#mydeacon

With Deacon Week having just passed, I've been thinking about how neat it was seeing everyone's versions of Deacon all mixed in together. So much of his character is open to interpretation, potentially false, or just wholly unknown, and as a result the community has so many wonderfully, deeply different takes on the guy. And I love that! I love that it seems like we all love that. And there's a good chance Deacon would love it too lmao

So in the spirit of loving just how many different directions we've all taken him, and to encourage further sharing, have some questions! Whether you want to go through and answer them on your own or use them like an ask game is up to you. Only two rules:

No trashing other headcanons/takes/fanon/whatever. Obviously. This is about enjoying the character and the variety of our interpretations and headcanons. <3

Pretty please tag your answers to these questions with #mydeacon so we can see 'em all together. Not so much a rule as a request. :p

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist 0. Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired. [ ] A synth? [ ] A ghoul? [ ] An alien or other cryptid? [ ] A time traveler? [ ] From before the war? [ ] From a vault? [ ] From the West Coast or New Vegas? [ ] From the Capital Wasteland? [ ] Married? [ ] A widower? [ ] A father? [ ] A former raider/gang member? [ ] A former teacher? [ ] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction? [ ] Agamemnon? [ ] John D.? [ ] The/a founder of the Railroad? [ ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

Casual Observation 1. How old is he? How old does he look? 2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like? 3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More? 4. Is he naturally bald, balding, or would he have a full head of hair if not for removing it? What is his natural hair color? Does he have body hair? 5. How often does he wear that pompadour wig? Does he have other wigs? 6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings? 7. What kind of clothing does he wear when he's not working/when he's at rest? 8. What are his hands like? Soft, calloused? Are his nails rough, neat, bitten? 9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like? 10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them?

Further Investigation 11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any? 12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why? 13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all? 14. What is going on in his head? This could be just a notable train of thought or it could be a full exploration of what makes him tick, up to you! 15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why? 16. When might he retire or step away from the Railroad, if ever? What might motivate or influence that decision? 17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it? 18. Where is the furthest from the Commonwealth that he's been? Why did he go there? 19. Why does he favor the tactics/weapons that he does? Is he proficient with others? 20. Why/when did he first take interest in the Sole Survivor? What were his intentions? 21. How did he get in the habit of lying? Does he remember? Could he stop? 22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? Does he have any particular tells or nervous fidgets? If so, is he aware of them?

You asked, I answered...

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

0. Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired.

[ ] A synth?

[ ] A ghoul?

[ ] An alien or other cryptid?

[ ] A time traveler?

[ ] From before the war?

[ x ] From a vault?

Kinda. I have a headcanon that he likes it underground so much because there's a stretch of the abandoned vault beneath where I determined the UP Deathclaws called home. (UP Pharmacy btw. It's also completely infested with Mole Rats down there 🥹)

[ x ] From the West Coast or New Vegas?

West Coast. In my headcanon his parents were caravan workers and traveled all over. When they hit the east coast, tragedies struck, and he ended up alone and vulnerable, which led him into the 'Claws arms.

[ ] From the Capital Wasteland?

[ ] Married?

[ x ] A widower?

The Barb story is true for me.

[ ] A father?

[ x ] A former raider/gang member?

See above.

[ ] A former teacher?

[ x ] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction?

I think this was a habit picked up while in the gang/pharmacy situation.

[ ] Agamemnon?

[ x ] John D.?

After being the only one to survive an attack, he couldn't let the Railroad die. He never wanted to be in charge of it and he got burnt out quickly.

[ ] The/a founder of the Railroad?

[ ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

Casual Observation

1. How old is he? How old does he look?

No younger than 40 and no older than 47 for my timeline to work. I usually say around 45. I think he looks nebulously 35-50 depending on who you ask.

2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like?

5'10" but every time someone says he's 6 feet or taller, I deduct an inch. I don't think he necessary slouches, but his posture comes off as relaxed.

3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More?

Thinner side, athletic. He is strong in a very practical way (farming is fucking hard fr), but not bulky. He needs to be fast, nimble, and silent.

4. Is he naturally bald, balding, or would he have a full head of hair if not for removing it? What is his natural hair color? Does he have body hair?

Nope! This man shaves his head not just for easy wig adherence, but because redheads tend to be a bit more memorable. The first time I played FO4 on high res, I was actually shook by the full velcro layer of hair you can see on his head. The hairline is visible. I think body hair is very light, but I always draw him with a lil happy trail.

5. How often does he wear that pompadour wig? Does he have other wigs?

I think it entirely depends on the vibe he is going for. It makes him look younger to me. I think he probably does, but it's not like those exist in the game :/

6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings?

I always imagine him with some really ugly scarring on his abdomen from where he got got by his fellow 'Claws. In my head it's the one thing he doesn't change, because it's a constant reminder of who he was. (I don't think he actually strips down to his undies frequently like when he glitches in game.)

7. What kind of clothing does he wear when he's not working/when he's at rest?

I think the white tee and jeans feel comfortable and anonymous to him. Why wouldn't he still wear the comfiest stuff he has?

8. What are his hands like? Soft, calloused? Are his nails rough, neat, bitten?

A working man's hands. He was a farmer, after all. I actually think I like the idea of him being a nail biter, tho. And I always draw him with painted nails bc I can and if I'm gonna let him do one iconic ooc thing, it's paint his damn nails black thank u.

9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like?

Cigarettes and Thrift Stores and Basement. Not in a bad way tho? I think he's extremely hygienic. He's always fucking talking about cleanliness and dental hygiene and shit. And keeping a head shaved requires regular fucking maintenance (my partner shaves theirs and its a whole ordeal). Shit takes commitment.

10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them?

To sleep, replacing them with an eye mask ✨️ They aren't just a disguise, they're a mask. The eyes are the windows to the face or whatever Christopher Walken said about those plants. They're the key to a good poker face. They hide vulnerability. They disallow eye contact. Also from one sunglasses guy to another, really light eyes are extra sensitive to sunlight 🥲

Fu1rther Investigation

11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any?

I think Deacon is probably his longest-used name. It is possible that he'd have changed his name for nearly every phase of his life; what his parents called him, what the 'Claws dubbed him, what name he took when trying to build a life without them, etc. I think those changes happened more frequently for a while after joining the Railroad, but more stability was needed and the newer members needed a name they could reliably trust to refer to him as. And that in and of itself kind of answers the other parts of this question, because who he is and how he defines himself is so tied to his servitude to the Railroad. It is his life, his mission, his salvation. It's the most ideal version of himself that he can fabricate. Whether or not that ideal is something he feels is true is another story entirely (he doesn't).

12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why?

I think there are levels to trust. Obviously he trusts Dez and others at HQ, but not nearly enough to tell them the truth about his past, because he doesn't trust them not to judge him for it. In a world where he and the sole survivor become best friends, that trust extends to them, and it is probably the most he trusts anyone. And of course I have to mention my own little shippy headcanon situation, wherein the growing trust between him and Danse grows into something more romantic. In my head, his romantic partner is the only person who gets to see him raw and vulnerable.

13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all?

I really like the meaning of the word as servant. It suits him.

14. What is going on in his head? This could be just a notable train of thought or it could be a full exploration of what makes him tick, up to you!

A lot of distraction and dissociation to get him through the dark moments. (Humor is a great distraction.) Otherwise checklists and such to combat paranoid anxiety and catalogs and catalogs of information because my boy stays curious.

15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why?

Approximately 2269 after offing the 'Claws. He was recruited like he says.

16. When might he retire or step away from the Railroad, if ever? What might motivate or influence that decision?

Not immediately after the Institute is dealt with. I think he feels tremendous relief afterwards, but then there would be a period of time that he'd feel very lost and grasp at any reason to help anyone in the name of the Railroad. If he found love with someone, that person would be motivation to retire and settle down into a more normal life, but otherwise I can see him doing it until he dies, never satisfied with his progress.

17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it?

I kinda answered this before. California, by way of caravan routes. I don't have all the details figured out in my head, but I don't think he misses it.

18. Where is the furthest from the Commonwealth that he's been? Why did he go there?

I also answered this earlier, so I'll focus on more recent years for him. I think he sticks close to the East coast-ish where the Institute has access. He's definitely been to the Capital and maybe even deeper south, but doesn't have much reason to stray from the area.

19. Why does he favor the tactics/weapons that he does? Is he proficient with others?

Because he has great vision and a steady hand, and the distance is key for a stealth attack. He could watch someone for hours before taking a shot.

20. Why/when did he first take interest in the Sole Survivor? What were his intentions?

Approximately 2286 is when he starts looking into the vault and he's there when they first emerge in 2287, high-tailing it out of there to go regroup and follow them as much as possible.

21. How did he get in the habit of lying? Does he remember? Could he stop?

I assume he was always a bit of a liar. Son of the wasteland equivalent of a used car salesman, probably. It got worse when he had more to hide. I don't know that he could ever stop entirely, but I think he doesn't lie to those he cares about on any serious subject... they only get the fun lies.

22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? Does he have any particular tells or nervous fidgets? If so, is he aware of them?

I think when it really matters, he can handle it. I think he lies so poorly in front of sole because he *wants* to be caught. I like to think that his eyes are extremely expressive, so that's part of the reason he hides them.

Emergency Improv

23. Share a lie that he uses often, that he is particularly proud of, or that he's amused by. What sets it apart in his mind?

I don't know if this counts, but I think every time before he gets a new face/persona, he does whatever he can to get the one he's about to change on the Gunners' most wanted list. He's on there several times and he gets a real kick out of it.

24. Share a truth that he usually keeps to himself. Has he/will he share it with any one/few person/people in particular? Why?

I don't think he enjoys talking too deeply about his personal life with others. I think he doesn't talk about his childhood ever, Barbara unless you really get close to him, or if he obtains any new sort of romantic partner, he's pretty private about it. I think a lot of it isn't just his own shame, but in the case of any ongoing relationship there is fear of it becoming tainted or someone he cares for being harmed.

25. Free Space. Fun(?) fact or ramble of your choosing.

<Here’s my go!> (Also I can’t remember who started the “dead man’s” when referring to deacon before his life went to shit but its wonderful and I hope you don’t mind that I’ve borrowed it! I believe it mightve been @lee-cu , Do let me know if it’s trouble!)

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

0. Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired.

[ ] A synth?

[ ] A ghoul?

[ ] An alien or other cryptid?

[ ] A time traveler?

[ ] From before the war?

[ ] From a vault?

[x] From the West Coast or New Vegas?

He grew up on Lake Mead! Like literally on it, his childhood hope is a shack on stilts.

[ ] From the Capital Wasteland?

[x] Married?

Deacon is not married but a dead man is and will always consider himself as such.

[x] A widower?

Barbara is very very real.

[x] A father?

There was a baby between him and Barbara, poor thing passed 3 months before Barbara was supposed to give birth. He also has another little girl. He got drunk and there was tourist who had Barbara’s face. Different skin tone but still. He gave her up to a good family but if a dead man recovers, he’s got their word he can have her back.

[x] A former raider/gang member?

UP Deathclaws weren’t real, the L&L raider gang was very real though.

[ ] A former teacher?

[x] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction?

He used to be addicted to Med-X and Buffout. Got clean after joining up with the Railroad. Now he just has massive sweet tooth and drink a lot of coffee.

[ ] Agamemnon?

[x] John D.?

He was almost 100% honest with the SoSu, except about the UP Deathclaws and some timeline stuff. He joined the Railroad after he lynched that kid and Agamemnon helped him get clean. He took on the name John D. and became the most valuable runner to the organization and was seen as Agamemnon’s ear.

[ ] The/a founder of the Railroad?

[ ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

1.How old is he? How old does he look?

As of 2287 he is 43 years old. Born on December 25th 2244

2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like?

He is 6’. He’s from a mountainous region and everyone around where he grew up was tall with longer limbs. Most people in the commonwealth just think he lived near the mountains so it doesn’t blow his cover often. Even still, some people are just taller in the commonwealth. His posture changes based on what persona he’s taking on. Deacon slouches/leans around basically everyone but alone its actually pretty straight. Except for the leaning, thats a habit he’s genuinely picked up.

3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More?

His body type is very androgynous with a bit of chest and slimmer hips but nothing too noticeable if you aren’t looking. He’s more strong than he looks, incredibly agile as well . Thats just normal wasteland bulk though, you got have a certain amount of strength or be really good with a gun. Most of its left over from a dead man though.

4. Is he naturally bald, balding, or would he have a full head of hair if not for removing it? What is his natural hair color? Does he have body hair?

If he didn’t shave his head, he’d have a full and thick head of hair. He’s a redhead and even prewar redheads stood out so he shaves. All of the hair on his body is also red just a bit lighter, more muted. He has some body hair but nothing of note. As for pubic hair, he thinks being completely clean shaven is weird so its there but well maintained.

5. How often does he wear that pompadour wig? Does he have other wigs?

He has other wigs absolutely! His pompadour is his favorite just because he can change that one pretty easily but another one of note is a platinum blonde wig for a persona of his called Violet , a lounge singer from Atlantic City.

6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings?

Naturally has freckles but he takes them away every face change. When they start popping up again he knows its time for another one. They are full bodied and used to kind of swirl on his butt and thighs. A dead man use to have a sleeve of tattoos and a bunch of face piercings but Deacon only has his ears pierced. He’ll get a piercing for a persona/op but nothing permanent.

7. What kind of clothing does he wear when he's not working/when he's at rest?

Flannels, Pajamas, graphic tees. Just a hodgepodge of comfy clothes from his costume trunk really.

8. What are his hands like? Soft, calloused? Are his nails rough, neat, bitten?

Calloused, they’re a sniper after all! His nails are kept clean though, he cant abide being dirty.

He just really doesn’t like it.

9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like?

Very faintly of cigarette smoke and incense cause of the church but you’d have to be practically on top of them to smell that. He washes whenever he can and he keeps a bowl, some water, a rag and some soap on him whenever traveling with the SoSu.

10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them?

When he is alone or when he’s sleeping. And eventually, after his final affinity with the SoSu. He wears them cause his eyes aren’t his own, his eyes are a dead man’s. His eyes were Barbara’s favorite part of him besides his hair. He also wears them so no one knows where he’s looking. And cause one of his tells is not blinking.

11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any?

Deacon is another persona, a vessel for good, a mask. Whoever was under this mask died a long time ago but after getting closer to the SoSu, is he really all that dead? No name feels right to him, not without talking to someone first.

12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why?

The SoSu and himself. Eventually he trusts the SoSu wholeheartedly. He’s been with them through everything, he’s slept beside them, he has listened to them share things that ring too close to home for him as well. They are two sides of the same coin. At first it was cause he needed to and it wasn’t a whole lot, after the second affinity talk though? He trusts them, after the third? He trusts them with lifetimes of knowledge nobody, not even him really remembers.

13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all?

A dead man’s last name was Deacon and a Deacon is second to the priest, helps the church run smoothly, he thought it fit and no one is none the wiser.

14. What is going on in his head? This could be just a notable train of thought or it could be a full exploration of what makes him tick, up to you!

He thinks he’s cursed, that for the rest of his life he will have to atone for Barbara and the boy he lynched. He visits that boy’s mom every couple of years, leaves flowers and a note. He feels fundamentally aimless. All he knows is they he has to help. Help communities he’s hurt, help the railroad, help the sole survivor. Just help, thats all he’s here for.

15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why?

He joined up when Agamemnon was running the joint. After he lynched that boy, Soloman, he ran. Course they couldn’t let him leave without jumping him out, handed his ass to him,truly. But the Railroad was more open in those days and he ran to them, told Agamemnon what he’d done and how he was so sorry. Agamemnon brought him in, gave him addictol , a bed and some food though the RR didn’t have a lot at the time. He took the dead man’s under his wing.

16. When might he retire or step away from the Railroad, if ever? What might motivate or influence that decision?

Never, even after the institute. They’ll redirect the railroad to helping other groups in need. People, Synths, Ghouls, Super Mutants will always be in need so Deacon’s work is never finished.

17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it?

He lived on Lake Mead with his mom and grandparents. He remembers it fondly and with a lot of home sickness. His mom and grandmothers loved him but he was lonely as a kid, would talk to himself a lot. He had two friends but he didn’t see them a lot. Then his mom got sick when he was 13 and they shipped off to live with his aunt in the commonwealth but she died so he was alone. Little wonder how he fell in with L&L.

18. Where is the furthest from the Commonwealth that he's been? Why did he go there?

He’s been as far as Baffin Bay up in Canada/Denmark. He went up there for a special synth route.

19. Why does he favor the tactics/weapons that he does? Is he proficient with others?

He hunted as a kid as another way to get food on the table so he prefers long range. He’s also fine with 10mm and surprisingly a flamer. He keeps a knife on him too if he ever needs to get hand to hand. He’s also alright in hand to hand but he does not prefer it.

20. Why/when did he first take interest in the Sole Survivor? What were his intentions?

He accidentally found an institute broadcast because to maintenance workers were sloppy for a second. He overheard that they kidnapped a kid from 111. He couldn’t trace the comm but he stayed hooked on the vault and did some more digging. Found out everything he could before the SoSu woke up and was watching when they did. He figured the Institute would try to take this person and groom them to be the not-so kid anymore’s successor and figured he could sway them to the other side.

21. How did he get in the habit of lying? Does he remember? Could he stop?

He doesn’t remember, and it pathological, even if the dead version of him returns , the lies will still be there. Not as bad of course but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? Does he have any particular tells or nervous fidgets? If so, is he aware of them?

He’s can lie remarkably well, he could sell practically anyone on anything. Its very hard to see through any of deacon’s bs. He has exactly two tells: He doesn’t blink when he’s lying and he wrings his wrist out once. Never very noticeable and he’s pretty good at catching himself but some things slip through.

23.Share a lie that he uses often, that he is particularly proud of, or that he's amused by. What sets it apart in his mind?

He likes fucking with people and telling them he’s pre-war. It started after he started with SoSu and its so fleshed out he keeps a journal of this persona so he can keep track. It sticks in his brain cause its so absurd. His second favorite is his Atlantic City one, mainly because he actually really likes Atlantic City. He will never admit it but it kinda reminds him of home.

24. Share a truth that he usually keeps to himself. Has he/will he share it with any one/few person/people in particular? Why?

Besides his living daughter, I think another secret is that he’s tired and old and in another life he’s a farmer with kids running around the yard and his wife reading on the porch and he’s mad at himself that he might never get that. An even scarier truth is that if the SoSu wasn’t there with him in this fantasy as well, he probably wouldn’t want it.

25. Free Space. Fun(?) fact or ramble of your choosing.

His/A dead man’s real name is Johannes Ryan Deacon. He prefers Jonah though and only his Grandmother may call him Johannes. As a kid his mom called him Joanie-Bird.

Also in my head no matter the SoSu to me, he will always fall in love with them. Even if they betray the railroad or if they find someone else. He will love them.

This looked far too fun to miss! Thanks to @noraleedoes for posting this!

Couple of disclaimers: I found some questions really hard to answer because (to me, anyway) Deacon is one of those characters that literally can fit into any headcanon, so there’s none I don’t not believe in, if that makes sense? So there are lots of caveats here. Sometimes these hcs will come out in my fics, sometimes they won’t. But if I’ve ticked or answered a question in a certain way it’s because, in one variation or another, that’s how I see Deeks. (I’ve added a little AR ‘alternate reality’ tag on the first section where I think the hc is fun but I’ve not yet incorporated into my fics).

Secondly, this post mentions references to self-harm, suicidal thoughts, violence, death, and general mature content.  Nothing is graphically described, but read at your discretion.

Okay, disclaimers out the way, let’s have some fun!

@noraleedoes posted a #MyDeacon questionnaire so of COURSE I had to do one because, as we know, I have a very very specific Deacon (technically I have two - because of the nature of the current one, there had to also be a previous one, but I'm just doing the current. Hm, maybe a second one for Vicar later? We'll see).

Some of these were REALLY tough to answer, and a lot of fun to think about. It took me way too long to get this finished and you can very clearly see the ones where I was like 'I'm tired and I just wanna post this already' lol.

Anyway, my Deacon.

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

0. Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired.

[ ] A synth?

[ ] A ghoul?

[ ] An alien or other cryptid?

[ ] A time traveler?

[ ] From before the war?

[X] From a vault?

The one, the only Lone Wanderer of Vault 101!

[ ] From the West Coast or New Vegas?

He isn't, but his predecessor is...

[X] From the Capital Wasteland?

[ ] Married?

[ ] A widower?

[ ] A father?

[X] A former raider/gang member?

A young, bitter, angry Alex, shortly after faking his death in the Capital and a miserable stint in the Pitt, counted himself among the UP Deathclaws for a time. And he was sort of a Tunnel Snake, too. Still has the jacket...for the time being.

[ ] A former teacher?

No, but he was the vault chaplain in 101.

[X] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction?

After he left the vault, chems became a way of life for him for a long time. Med-X was his drug of choice, but on a bad day he'd take whatever he could get his hands on. Had a decent chem trade going on in Megaton once he got some lab equipment set up in his house; Leo Stahl was a regular customer. By the time he found his way to the Commonwealth, he'd stopped caring enough to keep up his old habit of periodically detoxing. The UP Deathclaws offered him all the chems and company he wanted, and that was good enough for him at that point. He quit chems when he joined the Railroad, and sticks to booze, caffeine, and nicotine now.

[ ] Agamemnon?

[ ] John D.?

[ ] The/a founder of the Railroad?

[ ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

[original post]

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

Is he _______? Check all that apply. Supply additional notes as desired.

[ ] A synth?

[ ] A ghoul?

[ ] An alien or other cryptid?

[ ] A time traveler?

[ ] From before the war?

[ ] From a vault?

[ ] From the West Coast or New Vegas?

[ ] From the Capital Wasteland?

[ ] Married?

[x] A widower?

[ ] A father?

[x] A former raider/gang member?

[ ] A former teacher?

[x] Recovering/recovered from chem addiction?

[ ] Agamemnon?

[ ] John D.?

[ ] The/a founder of the Railroad?

[ ] The current and/or secret leader of the Railroad?

wow i really said that is Just Some Guy

Casual Observation

1. How old is he? How old does he look?

Early 40s. His current face in FO4 feels 40s-ish, but my irl face cast for him is a bit younger so I’m compromising.

2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like?

I’ll put him at 5’10” or 5’11” and I think he naturally has OK posture but purposefully slouches and makes himself smaller in most company and in crowds to lower chances of being Perceived.

3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More?

Lean. His Agility stat is higher than both Strength and Endurance. He had more muscle when he was a UPD dudebro steeped in toxic masculinity, and then as a farmer. But now he’s optimized his body for sneaking. Not waifish. He has to be able to hold his own in a squabble. Wouldn’t stand a chance against someone with real melee experience, like Cait, but can fend off the more untrained ranks of raiders and scavvers.

Glory can absolutely carry him without breaking a sweat. More importantly, she can yeet him across a large room when needed, which it often is.

4. Is he naturally bald, balding, or would he have a full head of hair if not for removing it? What is his natural hair color? Does he have body hair?

You can see his roots in certain lighting in the game, especially if it’s raining, and his hairline is perfectly healthy. Either way, he’s shaving on purpose for easy wig usage and to disguise his very not-subtle natural hair.

He’s a ginger, on the very fair end of the spectrum. Closer to strawberry blond than red-red.

I’m endeared by the thought of keeping him from a razor for a few days and letting the peach fuzz sprout :’)

5. How often does he wear that pompadour wig? Does he have other wigs?

He’s a drag queen so of course he wears wigs. He’s got “boy” wigs and “girl” wigs, in various colors. But hopefully he isn’t wearing one whenever possible, and he lets his scalp breathe.

Also I get why he wears it but I just don’t like the pompadour lol it clashes with his eyebrows!

6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings?

Haven’t thought of this until now but he probably had at least one U.P. Deathclaw tattoo, but now there’s a scar there because instead of having it properly removed, after they kill Barbara, he pulled a Nami (One Piece) and just stabbed the area repeatedly in a fit of despair :)

Other tats he had removed bc you know, Spy. No identifying markers.

Definitely freckles. Had more on his face, but the plastic surgery removed them :(((((( Still on his body, at least.

Couldn’t completely hide the track scars on his inner arm and is very self-conscious about them.

7. What kind of clothing does he wear when he's not working/when he's at rest?

T-shirt, jeans. Flannel if it’s chilly.

My favorite fit to stick him in is the greaser jacket and jeans.

8. What are his hands like? Soft, calloused? Are his nails rough, neat, bitten?

Does anyone in the wasteland have smooth hands, besides upper stands snobs? Maybe his aren’t as calloused as a mechanic type, but he’s out in the dirt, handling weapons, etc.

Bites his nails. He hates that he does; doesn’t want to have any visual ticks that give anything away. But he bites his nails.

9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like?

Definitely smells at least a little like cigarettes. He doesn’t smoke as much as Desdemona but he does smoke cigarettes regularly.

Otherwise an underlying scent of something… sharp, acidic. In a good way! Like abraxo cleaner.

Considering he evidently shaves regularly I actually think he’s as well-groomed and clean as one can get in the wasteland. He’s not tidy or organized but he does maintain his hygiene. I have a self-indulgent mental image of him after going all John Wick on the UPDs looking all feral and beaten up and covered in blood. And since that was probably the worst night of his life, he really does hate being any amount of dirty that comes close to that. Like, would actually make him sick to his stomach.

10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them?

I am Christopher Nolan directing Cillian Murphy in Batman Begins. I don’t care if the character is supposed to wear glasses or a mask. I am finding every excuse to see those baby blues. Take the damn specs off or so help me —

In gameplay I compromise by equipping him with the Black Rim Glasses. They’re less reflective, so you can see his eyes, but no sunglasses at all is a bit like Velma without her glasses. Like he needs something, or his face looks naked.

Further Investigation

11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any?

Honestly, I think he’d rather not think about himself at all! My man is disassociating whenever possible!

Deacon is the only name he would answer to now. I won’t bother trying to think of a name he might have had pre-Deacon. Because that guy is dead. Deacon buried him next to Barbara. “Deacon” is a ghost clinging to a dead man’s unfinished business.

Despite the lengths his goes to liberate synths, he does not believe himself worthy of autonomy. Even if he acts rather roguish in terms of professionalism within the Railroad, everything he does is still for the sake of the Cause. He considers himself a tool to be wielded for the sake of others. All his quippy self-serving one liners are a lie. More of the mask. Truthfully, any of his own desires are irrelevant, and he would do whatever anyone asked of him if it helped someone else.

12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why?

He trusts the Railroad full-timers, at least in terms of their jobs and skills. He at least knows what they’re for, and that their values (generally) align with his. (Okay maybe less with Carrington’s.) He owes them his life and his purpose; despite his flippant demeanor, he’s as loyal to them as Danse is to the BOS.

But he still erects walls for them. Very few of them actually know his backstory. (Just Des and Carrington, because they were there, have seen him at his worst.)

Then there’s Nora (Sole Survivor), who has so much in common with him. Dead Spouse Club, for one, and Deacon watches her grow increasingly violent as the wasteland wears on her. A lawyer seeking justice without the tools of any legal system, forced to play by the rules of a different game. He doesn’t want to watch her go all John Wick like he did. They need to confide in each other to save each other. They wrench each other open and crawl inside each other’s chest and never back out. When she rises above the grief and the rage, she takes him with her. When she doesn’t let the despair consume her, as it did him, he feels hope he hasn’t experienced in years. She’s dead set on saving the Commonwealth, and she might actually do it! And she’d say No, dumbass, we’re doing it.

13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all?

CATHOLIC GUILT

Whatever remnants of Christianity remained in the Commonwealth certainly contributed to prejudice against synths and other sapient minorities, like ghouls. I can see the U.P. Deathclaws being born from some zealous belief that persecuting synths is what God would want. They’re not thugs, they’re crusaders! Plus, you know… it’s Boston. Puritanism and Catholicism are always at the scene of the crime.

So he dons the name Deacon ironically, to never forget the sins he committed for a god he (probably) no longer believes in (it’s complicated). And to remember how easy it is for men to twist abstract faith into hate and violence. If he can call himself Deacon, then there’s really no tangible foundation for a religion or its followers to stand on. It’s all as made up as his codename.

14. What is going on in his head? This could be just a notable train of thought or it could be a full exploration of what makes him tick, up to you!

If he’s on his own: merengue music. Dancing monkeys. The last book he read. Disassociation.

If someone’s trying to get close to him: his little Inside Out emotions are in full emergency mode, the alarms are blaring, the desk is on fire.

15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why?

It’s true that they recruited him after he John Wick’d the Deathclaws. The Railroad was already monitoring the gang and knew they needed to take them out. When one dude did the job for them, all by himself, they had to reach out. Surely this dude would be an asset. They could redirect his obvious rage and grief into something good, maybe. They offered Deacon a reason to keep living as well as atone, and he took it.

Des and Carrington weren’t the leaders back then but they were already in the Railroad. Des was a green recruit, as Deacon mentions knowing her as in his passive dialogue.

16. When might he retire or step away from the Railroad, if ever? What might motivate or influence that decision?

I fully believe he needs the Railroad as much as, if not more than, they need him. He’s stripped himself of any identity that’s not the Railroad spy, and I don’t think he’d handle it well if the Railroad disbanded before he managed to establish some other support system / community beforehand. He’s fully committed to die for the cause, and doesn’t expect to outlive the synths’ need for them anyways. There’s probably a universe that, if the Railroad stopped being necessary, he might continue the work on his own — in a very dangerous capacity, without the back-up and the resources. Because he’d just hate feeling useless, otherwise.

In my heart, though, he does have Sole who loves him dearly and would ease that transition. Both know that, even after the Institute, there’s a lot they could do for the Commonwealth, and some of it won’t even require Deacon to be a local cryptid.

17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it?

He is from Southie.

I haven’t thought much about his family and early home life but tbh I could see him having a relatively stable situation for wasteland standards. A mom and dad, probably religious, who were good to him but might have contributed to some of the problematic rhetoric he would one day act upon. Like, almost downright spoiled for wasteland kid standards.

18. Where is the furthest from the Commonwealth that he's been? Why did he go there?

I can believe he’s been to the Capital Wasteland for a mission or two.

I don’t think he’s been any further from Boston than that.

19. Why does he favor the tactics/weapons that he does? Is he proficient with others?

He’s a sneak so all weapons must have a silencer. Any weapon type that doesn’t allow a silencer to be equipped — do not give it to him. So no energy weapons. (Plus energy weapons are the tools of the Enemy (BOS and Institute.)) He just needs a pistol or a sniper rifle to feel confident. Probably had a knife or two on his person in case any enemy does manage to get close.

20. Why/when did he first take interest in the Sole? What were his intentions?

I choose to believe that the Railroad set-up found just near Vault 111 is indeed Deacon, so he was watching from the beginning.

As for why he was there at all — as we know, it was Shaun that releases the Sole Survivor from cryo, to see what they would do… I imagine that he would send an Institute recon team, even if just gen 1/2 synths, to clear the area of Vault 111 and Sanctuary of more dangerous hostiles, to give Sole an initial fighting chance.

So it’s the Institute activity that draws Deacon there in the first place, to look into why the heck the Institute is skulking around this seemingly abandoned vault. He then witnesses Sole emerge, witnesses her recruit her pre-war Mr. Handy to emancipate the 111 victims’ bodies from their pods and give them proper burials in Sanctuary. He’s moved by it.

But regardless — to observe a pre-war survivor — not even a typical Vault Dweller, bc at this point vault dwellers were all born and raised in a vault, and are their own special brand of crazy — someone who lived in the world before the bombs, is such a rare intrigue, even moreso if the Institute is also involved. Of course he’d want to keep tabs on them!

He’s honestly shocked to his core to conclude, after much observation, that the defrosted mummy is a good person, despite the horrors.

I imagine there’s a few instances where Sole almost dies at the hands of wasteland inhabitants, but Deacon breaks his own rule of not getting involved and snipes the bad guys from afar, saving Sole. Because it’s too early for this project to end…

21. How did he get in the habit of lying? Does he remember? Could he stop?

He always had the habit of exaggerating stories, telling tall tales, of using his charisma to get what he wanted. It wasn’t until the Railroad recruited him that he realized he could hone that as a skill and put it to good use.

It would now genuinely take some effort to stop the constant stream of untruths spilling from his lips. Even the obvious lies just come out, as natural as breathing.

He stops the lies with any weight for the people closest to him, eventually. But he’ll still say shit like “Back before the bombs fell I ran a cleaning service—“ OBVIOUSLY he didn’t but whatever they all move on without blinking.

22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? Does he have any particular tells or nervous fidgets? If so, is he aware of them?

Oh, when he locks in, it’s unnerving. Oscar worthy. Certain folks hate to see it (Nora, Danse), because it’s like What the hell, bring back Deacon.

Emergency Improv

23. Share a lie that he uses often, that he is particularly proud of, or that he's amused by. What sets it apart in his mind?

That he’s from the west coast. ‘S why he talks like that. But really, he just imagined a person as literally different from his real self as possible, born as far away from where he was actually born. Definitely NOT a former gang member from Southie, but a cool surfer dude from Cali 🤙

He probably based this character off someone from one of the films or tv shows he’s come across.

24. Share a truth that he usually keeps to himself. Has he/will he share it with any one/few person/people in particular? Why?

Brattle Book Shop. It’s a used book store near Boston Common, that I decided is too powerful to succumb to the bombs. Deacon stumbled upon it with most of its books still legible, and it became his hideaway.

He really is a nerd for the old world. Loves the art, the culture, the music. A huge fan of Diamond City radio but would never admit this aloud to anyone. No one can know that he was once starstruck by Travis, and this was before Confidence Man…

25. Free Space. Fun (?) fact or ramble of your choosing.

(1) My genderfluid prince. Their pronouns are he/him. Deacon initially embraced androgyny because he thought it would make him a more effective spy, and the better spy he could be, the better he could contribute to the Cause, and the more he contributes to the Cause, the more he can stomach his continued existence. So if he needed doll himself up, don a long wig, and pad his hips just to appeal to some upper stands pervert in Diamond City that had valuable intel, so be it. His identity could be whatever the Railroad needed. He keeps himself a blank canvas that can slip as easily into fem as into masc, whichever the situation requires, or whatever the mark prefers.

Along the way, Deacon realized that the game (of gender) is made up and the rules don’t matter. It’s something that needles the back of his brain, but he doesn’t exactly address it. His own identity doesn’t matter. Only the Cause. Like, he’s probably nonbinary but he has a job to do so he can’t really care about that right now.

(2) He swears he would have been better at playing the Silver Shroud and is very jealous of Nora for getting the chance.

(3) He really is extremely educated, smart, and well-read. Loves loves LOVES books. He wouldn’t be able to make passing references to Proust and Tolstoy if he didn’t at least know those two existed, which I highly doubt most wastelanders do! And his dialogue is so very sad if you take him to the Boston Public Library, seeing it destroyed. Even the majority of the BOS, who pride themselves on their pre-war knowledge, would likely be oblivious to a lot references.

Apparently, I can't help myself.

Just doing the ones of these I found most interesting, there will be gaps here and there in the answers so I don't ruin my own fic!

1. How old is he? How old does he look? ~46 in 2287 (add a year for when my fic is set). He looks his age generally but in a way that is accurate but not precise. He has wastelander wrinkles, but his years of cosmetic work have also lent a fragile look to the softest parts of his face.

2. How tall is he? What's his default posture like? Shy of 6 feet, somewhere around 5'10 or 11". Default posture is Bad. This man has chronic pain and he walks, and sits, like a question mark.

3. What's his body type/build like? Is he as strong/agile as he looks? Less so? More? Currently - built for speed over power with muscles especially in the legs. This has fluctuated over the years from dangerously underweight to soft and well-fed.

6. Does he have any scars? Freckles or other marks? Any tattoos or piercings? Many, many scars - his arms are the worst. He's most self-conscious of the track marks. Faint, full coverage freckles that he doesn't like. By now, all the tattoos have faded/fallen out and the piercings have healed closed.

9. What does he smell like? What are his hygiene habits like? You'd have to spend a lot of time together to get the smell of him under the disguises, there's a bit of chemical tang but like earth and fruit rather than anything unpleasant, and it smells like alertness. For someone in the post-apocalypse, he is fastidious about hygeine. He worries about B.O. and morning breath. He prefers hot water and scrubbing his skin hard. If he feels dirty, he is self-conscious. There are reasons for this that are really unkind.

10. When (if ever) does he take his sunglasses off? Why does he wear them? a. if he's dead b. if he's alone c. if he's too out of it to think better. He wears them because his eyes are too honest, he knows it's a weakness.

11. Who is he, in his mind? How does he define himself? What name(s) feels right, if any? Complicated but to keep it short, he doesn't think he's anyone or anything. He's ________, agent of the Railroad.

12. Who does he trust, if anyone? With some things or wholeheartedly? Why? Nora (my canon sole survivor) knows some because she kept trying to be his friend, he tried to push her away with some truth and it backfired. Danse (in my fic) learns more.

13. What made him choose Deacon as a codename - or is it not a codename at all? Deacon's not his original name but he does like to break the rules and keep nominally close to the original (and he HATES it when other agents do this - hypocrite). It's a pretty ironic name. Deacon's relationship with God is not so good.

14. What is going on in his head? He has the ability to both think a million things at once but also, when it's really dire, bring his head to a grinding halt mid-thought to stop it hurting him.

15. When did he become involved with the Railroad? Why? ~2265. Delusions of atonement.

17. Where is he from? What was his early home life like? How does he remember it? Born and raised in Boston! He stole his accent off a dead man! Really bad! And really bad!

22. How well can he actually lie or maintain a facade? His worst tell is his eyes but he's taken care of that. If he becomes increasingly insistent that he was actually lying about something then he wasn't, he was telling the truth and chickened out about it.

23. Share a lie that he uses often, that he is particularly proud of, or that he's amused by. What sets it apart in his mind? That his name is John. It gives him a little thrill when his lies have a grain of truth in them, plus, he thinks John Doe is funny shit.

24. Share a truth that he usually keeps to himself. Has he/will he share it with any one/few person/people in particular? Why? Okay roundabout context first, when Deacon has shared Big Talk stuff about himself in the past, he's held things back to overall make himself look as bad as possible, cos what he wants is condemnation. Danse will come to learn the full story though, almost by accident on Deacon’s side. Gotta wait and see, sorry!

@noraleedoes put together a set of questions to answer about personal headcanons about Deacon, so I thought I’d share my headcanons! Link to the post! Headcanons under the cut.

Pre-Fieldwork Checklist

I believe he’s John D, has a history with chems (recovered), and truly a widower like he claims with Barbara (though I think it’s interesting to contemplate the angst that it could be fabricated story). I don’t have anything concrete on my beliefs of his origins, but I definitely envision him having something to do with the Capital wasteland in his formative years.