#soohyun

Warning: The following article contains sensitive subjects. Please read at your own discretion.

Before continuing, I'd like to say that it was NOT my intention to write an article that seemed like I was defending SooHyun. It was mainly written to talk about bullying and the dark side of it. I genuinely was not aware of how deep this situation was.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about the unfortunate early passing of Kim Saeron.

About a week later, I wrote another article about Kim Soo Hyun who was friends with the young actor and was being blamed for her passing.

Since then, this situation has been completely blown open and the truth of them is shocking me to my core.

On Monday, March 10, a popular South Korean YouTube channel "Garosero Research Institute" said that Saeron's aunt claimed that SooHyun used to date Saeron when she was 15 and he was 27. Allegedly, the two went on to have a 6 year-long relationship. They remained friends after breaking up.

At first, this seemed like a speculation and nothing more. Within 24 hours, however, pictures quickly surfaced on the internet of the two thanks to "Garosero".

And yes, he sent her pictures and love letters while he was in the military. Saeron was 17 at the time.

Sadly, things don't end here. After her DUI, a lot of her scenes had to be pulled from Bloodhounds. Therefore, they required $700 mil KRW to repay the damages. Gold Medalist, SooHyun's label, paid it on her behalf. However, they immediately turned around and sued Saeron demanding the money from the actress. Unfortunately, she could not pay for it and felt like she was drowning.

While "Gold Medalist" does deny these claims as you see above, they are not innocent in all of this. In fact, they play a much bigger role than people think ... and it involves their former client Seo Yeji.

Comeback: Soohyun

Soohyun fera son comeback, le 11 Mars

Comeback: Soohyun

Soohyun dévoilera sa pré-release "또 다른 시작", le 12 Février

ijeneun neoboda kiga deo jarana nae eokkae gidaedo joeul mangkeum ijeneun malhae jul tende nae cheotsarangeun neorago mangseoriji anko geuttaen mollatji han ppyeomjjeum deo keonna bwa hangsang neon maen dwitjari nareul gwiyeopdago joreophan geu huro ajikdo nan neoui beonhoreul gatgo isseo myeot beonjjeum georeotda mareopsi kkeuneun jeonhwa mworago ibeul tteya halkka jigeumeun neoboda kiga deo…

POWER OVER ME

“What would your Father say? Falling in love with a murderer? So disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself” 

Seon Yul woke up on a rainy night, panting and sweating. It’s been years since his last nightmare but lately, it comes regularly. 

Seon Yul when his father was killed had nightmares almost regularly. When his mother died, it got worse and it only stopped when he met Soo Hyun. Slowly but surely, weirdly so he thought that once he hated Soo Hyun yet he takes comfort with her even with his hatred and revenge tour. It was dark times and he doesn’t want to go back but something is happening now and he doesn’t know why this nightmares are coming back. 

It’s been 6 months since Soo Hyun and Seon Yul became a couple. That fateful night when they were dancing and had their first real kiss, her confessing being in love with him was the start of the new chapter of their lives…together. In those months they dated almost every week, talked over the phone every week, video calling is not Soo Hyun’s type and Seon Yul laughed at her teasing her about her age. “Careful there, Mine..you are exposing your age not liking video calling me or at all”, he said to her. Every 2 weeks Seon Yul goes to the orphanage and spends the weekend there with Soo Hyun’s family. Seon Yul’s favorite though is visiting her in her classes and fetching her. 

Soo Hyun went back to teaching but this time to a public university. She spent 10 years in a private university before her son was killed. Seoul National University wanted her and she agreed. If Seon Yul have his early off, instead of sleeping in their quarters, he goes home, changed and if his time permits, he fetches her. One time, he surprised her with flowers. When she went out to see him, he had this purple bouquet and she was embarrassed as some of her students saw him walking towards her. Some even commented “is that the Professor’s boyfriend? He is so handsome but very young!”. Some had “that look” all too familiar to them of disbelief and maybe some undertone disapproving look, but some only giggled. This comes with the territory, they both knew what they got themselves into. It is a challenge they welcome after all. When he finally reached Soo Hyun, he gave the flowers and she smiled wholeheartedly and gave him a kiss on his cheek. She wrapped her hand to his and they walked towards his car. "How romantic", she thought.

At the hospital, Seon Yul is a rockstar in the making. He got high praises during his internship program in Germany. He observes more and more surgeries now and assist. Somewhere along his work, he remembers Soo Hyun. Her lips and soft hands most especially but he stops himself dwelling on it. It is hard to finally fall in love under this circumstances. They are not secret lovers but they are not entirely open to all, yet. They agreed to take it slow and when someone asks they answer but if none asks, they don’t tell too. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is somewhat their motto. The hospital doesn’t really know and its not a big deal but sure his best friends and some of his colleagues know already. They are not hiding afterall especially when Soo Hyun comes for a check up once in a while and brings him food. Soo Jin one afternoon saw Soo Hyun waiting at the reception area with a bag. He is guessing food for his boyfriend and his best friend. Dr. Soo Hyun, as he is waiving at her, walking up to her, “it has been awhile”, he said. Soo Hyun stood up and replied “It has been a long time indeed, thank you for watching over Seon Yul”. Soo Jin became stiff and serious as she was being serious he thought and in his mind “my friend can take care of himself actually”, smiling he replied “of course, Doctor, always”. He will be done in a bit. He is in the operating room. “Oh, that’s why he didn’t reply. It was a last minute decision to drove here actually since I have a physical check up and annual routine for my new school and they said to go here. Soo Jin asked “who is your physician , then? She answered “Dr. Tae Oh, I believe”. He smiled a crooked one and said “Oh, Dr. Playboy” Im sorry, its his nickname but he is a very good General Doctor. You are in capable hands just be careful though.

Why? She asked. “He got his eyes transfixed with beautiful women.haha but he gives discounts to them, too so who knows he will give one to you”. They both laughed and a voice behind suddenly appeared “There are other Doctors here you know”. It is Soo Hyun with eyebrows raised. He moved past his friend and went straight to Soo Hyun. He wants to hug her but held back since he wants to thoroughly shower first. “This is for you and your friends, she said while giving the packed food. Seon Yul looked at Soo Jin and said “You shouldn’t habe bothered for them, they are eating just fine”. Soo Jin snatched the food from him and signaled he is going inside now while looking at Soo Hyun and teasing her “remember what I told you on your check up, Goodluck later”. Confused, Seon Yul asked “what was that about? She is smiling and said “Its about Dr. Tae Oh, he said to be careful since this doctor can be very “friendly”. I have been told about this reputation, Seon Yul seriously answered back. What time is your appointment? She replied 1pm. Its about time. I should go now. 

Seon Yul went with her to Dr. Tae Oh’s clinic. He introduced himself and Soo Hyun. 

Dr Tae Oh: Hi Dr. Seon Yul. Dr. Soo Hyun , im looking forward to meet you. Can I tell you a secret? 

Dr. Soo Hyun: Sure 

Dr. Tae OH: I am your biggest fan! I read all your books, I swear! But you know what’s my favorite? 

Dr. Soo Hyun: Do tell. 

Dr. Tae Oh: Your 1st ever book. “Through the looking glass”. 

Soo Hyun was surprised. Her 1st book was a bomb. It failed and it almost didn’t circulated on the book shelves due to bad reviews and low sales. 

Dr. Soo Hyun: I am very flattered, Doctor. Most people don’t know it even existed! I am surprised but thank you! 

Dr. Tae Oh: Really? I bought it right away. It was instrumental in my research back then. Would you mind signing it next time you come back?

Seon Yul can only stand back like an outsider not knowing what they are talking about. Seon Yul only knew 2 books of hers. He clearly saw a genuine smile from Soo Hyun. He feels Tae Oh is reaching and flirting, too. Or maybe he is just over reacting. He is dating a famous person afterall.

Come now, lets get you checked, Dr. Tae oh said. Soo Hyun nodded and Seon Yul touched her hand and said “let me know if your finished, ok?”.  She said “Yes, I will”. 

Tae Oh and Soo Hyun got familiar with each other given the shared history of her long, lost and underrated book that only a few read. She is happy somebody liked it and said it to her face. She agrees with Soo Jin. This Doctor is a charmer. Age in his 40’s like her, dark black hair, good looking but her boyfriend is better she thought ,but going back to her doctor mixed tan color and nice built. No wonder she said, he is a ladies man. After an hour, they said their goodbyes and the results will be emailed as he said. 

Seon Yul never got the chance to meet her again that day since he got called for an emergency meeting with his superiors. Soo Hyun just was happy for her initial results are good and she will just have to wait for the full on results. 

Back home, she was very tired and was about to sleep when Seon Yul called. 

Hey, sorry, are you sleepy already? He asked. “No its ok, Mine. Im still up” she replied. 

Im sorry for this afternoon, I got called for a meeting. “Its ok, don’t worry, I understand”. 

So how was your check up?

It was great! She replied happily. 

You sound so happy there. Did you enjoy Dr. Tae oh’s company? He wanted to take back his words but silly him his words came out out the park immediately without thinking.

Soo Hyun laughed and said “Yes, it was fun. He is a nice guy. Very impressive”. 

Seon Yul sighed. He is somehow perplexed. He had a small groan and he asked “why or how is he impressive”

“Well, a charmer, highly intelligent I can sense and he knew my 1st book! That’s the most impressive part. “

I did not know about that book, he said. Soo Hyun laughed “Of course you didn’t, you were just a child or maybe not even born yet”. 

Silence came over. 

OOppps, Soo Hyun in her mind knew then she must have said something wrong. “Look, Seon Yul, I don’t mean it that way, its just funny to me”. 

Seon Yul didn’t answered back. Soo Hyun knew he was taken aback. “Hey, don’t be mad. It was a joke” 

It’s true though, he replied now. I didn’t know. So, what was the book all about? 

Soo Hyun smiled over the phone and happily told him about the book, why it was rated low and the likes. They talked for another hour until Soo Hyun can’t take it any longer for her eyes are threatening to shut off. They bid goodnight and told each other “I love you”. 

The next day, Seon Yul was brooding and sulking in the corner of their quarters. Soo Jin smacked him at the back. “Hey, what are you brooding about?”. Did you and Soo Hyun had a fight? A lovers quarrel? Haha 

We didn’t, he replied. Then why are you looking like you two broke up? Soo Jin ever the joker guessed, is it about Dr. Tae Oh? 

He saw Seon Yul flinched. “Aha, it is about him” Soo Jin laughed so hard he nearly fell off the bed where Seon Yul was sulking. Why? Did he made a move on her? 

What?..Seon Yul asked. Dr, tae Oh is very famous and accomplished, He is also very much single. I heard he got divorced last month. 

What? Seon Yul raised his voice. Woooah, relax my friend. I am sure Soo Hyun did not like her. 

With a heavy sigh and desperation he said “She didn’t like him alright, she was actually impressed by him. She was Dr. Tae oh this and that last night!” 

That is why you are sulking? Hahahaha Oh my God Seon Yul! You are acting so jealous!

I am not! He stood up and paced the room. 

Soo Jin can’t stop laughing hugging his pillow. Well, it seems you got a little competition going on there, kiddo! Dr. Tae Oh is a man, you are a kid! Seon Yul grabbed him but Soo Jin was quick to get out of his bed and got away from him. 

Moments like this makes him mad a little but also feel alive. Petty things, jealous things all but normal in a relationship. His 1st ever romantic relationship. Soo Hyun being the more mature one may not have a problem in this aspect but he on the other hand has a lot to learn. 

A week after both are so busy. They still talked everyday but this time only a short time due to their very busy and tight schedules. It is one of those weeks. Soo Hyun is scheduled for an exclusive interview with her new book coming out on the holiday season. Soo Hyun smiled thinking about while in her dressing room that this year would be their 1st Christmas together, hers and Seon Yul.  Soo Hyun was beautiful in a blue dress with subtle make up and ponytailed hair. Traveling, Seon Yul and his bets friends were glued to their phones. They are watching live streaming. 

The interview was going well until a question was asked and caught Soo Hyun off guard. 

“Your ex husband is marrying again, how about you Doctor? How is your heart these days?”

She knew about her ex husband’s engagement but how would she answer about the follow up questions. She became tense. 

“I am so happy for him and his fiancee. I met her already and we are in a good place, my ex and I”. 

That is wonderful news to all of your fans who are so worried for you. She is beginning to feel dizzy by the questions and she thought she would let it go but she pressed on and asked “and you, will you date again?” 

Again, she was caught off guard…she froze for a moment and her head is not functioning well now. She became stiff and words can’t get out immediately but she has to so she said “Oh, I am fine, my heart is fine. “ 

She wants the interview to stop but she is not done yet. “I heard from sources you are dating someone right now Doctor, forgive our intrusion, we are just happy you are happy again for you deserve it. All your fans are wishing you the best”. 

She doesn’t know if its a trick question and all but she decided to answer anyways “You are asking some personal questions, I am sure its nobody’s concern really but I thank you all or wishing me the best”. 

She doesn’t want to answer those questions and frankly its not their damn business she says in her mind. She is not denying anything nor she is admitting to anything either. It is better that way. This is something she is fretting for weeks now since she learned about So Hu’s engagement. She hasn’t told Seon Yul yet and worse, they are invited but Soo Hyun is hesitant not just to tell him but to bring him during the wedding ceremony. She believes it is not yet time. Now with the interview, it is out in the open and she is sure he will ask those questions. 

Seon Yul and his best friends were still and silent all throughout their travel to a convention. They saw Seon Yul in deep thought and somehow he looks angry. Seon Yul is beyond angry. He is not sure though what is he mad about. Her not telling him about the wedding or that she did not answered those questions about dating? But he thought they both agreed to keep it low profile or a secret from the public. Still, he felt he is blindsided. They will talk when he comes back, he said to himself. 

Over the weekend, they met at his apartment. They talked about other things 1st and Soo Hyun, addressing the elephant in the room started 1st. “Seon Yul, about the interview”. She wanted to explain and explained she did. “I wanted to tell you Soo Hun is getting married but I simply forgot, I am sorry.” When is he getting married ? Next month he said. 

Are you attending?, he asked. Soo Hyun is in dilemma, she was attending and he was attending but she is not sure if it is the right time for them to be seen in public. She answered “yes, I will be attending”. With whom, May I ask? Seon Yul is looking down. He is not looking at her. Soo Hyun is not sure what to say. She doesn’t want to lie but she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, too. “I will go with my mother and sister”. Soo Hyun is not a very good liar, Seon Yul can see that. He is mad she is lying to her. After all, he saw the invitation last week when she gave that food to him at the hospital, the invitation was there. She forgot it then and he forgot to give it back or did he? 

You are lying, Soo Hyun. I saw the invitation. 

Soo Hyun stood up and wants to apologize right away without thinking how or asking how come he knew. She is just guilty. 

I…am sorry Seon Yul, it is just…hard. I am not sure…. 

Of me? He abruptly asked her. “No, NO of course not Seon Yul. Not that”. 

But why keep it from me? You don’t want them to know? 

Soo Hyun wants to plainly say Yes because that’s the truth but Seon Yul is hurting, she can see that. 

She went to Seon Yul and held his hands “listen to me, I am not ashamed of you, of us. I just think we are not ready yet to face them, the public”. 

Us or You? Seon Yul growled. The 1st time he got angry at her. The 1st time she sees it on her or she saw this look years ago she believes. The look of betrayal she believes. 

We agreed on taking things low, Seon Yul, we also agreed on not going public with this yet. Don’t turn this on me. Its been barely 6 months!  Soo Hyun realized again her words are so blunt and straightforward. She doesn’t know yet how Seon Yul will react but she can’t help it. 

You are right. We barely have this relationship. I guess 6 months is not a long time yet. Seon Yul knows she is right but somehow its painful hearing it from her. Like, she feels she doesn’t want him to go with her and he knows she is right as always. But he is hurt. He, too can’t help it.  He knows it is gonna be a big deal. So, feeling defeated and he doesn’t want to fight or argue anymore. He wants to let it go and rest now. 

"It is getting late. You should go home"." He directed her towards the door to leave. 

Soo Hyun is mad at herself and him but she understands why. This is all new to her. Arguing after 6 years like having a husband. Seon Yul is different from his ex. She is overthinking. She doesn’t want to go home mad or him mad at her. 

So, when Seon Yul was about to turn his back on her, she took his hand. “Are you mad at me?” 

No, he replied coldly. 

You are. Just be honest about it for once, Seon Yul! She shouted. 

Yes! I am mad but more than that I am hurt. I know I shouldn’t be because we agreed on it but this is all new to me, too. I want to say out loud my feelings for you, our relationship but I can’t. You can’t and it sucks, it hurts! I am sorry I feel this way. I..don’t know why I’m triggered really. I was jealous of Dr. Tae Oh, and It’s just that..I’m having nightmares lately and I know you are right. If people know, they will judge us but frankly I don’t care but you do, so I do, too but….you have this power over me, I am so weak and stupid when it comes to this, to you..I am sorry but…

With every ounce of her body and soul, with tears flowing in his eyes as she saw them in his face, she wants him to stop talking, she wants him to stop crying and hurting…so she kissed him. She kissed him with desperation like a plea saying “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you”. At first, Seon Yul was just standing and receiving her kisses but something in him has lit, like a fire, his hands moved to her neck and for the 1st time, he kissed her neck. He kissed her neck slowly but fiercely like he wants to mark her , saying “you are mine” in her ear as she is his, which he knows in his mind it is not decent to say that but he is hurt right now and all he wants is to kiss her and feel her in any way he could. She breath on him so did he on her. It’s been a long time since they last kissed this long. They are taking it slowly in that area, too but he is just a man and sometimes, he wants her so bad and even he is embarrassed to admit, he wants more than a kiss. Their kisses were hungry and fluid. She broke the kiss first. She is panting. Her lips are wet and Seon Yul’s eyes are darker than usual looking at her but he is the one really to break the “mood” for good. He wants to do it the right way, in his mind he is saying that. He doesn’t want to fight her. She always win he thought. He smirked and smiled at her “That was our first fight and our first…make up….kiss”. 

Both flushed and embarassed. They hugged each other. “I love you and I am sorry, Seon Yul” I will be more honest. I never wanted to hurt you. “And I love you more, Soo Hyun” I am sorry I got mad but you were right over this. We need to be careful”. 

We will talk tomorrow. 

“Yes, and tell me about your nightmares, ok?” She replied back. He smiled. Then she left for the night. 

The world it seems is catching up to them slowly but surely. They cannot hide nor keep it a secret forever. 

I Found Love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) 

Seon Yul POV 

“And I've moved further than I thought I could

But I missed you more than I thought I would

And I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me” 

This is Seon Yul’s current favorite song listening to it upon arriving at their rented dorm just outside the hospital they will be studying for a short course. This is on replay button. He can’t help but feel this is his song for her and towards her. It is 1pm in Germany, and it is 8:00pm in Korea. He wasn’t able to call upon landing an hour ago since everything went fast when they were fetched by the dorm master and showed their place. He doesn’t want to be rude and all, so he just texted Soo Hyun, smiling like a teenage boy “I’m here” and I miss you already”. 

He is now sitting and wondering if he calls her since its kinda late at night 

“I don’t know exactly where this feelings of mine started for HER. When my Mother told me to stop my revenge plans years ago, God, it feels like a decade ago but still raw.  All I wanted was to ruin her and make her feel the pain I was feeling. It started with a lie, everything. It wasn’t coincidence, I planned everything and somehow, the outcome was something I didn’t anticipated. I fell in love with her not knowing it was love. They say the opposite of love is hate and I believe that’s what happened to me. I tried to move on, and moved out away from her after that fateful day I went to her book signing event. That was 6 years after and I still felt the same. I was scared but I was sure. I wanted her. I don’t want anybody else. Hells be damn. I’d be lying if I didn’t feel conflicted. She killed my Father so how I can love her? It is twisted. I know. I wish I had answers but I don’t and I don’t care. Still, I would be fine if she didn’t love me back because the last thing I wanted is to force her and hurt her. We bleed the same. Now, she is saying we should give it a shot. Now, I am more than scared that I ever was. True, I want her but do I deserve her, really? What should I do now? God, I am acting like a greenly teenager having a huge crush on a teacher. Haha She is like a strict teacher in my eyes and I always have a thing for strong older woman. It is the reason I didn’t have girlfriends really and those younger than me, I treat them as lil sisters. I was attracted to more mature woman and Soo Hyun is just perfect. She is perfect. She was my torment but now she is my savior”

Checking his phone now, thinking of calling her… he continued in his thoughts 

“When I saw her at the airport time froze. I froze! I cannot believe my eyes. Is this some joke or am I dreaming? Then she hugged me and there it made sense. It is real. Honest to God, I wanted to kiss her right then but I held back for her sake. I didn’t know if she was ready. People say Im crazy but indeed I am. Now that I have her, or shall I say, we have a chance, she didn’t say she loves me yet, or is in love with me, we will take it slow like she said. Im happiest that I’ve ever been and I don’t want this to end. This is something new and everything is uncertain but she said “yes” to a chance and Im gonna try my very best to make her happy. I am sure of my feelings, the question is, will she be able to love me back?”

Soo Hyun POV

It is 8:00pm now, and Soo Hyun was restless and nervous. Will he call? Was it true, what happened at the airport? Maybe I am dreaming, maybe its all a bad joke. She is rumbling by herself. Then, her phone rang 

“I’m here and I miss you already” 

She dropped her phone and thank goodness she is in a couch. Her heart fluttered and her stomach felt butterflies. My gosh, she said, I am acting like a teenager! What should I reply then? Should I reply? Maybe tomorrow since its late already, he needs to rest but wait, our time zone is different now, she realizes. She prepared herself a tea to calm her nerves and it allowed her to think. Think about him and what happened at the airport. 

When Yoo Ra told me they were going abroad, I was shocked and I admit, I was feeling weird. Was I jealous? I know Yoo ra likes him. But I cannot stop thinking about him since he left the orphanage and I tried to stop thinking about him but I can’t. Im too old to feel this way. He is way too young for me and I….I killed his Dad. How can he love me like that? It is crazy. He is crazy. Whats crazier? Why am I feeling this way too? I want him but I know this is wrong. Who dares love the killer of his dad? This is some punishment from the Gods! Yet, if this is a sin then I guess I am willing to take. I want to be happy and I want to move on. I want to choose life and happiness and he….he makes me happy. I don’t know why and how but he does even those years ago, when we were at odds. I cared for him a great deal already. Not as guardian but as person, as a woman, too. Seon Yul didn’t know, I called the hospital and got Yoo Ra’s contact number. I lied that it has something to do about their work at the orphanage but really it wasn’t. We talked. She said “you are both crazy for each other and so if you have any feelings for him, then go with me at the airport and say it directly to his pretty damn face! Yoo ra is great. She is feisty. She should be the one with Seon Yul but He likes me instead. He is in love with me, he said. I like him, too. I want him in my life but truly, I am not sure if this is the same love I had for my husband yet. He was the only man in my life for a long time. But, I had to give my heart a chance this time. Gosh, am I doing the right thing? We bleed the same. The song I love entitled “where is my love” the lyrics there “Don’t she know, we bleed the same” hit me when I listen to it. When he was scared, I wanted to comfort him. When I was scared, he wanted to comfort me. He is like me with all the pain, the agony and sufferings. We can heal each other. We can move on. Together, we can. 

Drinking her tea..she continued “When I saw him at the airport, for the very 1st time, I found him so handsome. My heart skipped a beat. My goodness, I was crazy and acting like a school girl in front a crush! He is like the boy next door type after all. You know the guy across the street. Very pretty, handsome but really prettier than me. Haha.. I can sense his shock and disbelief and I wanted him to feel secured that I am giving this, Us…a chance. I like him and I want him to stay in my life. I don’t know how , or when it will stop of if I will stop but for now, it is what it is. I finally admit, I like him, too. I cannot deny it anymore. 

 It is 2pm now in Germany, Seon Yul is settled and he is worried because she didn’t replied. Is she asleep already? It is after all 9pm. He was about to call it a night when his phone rang… “I am glad you are there safely. Have you eaten? Don’t forget to eat promptly.” 

Haha he laughed. She is always thinking about feeding me and still so proper in her texts! Their “feeding” moments started the very 1st time they got to know each other. They talk over food and it made Seon Yul like her all the more. Seon Yul’s eyebrow slightly raised because she didn’t say she missed him back but it is ok he said, one step at a time. Trust the process. He wanted to reply “goodnight” already since he worries she might stay late if they still talk but he has to try. The boy has to try. He misses her already and he just wanted to hear his voice. 

There were 3 rings and finally, she answered. Seeing her phone rang and his name sent shivers to Soo Hyun. She is so nervous. 

Hello? She said. Hi, he replied.  Both were smiling. 

Seon Yul held his breath and there will silence. As always, Soo Hyun, the “mature” of the two, as she says it herself and she takes pride in it, ask how is he. 

How are you? I am glad your plane landed safely, Seon Yul.

It was a good flight. How are you? 

I am good. Im about to rest. 

Oh, Im sorry , I shouldn’t have called. We can..

NO, its ok. I am glad you called. 

Butterflies felt in his stomach. She is the only one who ca make him feel that way.. So…he said, he cleared his throat. Sorry, I don’t really know what to say, I’m such a mess. Im nervous, Soo Hyun. 

She laughed and replied “I am nervous, too. We are both crazy”. 

We are hahaha 

Have you eaten? You haven’t answered me yet. 

Do you miss me? You haven’t answered me either. 

Both answered simultaneously “I have, said Seon Yul and I do , said Soo Hyun. 

He has eaten and she misses him. 

Both seemed happy with their replies. 

Soo Hyun? 

Yes? 

What are we now? 

Hmmm… I don’t know. 

You don’t? 

I..am not sure but, exclusively dating? 

Seon Yul smiled so wide. His face is gonna hurt if he won’t stop smiling. 

Ok. 

OK? 

Yes. OK. We are dating. Exclusively. 

You don’t sound happy, Seon Yul? 

I can show you how happy I am but it won’t be appropriate Soo Hyun 

She shivered again. She finds him sexy just this instant. 

Is he flirting with me? Soo Hyun wonders. 

He sense the tension and maybe the shyness of Soo Hyun, and he broke it off, still smiling. 

We will take this one day at a time. Nice, easy and slow Soo Hyun, don’t worry. 

They thought they will talk for a minute or two but ended talking 2 hours. They talked about his room in Germany. She was pleased to know the decorations and such. He told her about his scholarship and she was very much impressed. He loves impressing her.  He asked about the orphanage and it seems they are comfortable as they can at least for now. They are friends after all and to level up, is another thing. 

You better rest and sleep now, Soo Hyun. 

Alright. Goodnight Seon Yul. 

Take care please? She added. 

Always. Goodnight and I…I love you. 

You are playing dirty, Seon Yul. 

I’m not. You are. 

See you, I mean, let’s talk again tomorrow. 

Someones excited to see me home already huh.mm

Let’s put the phone now, she said and embarrassed. They both laughed 

Goodnight. Goodnight.

They finally put the phone down and she slept. He on the other hand has to prepare for a meeting. They are now somehow together. They are exclusively a “thing”, dating” They like that word. 

For 5 weeks, the long distance “Sort of relationship” they have was a challenge but not a big one. Yet for Seon Yul, he started missing her so bad already. Seon Yul had a great time in Germany and in his last few days, he was ready to go home. He wants to see her so bad already. 

Yoo Ra will have a different flight and different day to go back. She will stay over for another week. Seon Yul can’t wait to go home. He wants to bring something for her. Yoo Ra helped him tour the city. 

“I meant to ask you, did you and Soo Hyun talked? That day at the airport. How did it happened? 

Yoo ra being funny and jealous of Seon Yul being in love and she, still single, said “I told her if she won’t pursue you, I will?” 

You did what? Seon Yul, about to get furious

Hahahaha..she laughed so hard. Relax, greenboy. I was joking. To cut the story short, we talked. Girl talk. That’s all. So, stop asking already. 

He bought her a cashmink scarf from FRAAS, an 18th century famous german brand. She likes scarfs and he wants to put it on her. Winter is coming and he also bought her a jacket and scented candles. He bought also Kaweco Fountain pens. Of course pens, he said! She needed pens for writing and book signing. Yoo ra can’t help but laughed at him. “You haven’t even bought 1 thing for yourself and Soo Jin, you are a bad friend, Seon Yul” She smacked him at the back. 

He bought a tea set for himself and wanted that tea set for them to use when she visits his home soon. He imagines Soo Hyun having tea at his house. He also bought basic building blocks for the kids in the orphanage. HE never bought a lot for someone ever before. Not even for her mother or father. He has it bad, he thought. 

Yoo ra bid goodbye and they will see each other in Korea next week. 

Seon Yul was packing when he heard his phone rang. 

It is Soo Jin 

Hey bro! I heard you are arriving tomorrow. I want to fetch you but I believe somebody is fetching you tomorrow, right? I don’t want to be the third wheel. Haha, Yoo ra said the same thing. Ill see you soon! Im gonna be mad if I don’t have a gift, bro! 

Seon Yul laughed and thought to himself he has the best friends in the world. Another less to worry in this crazy world they have now entered. 

Soo Hyun texted Seon Yul. “Ill see you tomorrow. “

See you tomorrow. 

I miss you… Seon Yul was shocked to read and he read it again to check if he is wrong or just sleepy right now. But it says right there, she missed him. It’s progress, he said. He giggled. 

He replied “I miss you more. See you tomorrow!”

The next day, Soo Hyun was early. She was excited. She missed him dearly. He was gone more than a month and the yearning and longing was strong for him. She can’t deny it further. 

An hour later…there he is. 

He has arrived. All wearing his gorgeous smile , pretty hair, in white. She wants to run towards her but her feet seems stuck and she can’t move. He is back. He is now my…my Seon Yul. Distracted, Seon Yul hugged her first. He smelled her and squeezed her. 

“Hi” he said. 

Hello, she answered. Welcome back…welcome home. 

Yeah, it is good to be back. 

Let’s go, she said. 

Wait, he said. He took the scarf and put it on her neck. The fuchsia pink scarf. He bought 3 actually. You look beautiful, he murmur.

There, you are ready now. We are ready now. 

Where to? He asked. 

Anywhere with you? she replied.

He chuckled. Sounds romantic, he replied.  They both have huge grin and acting so in love. 

Let’s go. He held her hands. This time though, she interlocked her fingers in his. They were holding hands, properly and romantically now. 

The dating era is about to begin. 

Indeed, they both found love where it wasn’t supposed to be. 

(This is only for Seon Yul and Soo Hyun shippers, nothing more. This is my own interpretation . This is a sequel to their story. New characters were added. This will be a mini novel for most probably 10 parts. Enjoy and thank you for the few who are supporting this! This is for you who made a request ❤️)

Chapter 7: Sweet Surrender

If you asked Seon Yul when his feelings towards Soo Hyun changed, he might now even know it. He was trying to hurt her but also protecting her from the get go. It is all coming back at him now. The sleepless nights just thinking about her. When they last talked by the lake and made a wish in that tree, secretly, his wish was for her and him to continue on living together and not separately but it seems he said that she has made up her mind and she was saying goodbye. In his mind, he believes that “She was saying goodbye to me specifically and what I represent- hate, anger, darkness and pain. So, it is better they move on separately and as always she was right”

So now, in the garden of love as what the movies might call it, he had it all planned but was a confession in the cards tonight?

Are you in love with me? 

Suddenly, Seon Yul can’t seem to utter a single word. His mind went blank and his heart is beating so fast that if So Hyun moves closer, he bets she can hear it. 

“Im kidding, Seon Yul”. It’s just that I know the meaning of “the moon is beautiful” in Japanese, remember I’m a psychologist. “Are you ok? Im sorry to ask and I was just caught in the moment as well”..she added. 

Seon Yul stood up and took his hand off Soo Hyun and felt like the world is ending in front her. He is so embarrased. He didn’t mean to confess tonight, but he meant what he said. That he adores her, admires her and he is not sure if it is really love, or being in love. How can he know? So, he is caught in this dilemma and he doesn’t want to lie anymore but doesn’t want to look like a stupid guy who doesn’t know what to stay after holding her hand and being in that moment. 

He is not kidding, she realizes. Her heart now is beating so fast, too.

With every ounce of his being, he can’t take it anymore and if he keeps on running from it, he might never sleep alright again. “What if I do, like you, Soo Hyun? What if I am indeed in love with you? “Will you walk away from me?” 

Soo Hyun was stunned. I.... Are you crazy? Before she knew it, tears started to flow and she was even more shocked why. “You can’t” “You can’t look at me that way, Seon Yul” You can’t feel that way towards me. Never. Ever. Do you understand me? 

Why? Is all he can respond. 

“Because it is not right. There is something wrong with you. I…killed your Father. I can’t be forgiven especially by you. This is just crazy. How can you love me when I hurt you so much? I killed you, too and have never forgiven myself for it”, she replied.

Seon Yul walked towards her and said “Yes, you killed me but you also brought me back to life”

Soo Hyun moves away from him.

This is impossible. “This can’t be” is all Soo Hyun can say over and over again. How can he looked at her more than a guardian and now as a woman?

Seon Yul can sense the struggle of Soo Hyun in herself like she is committing a crime to humanity. She is thinking loud, confused and scared. He doesn’t like what he sees. She doesn’t want her to suffer or be in pain just because of his feelings. 

“The past is the past , Soo Hyun. But If you don’t feel the same way, please let me know. I won’t force you. That is the last thing I want to do. I am sorry. “

“I have so many questions. I cant take this now. You hated me so much and now you are saying all this? I am so sorry if I find this crazy, confusing and frankly, scary, Seon Yul”. 

I never hated you. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. God knows I tried but I couldn’t. I wanted to hurt you so bad but when you got hurt each and every time, I got hurt as well.  Trust me, I wish I can wash this feelings away. Those 6 years I tried my best to forget you but none of it worked. 

You think I wasn’t confused, Soo Hyun? I was confused as hell. I keep asking myself a million times, why do I feel like this to the woman who killed my Father? Don’t you think I felt I was betraying my family especially my Mother? But, I guess I didn’t care anymore. My feelings for you were strange but It was stronger than anything. Believe me when I say, if I can stop it, I would have but I cant help but to fall. You are in my very soul tormenting me. I was deep in the tunnel for a very long time and you pulled me through slowly from the darkness that I never thought would leave me. You are my light.

With a heavy sigh of surrender, he added “Soo Hyun, I cannot live without you or the idea of you in my life. I want you in my life. So, whether you feel the same way or not, as long as you exist, I will be just fine. Just tell me what to do and I will gladly obey you. Just don't disappear in my life again.

This is all going on too fast. Both are fidgeting and the air is chilly but it feels hot. Their emotions are all over the place.

Soo hyun , looking down and nodding said “I can’t. We can’t. The world is not kind to the likes of us. This is forbidden. This is taboo. This cannot be. Impossible love. We will be trapped in our own world. What would people say?” 

“Impossible love? I believe it has become an addiction to me. I never thought you will care what others might say, you are better than that. There might be a hundred reasons why we cant be together but i only need one. Please answer my question, Soo Hyun. Do you like me or not?” 

Soo Hyun don’t really know what to say. For the 1st time in her life, she doesn’t know what to say. She knows she feels something but is it really love? Towards a boy? She knows he is no longer a boy but she can’t help it. She is old, he is young. She wants to say no for she knows she doesn’t feel exactly the say way as he is but she knows she cares a lot about him, too. All of this tonight is making her dizzy and losing her sanity. She wants to run away now. Away from Seon Yul, away from this conversion and confession. She wishes this is all but a dream. 

Just as she was about to leave….

Seon Yul grabbed her hand as if to say “don’t walk away from me”. “Please stop running away from me”. He  forced her a little bit to look at him and move towards him. He touched her face. His hands shaking but gentle and with all the Gods as witnesses, suddenly the moment is becoming the moment, under the same glittering sky and stars, it is now or never, he moved towards her and caress her cheeks. He never once broke his eyes off her. 

In a sweet surrender, breathing heavily, with their lips near each other now, he teased her and whispered in her ear “If you don’t feel the same way, just say so but if there is a slightest chance you do…can I kiss you, tonight?” 

(This is only for Seon Yul and Soo Hyun shippers, nothing more. This is my own interpretation . This is a sequel to their story. New characters were added. This will be a mini novel for most probably 10 parts. Enjoy and thank you for the few who is supporting this! This is for you who made a request ❤️)

Part 3 : Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word 🌌

It is her ex husband, looking perplexed seeing Soo Hyun with Seon Yul after a very long time sitting face to face towards each other. Soo Hyun stood up and greeted her ex husband and they shared a kiss on the cheeks and a warm hug. In this moment, Seon Yul doesn’t know yet the full story. He feels very uncomfortable. The last time they saw each other, he was about to get punched at his trailer in the garage where he works. Su ho, stared at Seon Yum, also with awkwardness but he is the older one, the more mature, he thinks and he went to Seon Yul and extended his hand. 

Hello Seon Yul. I am sorry for what happened, he said. 

Seon Yul replied “It is in the past. Thank you”. 

So Ho turned his face back to Soo Hyun and she asked what is he doing in here. He shared he was there for a story and made use of his time to visit her mom. “I visited Mom. I was just in the neighborhood”.  Soo Hyun smiled and said “Thank you, she is doing fine. Im sure she was happy to see you”.  

“So Hu”, another voice called his name. It was a pretty petite woman dressed in white corporate attire with glasses and in high heels. So Hu gave a big smile and embraced the woman. He then introduced her to them. “Soo hyun, this is Liza Chang, my girlfriend”. Seon yul was shocked and his jaw dropped for a moment. He turned to Seon Yul, and didn’t know how to introduced him but nevertheless, introduced him to her. Soo hyun extended a hand shake and smiled while saying how lovely she looks. Liza is a journalist, too from America but of asian descent, Chinese American. They both meet during one of So Hu’s conferences abroad. So Hu bade goodbye to both and So hyun replied “ It was nice to finally meet her”.  They left and again, silence engulfed the two having tea. 

Driving back, it seems there is an ice waiting to break. Seon Yul is very confused. “Is Soo hyun single? But why was he visiting her mom”, “Is it my fault they broke up?”. His head hurts just thinking about these thoughts. The travel time from the tea house to the orphanage seems fast and he can’t seem to utter the words to ask her, might it be too personal but he is dead curious at the same time. Soo Hyun being always the initiator of talks, finally broke the ice just when they were about to arrive at the orphanage. She said “It wasn’t your fault. In case you’ll ask. So Hu and I were divorced for almost 5 years now”. Seon Yul wanted to reply and in his head he wants to ask her if she is sure and yet he replied “I wasn’t going to ask, it is too personal”.  She smiled and replied” Well then, good and stop thinking already”. 

The dinner was divine and everybody loved it.  Yoo Ra and Shi Joon both enjoyed the food and talked a lot about wanting to be of service a to an orphanage for a long time. Yoo ra, noticed Seon Yul not talking much, though she knows he is an introvert, went on to ask, how he and Soo Hyun know each other. Yoo ra was an exchange student 3 years ago and she doesn’t know much about Seon Yul’s past, Shi Joon is different however. He knows, a lot and almost everything for he witnessed everything that happened. Shi Joon, sensing Seon Yul’s hesitance to answer her question, said “Dr. Soo Hyun here is a famous author in Korea, Seon Yul is a huge fan, aren’t you Seon yul?  He replied “Yes” and smiling with thanks towards his best friend. In another time, if needed, he will tell her the story , “if needed” , in his mind he told himself. 

Soo Hyun did not join the dinner for she was working in her office. Seon Yul notices and can’t help but look for her and wanting to talk to her. He asked a staff and she said that Soo Hyun is in her study room. “Has she had dinner, yet?, he asked. The staff replied “She might have dinner with her Mom when she goes home. She stays half of the week here and half with her Mom who is nearby the orphanage so its very practical for her. She can just pop in and out here while taking care of her Mom”.

Around 8pm, Soo Hyun finally appeared and she went to the dining area where they were still bonding with the staff and she bade goodbye to all. Seon Yul wanted to talk to her so bad and again, he chased after her. “Excuse me, Ill be back”, he told his friends. 

Soo Hyun was getting some things in her study room and Seon Yul at the door said “I am sorry”. I know you told me It wasn’t my fault but I feel I am still at fault". 

She put her things down and replied “before you came into my our lives, we were already broken and apart, we tried again but it wasn’t meant to be”. Still Seon Yul repeated “Im sorry" many times to her that night for everything that happened. Soo Hyun told him she forgave him a very long time ago. She picked her things again, her bag and Seon Yul carried some of them towards her car outside. Heading to her car, Soo Hyun looked up and saw the moon as beautiful as it can be.

She remembered Seon Yul and her watching the stars. “The stars, I remember, the mother and son you said to me. I am sure my baby is happy now. This orphanage consoled me, after all”.  Once again, they both looked up the sky and the stars. Once again, together beneath it, they are together but this time not as enemies nor strangers but as two healing souls. 

Seon Yul without thinking asked “what are we now?, Friends?

Soo HYun replied “You don’t want me to be your guardian anymore?

Seon Yul: You insisted on that, not me, You were annoyingly interfering with my life. You were annoyingly kind. He said it while smirking

Soo Hyun this time smirking, too” Well, you haven't changed in your sarcastic tone a bit. You interfered, first, remember? You were annoyingly detached in this world not taking care of yourself either. But If you say so”. Then, let’s be friends, stalker.

Both laughed for the 1st time, a real laugh under the beautiful moonlight. 

Seon Yul’s parting words is “Take care” and Soo Hyun waved and replied” See you tomorrow, Doctor. You have a lot to do” 

He had this biggest smile of his 1st day in the orphanage while saying “See you and I’m at your service anytime, Boss”. 

Part 4: Start of Something New? 🌻

Seon Yul can’t stop thinking about Soo Hyun being single, again. This time it is not remorse or regret. He saw her in the 2 weeks they have been working together as happy, vibrant and full of life. Again, just like he admired her before from afar, her admiration doesn’t fade but only grew everyday in the orphanage. When a child suffered a fall, she was there to catch the child and cared for her like a Mom should. She spends at least 6 hours a day at the orphanage and Seon Yul now memorizes her routine. From her study room , to the clinic and supervise everything and more. He wants to see her everyday and those days he can’t, he feels restless. He just feels there is more to say to her or more to atone.

He feels he needs to serve her in any way to make up for his twisted revenge years ago but then he knows she has forgiven her already so he is very much confused with his new found feelings towards her. Is it regret? Remorse? Guilt or is it something else? 

In 3 weeks time, a lot has happened in the orphanage. It was found out most of the kids have cases of respiratory diseases due to their past upbringing. Some had traumatic injuries from fall from their abusive foster parents and some, because they were left behind, had blunt trauma that has to be addressed. The doctors suggested a Child Psychologist even aside from a clinic. Soo Hyun recognized this one and it weighs heavy on her. Not only because of funds but also the sustenance might be more than the staff and handle. She needs donors and she is asking for help for she needs a permanent doctor to stay or at least 3x a week and an on call psychologist. 

Now, its their last week as volunteers and Seon Yul’s friends are ready to leave but he on the other hand, he isn’t. It is not helping either that he hasn’t seen Soo Hyun for 3 straight days now. He doesn’t want to leave without seeing her or talking to her he thought.

So, he found the courage to ask her assistant why is she not coming these past few days. He was told her mom is sick and she went to the hospital. Seon Yul got really worried. He knew her Mom and she was so good to him. He asked her assistant where is the hospital or their house where he can visit but she declined to say. Now, Seon Yul won’t stop. He texted Soo Hyun. 

Where are you? Are you ok ? The text reads. 

Soo Hyun seemingly surprised and busy, decided not to reply just yet. 

Seon Yul borrowed Shi Joon’s car without asking for permission. He is that worried. Driving, he received a text. Soo Hyun finally replied. “Im at home with my Mom. Don’t worry”. 

She knows he is worried. He replied “where are you?”. Those words again and again. She thought he might not stop if she won’t tell him so she did tell him.

Arriving at their house, Soo hyun opened the door and said to him that he doesn’t have to be worried or really go in their house but he said he must and insists. Her mother saw Seon Yul and he introduced himself. He touched his face and tried to remember. Seon Yul said “Im a regular at your restaurant” and she replied” are you? Wow, what handsome customer I have then”. 

After 30 minutes, Yuri and So hu arrived , panting and looking worried, too. They hugged their Mother and Seon yul, for the 1st time felt something completely different than any of his feelings before. When he saw So Hu hugged her Mother and the mother smiled back, he thought, I should be also doing that but he brushed off the idea and contested to himself to stop thinking like that. He still calls him Mom and it made him cringed though he knows he doesn’t have to be and he doesn't know why.

Yuri was shocked to see him so as So hu. Yuri told Soo Hyun to go back to work and she will spend the night to take care of their Mother. So hu, on the other hand walked towards Seon Yul and asked what he is doing here. “I was worried “ Seon yul replied. So Hu, bluntly asked further “for Soo Hyun or Mother”, Seon Yul didn’t backed down and answered “For both?”. So Hu smiled and nodded his head “ Good”.

So Hu wanted to ask Soo hyun if she wanted to be brought to the orphanage but he saw a car and thinks its Seon Yul’s and maybe he thought, its better Seon Yul and Soo hyun go back together to the orphanage and not with him. He has things to discuss with her but it can wait. 

So Hu being in a much better place now is one of the few who thinks the relationship of his ex wife and Seon Yul is something that can’t be easily labeled or understood. He knew then more than anything not just a father who lost a son but as a guy who lost a wife. Now, after 6 years, they found each other again and he is nodding in disbelief but also acknowleding anything is possible and both are almost the same even if he hates admitting to it. There is something between them and they just don’t know yet and for him, it is about to unfold and he wants Soo Hyun to be careful and safe, whatever that means. He also wants Soo Hyun to be happy. He left and bade them all farewell and promising to come back. 

Seon Yul wants to go back to the orphanage first for he feels he rushed to her house and  overreacted a bit. He also feels he is invading her privacy and for whatever reason he reacted that way, rushed to her rescue without thinking if she really needed rescuing, he feels so confused and weirdly so. But then Soo Hyun caught him off guard and said “can I join you back at the orphanage? He then said “of course”. 

In his car, to be exact, in his friend’s car, Soo Hyun explained why her ex husband is still seeing her mOm. She said that having dementia, they want things to be the same for her, if that is what she wants, they just pretend and its ok as long as her mOther is ok. Seon Yul felt warmness while Soo Hyun was explaining and she on the other hand was confused why on earth she has been explaining about her Mother.  “I didn’t ask, you know” he said. “Yes, but you were about, to” Plus i just want you to know, she replied. Both again smiled.

I want to extend my stay here, Seon Yul blurted out. Would that be okay? Soo hyun, with a confused look asked “why, I mean, you are just volunteers, Im am sure you have more important things to do at the hospital, you are needed there, too and I can’t ask you that”. 

You are not asking, I am offering. My chief already said yes. For another 3 months at least. She replied “Are you sure about that? You don’t have salary here only allowance but I will try to find one for all of you. I promise” He replied “It doesn’t matter. I’ll help you until you find a permanent one”.

She was relieved and both smiled. Do you want me or not…to stay? Jokingly he asked. Soo Hyun answered sincerely, “Of course, I do. Thank you so much”. 

The truth is, Seon Yul hasn’t informed his team just yet and his chief. 

He called his chief and told him to let him stay for another 3 months but the other two can go back. His chief hesitated but also, realizes, Seon Yul earned another 2 months break but only if he promises to double time on his work when he comes back and to pay attention to the scholarships of short courses that is coming his way from abroad. He keeps on delaying them. He said yes to both things and ended the phone call. Soo jin heard the talk and they talked inside their room alone. 

“You lied to the Chief, 1st time.” He said while laughing softly 

Look sorry about your car. I did not lie, I just well, yes I did or at least made the decision 1st before him which I feel awful, he replied.

You always do crazy stuff when it comes to her. You know that? What is this all bout, Seon Yul? Why are you staying here? Seon yul replied” The orphanage needs me...us I mean”. 

Does the orphanage need you or you need it or her? Soo Jin forcibly uttered those words. Are you doing this because of your guilt towards her? It is in the past already, she said herself. Let it go, Seon Yul. 

“This is not about the past. I just want to help her. She needs me even if she won’t ask for it”

Or you need her, Seon Yul? Hmmm doesn’t matter, I guess, right? You are the same, You and her, you said a long time ago. 

Soo Jin sighing but tapping Seon Yul’s shoulders, as if to say “I got you, brother but be careful. You and her are kind but the world isn’t”. It is not that simple out there. 

What are you talking about? Seon Yul asked. 

Hmmm, honest to God , I don’t know, but you’ll see. This little bubble you both are in. It is weird but you have always been weird around her from the beginning. 

Little did they know, You ra was standing outside the door of their room, listening. She held her mouth, gasping and shocked with what she heard. The secret, at least a portion of it was out. 

Much of his emotions he cannot understand. He has simple emotions until he met Soo Hyun. The past was full of hatred and this time, was is it then? What is it about her ex husband that he was kinda pissed off about? He truly cares for her and then some. He shrugs it off as nonsense while in his bed about to sleep but he is staying here with her. Why?

He can’t stop thinking about her. He is saying he needs to do this to atone for his sins. Heaven knows it’s not for the children really but for her. He may not understand it yet but he just wants to stay and be near her he believes. Maybe then he will find his answers.