[🎋]
i am still trying to let you go. but then she posts on her story, you post on yours - it’s the only time i ever learn what you could possibly be doing right now, because you never fucking text. and you never fucking reply. are you communicating with her everyday? what the hell goes on in your brain?
i’ve made a new friend. he replies to me like how you used to when we were still young. he’s funny and witty and he reminds me of what we used to have, and it hurts that you’re gone.
i’m trying to forget about you, but then i see things that remind me that you and i are no longer the friends we used to be, and then i just wish for you to come back and for things to go back to how they used to be. maybe i never even liked you the way i thought i did. maybe i was just jealous that she was the one who took you away. not even from me - just away.
i miss us, i miss you. but now there’s someone else to fill the gap, and i don’t know what to do. he’s what you used to be. he could even become more than you. but i don’t want to lose you, either. i want to see you later and i still want you to greet me like you always do. i want to see you and i want our friendship to still be there, reliable like the sun sets and rises every day.
but there is still my new friend - let’s call him ⛱️ - and the way he has fit myself in my life is more than the amount you hold right now. i hope - do i, though? - that maybe - just maybe - he’ll be able to -
i cant say it. i dont want to replace you. i don’t want to fill the hole you left in me. i just miss you and what we had. but i think you’re happy now, and i’m just sad that i had no role in making that possible. i miss the way you used to text me. i miss us.
⛱️ makes me feel alive again, exhilarated. he’s going to become what you were supposed to be, and i’m scared. why couldn’t i have you in my texts again like you used to be, and have him as well? i miss you, but he makes me laugh and smile and you just don’t do that anymore because you’re gone.
what the hell do you want me to do now?
