#darfin

This once depressing hovel, though now cramped, had certainly grown warmer. The nightmares all but chased away by gleeful words, laughs, and occasional sobbing. Tear soaked shoulders abound, we talked of things. Things that were, and those yet to be. Many words. My reason for being here, and theirs. The town left in flames, brothers and sisters, her aunts and uncles left to their fates, the line of dead from here to there. My coldness shocked her. That Nord blood had mellowed her. I always expected as much and would honestly have it no other way. There is hardly a Dunmer there at all. She could not truly understand how, but she understood why. The children. My grandchildren. The mere thought of them likened my shriveled grey heart to an ever burning coals. They were so small, yet so familiar. The girl, Fannah. I said their names over and over again in my mind. She was the very image of my young daughter. Her mannerisms, her voice. Everything. The boy too, Fanar, though to a lesser extent. As we talked, they ransacked the room in search of sweets or playthings. Finding neither, they found themselves bouncing on the bed. The father. My son-in-law. A man of mysteries it seemed. I was just to call him "Snake" for now. He sat boldly in front of the fire pit, smoking his pipe. My daughter, her skin, clear and unblemished as mine once was, stood behind him. Her arms thrown about his neck. They would occasionally trade passionate glances, a thing I once knew. All but a memory now. I looked away, his face filling my mind. In this hour, in our merriment, there were times that he was not the center of my mind. I had urges to quit here, to take what I had found with me, or to go with them. The realization sickened me. How easily I could be swayed. In time, I came to accept it. That if I were to go with them, it would be temporary. A much needed respite before continuing my search. I could live with that, just a bit longer. I would hold him, if not today, then soon. In the end it mattered not, but I resided in those thoughts. Behind our voices, the streets outside had grown ever more crowded. Yarti would at times leave Snake's side and peek out the window with some concern. On more than one occasion, one of us had questioned what exactly was going on, yet none wanted to interrupt the reunion to check. It had finally began to calm down when came a frantic knock on our door and a fretful tone. "Is there a healer in there?"

We looked to each-other and then to the door. Yarti stood, tracing her hand down Snake's arm as she stepped forward. He rose behind her, his arms encircling the kids and ushering them to a quiet corner of the house. With my daughter at my side, I opened the door and stepped out into the faded light. The woman who had knocked on the door motioned toward us before darting across the street. The crowd had dispersed, revealing a crashed Sky Render just shy of it's platform. I took note of the sickening smell, something akin to Kwama innards. Against it's mangled abdomen, the townfolk had propped up it's presumed passengers. My failing eyesight made it difficult at first, but as we got closer I could make out the rest of the scene. A Dunmer man in Telvanni garb, certainly dead. Beside him, a Dunmer woman. A mercenary or something of the like, she wore cumbersome iron armor that had done little to save her. She looked as though she were crushed. Perhaps found under the mount. And lastly, an older Nord man. A pitiful weary old man. Clothed in a Telvanni robe and topped with a Dwemer skullcap of some make. Enchanted, heavily so if the shimmer was any indication. Beneath the cap, a handlebar mustache and worn pink paint covering half of a wrinkled face. His face. My legs gave way at the sight of him. My Sanbosm, haggard and aged beyond his years. I fell to one knee, gasping and clawing at the dirt before me. I thought my heart to explode. Yarti saw me go down. I think she knew, somehow. She nodded and continued toward him, hands aglow. Laying them upon his chest, his body consumed in her light. I found my footing and came to join her, eyes pouring like rain. My mind raced, hands joining hers, their glow paling in comparison. Sorrow, anger and regret, white magics flecked with green. I could do no good here, I would poison him. It was too much. I fell back on my knees while daughter carried on as best she could. My hands found his face, holding it between them. I peered into his wrinkled visage. He was alive but injured. Minutes felt like ages as his wounds were undone.

He was conscious, but did not speak or acknowledge us. We took him atop our shoulders and made way back to our room. Each of his pained grunts took my breath, making our passage more difficult. He was far too large a man to be carried by two Dunmer of our stature, but we managed by grace of Azura or whoever had brought me here. There were no words. Again, there could be none. These bones would be dust before I could say half of what need be said. We brought him in and tossed aside his heavy robe before hauling him to the bed. I wrapped my hands about his Dwemer skullcap and attempted to remove it, only to be met by a low snarl from his lips. Voice weak, matured, shrill, hateful. A voice quite unlike the one in my memories and dreams.

"Leave it."

He spoke no more, seemingly content to rest and recuperate, so we allowed it. We had time. Some hours into our endeavor, Snake disappeared, only to return with a Dunmer friend of his. Darfin I believe. We stood around the bed, a crowd of our own, yet the room lay silent. Yarti had came prepared and by nightfall, had laid out bedrolls for each of us. With that done, she devoted herself to a warm meal. Her cooking was special to me. I had never been one to cook, my meals had always been tended to by others. I did not teach her this. I taught her nothing. She made me proud. They all did. Even my Sanbosm. He had lived on without me. His body littered with scars, but ever so toned. He had been busy, active. He had done things these long years, made something of himself. While I withered away, solitary and sedentary. My creams and oils thrown aside, a face once clear as that of my child, now racked by the age I had so long hidden. My Sanbosm. He was a young man when I knew him. Bounding with energy, but now shriveled and bedridden. His hideous crone, clothes thick with rage and guilt, hovering above his would-be deathbed. Waiting and hoping. At once, his breath hastened, eyes fumbling in their sockets. He grunted and blinked, gazing through the gloss and matter, his wandering eyes found mine. His violet met my crimson. The end and beginning of this long overdo reunion.

A thought occurred to me as I lay in bed this morning. My back against Snake's chest, a sheet tucked up under my chin, I stared toward the wardrobe side of the room. Just to the right of my head lay my little rudimentary garden. Some plants that the kids that bought for me as a gift some time ago. "Rare plants" from Morrowind, they were told but they were just weeds. I think I made mention of it in my journal at the time. I glanced toward those plants and the sun beaming through the rafters caught them in a particular way. I thought about fields of that grass. That though lead to another, the kids frolicking in that field. A warmer place. A little vacation. We already owed them a trip to Hammerfell once they were old enough for the journey, this would be but a taste. I thought to have Snake contact Darfin. We could go out to sea like we had done a few times in the past, then before returning to port, a slight detour to the east. It was summer, those lands would warm this time of year. The northwest coast of Morrowind. We could make landing, visit the closest town, just explore a little in the safety of a town. A much better idea than crossing the border on foot. The thought of going back that way made me sick at my stomach. It would be different if we were further north. I rolled over, intent to wake Snake and share my idea but he was already awake. Our eyes made contact, breath hastened. We had our time beneath the tousled sheets then I began my chores for the day, the passion of the morning wiping the idea from my mind.

Though as the morning went on, the thought slowly crept back into my mind, until I found myself subconsciously preparing for the trip. I had lined up a set of outfits for each of us and a full pack of supplies by the time I caught myself. I brought the news to Snake and the kids after breakfast and by midday, Snake had wrote to Darfin with the request. A few weeks passed, as expected. He was not an easy man to find. He could be at any coastal city from High Rock to far east of Morrowind. On another ordinary morning, a courier knocked at the door with our reply. By lunch of that day, we were already on carriage bound to Solitude.

We arrived in fair weather. The kids enjoyed the carriage ride. Every landmark was a new experience, no matter how many times we had passed through this way. From the carriage down to the dock, Fannah hummed the entire way. Once she spotted Darfin's boat she was ecstatic. She ran ahead and stood at the edge of the pier waving to him as he moved the boat into position. We gathered around her, trying our hardest to contain her outbursts before boarding. Snake, with outstretched arms called out to him. Wishing him goodmorning and asking how the trip had been. Darfin himself stood up on the upper level, a relaxed posture, guiding the ship as though it were an extension of himself. They spoke for some time before things were settled enough for us to cross over. The kids went first, never leaving my grip until they were safely footed. Then Snake, then myself by the grace of his strong hand.

And so we set out. The kids were none the wiser, they thought it just another fishing trip, a week at sea then a joyous return to Solitude, certainly followed by visits to the shops. They had already been discussing it in hushed voices. The detour would truly be a surprise. They found their favorite spot in front of the cookpot and waited for Darfin to get us out to sea so he could sit and tell them more of his fishy tales. Snake enjoyed his company just as much. He was really the closest thing to a father figure in his life, these little trips were prime bonding experiences for them and only served to strengthen an already strong friendship. On the wide open sea, Fanar peered over the side and down into the swirling depths. His eyes transfixed, darting back and forth at movement beneath us. Schools of fish and the like. Fannah joined him but hers was not of mere curiosity, she wanted to catch them. Her little fingers came tugging at the seams of Darfin's tunic, followed by her sweetest words and most pleading of expressions. Before long, he had disappeared into the cabin and returned with a handful of fishing rods and a tin of bait. He and Snake took to one side and cast into the abyss and in no time at all, dinner had came to us. Fannah stood at Snake's side the entire time, cheering him on and proclaiming that "Fanar would never be that good at fishing". She said it several times, always delivering a sharp glare in his direction as she said it. But this was their special trip and discipline would have to wait. Her words stung him, I could see his special day worsening by the minute and intervened. Fanar and I found a shady spot on the other side of the ship and stood together and talked. A few minutes of hugging, words of encouragement, and most importantly, combing of fingers through his hair, he soon calmed down and together we made way to the cookpot and started work on dinner. Snake, Darfin and Fannah celebrated the catch as Fanar and I tended to the meal. Darfin carried a variety of foreign spices, that and the assortment of fish they managed to catch made for an interesting enough meal. And so came sunset, bellies full, the kids exhausted everything of interest on the lower level and ascended the stairs to the upper deck. Darfin manned the wheel as they toyed with his navigational maps. I found myself in Snake's arms out on the bow of the ship. I held him until the sun above us waned, the signal to prepare the beds. Snake and I retreated to the cabin, laid out two bedrolls, and put fresh sheets on the actual bed. Fanar would have the bed if I had my way, but in all likelihood Fannah would demand it as soon as she saw it. Anticipating as much, I took great care in making the bedrolls as comfortable as possible. The job done, I cracked open the door and called the kids to bed. Fannah dove into the bed screeching “Mine!” as Fanar sulked toward the bedroll in the corner. Shuffling his sheets and pillow, he discovered a candy I had hidden for him. His rare smile was a welcome thing. Darfin had lent us the cabin for the duration of the trip. He would hold watch on the upper deck and sleep under the moonlight. The next few days repeated much the same as we made good time eastward. A fair bit away from the coast, but not far enough north to run into ice flow. We kept the kids occupied as best we could. When they asked where we were, we would give them a location far west of actuality. As far as they knew, we were already en-route back to Solitude on those the last few days of the journey. Thinking Solitude on the horizon, Fannah’s attitude began it’s inevitable shift. Out of her arose her best behavior, so she could have her choice at the shops. We knew her tricks all too well. The kids got along well from that point onward. Lending to that, the decks and ocean itself had grown quite boring. Toward the end, they spent most of their time indoors, making up games or rummaging through Darfin’s things.