#dad:

I do appreciate that dad has gotten into the habit of asking me what my friends’ pronouns are but it’s also really funny how mom & dad keep needing to run down the roster of high school and college pals and their pronouns and partners

There's something incredibly wholesome about watching Hannibal with my dad

I have no self control lmao

my dads annoyed he didnt come up with the thelma and louise joke in our family first

So at dinner tonight my grandmother couldn't get the cap off the ketchup (presumably to take off the plastic seal) and passed it to my grandfather. Who then had to pass it to my mom. And so on around the entire table. My dad's about to call over the waitress, so I ask for it. So, everyone's thinking, "well, if James can't open it, none of the rest of us can." And without even trying to unscrew the thing, I just flip up the lid and squirt it on my plate. Dead. Silence.