#daranman

okay you got me- the secret of the monkey paw.... is fingernails.

hear me out here- primates are (almost) the only animals on the entire planet to have fingernails! every other terrestrial animal with fingers has claws instead. 

(we aren’t counting animals like rhinos and elephants here, due to their obvious lack of fingers)

NOT FOR YOU, JUMBO. BEAT IT.

so why is this? 

well, it’s because primates have evolved to be really really good at grabbing things, basically. 

when your modus operandi is taking a firm yet delicate grasp of an object, whether it’s a tree branch or a piece of fruit, claws are only going to get in the way! so primates gradually lost their claws, instead flattening out their clawbed into a sturdy shield that reinforced their delicate fingertips and allowed for even more delicate-yet-powerful grips!

the human hand is the most extreme example of this specialization today, but all true primates still share this trait.... including monkeys. 

Oh, I always stanned Mell. Looking back on it, she was probably a huge early gay crush of mine. 

Cw descriptive needle stuff sorry if the read more doesnt work

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YEAH IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD I'm used to just regular old butterfly needles and cannulas and I was expecting that I guess because I didn't know intravenous needles.. got any bigger than that?? So when the phlebotomist whipped that out and started putting it towards my arm my brain internally was like WAIT WAIT THERES A SMALLER ONE IN THERE RIGHT WAIT THATS NOT GOING IN IS IT OH FUCK IT IS which was summarized vocally by me impulsively going "oh that's a big boy" shfdjjfjdjfjd

Ngl it was painful, not excruciating but way more than a typical IV and scarier since like, when you get saline and whatever the metal part doesnt actually stay in you a little plastic thing does but this was like NOPE BIG METAL TUBE SITS RIGHT IN THERE

After the bag got filled my blood clotted before they could fill the like, little vacutainer vials and without those my blood cant be used for transfusions so I consented to getting stuck in the other arm with a normal vacutainer needle or whatever its called which was fine oof now both my arms are sore

Also all the phlebotomists were like TEHE YOU HAVE TINY VEINS LOOK AT YOUR CUTE LITTLE TINY VEINS SO ADORABLE and it felt like the doctor version of the HAHAHAHA HOW ARE YOU THAT SMALL meme (but not actually in an upsetting way)

yes, yes i am