#davewisematters

“Every mistake turned to some sort of yearning, a heart that was hollow has filled up with meaning...I wish you would listen, to get through it...” - The song “Wish” by the band Paper Route.

I remember the first time hearing Paper Route.  It was 2005.  I had just left college and was trying to manage a band and be a concert promoter.  I found the band Paper Route through mutual connections from college on myspace.  I saw them perform years later in St. Louis at the Firebird, a local concert venue. The song “Wish” and these lyrics, always resonated with me.  

“The memories of losing you.  You’re like a ghost…”  

I feel like I lost David Wise 11 years ago this November to mental illness. You’re like a ghost.  It’s difficult to reflect on my journey of recovery sometimes, and not try to block out all those moments of pain.  Some moments have been erased by many sessions of ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) and years of psychiatric medications.  But the darkest moments, the most hurtful words, still remain etched in my mind, burned there forever.  It’s difficult to realize you’re not the same person you were at 22, and that you did the best you could with the resources and skills you had.  Forgiveness for myself is the hardest thing in the world.  Loving others, showing grace and forgiveness to strangers is easy, but loving and forgiving David Wise is hard.  

#DaveWiseMatters was an idea that came out of having to tell myself that I matter, my story is important, and recovery, even for me was possible.  It wasn’t until very recently that I started to believe those things, and that it compelled me to want to share that message of hope and recovery with others through digital and social media and through writing.  I hope the words, “your story matters,” or, “recovery is possible,” resonate with you.  

In order to make this message more effective I’ve decided to launch a social media campaign of sharing recovery stories #SRS because #YourStoryMatters, #RecoveryIsPossible, and #SuicideIsPreventable.  My hope is to get at least 20 stories over the next 20 days starting with Saturday August 22, 2015 and storytelling through Thursday September 10, 2015 which is World Suicide Prevention Day #WSPD15  

You can share your story with me and others by submitting it here at: davewisematters.com/submit

You can also connect with me on Twitter:  @dmwise

Sharing people’s stories of recovery gives names, faces, and voices to many people who if they feel anything like me they feel marginalized, voiceless, powerless, and most of all alone.  A talented and successful musician tweeted me through a direct message tonight the words, “you aren’t alone...there is hope.”  His words need to be shared with you.  Your story matters.  You aren’t alone.  There is hope.  

Please join me in wishing for 20 Days of Recovery by sharing recovery stories on social media using the hashtags #SRS and #RecoveryIsPossible

For the last few years I’ve asked my friends to call me Dave.  It seems more light-hearted than David, not so serious, and perhaps, I want to forget David altogether.  He’s like a ghost, but I cannot forget him.  He is part of me. David’s story of years of suicide attempts and depression, matter as much as Dave Wise’s story of living in recovery.  

#DaveWiseMatters because #YourStoryMatters

This afternoon I volunteered for with NAMI St. Louis for my second time.  In their HELPLine Office I saw a book called The ABC’s of Recovery from Mental Illness by Carol A. Kivler, MS, CSP.  The introduction of this small booklet which one could probably read within an hour stressed some recovery “basics” as I will call them in order to aid in lifelong recovery from a mental illness and to have a great quality of life.  These basics emphasized staying focused on who you are or how to “be” versus what you do or how to “do”.  Friendship, scheduled activities, journaling, good sleep hygiene, and nutrition were also included.  The booklet goes on to take each letter of the alphabet, ABC’s, of recovery and use a word for that recovery practice such as “A” for acceptance of your illness or “H” hold onto your spirituality and faith.  

My own recovery process has been an interesting journey.  I would say during the early the mid and late 2000’s, or the decade of my 20’s, recovery was a very difficult journey and a very challenging process.  I was hospitalized of mental health many times.  I struggled to find medications and therapy that worked for me, and I struggled with being compliant with treatment.  During 2012-2013, I spent much of that time doing ECT (electro convulsive therapy) and was unable to work regularly and live the quality of life I wanted. It really wasn’t until 2014 that my recovery journey began to take form in the way I had envisioned almost a decade earlier.  I began working again full-time, even though it didn’t last.  I was in a healthy dating relationship for one of the few times in my life.  I had found treatment and medications that worked for me.  I even started an instrumental post-rock indie band called Recovery. This year of 2015, I have continued on the journey of recovery.  While, I no longer play indie rock regularly, I am pursuing my dreams.  I have found a great therapist, have been able to have my medication dosage reduced, and I’m writing, dreaming, and loving.  My fiance K. and I are expecting.  I am hopeful.  

There were moments when I really wondered if recovery for me was even possible or if I would make it to live in recovery.  I had many struggles throughout my journey of recovery and recently blogged about my experiences with suicide attempts.  People have been there to support me.  God is good, and I have worked very hard.  I have accepted reality, made the changes that I can, and am trying to live in the moment and remain mindful.  Organizations like TWLOHA, Independence Center, and NAMI have aided in my recovery journey.  Today I write to encourage others to continue on their own journeys of recovery and realize recovery is never a place you’ll arrive at; rather, it is a process of becoming the person you want to be and creating the life you want for yourself while living with a mental illness.  Recovery is possible somewhere between waking and dreaming…