#curiouszen

Not connected to God,

Not connected to Love,

Not connected to Family,

Not connected to Church,

Not connected to Community,

Not connected to Work;

There is a kind of connection in all of this not-connecting

A connection to lack

lighter for this not knowing

empty, untethered

simultaneously free and damned

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This is the beginning

of a complex love adventure

Well… it’s a short story, really

promising premises delivering a boring letdown;

a footnote in a boring memoir, really.

This heroine’s journey

long dull nights, unproductive dragging days

Stale desires, stale battology

This story needs a good villain…

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Sometimes she is quiet in my embrace

not for hiding her thoughts from me

- I already know all that is fundamental to know -

she is wholly at peace around me

the turbulent mind just quiets down

she is safe with me

Those are the moments I like best.

I lean my weariness against the comfort of his firm presence

His physicality is so reassuring to me

I am steadied, contained; so safe within the boundaries of his structure.

He is an unexpected assurance,

a sweet luxury I’ve grown accustomed to reaching for,

an all-consuming, warming sensation I’ve long ached for

I am so at ease in his embrace

Those are the moments I like best.

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sit with me a while, love

yes, this close

Mmmm... don’t you smell so inviting

and feel so comforting against my feverish skin.

Racing heart stills,

Distracted thoughts mute,

Your fortitude transmutes my madness.

Kissing tickling nerves along my spine

a rhythm incited, breath whistles softly

and oh doesn’t that feel so nice and divine.

Your hands a needy caress, a warming kneading their wanting,

possessing;

tracing a path along many planes of indulgence.

My romance unfurls,

I stretch like a teased feline

Pleased to unravel, to receive, to revel

in your presence

in the special ways only you know how to

Syncing with you

Playing with you

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You look at the world, and

you understand some aspects of it,

you can flow with some parts of it.

You look at yourself, and

you yearn for tangible connections to joy,

a realness to grab and touch with your grubby needy little fingers.

Life is a slow deep inhale,

sometimes followed by a sharp shallow exhale

Life is a collection of experiences

some tragic, some traumatic,

some ecstatic, some so silly,

many just empty;

and they add up to, hm... some sort of meaning?

Yesterday

a cool wind gently caressed my neck

Today

an icy wind lashes, tears streak my cheeks.

Daylight is here, welcome it and its golden warmth

Shifting into this radiance is so good, so sweet, and so soothing.

Follow this flow,

this is a good path

of course it will lead to something good

You see that, don’t you?

How can it not?

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Life breathes through me

Caressing my desires

Seducing me with its promises.

Truth has a special way

of traveling through my body

A river-like energy, expanding

swallowing whole, consuming me.

How I shape this enchantment,

A sweet freedom urging responsibility

I insist on knowing this beingness

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You meet a human being

— and you fall in love —

Not due to satisfied expectations

nor matched compatibility requirements

...Those became an afterthought

You are transfixed because you witnessed

A soul in authentic self expression,

Saw beauty in the abstract of the stories,

Gleaned transcendence in shared honors, and

Savored depths of passion through cultivated thoughts...

You understood the ease of surrender, then

You felt eager for more, then

You remodeled life in a way you never thought of, then.

And you fully enjoyed that Being

And you connected,

It was a magic you didn’t know you wielded

A vortex, you couldn’t imagine existed, you are happy to dive into.

And you start to say:

Bring me into your world,

Color my views more brilliantly

I am in love with your unique ability to make me appreciate life more openly, more intentionally

You expand me in ways so transforming, I know for certain I will love the ride with you...

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Might I stay in your cocoon today?

You feel so soothing, so pleasing,

and I love the rhythm of your voice

vibrating against my heart when you hum.

Might you indulge me all day today?

Well, maybe just till this anxiety subsides

I just need your warmth

and that won’t take but a moment

Please stay, just a moment longer

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