#dayone

During the month of March, I will be participating in an Art Marathon Fundraiser for Central Vermont Refugee Action Network. CVRAN is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization based in Montpelier Vermont.

“The mission of the Central Vermont Refugee Action Network (CVRAN) is to welcome and provide support to refugees, immigrants, asylum seekers, and migrant workers living in, working in, and visiting Central Vermont.

Our vision is to build, in partnership with others, a vibrant, inclusive global community in Central Vermont, where refugees and asylum seekers find hope, engagement, empowerment, and a strong sense of belonging.”

Community service has been a core part of my life, and I have found numerous ways to give back. I am a lifelong Vermont resident, and I want to use my art to make a positive impact on my community in numerous ways. As the title of my shop conveys, I want to help bring awareness and resources to people in Vermont in need. Vermont has prided itself in the past at being a safe haven for many, including many immigrants and refugees. Perhaps now more than ever, people need to turn to each other to help us all get through the difficulties we collectively battle.

If you would like to support my work and make a donation, please follow the link here to make a contribution to CVRAN: https://givebutter.com/MAM2026/jacqanguish.

By now I've figured that I'm no different than most people living when it comes to a share of challenging circumstances.

What separates me however, is that, I am me. And, if I'm being quite honest, I haven't been very good at being that lately.

I fear that the addage "I Am Because We Are" hasn't been much of a slogan for much of my world. As a result, I don't know myself to be very much at all.

Now, this is for many reasons, as they've accumulated over the years, but if I theroize what I believe to be the turning point in my life, where the accumulation began, it'd be right after october '04.

My brother is proving to be valuable to me in helping to understand who I am from a separate scope. Today, in a come to God conversation, he reminded me of the abandonment and separation (a + s) that began to be the norm as time passed. His perspective helped me to understand that my father is not solely to blame when I consider that a + s.

I struggle with giving myself grace. To void any misunderstanding, I will make an excuse, however, when it's come to the necessary focus, understanding and acceptance to nurture an insecurity, I've failed to commit to it.

In essence, I've abandoned myself in those moments and done what I could to separate myself from those doubts that I've maintained about my living.

Irresponsible.

Selective Consciousness.

Through him, I was able to understand the a + s moreso pathologically.

Giving myself grace; I was 10 years old, my mother passed, my immediate family fragmented, my brother left, my father remarried, my sister left-- and there I stood.

The wake that I've left has no true cogency; I don't believe that it's due to me necessarily having the wrong precepts or programming, but instead to the adjustments that I began to make from standing at the center of that separation.

Putting things together for myself was a matter of survival. Even with examples of elders around me, there were none that could help me with that cogency; they were doing the best that they could, or knew how to, or wanted to.

In doing so, I became malnourished. Not just in my diet, but my desire to consume life. The predications of expectations for life became more and more entrenched in not as much survival as saving face.

Socially, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually doing what I could to maintain an idea of what was expected of me to diffuse family pressures and stay out of the way. In lay, being nice, docile, and quiet, doing enough to pull my own weight so that no one notices the squeaky wheel, all to 18.

As if I didn't have needs.

From the time that everyone went their own way, I've had needs.

I've denied myself in response to being denied by my family.

So in returning to the addage, I ask, how can I be anything if We are non-existent?

21 years of moving through space- in real Adult time- building a life off of the lessons of a malnourished adolescent.

With this understanding, I want to pursue solutions, instead of stopping at the problem.

I want to deconstruct the addage and examine it.

Why are We not (or no longer)?

How can I work toward achieving true cogency in my living?

Can that give me the resolve to firmly say, without fret, that simply "I Am"?

Thankfully, even in my dysthmia, I've proven myself capable of accomplishing great things borne from my ideas, admittedly most time in part. I'll view that with some grace to say that these things serve as evidence that I'm capable of doing them, and what "I" must do is prove that "I" am cogent enough to be consistent in their upkeep and development.

And maybe, that will lead me to or be what's right.

New Year. New Energy. Same Commitment to Excellence. ⚡

Walking into the office on Day 1 of the New Year, and the energy is already off the charts! We are kicking off 2026 exactly how we mean to go on with innovation at our desks and a healthy dose of competition at the carrom and TT boards.