proficient with others?

Ohh, ohhhhh! Okay. So. Deacon is totally a sniper. He can pick people off from great distance that way… The only thing he doesn’t like about it is heights. Deacon has an whole issue with heights. Namely, he hates them. Being up high makes him feel sick. SO. He usually prefers to be on the ground, all stealth like. Nothing but a shadow. He’s a stealthy guy because it keeps him safe.

20. Why/when did he first take interest in the Sole Survivor? What were his intentions?

I’m currently writing a fic (it’s becoming an absolute monster) where Deacon learns of Vault 111 and there’s a whole conspiracy with it. That’s where his obsession began. And as for his intentions… At first, purely professional. They were looking for their son, convinced he’d been taken by the Institute, and Deacon wanted in. He wanted to use them to get to the Institute in some way, shape, or form. That obviously changes as he gets to know them.

21. How did he get in the habit of lying? Does he remember? Could he stop?

No, he doesn’t remember. All he knows is that he can’t tell the truth (a line, btw, that is absolutely heartbreaking). I think, if he found someone he could trust entirely, Deacon could work on stopping. But it’s a habit that’s part of his survival system at this point. 

22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? Does he have any particular tells or nervous fidgets? If so, is he aware of them?

Deacon is aware of the tells in other people. It’s one of the first things he looks for in a stranger. As for himself? No. He’s trained it out of his system. Perhaps he lets slip a few things as he gets more and more comfortable around the sole survivor, but for the most part? He’s a tight ship with few mistakes. Any mistakes you see are ones he wants you to see.

Which leads me quickly onto the point of “he’s not a good liar because everyone knows he’s a liar” (which is a valid point tbh). I personally think that it’s why he’s actually a really fucking good liar. If Deacon says something, you’re aware he’s possibly lying, but do you know for sure? I believe he purposefully makes up extravagant, unbelievable lies (like the one he tells Dez after you finish Tradecraft) to keep everyone on their toes. The wild, very obvious lies are the cover for the real lies. 

Emergency Improv

23. Share a lie that he uses often, that he is particularly proud of, or that he's amused by. What sets it apart in his mind?

Depending on who he’s talking to, I think the synth card is one he plays often. It’s set apart from the other lies because, short of shooting him dead (which he’s really hoping no-one will do), there’s no way to know he’s lying. Hell, there’s the possibility that it could even be true and he wouldn’t have the faintest idea. Deacon likes that. He likes the unreliability of that lie. 

24. Share a truth that he usually keeps to himself. Has he/will he share it with any one/few person/people in particular? Why?

That he’s tired. He’s so goddamned tired of everything. Of the Railroad, of the Commonwealth, of living. The only thing that keeps him going is the thought of all the sins he still hasn’t atoned for. He doesn’t get the gift of stopping. Not yet. Fate has certainly told him so, given all the times he’s been saved from massacre after massacre.

Deacon might open up to the sole survivor about that one day, but he knows they’d try to help him. And he doesn’t deserve the help. He has to keep going. He has to keep pushing himself. It’s part of the self-inflicted punishment.

25. Free Space. Fun(?) fact or ramble of your choosing.

I have… a couple.

Deacon has met House. It was an op that took him to New Vegas. He didn’t win that code he uses in Covenant in a poker game; it was something he acquired when he was there.

Nightmares plague him. They’re not as bad as they used to be, but Deacon avoids sleeping for the longest amount of time purely because he’s scared to shut his eyes.

I’ve seen a few people mention this one but I hard agree with it: Deacon was part of the Railroad when Danse was put through the system. He doesn’t recognise Danse at first because Deacon only knew M7-97 up to the point of the memory wipe and the face swap, but as soon as Danse’s true identity is revealed, as soon as his synth designation is mentioned to him, he remembers.

Leading on from that, Deacon remembers every single synth he’s personally had a hand in saving. The designations are etched in his mind (and in his pocket notebook he keeps on his person at all times).

He might actually disappear for a minute after he opens up to you about Barbara. Having his whole past spread out on the table for you to see is incredibly uncomfortable for him and he's gonna need some time to get used to having all that open to you.

Sometimes you’ll just find him sleeping on your couch. If he needs to get away for a minute he’ll go crash at your place for a bit. He almost hopes that you’ll show up and so the two of you could talk or something. It always makes him feel so much better when you do.

He somehow got a hold of matching leather jackets for you both to wear and always does his best to incorporate them into his disguises.

Deacon will bring you pre-war board games and ask if you could teach him the rules because the instructions had been burned decades ago and he desperately wants to learn.

He's actually really interested in fashion and will gladly put together a great outfit for you whether you asked for it or not. He also just loves sitting in a room and brainstorming disguise ideas together.

He's really curious about a lot of things from before the war and you'll find that he likes to randomly drag you into different areas and ask you tons of questions. He's especially interested in cartoons and other forms of media and is constantly questioning why they existed or what they usually had on them

He's weirdly good at spas? Massages, and manicures, and all that. He'd give you one if you asked/felt comfortable enough.

He loves sneaking around Goodneighbor or Diamond City with you and watching any fights or drama that happens throughout the day. It reminds you of when you used to watch reality TV shows back before the war and he always has the best comments.

He likes doing graffiti with you on random buildings in the Commonwealth. He’s actually really good at art but refuses to utilize that talent, instead, he just draws stick figures everywhere.

The two of you spent a day disguised as the other to see how long you can get away with it. (it wasn't very long)

He’ll ask if it could be possible for the two of you to set up small safe houses in some of your settlements for any passing synths, although, he always ends up making them look like man caves than temporary homes.

He'll leave these random lanterns all over the place with little jokes or messages carved underneath them. He does this so that if he ever disappears for a minute, you can go look at those to remind yourself that he doesn't hate you, he just needs a bit of time.

Whenever you’re on a mission, he’ll give you both the worst codenames on purpose to annoy you.

He once tried to see what the most outrageous lie you both could pull off was. Needless to say, you both ended up getting in a lot of trouble with Dez because it was 'irrelevant to your mission’.

Danse:

Works out the most out of the companions, it’s a solid hobby of his, almost every day

Sometimes even works out after a mission if he’s not injured

Finds it’s a good way to clear his mind and just focus on something repetitive (weight lifting, cardio, etc)

Genuinely enjoys it, especially since it also proves useful in serving the Brotherhood

Works out just as much post Blind Betrayal

More a muscle-building type

Deacon:

Doesn’t really plan to work out, more of an impulse thing, but still does it semi-regularly

Needs to be agile when it comes to Railroad missions, so has similar reasons to Danse, though he prefers reading to destress over working out

Gage:

A middle-ground between Danse and Deacon: exercises for efficiency and to destress, but not as often as Danse does

If he can bench press Sole he gets an ego about it

Prefers to be stronger/more agile than Sole just in case something goes wrong with them if they’re Overboss

Hancock:

I mean… sometimes?

Not really his thing, though

He might join Farneheit or Sole if they work out a little, but he usually taps out after thirty minutes or so

Haylen:

Doesn’t focus as much on muscle building as Danse does, and doesn’t work out every single day, but it’s kind of a Brotherhood thing to keep yourself in great shape

Also finds it relieves stress, but like Deacon, prefers to read a book or tinker with her armor/weapons

MacCready:

Does like five pushups in the morning and calls it good

Otherwise the only exercise he gets is while doing merc work and then travelling with Sole

Nick:

I don’t see him working out since there’s not really a point to it

Piper:

Big fan of yoga and sometimes light cardio

Works out quietly in the early morning while Nat/Sole’s sleeping

Finds it peaceful and values the hour or so of alone time

Preston:

Similar to Gage, minus having an ego if he can bench press Sole

He knows it helps his efficiency as a Minutemen and that’s extremely important to him

Sturges:

Has a workout day about once a week

He may enjoy tinkering and fixing things, but since it’s his job, it’s nice to take a break every now and then, and working out is that break

Also more of a hobby for him than a major priority

Enjoys weight lifting and cardio, though

X6-88:

Not really a point for him to work out, like Nick

I personally believe Coursers are built differently than Gen 3 synths and are a mix of the best parts of the more mechanical synths and Gen 3s