#dark stem

~ rocky shores and the pursuit of fossils at sunset; for a moment, time blurs, and old, gone things become more than just memories (what more than being remembered by the earth, though?); ancient trails forged by creatures long-dead that lead you deeper into untouched forests, where the trees wear their history on their bark, like badges or scars; the hallowed silence of sleeping bones in a museum

~complex modelling software and sheet after sheet of data collected painstakingly over decades come together, whispering of howling storms and withering droughts and change bearing down, still, you are triumphant, because it feels like you share a language with the seas and the skies, a language of numbers and time with which they tell you beautiful and terrible things

~ stories buried in ice cores and deep sea sediments, in smooth river rocks and the curve of a mountain just so, there are stories everywhere, and together they unfold a tale so grand in scale that fitting it within your skull sometimes feels impossible; how could you, after all? It is a story spanning millions of years, of oceans as deep as mountains are high and all that came before them, of whole continents that split apart and found one another all over again, of life, and all it did-

~ entire playlists dedicated to whalesong echoing through the sea, you think that if you listen to it often enough, you just might understand what they’re saying; leatherbound journals filled with blurry photographs of mushrooms and insects, and all the interesting habits of theirs you’ve observed; thick, dusty volumes with whimsical diagrams of birds and tides and everything in between, walls papered with old botanical posters and photo-prints of erupting volcanoes

~ fitted corduroys and loose shirts, bulky jackets with many pockets for collecting curious things, green tea left to cool on all available surfaces, waking up early to watch the sunrise and sleeping late anyway

Late night chemistry labs. Student dozing off over Bunsen burners, waiting for reactions to happen, with their partner keeping watch over both

Lab debates dragging over into the next class. No internet, just logic and defense; what will increase the efficiency of solar panels? Lemon juice, spinach, strawberries, graphene or salt water? Mumbled replies and tilted notebooks, absurd reasoning and mystified intrigue that will eventually bring the teachers into the debate too.

Disbelief when an experiment fails, and pure bewilderment when it fails for not 1 or 2 but most if not all of the groups. Excited whispers, jokes about the illiteracy of engineers, confused TAs and even more confused professors when they fail the experiment too.

The thrill in the air when we learn how to use a new machine in the labs. Craning necks, precarious balance to get the best view, with a jolt of uniform panic as we're called up to use it

The smell of a cold, recently cleaned chemistry lab

Hearing nothing but my footsteps and the rattling of my pencil case as I walk the empty science building, alone, but still feeling at home among the empty lecture halls

Always knowing when someone is using the old industrial elevator because of its loud mechanisms

There was heavy rain today, along with thunderstorms. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. Also, my med exam is on Sept 12th and I can't find any motivation to study. I've been procrastinating on studies a lot from past few days and my imposter syndrome is getting the best of me so, I decided to rewatch kill your darlings and even made a quick portrait of Dane Dehaan as Lucien Carr.