#cusatask

𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜  𝚒𝚜  𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝  𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜  𝚞𝚜  𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜             𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚊  𝚍𝚎𝚕  𝚛𝚎𝚢  /  ❝  the  prettiest  in-crowd  that  you  had  ever  seen  ,  ribbons  in  our  hair  and  our  eyes  gleamed  mean  .  a  freshmen  generation  of  degenerate  beauty  queens  .  and  you  know  something? they  were  the  only  friends  i  ever  had  .  ❞

track 001. shout out to zahra and audrina !! the girls ! her besties. they’re a little bit messy, but kitty still adores those two. in the stupid wannabe way,, but she’s also grown to actually like them as people. they took her under their wings, they were friends to her. it just has such fun and carefree girlboss energy for them and we love that!! i love the lil discount powerpuff girls  ( @zahrajackson & @staudrina )

𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗             𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎  𝚢𝚘𝚞  𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛  /  ❝  i  guess  it  just  comes  with  the  autumn  .  the  innocence  i  thought  i  had  forgotten  ,  i’ll  cherish  this  .  these  months  i’ve  missed  .  my  friends  ,  they  answer  when  i  call  them  .  i  love  my  friends  but  i  forget  to  call  them  .  in  foolishness  i’ve  made  a  mess  .    i’m  changing  with  the  leaves  and  the  leaves  are  changing  me  .  i’ve  felt  this  growing  season  ,  and  i  love  my  friends  .  it  was  good  to  see  them  cause  it’s  been  a  year  .  ❞

track 002. pre candy girl drama,,, kitty probably cared abt zahra, audri, harvey & rory exclusively. noah on a good day. the fact that she’s developing little soft spots for more and more of them melts my heart. sharing that sandwich with zev (even tho she was horrible abt it before soz zev) & fashion advice with cris. mackenzie. even starting to bond with casey beyond being noah’s brother and audrina’s ex-fling. she loves her friends!! is she good at expressing it?? hell no, but she’s growing <3

𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝  𝚕𝚎𝚝  𝚖𝚎  𝚐𝚎𝚝  𝚖𝚎           𝚙!𝚗𝚔  /  ❝  every  day  i  fight  a  war  against  the  mirror  .  i  can't  take  the  person  staring  back  at  me  ,  i'm  a  hazard  to  myself  .  don't  let  me  get  me  .  i'm  my  own  worst  enemy  ,  it's  bad  when  you  annoy  yourself  .  so  irritating  ,  don't  wanna  be  my  friend  no  more  .  i  wanna  be  somebody  else  .  ❞

track 003. but,, also,, uhhh. kitty is not a team player. p!nk said “never win first place, i don’t support the team” and kitty felt that. this song re: the gang is a lot of kitty’s insecurity. she doesn’t want to be her own friend!! why would they? it’s a lot of pushing them away, keeping her mask on, pretending to be someone else

𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕  𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜             𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛  𝚜𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚝  /  ❝  all  that  i  wanted  was  to  be  wanted  .  i'll  never  wander  london  streets  alone  and  haunted  .  born  into  nothing  .  with  them  i  have  something  ,  something  to  cling  to  .  i  never  knew  i'd  love  this  world  they've  let  me  into  .  ❞

track 004. the whiplash y’all are about to get i am so sorry. i am not apologising for using a song off the cats soundtrack. a) it’s taylor b) it’s KITTY c) it fits. this entire song screams kitty. like “wait for my life to start with no beauty in my memories”?? cmon BUT i want to draw attention to the last bit. she’s moved on from “scared to call them my friends and be broken again” (mostly) and starting to see a little bit of the fact with THEM she has something.

𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔  𝚖𝚎  𝚘𝚞𝚝             𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚎  𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚜  /  ❝  i  think  i'm  burnin'  alive  ,  but  nobody  sees  the  fire  .  when  i  open  my  mouth  ,  i  seem  to  be  stuck  in  silence  .  i  thought  of  leavin'  tonight  ,  but  i  couldn't  drive  this  tired.  plus  ,  after  all  this  time  ,  i  should  be  a  pretty  crier  .  now  i  only  let  me  down  when  there's  no  one  else  around  .  i've  been  thinkin'  way  too  loud  .  i  wish  that  i  could  block  me  out  .  don't  know  how  they  see  me  now  ,  feelin'  lost  in  every  crowd  .  i  feel  ten  feet  off  the  ground  .  i  wish  that  i  could  block  me  out  .  ❞

track 005. oh and we’re back to crying. same vibes as track 3, but less of the way kitty is still super fake around her friends,, but more the way she gets dramatic and emotional and pushes people away or lashes out at them. in the wise words of miss swift “baby you’re losing it” the whole narrative of the fact she “should be a pretty crier” by now,, not only in the sense that’s obviously working overtime to convince everyone that she’s a Beauty Queen but also just the fact she should have a lil more grace and poise but instead she,, reacts to noah & rory the way she does and things like that. there’s always glimpses of Herself that kitty sees and hates

𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖             𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎  /  ❝  i'm  kind  of  over  gettin'  told  to  throw  my  hands  up  in  the  air  ,  so  there  .  i'm  kind  of  older  than  i  was  when  i  reveled  without  a  care  ,  so  there  .  we  live  in  cities  you'll  never  see  on-screen  .  not  very  pretty  ,  but  we  sure  know  how  to  run  things  .  livin'  in  ruins  of  a  palace  within  my  dreams  .  you  know  ,  we're  on  each  other's  team  .  ❞

THE LUX FILES.

Not a lot of people find their way into Zahra Jackson’s heart, but Lux Lewis wasn’t most people. 

It was elementary school, before Zahra was quite so guarded. She had always struggled to form real, one-on-one friendships. Even as a child she’d had a force of personality that worked wonders in groups but made individual connection more difficult. But when Lux Lewis had walked into her life all those years ago, something had just clicked. Lux and Alice both - her friendship with both girls so hopelessly intertwined she could probably never untangle it - slipped under her defenses before she’d figured out how to properly raise them, and that was that.

From elementary school on, they were inseperable. Lux, Alice, Zahra, a package deal. Best friends forever, complete with sleepovers and shoulders to cry on and friendship necklaces. When her parents fought, it was them she escaped to. When her mother left, it was their hands she held. Lux was a constant. Alice too. Before the Gang, before Rory, she had them. Zahra knew Lux Lewis inside out. Maybe she didn’t know everything about her, all her secrets, but Zahra knew her - or she thought she did. And sure, Lux wasn’t perfect, but she was hers. If there was anyone she could open up to, it was Lux and Alice. If there was anyone she thought would be there forever, it was Lux and Alice. Maybe that was why she assumed things wouldn’t change.

Then graduation. Then Harvard. Then not picking up calls. Then coming back to Cherry for breaks and finding that something had... shifted in her absence. Changed. Fractured. Something about a rumour that she never really got the full story of. She’d mostly dismissed it as a petty argument between Lux and Alice - it wasn’t like they’d never fought, after all.

Then a voicemail from Lux, drunkenly rambling about Audrina Archer of all people.

Then the call: Lux Lewis is dead. She killed herself. Come back home, so you can bury your best friend.

Zahra still loves Lux. She can’t help it. She hates her too. Lux broke her heart. Lux left her. It’s easier to be angry, to be bitter. Easier than grief or guilt, anyway. 

ZAHRA’S SECRET.

Tallulah Jackson was actually a pretty decent mother for the years she stuck around. Especially in the years before she started getting bored with Cherry. And her husband. Restless, frustrated, and bored. That’s what Zahra remembers of the tail end of her mother’s presence in her life. She remembers the fights. She remembers her dad’s desperation. She remembers the mounting feeling of dread. She remembers walking home from school to an empty house that shouldn’t have been empty and thinking oh.

She still called, in those early years. But by the time Rory came around, those calls were a rarity, and not welcomed. Her dad took it hard, and something in their relationship fractured. Zahra looked at Rocky Jackson, heartbroken, and decided then and their that she’d rather be like her mother than get left behind like him. Even so, she won’t ever forgive the woman for her absence, as much as she might be able to understand it.

All this to say, that when her mother reached out to reconnect while Zahra was away at Harvard, it was surprising to even Zahra herself that she allowed it. She doesn’t know what Tallulah wants - to find absolution, to manipulate her, just fulfilling curiousity. Zahra kinda hopes it’s the first one. Surely she’s got the right to milk something out of any potential guilt? Still, she kept the tenuous reconnection to herself while she tried to find her footing within it. She isn’t sure what her dad would think, but she knows he probably wouldn’t like it.

She does know what he’d think about his daughter taking money from his absentee ex-wife to help fund the rebuilding of the Drafthouse, though. That would be the kind of betrayal that would break his heart again. It would ruin their relationship. As long as he doesn’t know, though, Zahra’s not about to turn down Tallulah’s cash from who-knows-what for the Drafthouse, for herself. Hell, for that apartment she and Rory keep talking about. She doesn’t really care why her mother’s offering to help, as long as she’s getting some bang for her buck.

ZAHRA’S CONNECTIONS.

THE FALLEN ANGEL. If Lux broke Zahra’s heart, Alice ground what was left under her heel. How are you suppossed to react to your best friend becoming a totally different person? To her pushing you away when the two of you need each other more than ever? If you’re Zahra Jackson, you respond with sharp words and petty arguments. If Alice doesn’t want anything to do with her, might as well give her a reason for it, right? She hates Alice as she does Lux. Loves her the same, too. It’s really not a surprise, then, that the Candy Girl’s fixation on Alice had Zahra’s protectiveness flaring up despite all attempts to smother it. Years of instinct are hard to shake. For all her vitriol, she can’t help caring for Alice. And now that the Candy Girl is gone... she’s not sure what comes next. It’s hard to truly let go of someone you used to know like the back of your hand, after all. Especially when they knew you the same.

THE BABY. Rory is Zahra’s cousin, technically, but she’s long since become a little sister. Things started off... bad. Of course they were - Zahra was a bratty little middle schooler who wasn’t used to sharing her dad’s attention. The two of them were vicious, until things finally came to a head and Zahra pushed too far. It was like a switch flipped, and Zahra realised just how much she hated seeing Rory cry. From there on out, they were ride or die. Rory is probably the only person Zahra would put ahead of herself. She’d follow her into hell itself if she had to. Looking out for Rory is as fundamental as breathing, really. Even moreso after everything that’s happened. Rory nearly drowing was one of the most terrifying moments of Zahra’s life, and her recent coma wasn’t much better. She’s seen the nightmares and panic attacks firsthand - Rory is the strongest person she knows, but she shouldn’t have to be that strong. Zahra’s been wishing she could get Rory out of Cherry for months, and now that she theoretically can... well, she’s not protesting the dad-enforced Mandatory Summer Roadtrip.

THE MANNEQUIN.  Best frenemies from day one of varsity cheer in freshman year of high school. Zahra and Audrina spent more time competing than not, and there was no one Zahra would rather compete with. The mix of jealousy, respect, backstabbing, and friendship was a messy one, but they always ended up forgiving each other. Zahra kinda appreciated it actually - nothing like some competition to push you to be better, right? And there’s a certain kind of comfort in having someone who has seen the worst parts of you firsthand and still calls you friend. After leaving Cherry for seperate colleges, they competition settled into something like peace. And when they were dragged back to Cherry, the best frenemyship and become more of a tentative and fragile best friendship. And after losing both Lux and Alice... Zahra doesn’t really want to lose another best friend. She likes being friends with Audrina without petty high school drama to watch out for. But between her... thing with Casey and her involvement in the Harvey-Audrina breakup, she can’t help feeling there’s an expiration date on their peace. And even now, months later, Lux’s voicemail burns in the back of her mind, a still unanswered question. 

THE WANNABE. Maybe Kitty started out as just a minion, but at this point Zahra’s care for her is more than that. Don’t get her wrong, she loves having a walking talking ego boost to worship the ground she walks on. But she also respects the hustle. Girls who don’t matter to Zahra don’t get invited over for sleepovers or shielded from Audrina’s wrath. And she certainly wouldn’t forgive nearly as many transgressions in the high school popularity tug of war with Audrina if she didn’t see Kitty as one of her people at the end of the day. Zahra firmly believes she could go on to do great things, if she played her cards right. And she’s honestly been trying to get Kitty some confidence for years - god knows someone this desperate for attention needs it.

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Casey got used to labels. The power was in taking all those whispers and staking claim to them so hard that they became weaponised against anyone who dared to speak ill of him. He wore them like armour even after high school— with a tighter grip — when every thought of stability slipped away. Yet, Lux had a way of seeing past it... or maybe she just had the patience to sit down with him long enough to suss him out. She saw the good parts; uncovered the hopes and dreams that he’d never speak aloud to anyone else. She believed that with the band he could actually do something with his life and for that she earnt his trust. 

He hadn’t been there the night she died, but it still doesn’t stop him from replaying what might have happened. After that, he made a promise to himself that whilst he’d failed to look out for Lux while she was alive, that he’d keep a more watchful eye out for the rest of the gang. It wouldn’t happen again. Whether it was that, recklessness, or an act of bravery that made him tackle Ethan Powers at the CherryPlex - well, jury’s still out! Still, he feels like he’s righted the wrong to Lux and he’s been planning to get a tattoo on the site of the scar on his abdomen in her memory. 

But, since finding out her death wasn’t a suicide, he can’t help but feel a little on edge. Lux’s involvement in the LDB demonstrated to him that she knew things. Powerful people. He can’t help but worry that she may have got in a little too over her head… he may not know why someone would want to kill Lux, but he has his suspicions as to who might have done it. 

CASEY’S SECRET:

It’s no secret that Casey went a little off the rails after high school. He forewent college altogether, gave in to his impulsive thoughts and he relented - if he was going to be a stain on Cherry? He’d pull himself apart at the seams before he gave the opportunity to someone else to do it for him. So, he focused on the one important thing he could still make sure turned out alright - his little brother. And it went a little something like: down more than a couple shots of tequila one night and make a list. Number one being ‘get out of Cherry at all costs’. But like all ill-concocted plans — he wanted a quick solution to the problem and that came in the form of a loan taken out with a shady backstreet lender. 

Eventually, the demand letters came and they included interest. So, he went to the only person he felt could help at all, Harvard Hargrove II, looking for work. And sure enough, the offer of work at the Boardwalk helped for a while! ... Until a letter arrived at the door declaring that the demands had grown even higher (and with a threat of physical punishment if they remained unpaid). So, he naturally went back to Hargrove and was offered a second job that was far more lucrative.

The debt has loomed above his head ever since; while he’s had a break from being threatened by the Candy Girl, he has not had one from his lender. Even now, helping Ronnie out more at The Pit alongside his full-time job at the Boardwalk - it wouldn’t be quite enough to make ends meet without taking the extra work from Hargrove. He knows he needs the stability that being under Hargrove’s thumb provides, whether he likes it or not. Which also means he has to rely on Hargrove and whatever he might have planned for him next. But he’s proved to this point that he can handle himself — can’t he?

CASEY’S CONNECTIONS:

The Mannequin. Undying loyalty has a name — and it’s Audrina Archer! For as long as he can remember, Audrina’s felt like a safe space to land. A home when returning to the Russell house didn’t seem like an option in high school. There wasn’t a secret in the world that he felt like he couldn’t share with her and it’s hard to let go of that residual love. Of what it was like to feel wanted and more importantly, be wanted. It’s why he’d still do anything for her. But between her new relationship ... the ongoing secret of he and Zahra... and the other strains on their bond, it’s probably only a matter of time before the secrets they keep from each other impact them in some way.

The Golden Boy. He’d like to say their relationship only became strained as a result of the affair, but it’s more than that. Being friends was just easier when they were kids. When their differences were what made their friendship beautiful rather than what would come to put so much pressure on it. But as they got older, it became hard not to envy Harvey’s life. Whether it was Harvey having his dad around, his car, or eventually how he could have the approval of Audrina’s family and fit in with her life. As a result, Casey became overly competitive in trying to prove that he was worth just as much as him until the entire situation practically imploded. Still ... even with all the hurt caused, he can’t help but be nostalgic for the good times. A factor that contributes to their tentative peace in the wake of what would have happened if they’d lost him to the Phantom. 

The Writer. For as long as he can remember, it’s always seemed like his first instinct has been to protect Noah. From what happened at home, to making sure he was included in anything where his friends were concerned, there’s a deep bond of trust and Casey would confidently call Noah his best friend. Sure, things may have become strained over the past year, but ever since they had a heart to heart in The Pit, Casey’s been determined to put things right and remedy the broken trust. They’re teammates first and foremost - and yet he still finds himself holding back from revealing everything when it comes to his real career.

The Bitch. It was a drunken one night stand after a party on a return trip of Zahra’s from Harvard. Or it was supposed to be anyway... until it became a recurring thing. Just like it became a recurring thing to look forward to when she came home from school and mentally mark off his calendar for the day she was due back in Cherry. Any blossoming feelings have only heightened since she’s moved back to Cherry and started at CCU - as much as he’s told himself they’re definitely a bad idea for many different reasons. But he can’t fight against the fact that, after Noah, she’s always one of the first people he’s checked in with whenever anything has gone south over the past year... and he genuinely just likes spending time with her. In truth, it’s a little hard not fall in love with her. 

The Classic. What’s a little extra fuel to the Harvey fire? It’s probably a little thoughtless to be sneaking around with Harvey’s friend behind his back, but Casey can’t help but feel nostalgic for the days when it was just the three of them hanging out. The difference now is that Libby and he have exchanged floodlit parking lots for the cover of diners on the outskirts of town or The Pit rooftop by nightfall. But it feels nice - to talk to someone about how weird everything has been and, okay, sometimes get blackout drunk while doing so. When everything else is so high pressure, it’s the little moments like those that mean the most.

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Fact: Cristiano resented the shit out of Lux. She was pretty, popular, & palatable. She didn’t try to get her classmates to sign petitions or picket on the beach. She wasn’t raised by a witch adjacent single mother. But even still...she wasn’t perfect. People flocked to her anyway. Somehow she was the centerpiece for their dysfunctional little friend group. He spent a lot of his adolescence attempting to be friendly to Lux, but ultimately they never truly clicked. They had mutual friends at the end of the day...so somehow their destinies remained intertwined. 

Intertwined for the worst, in Cris’s eyes. Alongside Frankie, Cristiano discovered Lux’s body...and a note containing all of their friends’ worst secrets. So yeah...the girl Cris barely exchanged words with ended up being the one to change his life forever. Things got worse when Candy Girl revealed that she also knew all of these secrets, even if Frankie and Cris tried their darndest to squash the evidence. Since the Candy Girl’s threats, Cristiano has had to play incredibly dumb to all his friends, even though he has so many questions.

CRIS’S SECRET:

After a lifetime of helping his mother keep track of bills, cutting coupons out of the newspaper, and selling art when he could...Cristiano was tired. So when Harvard Hargrove approached him with a business venture…he couldn’t say no. The man was offering him enough money to keep his mother’s business afloat and then some. The trade off: no more big protests out of the Van Allen household. As long as Cristiano could keep his mother pacified, he could expect a fat check every two weeks. Sure...it completely fucked with his self-image and literally everything his mother taught him about capitalism and the man...but he couldn’t conceptualize a world without Twigs. He couldn’t continue to watch his mother pour so much of herself into a business that was struggling to stay afloat. So he has been taking the money and lying like a dog. His cover used to be working at Cherie’s...but since that place went up in literal smoke...he has to find another way to halt suspicion. Good thing he has an in with the Russells. 

CRIS’S CONNECTIONS:

The Filmmaker: Zev and Cris go waaaaaay back. Back when Cris could be louder and weirder without fear of Zev’s stepdad, he saw that same spunk in the kid. Cristiano isn’t much of a mentor, but he likes to think that their consistent collaborations and brainstormings of weird artsy shit helped both of them grow into the creators they are today. Even if Zev is more gentle and subtle and Cris is loud and proud, Cris thinks of Zev as one of his closest Gang connections. He’s fiercely protective of him to this day. 

The Confidant: Cris and Frankie are bonded by shared trauma (and shared secrets). They already got along great before finding Lux’s body and their friends’ secrets...but now they have a shared understanding no one else in the gang could conceptualize. They meet every now and then to therapize each other...since they’re both holding so much baggage (that doesn’t even belong to them!). Lately Cris has been feeling incredibly guilty about lying to all their friends about what they know. Cris and Frankie haven’t really settled on their next move...but they know revealing that they might be the reason Candy Girl held them all hostage in Cherry might not go over so well.

The Romantic: - Growing up Mackenzie and Cristiano were as thick as thieves. Two artists committed to putting their hearts into their craft. It’s the whole mutual inspiration thing. Something changed after Lux died, though. Mackenzie started performing less and less. Slowly but surely, they had less and less to relate to. They’ve always been friendly, but that spark that kept their bond afloat has fizzled a little bit. Cristiano has tried recently to get them back on track, including a surprise birthday gift in February. But with so much going on...he figures it makes sense that the duo hasn’t truly focused on fixing things. Maybe this summer will be their chance?

The Fallen Angel: - Cris’s love for Alice didn’t really catalyze until college. She was cool. But something about seeing her fall from grace when Lux accused her of something she obviously couldn’t have done bonded them a bit closer. Cris was used to being one of the oddballs of the gang...it was kinda natural for him to stick up for Alice when things started to shift for her.  He’s also kinda enamored with her 180 transformation and constantly drives art inspiration from it. 

BONUS CONNECTION:

001. THE LUX FILES BIO.

It would be nice to say that it was just another ‘childhood friends turned lovers’ trope, wouldn’t it be? After all, she, along with Zahra Jackson, became friends with Lux Lewis before she could even tie her shoes. Before the pointless high-school hierarchy, before Lux was beheld as something otherworldly ( good or bad ? dealer’s choice ), before merely being in her proximity meant you became caught up in the whirlwind that she let her life become -- reveled in her life becoming. Unfortunately, this ‘before’ led to an undying loyalty -- perfect to take advantage of, really. Mere chats would turn into long talks, and they would become intertwined in each other’s sheets under the light of the moon. -- Alice tried to accept it for what it was: a shared secret. Lux continued going out with new boys, flirting around, but she would always return... ...Until she didn’t. Until Alice could tell that she was pulling away, leaving her adrift as she began falling in with Audrina Archer -- and she would have been a fool to have thought that was all it was. Nonetheless, Alice stayed for as long as she could, even when she was just hanging on by a thread. Even when she was no longer Alice. There were two nails in the coffin that was their relationship: The rumor broke what was already strained, close to breaking already. The 180º turn it caused, the question of who sent it, the disbelief so many -- especially Lux -- held when she said that she was not the one who sent the rumor. The resignation when Lux began sending her ‘anonymous’ hate mail. The hatred when she saw the other -- because if she couldn’t love her, she would have to hate her. ‘Indifference’ was not an option, not if she wanted to keep her around in some way. The final nail was... you know, her death. For the intense hatred, there had been over a decade of love that made it far too difficult to ring the bell when she died. But as she would learn, everything stayed.

002. Expanded Secret*

Indeed, everything stayed.  In the wake of an overly tumultuous year-and-a-half, from losing the two people who had ever provided a sense of normalcy ( Lux & Zahra ) to losing her family as she knew it, an addictive personality found that neither alcohol nor weed was enough. It eventually increased to Vicodin, at first provided by her step-dad in his five-star retirement home because that’s healthy.  The night of Lux’s death, she had exceeded her regular limit. Not quite enough to OD, but enough to cause worry... And that was when she saw her, a faint glow in the midst of The Pit, a beautiful dress - completely out of place amongst all of the rowdy teenagers: it was Lux... but it was not Lux. Borne out of residual guilt and grief, it became a masochistic hobby: to test her limits in the hopes that she would, once again, find this vividly unreal Lux Lewis standing before her. And it worked. And she always said those unconscious thoughts that Alice could not -- and did not -- want to access on her own. Namely, that she was her cause of death. Of course, at the time, it had been ruled a suicide -- open and shut. ‘Murderer’ stuck out as something more... symbolic. And it would be outlandish to think that she had actually been capable of murdering the young woman the same way... whoever did did. After all, she only ever hated her so that she could keep her around. But the words flew all the same. And it became an accepted title, even when it stopped ‘making sense.’ More than anything, it became a way to keep everything the same. Because enough had changed. *Solely because of Euphoria, I feel it’s worth noting that this has been her secret since long before Zendaya was her FC adhfliasjk

003. The Connections

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Rory was one of the few members of the gang that wasn’t pulled in by Lux Lewis, leader and linchpin to their group. It was never clear to her whether it was her relationship with Zahra or her friendship with Zev that solidified her place among them, but it wasn’t long before she was a part of the group aol chat, with regular invites to whatever nonsense they were all getting up to. Maybe it should’ve been too much, going from one friend to a whole group with all their big personalities, but she loved it. Loved hanging out with everyone and feeling like she’d found a place in Cherry other than half a step behind her cousin. Even if she wasn’t close with everyone, she cared about them all. And Lux was no exception, even though she was more of an entity to Rory than a close friend. They were all caught in Lux’s gravity; it was the thing that kept them all together. It was easy to like her for that alone, but the blonde girl had charisma in spades- she seemed perfect. What wasn’t to like, right? But that all changed when Rory heard more than she was meant to, late one night at the library. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she hadn’t even known Lux was there... but once she heard her friend’s voice arguing a few stacks over, she couldn’t help listening. The last thing she’d expected to hear was Lux pleading with someone, and volunteering the gang’s secrets. It was brutal enough to topple Lux from her pedestal of perfection, and even ever-trusting Rory became suspicious. 

For a long time, she assumed the person on the other end of the line had been the Candy Girl... but nothing ever came out about Lux being threatened by Grace or the mayor. There was still no way to explain it, and it bothered her. Now that the Candy Girl is gone, she and Noah have closed their investigation... but she’s thinking about starting a new one on her own. For the truth about Lux. 

RORY’S SECRET:

Rory is no stranger to violence. Hell, this year wasn’t even Rory’s first brush with death. That had come nearly a decade ago: back when all the members of Guns N’ Roses were still playing together and a ten-year-old Rory was living three and a half hours down the coast with her mom and her abusive father. The summer of 1991 was only just beginning when her father killed her mother, and then came after her. Even after the trial was over and Dan Collins was sentenced to life behind bars, Rory had horrible night terrors. She woke up in the middle of the night screaming and sobbing for her mother for months- convinced that her father was coming to finish what he’d started that night. She’s still afraid he will. 

There’s something horrifying about knowing that even though she’s half Ellie Jackson and all her magic- she’s half Dan Collins too. What would her friends think? Knowing she was related to a murderer? Especially now, after all they’ve been through in the last year... Sometimes it’s all she can see when she looks in the mirror: the parts of her face that came from him. She hates sharing anything with him, would’ve changed her last name to Jackson years ago if she wasn’t so anxious about whether Zahra and Uncle Rocky would be okay with it. Rory’s terrified everyone would look at her differently, if they found out about her father. Not to mention she’s basically let them all think he left or died when she was little rather than tell them the truth since she came to Cherry. Not exactly her best honesty moment.   

Rory feels a lot of guilt about her mother’s death. She was the one who had accidentally lit the fuse on his rage that day. He only went after her mom because Ellie Jackson had ripped him away from Rory and yelled that they were done, that he’d never lay a hand on her or her daughter again. Maybe if she hadn’t made him so angry- maybe if she hadn’t run for the phone in the hallway when he started after her mom... Maybe Ellie Jackson would still be alive. She’s never told Zahra or her uncle how much she blames herself for it- because she can’t bear the thought of either of them blaming her too. 

The last year has brought up a lot of trauma from the night her mom died, and reopened wounds that Rory thought she’d dealt with- jesus, how many times is she going to have to watch someone get stabbed?? The nightmares started to come back the night the Candy Girl nearly drowned her on the beach, but they’ve steadily gotten worse. Rory’s having a hard time dealing with them, and hiding them, especially as the gang has started spending more time together. She just wants to push it all down and be happy again, to be more like the girl she was before all of this started.  

RORY’S CONNECTIONS:

THE FILMMAKER: Best. Friends. Zev was the first friend that Rory made in Cherry, the first person outside of the Jacksons that she really spoke to. But something clicked between them immediately, (a drunk and sappy Rory has been known to declare them platonic soulmates many times) and just like that- they were thicker than thieves in the blink of an eye. Rocky and Jillian were constantly carting the two of them back and forth across town, or calling to see if their kid was still at the other’s house. Both of their worlds have opened up since then, making room for other friends and relationships, but Zev is absolutely always going to be her best friend. Nothing can change that.

THE BITCH: Ride or die. And at the rate they’re going, it’s probably die. Zahra and Rory had an unquestionably rough start. To be fair, she was some ten year old cousin that Zahra’d never met, crashing her entire life. Fighting with Zahra was the only time Rory really talked to anyone other than her uncle, still shut down and grieving. But (thank god, for Rocky’s sake) a few months in, the two of them had a moment of reckoning. And from that moment on, a switch had flipped. They’ve been like sisters ever since, and there’s nothing that Rory wouldn’t do for Zahra. She’s her favorite person, her achilles heel. Things should be a little easier between them now, now that Rory isn’t running off to do stupid dangerous shit investigate with Noah. Then again, she still hasn’t gotten around to telling Zahra about the things she’s been doing with Noah now instead either- or about that wild coma dream, which sort of feels like it goes against the natural order of things. The sky is blue. 2+2=4. Rory doesn’t hide things from Zahra. But there’ll be plenty of time for all of that to come out on their Mandatory Summer Road Trip, right? Uncle Rocky finally put his foot down after his daughter and niece disappeared for two days and then nearly got crushed in the CherryPlex’s demise. He’s sending them away for the summer, to get them out of Cherry, out of danger for a little bit. He hopes. 

THE CONFIDANT: It was kind of nice, having someone outside of Zahra and Uncle Rocky who knew her darkest secret. She felt guilty enough for all of the stuff they’ve had to deal with over the years without piling on more when she doesn’t have to... And Rory’d like to think that maybe regularly checking in with Frankie spares them of some of that burden. Sometimes its hard, talking about her mom with Uncle Rocky. Because she knows part of him is still grieving her too. But Frankie isn’t- and she’s never judged her for crying, for having panic attacks, or any of it. But when the Candy Girl revealed that she knew about Rory’s father... Rory pulled back hard. Because Zahra would never tell anyone. And Frankie was the only other person who knew... She didn’t let herself finish that thought, but she did stop responding to Frankie’s aol messages trying to set up their usual time to hang out and talk. The Candy Girl might be gone now, but she got that information from somewhere. And Rory’s still uneasy about it. Her natural inclination is always to trust her friends, to trust most people without a second thought, but she hasn’t been able to bring herself to meet up with Frankie again yet. 

THE GOLDEN BOY:  Harvey was always more Zahra’s friend than Rory’s, even though she practically half-lived at his house on the weekends. Like she was just another new thing that came with Jillian and Zev. Mostly she thought of him as Zev’s stepbrother, Casey’s best friend, in relation to her other friends instead of ever really getting close to him herself. Whether that was out of loyalty to Zev, or because of the itsy bitsy massive crush she had on him at the end of middle school that made her freeze and turn red every time he so much as looked at her for a while. Thankfully that hadn’t lasted too long, petering out around the time Rory got her first boyfriend, landing Harvey right back in friendly acquaintances territory. Until, well, the Candy Girl. When they both found themselves awake in the middle of the night, raiding the impressive Hargrove kitchen, they ended up talking. Rory was startled when she realized the sun was starting to rise, and they’d been talking for hours. It happened a couple of times before the clusterfuck that was the CherryPlex, where Grace- William- The Phantom touched them. Rory had one of the strangest, most real-feeling dreams she’s ever had while she was in that coma. And Harvey was in it. Now that they’re both awake and out of the hospital, she’s been wrestling with whether to ask him about it. For once, Rory’s kind of hoping it was just one of her nightmares taking a bizarre twist because of whatever the Phantom did... But either way- she feels oddly connected to Harvey now. She’s not sure if he’d say the same, but he’s her friend now too.