#dayeightyfive

Yes, I felt tired, sick, stressed about work and anxious about the future. But with everything I did yesterday, I did it all without listening to music in any form.

And that was a grave error.

I love music, whether it’s a good day or a bad day. Music is the blood running through my veins. It keeps me pumping. It motivates me and focuses me like nothing else.

If I listened to some music yesterday, I might have felt a fraction better.

So even though I didn’t feel like listening to music this morning when I woke up, I forced myself to.

And you know what? I did feel a little better.

Class was fine. I tried not to get pissy when my students talked over me and did my best to carry on with my lessons, even when technology failed me.

I had an enlightening parent-teacher meeting today. I’ve been clashing a lot lately with one of my third grade boys named JH. He’s a nice kid, but doesn’t focus well and can be belligerent at times in class.

Today, his mom told me that he suffers from ADHD and everything suddenly made sense.

And that’s when I realized that I’ve been a total ass to this kid.

I scolded him so many times and took away his classroom points when he failed to follow my instructions. His mom also told me about how many times he’s moved around and changed schools and I feel so badly about it.

And what’s worse is that he’s told his mom frequently during this year how much he likes English class and how much he loves ‘Lindsay Teacher’.

I failed this poor boy as a teacher and as a decent human being. I know that kids are resilient and that JH probably doesn’t take my scolding to heart. But starting tomorrow, things are going to be different in class with him.

It sucks because this poor child is going to move again in two months, so I only have a little time left with him.

I’d love to sit here and blame X for me being a bitch to this child. But the truth is that I misjudged him and I didn’t understand or appreciate his difficulties with learning. And that’s 100% on me.

I can’t change what’s happened in the past. All I can try to do is be a better teacher to him and be there for him whenever he needs it for as long as he’s in my class.

My throat hurts a lot from swallowing a dry piece of fried chicken earlier. Hopefully the pain will subside by the morning.

I still have some worries with finding a new job and extending my work visa successfully in China. But I just have to keep praying that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.

I should try to flat-iron my hair and tidy it up a bit. Being single again has made me so lazy with my overall appearance. My sugar cravings are back in full force, so I bought some snacks earlier. I hope I can get some good sleep tonight.

One thing I’m grateful for: I get a second chance to be a better person tomorrow.