#darkallyangel

I hate you

You misunderstood

Beautiful creature

Lately

You never leave my mind

Your dirty blonde

Strawberry kissed locks

Forever clear in my memory

Yet your pomegranate rose essence Is fleeting

Day by day

It is fleeting

The flicker of your hazel eyes

When shown in

And shaded from sunlight Still prominent in my mind

But the vivacity of the emerald

The softness of the powder blue

And the antiquity of the oak Fade slowly away

I remember how u smiled

How you laughed

How your eyes twinkled

With every giggle

I remember how you cried

Even as tears stained your cheeks

And your supple lips trembled

You were still beautiful

Though you we're pained

You came to my rescue

The day he first struck You stole me away

To somewhere happy

The shop on the corner

That was our place

Where our cherry lemon cupcakes

Took away all our pains

Where we ran to get away

Where we ran to find each other

In times of desperation

In times of hurt

Where no one could find us

Where one day you couldn't take it

And you told me the truth

That you were in love

With not him

But me

Where I walked away in shock

And broke your heart

I remember the dare that changed it all

The night when Brits parents were gone

Your lips were soft and sweet

I remember the fear

I remember the Shame

I remember the confusion

But most of all I remember the clarity

How it all felt right

Then we were one

You were mine

I yours

We were happy

But then he snatched you

The last thing I had

And you let him

We met at our shop

The Lemon in our cupcakes had never been so sour

I walked away from you forever

You were in tears

Your face still beautiful

Your eyes still glistening

Shown in the light

Just as the blade that you plunged into My heart

I hate you

You misunderstood

Beautiful creature

I hate you

I hate your beauty

I hate your memory

There’s those people that you trust

With your feelings and problems

The ones that you can trust to keep a secret with their lives

Every burden 

Every bother

Goes straight to them

Through Life 

You get hurt by them

They fall way one by one

Leaving you be to wallow in your own pain and shame

Each one cutting deeper than the one before

New ones walk in and out of that horrible door 

The one life gave us seemingly for solely heartbreak

You get a new one 

She stabs you 

You get a new one 

He jabs you 

Yet another comes through our door

And out they go again

But from the tenth floor

Now granted 

Some of these people stay 

But the horrible part is

Most of the time we only feel 

The sting of our wounds 

And not the cool soothing bandages applied

Then after years of being cut and wounded

Years of having our very flesh ripped from our bones

The last one appears

They look like a heaven sent dream from God

A sign to tell you to hold a little longer

They look like the extra scoop of sugar in a glass of lemonade 

They look like the sun in the middle of a mid day shower

They look like a bouquet of blue daises on your front porch in the morning

And you don’t know why but they understand you

You don’t know why but you trust them

You don’t know why but you’re not afraid

They fit 

But one day 

That One

Betrays you

And you freeze over completely 

Nothing can easily thaw you 

And if you do thaw 

God save you

The ones that we’re there before can chip at

And try to break through 

No luck will be had

You just sit there 

Frigid

So hard that you can barely admit to yourself that you’re cold

You crack more and more each day 

Fault lines getting longer and more plentiful

Until they intertwine and criss cross so abundantly 

That you shatter

Into a million pieces

But you’re so broken that you don’t even want anyone to pick up your pieces

You in your shattered broken mess are determined to clean yourself up

And you try and try

But you can’t

But you try until you’re nothing but dust 

Desperate to be what you were

No matter how screwed up you thought you were before

You wish to go back

But your dusty shattered tired self just keeps blowing away

Bit by bit

Until there’s nothing left but your empty insane shell

That smiles and laughs

So people don’t know

You're ruined

You're hurt

You're sad

Its a quiet night 

I sit at the table

Then you barge in 

Your mood noticeably unstable

I hear the anger in your foot steps

I brace myself for whatever may come 

Your words

Your Fists 

Your manipulation 

Your horrible way of calling me scum

I try to stand firm 

But you bound to the corner

And suddenly the table flips over 

You grab me by the throat 

And throw me to the ground 

And all this happens without me making a sound 

I twist and turn 

My thoughts I try to gather

My head hits the ground so hard 

My sense of direction is shattered 

When I finally gather my bearings 

I notice only one thing 

Not my bruised and bloody arms 

Not my wounds new

I notice a shadow over me 

You 

You’re carrying something with you

When you turn I see a glint

Then I feel a cold sting against my neck

A cold hand joins it with a firm grip of my arm to my back

Then I feel your hot breath against my ear

As your once sweet voice reminds me

 Of every mistake

Of every Scar

Of every Fear

I’m scared and weak but I still won’t let you win 

I remove the knife from my throat with a strategic spin

You take a Jab at my chest

but I block with my wrist

But in making that move 

My face is met with a fist

I collapse to the ground 

Crying in pain  

Your fist and my clothes

My blood and tears stain

As I lay there defeated

Bleeding

Sobbing in sorrow

I sit there and wonder 

if it will be better tomorrow

maybe if I act like it never happened

maybe if I try to stay happy 

Put on my usual mask

But then to my horror I remember 

You’ll never leave me alone 

My horrible horrible 

   "This house looks so different.", Shannon thought. "Mom really let it go after... Ugh... hush brain you make me sad." It had been years since she had set foot in the old-fashioned two-story family home... at least it used to be a family home.Things went down hill quickly after her father left. Her mother vowed that she would keep both children taken care of, always saying "if it wasn't meant to be, then it wouldn't happen."Shannon set down her bags next to the stair case, her eyes wandering with every step she took. Her mind flashed with memories from  yesteryear. The clock her mom hand bought on the fly that day at the mall because it "fit their family" still hung over the mantle. Although it had long since stopped its ticking, it was still beautiful and teeming with memories of her mothers spirit. Shannon wandered into the kitchen, eyes still open wide with a strange sense of wonder, almost like a child on an unsure  adventure. The picture she had drawn of mommy hen, daddy roster, and all of their cute baby chicks still stuck on the fridge with her favorite baby pink and blue rhinestone studded tiara magnet. Her lips curved into an expression of delight at the sight of the drawing. She remembered how her mother had always loved her creativity. Shannon scanned the fridge for more of her work. A very carefully colored picture of a water pixie, a happy beagle wagging its tail making friends with a squirrel, and then there was the - 

"Shadows...", she whispered out load to herself. 

Shannon's smile faded away quickly as the simple crayon drawing came into her view.

"The shadows...", Tears started streaming down her face as she grabbed the picture. The last picture her brother ever drew. Her hands shook as she looked over the paper. A dark shadow standing over her brothers race car bed as he cowered under the covers, as three more of the creatures peaked through his doorway. Shannon dropped the picture, grabbed her bags, stumbled up the stairs, and got ready for bed.

                                          ********************

   "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHANNON!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shannon snapped out of her slumber to find herself sitting up in bed, in a cold sweat, desperate to catch her breath. It had to have been a dream. She just knew it was a dream. Nothing more than a figment of her imagination brought on by the stress of the funeral and getting all of her mother's business in order. A culture shock from moving back into the house were her life had fallen apart over and over and over again. Right??? Shannon grabbed a pillow and buried her face into it, sobbing.

"Dustin!!! WHY?!?!? WHERE ARE YOU DUSTIN!?!?!?" she screamed into her pillow. Her mind flashed with all of the signs, all of the flyers, and all of the ads on milk cartons and anything else her mother could get them on. They all said the same,

"Have you seen me? Missing: Dustin Galloway"

She remembered the countless visits to the police station from the time she was 7 to when she was 16. Every private eye they had ever hired came to mind.

"WHERE?!?!?!" She continued to question.

He had been there one night, tucked in with a bedtime story read to him by her and her mother. Shannon went to sleep that night with a baby brother and the next morning she woke up without one. For 9 long years her mother searched and hoped, but one day she just... broke. All the spirit and happiness that had once been her mother was gone. All she ever did after that was run around the house wailing about how they took him, about how she was a bad mother, about how "The solid breather could not be saved and could not save",

"Those with the beating in there chest will forever rest in the darkness's nest" her constant chant. 

When she was 18, Shannon hired a nurse to stay with her mom and she left. She couldn't bear to see her mother like that for another second, but she never imagined that would be the last time she saw her alive.

   Shannon tossed her sob soaked pillow away and wiped her face clean of tears. She took herself to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Her eyes were red, puffy, and ugly. Her cheeks were red from the burn of the pillow and the burn of the unexpected tears.

"look at you", she said looking at herself shamefully in the mirror. "Crying over a bad dream. Get yourself together" She popped 3 sleeping pills and then went back to bed. She fell quickly.

                                            ********************

   ".... And they lived happily ever after. The end" Mrs.Galloway scooped up her two kids in a loving bear hug. Shannon always loved hugging her mommy. She was so warm." okay Shannon off to bed with you now."

"yes momma", Shannon skipped to her room.  

                                            ********************

   Shannon waited in her bed patiently playing with Penelope puppy. She wondered what could be taking her mommy so long. It had been going on for a couple weeks now. Her mommy not being able to come with her straight From Dusty's room. She would always hear her mommy and brother talking but she had always wondered what it could possibly be about. Her mommy had always told her that eaves dropping was wrong and that if people wanted you to know they would tell you. But what if she wanted to know something? Shannon slowly crept out of her bed and into the hall. She tiptoed down to Dustin's room, resting just outside of his door on her hands and knees. 

   "But mommy I saw them!!!!! They were-"

   "Dustin I've told you, close your eyes and count to ten, then open them up again."

   "No! No! NO!!!! Mommy you don't get it!!!! If you close your eyes ... when you open them again ... there are more. They gather around my bed and look at me and they say things I don't know."

   " Things you don't know? what do they say to you honey?"

   " It's different. sometimes they say stuff that doesn't sound like words. Like they aren't from here. They say I'm a solid breather. About how a breather can't be saved and can not save. They always say

'Those with beating in their chest's, will forever rest in darkness's nest.' " 

   Shannon was starting to see why her mommy told her not to eaves drop. She didn't really know what was going on, but she had a feeling that it would be giving her nightmares for a while.

  "Honey I ... I love you ... just stop thinking these things Dustin... Good Night"

she heard her mom get up and begin to walk out of the room. She knew she would have to get back to her room without being caught. But then -

   "Mommy?" 

   "Yes my Dustin Dear?"

   "Whats a soul?"

    Mrs.Galloway paused for a moment ".... Why honey?"

    Dustin gave his mom a strange look, "... cause..."

    "Cause why baby?..." Shannon could hear the concern in her mother's voice.

    "Cause ...",  Dustin swallowed, "They said ... they would take it to... the bad place..."

    " ... What bad place baby...?" Shannon could almost feel her mother's heart speed up as she heard her son speak.

    "  ...You said never to -"

    " Well now I'm telling you to say it Dustin! Now tell me what bad place!"

Dustin was startled by how his mommy had snapped at him. With a slight tremble in his voice, he said,

They said... they would take it ... and drag it ...to...

...to Hell..."

    She walked out of the room and told him goodnight. She was in such shock she didn't even notice Shannon Crawling down the hall....