Too invested in fiction

Resign from office on the grounds that I only ran for the bants, triggering a further by-election

first of all. So many of the scenes are obviously just the actors projected in front of a green screen. Even for mundane scenes! It looks weird and bad. I genuinely don't think the actors were actually physically together on the same set for most of the movie. During a bunch of the scenes it just switches from "screen showing one character" to "screen showing other character" like their parts are being filmed completely separately and spliced together for the film.

I assumed at first that it was because it had been filmed during covid, but nope! came out in 2019!

second, there were so many fucking references to other MCU movies that it was like product placement for their own franchise. it was genuinely grating

Third. Okay so. The plot of this movie is that tony stark, after he died, gave peter parker a pair of glasses that allow him to see messages and files being sent on other people's computers/phones and additionally give him the ability to call in drone strikes from satellites in space to shoot missiles at any person Peter wants when he just. says that he wants that.

And like I really do mean "when he says that he wants that." In the scene where he opens up the glasses and learns what they do, he misspeaks and labels a guy he is pissed off at as a "target," which calls in a drone strike that almost blows up his entire class. No "confirm," no "are you sure you want to kill everyone on this bus including yourself," just "okay :)"

The main conflict of the movie is incited when Peter doubts himself and his ability to be a superhero, and hands over control of the glasses to the bad guy.

But at the end of the movie, Peter gets the glasses back.

At no point, ever, is it hinted at or considered that maybe the power to kill any person you desire by just. summoning missiles to blow them up (collateral damage be damned) by saying the word is...bad? The fact that the glasses let him spy on the private conversations of others just by looking at them while they're using their phones is bad enough.

Spider-Man is just, not Spider-Man in this movie. He has an assistant to come pick him up in a private jet. He has technology to literally 3D print him a new suit. He has all this super advanced technology and is closer to being Iron Man than Spider-Man.

Also, Nick Fury is there for some fucking reason and he is like. guilt-tripping Peter about wanting to participate in a school trip instead of, being a fucking child soldier or something?

Like, Nick Fury very much talks to this sixteen year old boy like he's selfish and immature for not wanting to be Literally Kidnapped To Go Die Fighting Space Monsters. Fury's dialogue very much comes across like he's knowingly taking advantage of an immature boy's inflated sense of his own maturity and desire to be viewed as an adult, and he is definitely using guilt and emotional manipulation to control Peter. I know Fury is supposed to be a morally gray character, but that isn't morally gray, that is straight up evil. ???

Also the movie had this whole thing about Peter being Iron Man's successor/the next Iron Man, to the point that Iron Man is basically replacing the role that Uncle Ben played in Spider-Man's story, which is. What the fuck.

Now, 5 years later, a 16 year old boy is given the power to do the exact same thing and it's fine?

Like? Is it suddenly fine to violate others' privacy and call drone strikes on people to kill them if you're a "hero?" The fuck do you think "hero" means?

its like. us military propaganda basically. meant to normalize spying and killer drones and stuff

and now peter parker isn't a regular broke kid anymore he gets handed everything he wants by a billionaire who makes military technology

tom holland spider-man doesn't even save people. He's not really even interested in like. Doing good.

in 1999, an italian named giancarlo pasquini released a europop song under the alias dave rogers called Deja Vu. this song was picked up as the theme song for the above anime. it in turn became a meme, a shorthand for drifting and Cool Moves as a concept.

in 1983, air canada flight 143, a full sized 767, ran out of fuel halfway to edmonton, alberta. this is not something you want to have happen to a huge airplane. the flight chose to try and make an emergency landing at a nearby decomissioned airforce base (as they were falling fast and could not make it to a proper airport), where they ran into a second problem: they were falling out of the sky at 500 feet per mile, but reached gimli (the base in question) while still too high to safely land. normally a plane would just do a big loop-de-loop to lose altitude, but they had maybe three minutes of airtime left before they hit the ground: not enough time to make any kind of circle. the pilot, therefore, decided to execute a side slip to lose speed and altitude. this is Not a move you want to do with a massive 767, because airplanes are not built for that and if you screw it up that plane is hitting the ground at a high speed at a weird angle and breaking into a million pieces. nevertheless, the captain tried it... and succeeded. the plane landed perfectly, and there were no major injuries! (a couple of people did get minor injuries when evacuating the plane after.) he did it so well, in fact, that the plane was refueled, flown out of gimli a couple days later, and continued to fly for another 20 years with the nickname "Gimli Glider."

what is a side-slip, you ask?

it's drifting.

the guy goddamn drifted his 767.

in 2008, the tv show Mayday: Air Disaster featured the gimli glider with full reenactments as an episode on season five of their show.

and so, in conclusion, the thing i have been giggling to myself about all weekend: