#darbees

omgg hostage negotiator patty is so so good. Also laughing about human disaster Richie ending up in a bank robbery

favorite line or lines of dialogue that you’ve written - okay so this is the best possible question you could have asked bc i’m a master of dialogue so i tried to narrow it down as much as possible but i’m literally just too good. 

“Who’s going to tell Piss Mouth that his savior was a Jew?” 

“I don’t want to go to the antichrist’s bar mitzvah. I don’t even like saying ‘the antichrist’s bar mitzvah’. It sounds like a shitty D-list film.” 

“Don’t get a big head, Anathema, please.” “Why not? I think I’d look good with a big head.” “You’d look good in anything, my dear, but I do like your head the way it is.” “You flatter me, and it’s going to go straight to my head, my already-giant, gorgeous head.” 

“Ma’am, believe me, I can manage any conceivable level of mischief.” 

“I mean this with all the respect in the world: that is the single absolute stupidest thing anyone has ever said.” “I’m being serious.” “Oh, so am I. I very deeply, genuinely believe that nobody in the history of the world has ever said anything more ridiculous than the words that just came from your mouth.” 

"I want the neckline of my dress to plunge so hard that it could have a plumbing license.” 

"That's right, angel, thwart me till I can't walk straight." 

“I don’t make empty promises, Crowley. I don’t take eternity lightly and I don’t give love in pieces.”

“Time travel is a fantasy. Time is ever marching forward as the whole world rots.”

“[Dolphins] do origami.” “They don't do origami, paper wouldn't even survive that long underwater.” “What are you saying, paper? Where's paper come in?” “Origami. Japanese paper folding thing.” “Maybe something else, then. They swim to Oregon?” “Fairly sure they don't.” “They don't have organs?” “I’m positive they do.”

“You mean we’re in an uncanny valley of existential anxiety?”

“Kind of anticlimactic, don’t you think?” “I seem to recall a rousing climax.”

“Perhaps an official union?” “Official, how?” “Official as in… sanctioned by the higher powers of the land.” “You and I are the highest powers physically present in this land. D'you mean you want Her blessing? She won't give it.”

I mean who can blame him

wheel of fortune: first three songs that come on shuffle?

static by minimall

when he died by lemon demon

sometimes by bo en

everyone please listen to all these, i gleaned them from my favourite songs playlist

like im 19 and we have childhood/teenage photos of my parents who are solidly boomers, but theyre few and far between because they were physical copies, lost either to time, other relatives, or disappearing into the ether as small scraps of paper often do (not to mention the financial aspect of having access to a camera)

we came across one photo of my grandma a few years ago from when she was the same age that i was at the time, and were shocked to learn that she looked just like me, because we so rarely saw what she looked like when she was young

but now

between phones, social media and digital cameras, my children are going to be able to imagine my childhood and teenage years so vividly (in a way that i really think we have trouble doing with our parents)

theyll see me jumping around at concerts and being stupid with my friends and being young, and theyll know that once i was just like them

holy shiT!!! i literally laughed out loud at this idea pffft. it’s too real.

marvin: how was rehearsal?

whizzer: what?

marvin: you know... baseball rehearsal

whizzer: it’s baseball practice

marvin: whatever. 

marvin: did they know all their parts?

i can just imagine whizzer getting more and more distressed. that hairline just keeps receding in marvin’s presence.

whizzer, walking over from coaching: they’re practising for a game this weekend

marvin, waving at them: oh! break a leg!!

the students are all snickering as whizzer rubs his temples yet again that day. the kids definitely think it’s the funniest thing and it becomes one of those inside jokes (a school meme if you will). marvin finds it hilarious to wind whizzer up and he always talks about how funny he is to his drama class.

whizzer: we don’t mention the m word on the field

marvin, whispering: *gasp* ...macbeth?

whizzer: what..? no! MLB, for god’s sake, marvin.