#da on

This is the hardest goodbye.

I just can’t deal with the fact that it’s over. Like, how? What’s next? I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself.

So, was this crazy, or was it FUCKING CRAZY?

OF COURSE, the kidnapper was Jaemin. I mean, that man is DERANGED. And I totally called it - “UNTIL WE DIE NATURALLY OR I KILL YOU” was his note (lol in fact lmao) - but I never imagined he’d take it that literal right in that moment. I was SCREAMING every time he said something unhinged or did something even crazier.

What this show did so well is how it built Jaemin’s insanity knot by knot. When his smile disappeared the moment he turned away from his students. When he kept causing problems between Daon and his family. When he paid someone to take Daon’s naked pictures. When he paid someone to hurt Daon’s sister. We should have known this would happen. This was inevitable. And yet, watching him lose it completely was so much fun. But honestly, ninety percent of this belongs to Kim Hoyoung. HOLY FUCK, sir. You were a sight to behold, and I’m committing to every single series you’ll ever act in.

Now, what about my actual obsession, my one true love, Suhyeon? Guys, don’t come at me. I know that man should be in therapy and nowhere near a human being (but I can fix him, okay??). I AM AWARE. My love is ninety percent Cha Jung Woo, ten percent for THE BEAUTIFUL CHAOS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN. The series is over. Just let me live.

I don’t know how I feel about Suhyeon freezing and even stepping back when Jaemin charged at Daon. Like, the show wants us to call him a coward (and Jaemin DID, which is just… wow), but this man almost MURDERED a guy for trying to assault Daon. He beat him with his bare hands. What I actually think happened is that the writers needed an easy way for Suhyeon to finally let Daon go. That’s why I’m conflicted - because, yes, on-screen, he’s a coward, and obviously Daon deserves better, but it feels like a cop-out for his character. Suhyeon deserved another kind of realization that he’s lost Daon, not just freezing up and letting Jaemin of all people call him out. UGH.

Also, um, maybe - like how are we normalizing throwing yourself in front of a knife for someone else? Like, I get it. I get the symbolism, the sacrifice, the whole “kill me instead” moment. But. Is this really a requirement for love now? Because I cannot deal with this being a standard. YES, I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE I’M JUST MAKING EXCUSES FOR SUHYEON. I AM AWARE. This is my last post on this series, guys. JUST BEAR WITH ME.

At this point, I can finally acknowledge the manhwa now that I’ve read it. Manhwa-Suhyeon? Less violent but still problematic. That forced kiss scene still happens (there is even some sex!). But there’s an undercurrent of emotions between him and Daon - something that never quite went away. Which makes their final separation even more painful.

And this also makes so much more sense when we think about the contract. Both in the series and the manhwa, Jaemin tells Daon that he rejected him because he knew Daon had always been in love with Suhyeon. The contract was Jaemin’s entire plan to stop their love before it ever started. But in the show, this deep love feels more like Jaemin’s delusion, whereas in the manhwa, it’s actually true. What Daon felt for Jaemin wasn’t even remotely close to what he felt for Suhyeon. AND THAT IS MY VINDICATION. 😭

So, I think the show did Suhyeon and Daon’s final goodbye dirty. In the manhwa, you feel the hurt. Even though Daon knows he won’t end up with Suhyeon, there’s still so much pain in their parting. In the show? We barely even see Daon react. And that undermines the entire reason Jaemin pulled his contract stunt in the first place. IT WAS BECAUSE DAON LOVED SUHYEON ALL ALONG. 😭 But I know most people won’t care about this as much as I do - so I’ll just sit here and suffer in silence. Apologies for the rant.

Of course, the best scene in the entire finale was Jaemin and Suhyeon’s confrontation at the police station. A fucking masterclass in acting from both Kim Hoyoung and Cha Jung Woo. I think I’ve rewatched that scene at least five times now. And honestly? I’m still impressed that Suhyeon managed to grab Jaemin and lock them in a room despite being surrounded by cops. LOL. Suhyeon, you crazy, perfect bastard, I love you. 😭

And then, of course, we get the happy ending - Daon and Seonghyeon are together, Suhyeon is finally free of his obsession (and sad, yet always hot), Jaemin is locked up where he belongs. What more do you need?

I did enjoy the kisses and the softness, but for me, the show ended the second Jaemin and Suhyeon walked out of the scene and took all the crazy with them (pls don’t kill me).

6. Who you would be best friends with

7. Who you relate to

Hi - How are you? Happy Friday!!

I’m going to answer this with the Light On Me Characters as I just did a rewatch of the show for their 2 year anniversary!

#5~ Da On~ I feel he’s like me in that he like would to get things done, stay on task and still helps others! To me teamwork is amazing 😉

#6 ~ Namgoong –He is always looking out for his friends -by giving them advice, making them laugh when they are sad or at least lightening the mood when they are mad, I loved the way he stood up to other people who talk bad about his friends (I tend to this even when they don't ask me too) and well like him I can be a tad dramatic!! (Now I just need his to have his confidence level and dance skills and I will the female version of him-LOL) 😉

Shinwoo is everything in this episode. I love that he is just there. Not pushing or trying something. He is just there and listens and trying to understand and explain. It's just beautiful to watch. He is just the friend Tae Kyung needs in that moment. Although you can see how much he would like to tell him how he much likes Tae Kyung. He just steps back because he knows that's not what Tae Kyung needs right now.

And then he gives Da On the choice. It's not petty or anything. He just makes it clear that Da On has the chance and if he doesn't wanna take it, he will take it. Shinwoo is a beautiful human being.

I also kind of get what Da On is going through. He made it his life to please everybody. Be the perfect son, friend, student. Everything. And to get that world turned upside down out of nowhere is terrifying. He probably is questioning a lot about himself and others. But to break out of a pattern that you followed your hole life is so hard to do. And we cannot forget that he is still a teenager. It's not like his has this whole lot of life experience. So I get was is happening. Does it make it better that he hurt Tae Kyung? No. But it makes it a little more understandable.

I just hope they don't do a 360 and make Da On suddenly realise that he doesn't care about other peoples opinions like he does now. The reason why he is struggling now. I don't want him to be unhappy or anything. But this show does a really good job on being cohesive in it's storytelling. And it would just be weird I think if they did that.

Well, I’m not giggling, screaming, or kicking my feet anymore.

I’m just angry and sad. Really.

Ahh, Suhyeon, seriously? You could have had it ALL. If only you had grown some courage and hadn’t let Jaemin play his mind games with you. If only you had taken one step forward instead of running in the opposite direction every single time. The world was yours to take - and for you, that was always Daon. And now what? You’re just a violent, impulsive mess of a human, always screaming, never bending, never listening, and definitely never honest.

I mean, I’m this close to liking Jaemin more than you because, at least, he knows what he wants. He’s evil incarnate, sure, but at least he’s consistent. He’s working toward world domination one ungodly scheme at a time. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING? You let yourself be manipulated by Jaemin, you didn’t confess, you ran away for seven years, then came back only to force your way into Daon’s life with fists flying. You threaten everything and everyone - like, what is your endgame here? Are you that out of touch? I just - UGH. I can’t even focus on anything else.

Why, just WHY aren’t you even trying to talk to Daon? I get it, you think the moment you mention Jaemin, he’ll shut you out. THEN START FROM SCRATCH. Tell him how you’ve always wanted to be by his side. Tell him how your feelings evolved - from interest to liking to all-consuming love. Beg him to listen. Apologize. For the contract. For fake-dating Jaemin. For the unnecessary violence. For leaving him behind. Just… SAY SOMETHING.

Now? You’re irredeemable. Everything you do is inexcusable. And it’s such a waste. A waste of a love that could have been beautiful. A waste of ten years. A waste of youth. It’s driving me MAD. I can’t get over this.

ANYWAY. That confrontation at Daon’s apartment complex? The kind of drama-lover’s dream that should have had me eating it up, but I couldn’t even enjoy it - I just need Seonghyeon to win this war. I’m done with this shit.

And honestly, I can’t even be mad at Daon for being passive, for being a pushover, for letting everyone walk all over him. The guy is TRAUMA PERSONIFIED. He came from nothing. His family is a mess. The two people he had deep, deep feelings for started dating each other, leaving him in the dust. One of them is a violent lunatic, the other keeps him at arm’s length. Suhyeon threatens him. Jaemin has been orchestrating his isolation for over seven years, making sure he never had anyone else, never formed any strong bonds. We should be amazed that he even has a job and an apartment, let alone the ability to speak to other people. The man should be a husk of a person. That he can even consider Seonghyeon as a potential partner is honestly a miracle.

Well, honestly. What the fuck, show? Why are you giving us those end-of-episode moments of Daon and Suhyeon being cutesy and happy if you don’t want us to grieve for what could have been? It’s as if… you actually know that Suhyeon is the one that got away… only because he’s THE STUPIDEST MAN ALIVE. Jesus Christ.

And Jaemin is hiding behind the shelves, listening to them being in love. HE IS SUCH A CREEP. Daon, what did you do in your previous life to get these two hot but extremely unstable man to fall in love with you?

That kiss, though? Excuse you. Daon is kissing him back - you just can’t tell me otherwise. Yes, of course, the optics are not great - I GET IT. But you can see how different it is when Jaemin tries to kiss him vs. when it’s Suhyeon. I mean. WE WERE ROBBED.

I spent the entire episode being extremely angry at Suhyeon -what even was that meeting?- but also so incredibly sad for him. He knows it’s over. Done and dusted. He signed that contract for Daon, he almost killed a man for Daon, he went abroad for Daon, he came back for Daon… I mean. This is the kind of epic, tragic shit that legends are made of. If only he were just a tiny bit more mentally stable and not needs-to-be-committed level violent. If only he always spoke to Daon the way he did when he gave him that ring, instead of constantly threatening him and literally everyone around him. Seriously, Suhyeon. You are the problem. If only you had acted differently when you arrived. If only you had never given up. AHHHHHH. This show is killing me. I am rooting for the reddest flag. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO FIX HIM. He is redeemable, guys 😭😭.

Ok. I’m giving Suhyeon up from this point on. It’s not happening. We don’t want it to happen. Let me try to move on.

Back to the series - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, JAEMIN? I mean, I’m not even talking about stabbing himself because that is INSANE, but the very casual “I did it. Why? Can’t I? Is that not allowed?” is just. Wow. My blood ran cold.

Well… actually, I’m enjoying this. FINALLY, this man is unraveling. I was done with him acting all aloof, all above pettiness when he’s literally the mastermind behind all the scheming. And now? He’s just desperate. Finally, Daon is seeing Jaemin for who he really is - an empty husk of a man who thinks controlling someone is love. He knows NOTHING about love, about caring for someone, about being there for someone. This is a man who thought he was so in control that he didn’t even need to make a move for the last 10 years - and now he’s assaulting Daon? Game over, asshole.

I mean - if he were his old self, he would have stayed in that hospital and helped Daseol. He would have thought about the long game. But he’s losing his touch, he’s coming apart at the seams - so he leaves. And in comes the REAL MAN - Sunghyeon.

The way that man stands up to Suhyeon. The way he is always there for Daon. The way he is just GOOD. Ugh. I adore him, and apologies for my thoughts being consumed by Suhyeon. Love isn’t logical, ok?

I noticed when Jaemin forced himself on Daon, he left a hickey. I can see that causing some issues with Sunghyeon - NOT WHEN DAON FINALLY FOUND HIS VOICE. My man finally grew a pair, finally stood up against his bullies! Just… go easy on him, please!!

Up until Episode 5, as violent, dangerous, and unhinged as he was, I could still see Suhyeon as this uncommunicative, stupid asshole who’s just trying to force Daon to talk to him, trying to establish control (perhaps in his mind, even stronger than Jaemin’s) in the only way he knows how. But there was always some kind of desperation in his actions. Behind all the insanity, I thought I could still see the hurt, the sadness.

Then comes Episode 5, and suddenly, that desperation is gone. He gets Daon into his car, acts normal one second, then snaps and hurts him the next. But he can talk oh-so-kindly to his (even more insane) father?

What felt missing in his actions this episode was that desperate need - the need to engage with Daon, the need to protect him, the need to make him fall in love with him. Now, it’s just anger. Maybe even some resignation. He’s acting out, sure, of Jaemin’s domination over Daon, of jealousy of Seonghyeon, but not exactly out of love anymore.

I think once the anger and jealousy subside, the obsession (at least to a degree) will too. He’ll be the first one to let Daon go - because this isn’t desperation anymore. It’s just spite. Maybe once those feelings fall into place, he’ll remember the love he had for Daon, the sweet college romance that never took off. I think he’ll finally be able to feel the ache in his heart - above anything else his disturbed mind tells him. And he’ll let go.