dancin' in the moonlight

📹

As she tossed down her bag, he carefully laid out the supply pack he’d purchased. Her idea to make a sign specifically for Harvey was sweet, a clear sign that her own version of a blended family had gone better than his. If Harvey were her step-brother, she’d make him a sign. But alas, Harvey was Zev’s step-brother and though their attempts at bonding were getting a little better, he still didn’t feel like they were quite at ‘making a Harvey specific sign’ territory. “Uh, yeah, just a general one. We could probably make pretty good use of the very generous amount of red glitter they gave us,” he held up the container, alongside a much smaller blue one to emphasize the contrast. 

🌱

“Probably a better idea.” Rory surveyed the blank poster in front of them, dismayed by her own lack of excitement. How did this kind of thing already feel so foreign to her? Not even a year ago she’d been making signs for Zahra and Kitty before cheer events, but it seemed she’d lots her touch somewhere in between anonymous intimidators and time warp monsters. Go figure.

Her eyes widened at the pure volume of red glitter in Zev’s hand. “They’re just giving that to people? At a tailgate? There’s gonna be glitter all over campus for months.” The thought of it is ridiculous enough to lift some of the heaviness off of Rory’s chest and allow her to focus all of her attention on her best friend and their project. “Maybe we could paint some cherries and dump the glitter on before it dries?” She squinted at the poster board. Damn. As much as she apparently liked to surround herself with artistic people—this wasn’t really her personal wheelhouse.  “You’re way better than me at this... Any ideas?” 

❤️‍🔥

Elaine isn’t sure if Rory is right or not- if Zev would back out of their agreement at the other girl’s insistence. She doesn’t have the heart to follow through on her threat of exposing him, she’s not sure if she ever did, but there was no way he’d realized that. She’d found a soft spot for him, not romantic of course, but a kinship she hadn’t expected. It almost made her regret not getting to know him better sooner… almost.

Rory doesn’t seem like she’s going to budge, no matter how much Elaine yells and screams and threatens, so there’s only one thing left to try. An old trick to dust off- that stupid elective acting class had to be worth something, right? “I get that I’m not like, the nicest person or whatever, but I-” she forces a break in her voice, tears to well in her eyes, “I never thought that I’d be able to- to feel that way about anyone again. I mean- the last time I fell in love… well, you remember. So please don’t… don’t ruin it over some stupid rumor you heard about me. Please.” 

🌱

Rory's resolve falters as tears threaten to spill down Elaine's cheeks, because she's never met a monster whose distress she could resist. The instinct to comfort pulls towards Elaine like gravity, and she makes it half a step before she remembers herself, and who exactly is starting to cry before her. Maybe she should let this go, maybe- But a sharp little voice in her head that sounds a little like Zahra, urging her stand her ground. 

"It's Zev," she finally says, not unkindly. "If you really do love him, and he loves you, what I say won't ruin it. I’m sorry. If things were different-” she sighs. “If it wasn’t him... I wouldn’t have said anything. Not to you, or the guy.” She leaves it unspoken that she has to. Even if he’s pissed at her for upsetting his girlfriend over a stupid rumor... But it didn’t seem like just a stupid rumor, when she heard Lux say it that night in the library, so certain. And Lux always knew everything—after that night it, occurred to Rory that she always seemed to know more than she should. She can’t just let it go. “He’s my best friend,” she repeats a little lamely, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets before pressing, a little more delicately. “I don’t want him to get hurt. So fine, don’t break up with him. But I’m going to talk to him.” 

.

It had been… hm… predictably boring…  But more-so than she would have thought (which, actually, should also have been predictable… Alas, foresight was no friend of hers at the time)! Thus, perhaps venturing behind the shed – a nice place to smoke without any of the fun ‘can I bum a cigarette?’ requests (which may have been alright to handle among very few people – but a student body? geez, get your own damn pack!) – was the move!  Which was where Rory was hiding out which, once again, should have been predictable… to a degree. Large and loud crowd, timid Rory… yes – to a degree! “No – you’re alright.” Hm… that didn’t sound quite right… ‘you’re hiding behind a shed, so you feel fine!’ - not what she meant. “Like, it’s a lot, I get it. Anything I can do to, y’know, help?”

🌱

Alice’s question was surprising enough to throw off some of her anxiety, making way for the curiosity that was always getting Rory into trouble. It was unsettling to be confronted with a person who used to be a staple in her life, even if it was just as one third of the best friends sleeping over in her cousin’s bedroom most weekends. Maybe Lux and Alice had only been tangentially Rory’s friends (bound by the transitive property of friendship through Zahra), but she idolized them all a little bit . A few years ago she might’ve let the truth spill out, that it was dread for Zahra’s safety clawing at her lungs and sending her into hiding behind the shed. Or at the least she would’ve bugged Alice for a cigarette, just to see if she could get her to give her one.  But now she was practically a stranger. All the two of them seemed to share now was history and trauma. And Rory suspected maybe, even despite their falling out, love for Zahra.

“Uh, no,” she pressed her lips into an attempt at a smile. “Probably not.” But memories of Alice inviting her along even though she was younger made her waver. “Unless—I mean—unless you want to hide out back here for a little. I wouldn’t mind company.” There was a pause as Rory fumbled with her jacket. 

“I definitely owe you some of these, if you want one.” She fished a half empty carton of cigarettes out of her pocket and held it out in offering. Rory only used to smoke when other her friends did, bumming cigarettes from one of them if they going to step outside—usually from Casey, the softest target in spite of his grumbling—but there was no doubt she’d wheedled them out of Alice too. “Thought they might help with the nerves, but clearly they’re failing.” 

🔮 

If time taught Freyja anything, it’s that she would always follow Rory Jackson. Away from crowds, into that stupid Cherryplex, even now behind the equipment shed. “I didn’t come here to hide. I came for you.” Which probably would have been a bit more convincing if Rory didn’t feel like such a fuzzy memory. Something that got further away every single time she reached out. The calendar was clear on the dates, so why did all those days feel… empty? Red X’s through the days like she lived them, but no recollection. No feelings. Among all the uncertainty, she knew one thing. She’d never give up on Rory. “C’mere,” she offered, arms open for the other girl. Would she even come? “I can get you a bag or something. Maybe a bucket?”

🌱

"Freyja?" Rory looked a little like she'd been slapped, shock painted across her features as she took in the blonde girl's presence. For a moment she just blinked dumbly at her as her lagging brain tried to connect the dots. Freyja was here. But she'd left, skipped town somehow after the lake house, along with—Kitty. And just like that, Rory’s brain stopped buffering and her eyes darted behind Freyja as if the other blonde who'd left Cherry without so much as a goodbye would be there too. But she wasn't. She tried to tame the vicious pang in her chest. That was stupid. Of course she wasn't. All of this, like she hadn't already been going on an emotional roller coaster. How could it be that more than a year later, muscle memory still urged her to lean into Freyja's arms? The sharp ache of possible betrayals and suspicion lingered the way it had since Rory discovered that someone told the Candy Girl her secret, but for once it wasn't enough to keep her away. She stepped into her embrace and squeezed her tight. "Oh my god, you're back. How are you back? Where did you- god, I'm so glad you're okay."

There was now a special kind of skip to Zahra’s heartbeat when she scanned for Rory and couldn’t immediately spot her. Nothing good happened when they were separated at events like these, and the image of those slashes across Rory’s chest wasn’t easily shaken. When Zahra peered around back of the equipment shed, the fist around her heart eased with the sight of her cousin. She didn’t look great, but at least she was fucking here. “I’ll hold your hair back if you promise to puke the other way,” she said, as if they didn’t both know Rory was the one person in the whole world who could get away with getting puke on her. She moved closer, reaching out to take Rory’s hand and squeeze it. “Come on, breathe with me. We’re good,” she said, softer now. She held Rory’s hand to her heart, exaggerating her breathing so Rory could match it.

🌱

For once, Zahra’s voice didn’t soothe the panic twisting her insides into knots. It just reinforced the fear that something bad was going to happen to her. The first breath Rory sucked in was a shallow, rattling thing, only managed once she could feel Zahra's familiar heartbeat under her palm. And then something broke and she flung her arms around Zahra in a crushing hug. She wanted to beg her, you have to promise you're going to be okay, but their lives haven't lent themselves to guarantees of safety in over a year, if they ever did. And she can't explain the fear crawling up her throat and cutting off the air even if she wanted to, but Zahra just rolled with the punches, the way she always did, acting like this was just another panic attack in the middle of the night, not a breakdown barely hidden away from the crowd at a homecoming event that the newly elected cheer captain should be be nonchalantly ruling over. 

It took longer than Rory expected it to, for her breathing to finally even out enough to talk. But maybe she should’ve expected that. "I won't puke," she finally mumbled, the best I think it's over that she could offer. The noise of the event finally filtered back into her hearing, and panic gave way to guilt in the blink of an eye. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Are you supposed to be on the field? I'm fine now probably, I can find Zev or Noah, or somebody, you should go-"

who: @roryjackson​ what: gettin’ creative! where: oh you know, around 

In many ways, purchasing a poster pack from one of the Sigma Pi pledges was not something Zev would ever do. School spirit? Football games? Pep? Frat guys? Not really his thing. Desperate attempts to pretend everything is normal and fun, though? Anything to try to put a band aid over the deep wounds the entire Gang had? That was his thing. So, sure, he could drop ten bucks and carry his poster supplies around until he found Rory. She was always his default when he needed to pretend that everything was fine. The day that their friendship was truly and deeply affected by this mess they were all in is when Zev might fully allow himself to entertain the thought that they were all doomed. But for now? For now, she was his rock.

“Hey!” He waved her down, as best he could while also trying not to drop his poster board and bag of paints and glitter. “Are you busy? Or do you wanna make one of these dumb signs with me?”

🌱

It was beginning to feel like Rory’s heart had taken up residence in her throat, and was planning on staying there until at least for the duration of homecoming. But seeing Zev loosened anxiety’s too tight grip on her heart, making it a little bit easier to breathe. She shook her head as she took the bag out of his hands to lessen his load a bit. “Definitely not busy, definitely want to make a sign.” It seemed like there were people everywhere, but after some searching her eyes finally landed on a patch of grass where she didn’t think they’d get trampled. She gestured for him to follow as she headed towards it and then tossed the bag down to stake their claim. “Okay, what’s your vision? General ‘go cherries’ sort of thing, or did you want to make a sign for Harvey or something?” 

❤️‍🔥

“As if I care about your opinion!” Except for the fact that she does. It’s not exclusive to Rory, no one can claim that title when she’s been breaking her back for as long as she could remember to mold herself into what everyone else wanted her to be. She can tell herself she doesn’t care whether she has Rory’s approval all she wants, but it won’t iron out the dents in the armor surrounding her heart and it certainly won’t make her recognize her own reflection.

Past the opinion of little Jackson, she’s worried about where the hell she’d gotten the information from. Had she seen something- a moment passed between her and Lux? Or had someone told her? Had it been Candy or someone else? Did Zahra know? Fucking Zahra. Zahra who had stabbed her in the back how many times? Zahra who had beat her out for cheer captain (what a great conversation that had been in the Archer household!). Zahra, who Elaine wanted to run to now more than ever. 

“What do you think this is, Jackson? You say ‘jump’ and I say ‘how high?’. You say ‘break up with your boyfriend’ and I say ‘okay!’? Is your head so far up your own ass that you think there’s any version of this conversation that ends in me doing what you tell me to do?” 

🌱

Rory’s soft-hearted and thin-skinned. It’s not hard to hurt her, it’s just that most people aren’t actively trying. Most of the time Elaine gets under her skin and it hurts, but this time it just makes her pissed. More than she’d even expected to be during this conversation. It’s that same intensity that is her cousin’s lifeblood- and oh, that’s why. Because Elaine’s fingerprints are all over Zahra’s broken heart, and Rory’s not even sure she’s looked in her rear view mirror to see the damage she’s done. She won’t watch her do it to Zev too. 

Her fingers curl into fists at her side, knuckles white. “Yeah, I do, actually,” she bites back. The next words are acid in her mouth but she spits them anyways, because it’s for Zev. “Because if you don’t, I’ll tell Zev it’s not real, that you pretending to like him is just as pretend as everything else Cherry Proper’s Perfect Princess does.” But here she softens just a little, because even angry, she’s still Rory. “I won’t tell him why. But he’ll believe me, even if I can’t explain. If you know him at all, you know he will.” 

who: @roryjackson​ what: Trying to get out of playing the game To say that Cam was a nervous wreck would have been an understatement. And to make matters worse, he didn’t even have Parker anymore to ease the fears he had about how the game was about to go. And so needless to say he may or may not have been avoiding just a little bit. His helmet in hand as he made a b-line out of the locker room, feet shuffling towards the exit. This was too much. He couldn’t do this. He felt so certain of that as his eyes avoided eye contact with anyone who might have recognized him. Which unfortunately meant he wasn’t watching where he was going when he ran himself directly into Rory. “Shit… Shit I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to do that..” He started, looking around for where he’d dropped his helmet. Once he had it back in hand, his eyes finally met hers, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her as quickly as he could away from the crowd. “Rory I don’t know what to do I can’t play in that game. I’m going to get myself killed.” 

🌱

It took an insane amount of effort to keep herself from punching Cam, or at least wrenching her arm out of his grasp. But once Rory realized who it was, she let herself be dragged to wherever he was taking her, a yelped “jeez, Cam!” as her only complaint. "Wait what?” Her brow furrowed. This kind of talk was totally unfamiliar from him, the guy who was already approaching their classes with unhinged confidence and determination. “What are you talking about, you’re gonna do great!” She put her hands on his shoulder pads and gave him a little shake. “You’ve got this, okay? Seriously, you guys have been practicing for weeks. And if you practice anything like you study, you’re ready.”

🏝️

Between Libby freaking out over the game and Rory trying her very best not to empty the contents of her guts in front of everybody, Maddie was seriously starting to wonder what the appeal of Homecoming was supposed to be. Sure, she’d had fun getting dressed up in the team colors of her new home school and the amount of beer around was pretty cool too but was it worth it if her friends were on the verge of a break down as a result? Maddie wasn’t convinced.

When she’d noticed Rory disappearing alone, something had stirred within her and she couldn’t ignore it, nor let it go until she’d checked in with the younger girl. “I-”she started but a small laugh interrupted her words and was soon followed by a shake of her head, “Puke if you gotta puke,” she said, though it wasn’t the most poetic utterance she’d ever come up with, she noted silently. “Are you alright?” clearly the answer she expected was not an overwhelming ‘yes’ but still, she hoped it would prompt Rory to share whatever it was that was going through her mind.

🌱

Maddie wasn’t someone she’d been expecting, but then again, Rory wasn’t totally used to her still being in town when summer’s already faded away. It made her feel a little unbalanced, which she should be used to, right? How many times in the last year had she been given time to regain her footing between disasters? “I’m-” she paused, traced the edge of her teeth with her tongue. Wasn’t that a loaded question? “I’m fine. Just, stressed. About the game and stuff.” It was at least half true. She offered the other girl a shrug and a smile, a little belatedly. “I guess normal college stuff is more pressure than I thought it would be. I hope you’re having more fun than I am.”

👻

In between the bubbling excitement of having a semi-normal college experience and the more pressing thoughts of things yet to be explained, hiding behind an equipment shed seems semi-normal. A potential respite from thinking about the owntay uaresqay? The potential that the aranormalpay that the likes of Kamila and Jamie would be overjoyed to find out exists actually does? What he doesn’t expect is a fellow squarer (what he’s been affectionately calling them in his logbook) to be hiding there too. “That doesn’t sound too pleasant.” His mind scrambles between long car rides between states and looking after the children of ‘uncles’ and ‘aunts’ in motel rooms whose names he can no longer recall. “… Do you want me to get a tea? Or is that not very homecoming-y? I’m not really sure how these events work.”  

🌱

Despite Jaspar’s information-keeping early on in the Series of Unfortunate Town Square Trips, Rory likes him. She can almost hear Zahra scowling that she likes, trusts, everyone too much, but she ignores it. “Yeah its, well, y’know.” Having the commotion of homecoming out of sight is all well and good, but the sounds—the cheerleading team’s warm ups, students yelling, all of it—are still a little overwhelming, even from their hiding spot. There’s a weakness in her knees that tells her sitting down is probably a good idea, so she slides down the shed and pulls her knees into her chest. “No, no, that’s okay. I um- I wouldn’t mind company though? Unless you want to get back to that.” She jerks her chin back towards the activities behind them. “I don’t really know how it works either. Are you a freshman too?” 

who: @roryjackson​ what: hiding out

Noah had been feeling sick to his stomach almost the entirety of the night. The dark rings under his eyes from lack of sleep had worsened, and along with them, the paranoid feeling that he was constantly being watched. How else would she know that what he’d needed to do had been completed. It was all too much, and there was only one person he knew could ease that, but he wasn’t even sure she’d still want to be around him if she found out about what he’d done this time. Still he decided to take his chances as he found himself showing up at her side and carefully reaching for her shoulder to get her attention. “Kinda nice getting a little break from being the ones running all the booths you know?” He offered at first as a whisper in her ear. Offering her the closest thing to a smile he could muster when she turned to look at him. “I know the point of these things is like school spirit and being involved and all that but… any chance I could steal you for a little bit? Crowds feeling like a bit much.” He said, swallowing hard as he spoke as though there was any chance she could tell, or already knew what he’d done.

🌱

Slowly, Rory was beginning to get used to a hand on her shoulder being a friendly touch rather than one that made her flinch away. God, had it really been a year since Candy took her off the boardwalk? Apparently time was healing that wound little by little, enough that she didn’t even jump as fingers curled around her shoulder. It probably helped when her eyes landed on one of her very favorite people, lips turning up into a slight smile to greet Noah. “Hey, stranger.” She leaned into his space automatically, ever the moth to his flame when he’s around. “I can’t argue with that.” They were due a break weren’t they? Not to mention the way things seemed to go horribly wrong whenever she was manning a booth. Or at a Cherry function in general. Her expression softened into something more concerned as she searched Noah’s face, eyes catching on the signs of his exhaustion. “Yeah, of course. Lead the way.” 

“I miss Kitty...” Deep breath. The thought of her is an ache in her chest that never quite disappears, just waxes and wanes, tears her apart and then hides away while she tries to recover. “But I don’t want to drag her back to Cherry when she clearly doesn’t want to be here... And she’s safer anywhere else, right?” Even if Rory never got to say goodbye. 

"Mac, obviously! Pie wouldn’t taste as good without him anyways.” 

"Zahra." That’s the answer, no matter how much it breaks her heart to choose. Rory would die for her. She’s lived for her too—didn’t give up even when she was breathing more water than air under the Candy Girl’s lock and key. She scratched at the lid of the box until her fingertips bled because she wouldn’t leave Zahra. 

"How about team everyone becomes friends again? Okay, okay.... I was always closer to Casey back in high school. Harvey and I only just started hanging out last year." Not that Zev really knows about that. Their midnight kitchen conversations have meant a lot to her, but they can’t quite compare to car rides across town at the asscrack of dawn to see the sun rise over the ocean, Casey pretending to look up the chords to ABBA songs she begged him to play, and afternoons laying on the floor of the Russell's living room.

"Team Casey."

“Absolutely hysterical. Real comedian you are.”

Homecoming always looked fun in the movies. It was a quintessential college experience, and here Rory was, a complete nervous wreck hiding behind the equipment shed just to get some air. But she hadn’t really expected anyone else to come wandering back there. “Oh my god- sorry-” she blurted out. “I was just, trying not to hurl! Don’t mind me!” It was meant to sound like a joke (even though it was totally true), but nothing about her wavering voice sounded convincing, even to her. Her chest felt too tight, like her ribs were collapsing inwards under the pressure. “Sorry, I won’t puke if you want to hide out here too.” Her stomach turned again and she paled unconvincingly. “Probably.”