#cuju

河南洛邑古城队《侍女蹴鞠图》

Ancient Football - Traditional Cu Ju

France has been part of my life since my birth, probably, but, through the years, this feeling grew stronger and stronger. There is actually a year where it started, and that's 2015, but it peaked in the summer of 2016, thanks to the European championship which took place in France. That tournament ended with France losing the final against Portugal, but that inspired me to research for the story of this sport I had just begun following (end of 2015). So I did. I am a perfectionist, so I wanted to dig as deep as possible into this mystery, the first of a long series of origin stories of inventions, sports and more, which, to be honest, were the main reason why I created this blog in the first place. So, I thought that the first one of these stories to share with you had to be the first I researched.

So, we will start from the very beginning and with the premise that, since the dawn of times, every civilisation having roamed Planet Earth has played games, and many of them involved a ball. There are evidences of ball games everywhere in the world, from Pre-Columbian America, where Mayans played the Tlachtli, the probable precursor of basketball, to Asia, and this is where our tale begins.

The civilisation is the Chinese one. The dynasty reigning is the Han. The century is the third B.C. The name of the game is Cuju. Born as a military training, this game, officially recognised by FIFA as the earliest form of the game, initially saw players trying to kick a feather-stuff ball into a goal made of two wood sticks planted on the ground. This game spread from the army to the royal courts and upper classes, always during the Han Dynasty, which lasted from 206 BC to 220 AD. Cuju evolved into something more complex where its popularity during the Tang Dynasty, and it started to resemble football even more. It became a team-oriented game and clubs started to be established, but its popularity exploded during the Song Dinasty (960-1279) and in the X century the first Cuju league was created, 800 years earlier than the British Football Association. Not bad. Eventually, cuju began to fade around the XVII century and soon disappeared.

In the same period cuju was being invented in China, in Europe the spiritual father of European football and rugby was being developed by the Greeks. Despite the image of the lone Greek athlete trying to reach for glory by himself, like a mythological hero, Greeks also played team-oriented games, and Episkyros was one of these. The teams of this violent game, especially in Sparta (where else?), were usually made up of 12-14 players. The field and the teams were divided into two by a line, and another line was behind them. The goal of the game was to push the ball to the other end of the field. This game incorporated, therefore, elements of both football and rugby, which actually were two sports of the same root at the time of their "inception" in XIX century England. But, according to some sources, even the atmosphere was similar back in Ancient Greece. One of these comes from the Egyptian writer Athenaeus of Naucratis' Deipnosophistae, which contains an excerpt dating from the IV century by Antiphanes, the famous comedy writer who describes a moment during an Episkyros game and the consequent reactions from the supporters, all written in a modern television commentary style:

"Once he took and passed the ball, he was enjoying that, while he was dodging an opponent and making another one of them fall on the ground. Then, he helped one of his team mates lift off the ground. All around were strong yells saying "out!", "long ball!", "high!", "low!", "short ball!", "shoot it back to the fray!"

Episkyros never was an Olympic sport in Ancient Greece, but, as you can read above, the agonism was all there, both from the athletes and the audience, unlike cuju, which was merely an exercise, a game. Sports and games always were a serious thing for the Greeks.

Once the Romans conquered Greece in 146 BC, one of the many things they "borrowed" from the Greeks was this game. Romans renamed it Harpastum and it is said that they introduced the rule which forbade to touch the ball with the hands. Plus, when Rome built the empire we all know, this game got immensely popular among the centurions defending the limes of the Roman Empire. This means that, while Greeks invented this game, Romans spread all over Europe (which means the British Isles, naturally).

Actually, the first mention of an unidentified ball game in Britain comes from the IX century AD. We cannot know whether it had anything to do with football, but probably this game was the Harpastum of some game deriving from it. What we know, though, is that the game which officially started it all came from... France.

In fact, if we want to find the actual origins of modern football we have to move to Northern France where, around the same time above mentioned, a new game developed and spread in Normandy and Picardy named Soule (or choule). This game was usually played after a religious function or during the holidays between two teams composed of people coming from two villages, usually close and rivals, but also between two different social statuses or situation (for instance, married men against bachelors et cetera). The game ended when one of the teams, composed of a potentially unlimited number, managed to push the ball with any means (besides the feet, sticks and hands were also allowed) towards the opponents' village, and then shot the ball into the portal of the local church, scoring de facto one gol. The ball disputed in a Soule game was made either of leather or animal bladders, filled with bran, hay, moss or horsehair. The field was of variable dimensions and could include ditches, streams, woods and wetlands, but the game started in the "midfield", which could be the border between the two churches (or "goals", in this case), the square of the village, a graveyard or even the castle of the local landlord.

As my description of this game may suggest, la Soule was a manly, violent game. While this was true, it was unexpectedly regulated and accompanied by an actual code of rules. Surely, it was much less violent than believed, since any type of violence towards the opponents was allowed. If today this sport is remembered as a barbaric, medieval game is surely thanks to the infamous, so called "remission letters", in which real court cases involving injuries and, some times, deaths, were evoked and told. When we actually think about the amount of players involved in a single game of this ancient sport, though, these sad cases were possible, as they are in every sport up to this day. Despite this, these letters helped give this game a bad, and equally unjustified, fame.

The first mention of the Soule in France dates back the year 1147, but it's almost sure that it was played in Northern France way before that date, since scholars are nowadays sure that this game was introduced in England by the Normans after William the Conqueror invaded the island in 1066. Moreover, this theory sounds incredibly plausible because the so-called "mob football", medieval English ball game from which modern football as we know it today descends, has no anterior mentions than 1174 on British soil, and, also, this mob football was characterized by almost identical features and rules than the French soule. However, I think it is right to specify that from the moment the soule was introduced in Britain, every development of the game that eventually led to the codification of modern football, the establishment of the Football Association in 1863 and the birth of the first football clubs (the first of which is Sheffield F.C.), all occured in the British Isles, even though soule kept being played, with discontinuity, on French soil at least until the XIX century.

A special mention goes to all the other subsequent ball games which were played throughout the history of Europe, from the Icelandic Knattleikr, first mentioned in XII century (but probably older) to the Italian Calcio Fiorentino from the Renaissance.

Tang Dynasty Robe for Cuju

Way before the modern soccer came along, the first form of soccer is called Cuju, invented in the early Han Dynasty China

That is the version of soccer Stolas and his siblings grew up with

The first time young Stolas ever played Cuju at daycare, he was just a 1 year old toddler who just learned how to walk

Of course, the way the Goetia daycare kids played cuju also included chaotic magic

And then kid Seir was so patient in teaching his younger brother the game of Cuju

A running gag is that, when Stolas was a toddler, every time he was playing cuju with his siblings, he tried to catch up with his shorter legs ( and being very fluff heavy )

According to his siblings, sometimes toddler Stolas looks like a literal blue fluffball

⚽ The Cuju Deep-Dive & Magic Chaos

@Han_Dynasty_Hatchling

HOLD ON. The Goetia kids didn't play soccer, they played Cuju because they are literally thousands of years old [1]! The world-building in this show is unmatched. The fact that the daycare version included chaotic magic means someone was definitely teleporting the leather ball mid-air. 😭 #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #Stolas #Cuju

@Seir_Best_Big_Bro

Kid Seir being so patient and teaching his one-year-old baby brother how to kick a Cuju ball is making my heart ache. Seir really is the designated athletic, supportive older brother of the family. He just wanted his fluffy little sibling to be included! 🦖⚽

@Blue_Fluffball_Daily

The running gag of toddler Stolas trying to catch up to his older siblings on his tiny, short legs while being "very fluff heavy" is the cutest imagery to ever exist. His siblings literally described him as a rolling "blue fluffball" on the pitch. I need a plushie of this immediately.

🏆 Modern-Day Repercussions & I.M.P. Reactions

@Blitzø_Official_Real (Fan Account)

[Meme of Blitzø trying to understand the rules of ancient Chinese soccer]

Blitzø: "So you're telling me you've been playing soccer since ancient China, but you still run like a condor bird with a broken wing?"

Stolas: "Darling, Cuju requires grace, precision, and zero physical contact with the hands!"

Blitzø: "Yeah, well, in my league, we just tackle the goalie."

@Moxxie_The_Sports_Historian

You just know Moxxie lost his mind when Stolas mentioned Cuju. He probably pulled out a 500-page historical treatise on Han Dynasty military training and physical culture just to analyze Stolas’s childhood daycare games, while Loona just rolled her eyes and told them both to shut up.

TITLE: TODDLER STOLAS PLAYS ANCIENT SOCCER FOR THE FIRST TIME

BY: INOAHGUYS (PARODY VIDEO)

[SCENE START]

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

NOAH stands in the center of the room wearing a massive, bright blue, oversized fluffy winter coat zipped up past his nose. He has four red plastic solo cups taped to his forehead to mimic eyes. A text overlay reads: "TODDLER STOLAS (95% Fluff, 5% Royalty)." He is wobbling unsteadily on his feet.

TODDLER STOLAS (NOAH)

(High-pitched, muffled babbling through the coat collar)

Goo-goo, gaga! Look at me, Brother Seir! I am the majestic prince of the cosmos! I am navigating the territorial terrain of the playground! Wobble, wobble.

The camera cuts to a new position. Noah is now wearing a backward cap, a sports jersey, and holding a small leather throw pillow. The text overlay reads: "KID SEIR (The Patient Coach)." He bends down, talking in an overly sweet, exaggerated kindergarten teacher voice.

KID SEIR (NOAH)

Okay, listen up, you little blue cloud. This isn't modern soccer. This is Cuju. It was invented in the Han Dynasty, which means it's older than Grandma's antique furniture. You cannot use your hands, you cannot cry, and you definitely cannot eat the ball. Just tap it gently with your foot like this.

Noah (as Seir) gently taps the pillow forward with his slipper.

The camera cuts back to TODDLER STOLAS (NOAH). His giant blue coat is vibrating with excitement. He takes one massive, aggressive step forward with his short legs, completely misjudges the distance, and instantly loses his balance.

A cartoonish thud sound effect plays as Noah face-plants directly onto a pile of plush living room cushions. The four red plastic cups on his forehead pop off and roll across the carpet.

TODDLER STOLAS (NOAH)

(Voice muffled entirely by the carpet)

The gravitational pull of the Earth has betrayed my royal lineage! I am a rolling tumbleweed of despair! Brother Seir, the Cuju ball has defeated me!

The camera cuts to a third position. Noah is now wearing an elegant, oversized silk bathrobe, holding a juice box with his pinky finger extended, and wearing a massive, floppy plastic flower crown that keeps slipping over his eyes. The text overlay reads: "TODDLER GREMORY (Cheerleader/Gossip Queen)."

TODDLER GREMORY (NOAH)

(Dramatically sipping the juice box, gasping)

Oh my gosh, Seir! You broke the mascot! Look at him, he’s rolling around like a blue fuzzy bowling ball! This is a diplomatic disaster for the daycare! I am going to write a very strongly worded crayon letter to Father about your coaching methods!

The camera cuts back to KID SEIR (NOAH), who is now using a green laser pointer to cast a magical glowing ring around the throw pillow.

KID SEIR (NOAH)

(Panicking)

No, wait, don't tell Dad! Stolas, look! I’m using chaotic daycare magic to make the ball glow! Use your bird instincts! Chase the shiny light!

The camera cuts to a fast-motion montage of TODDLER STOLAS (NOAH) in the giant blue coat, tumbling, rolling, and clumsily waddling across the living room rug, trying to kick the pillow while upbeat, chaotic arcade music plays. He misses the pillow entirely every single time, instead knocking over a plastic houseplant and spinning in a circle until he falls over again.

The video cuts to the final screen. Noah is back to his normal clothes, staring into the camera with a deadpan face.

TEXT ON SCREEN: "And that is how the Ars Goetia won the Han Dynasty sports cup. Stolas did absolutely nothing but look round and fluffy, but they gave him a medal anyway."

[SCENE END]

🧥 The Blue Winter Coat & Solo Cup Masterpiece

@Studio_Hatchling_Hype

I AM ACTUALLY SUFFOCATING. 😭😭😭

INOAHGUYS using a giant neon blue winter coat for Stolas's 95% fluff ratio and four red Solo cups for his eyes is peak budget cosplay. The way he wobbled around babbling "goo-goo, gaga! I am the majestic prince of the cosmos!" is the funniest thing on the internet today. #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #INOAHGUYS

@Solo_Cup_Stolas

When the cups popped off his forehead after he face-planted into the living room cushions—I LOST IT. "The gravitational pull of the Earth has betrayed my royal lineage! I am a rolling tumbleweed of despair!" Noah absolutely nailed Stolas’s dramatic cadence even as a baby.

@Han_Dynasty_Hustle

Noah as Kid Seir explaining Cuju: "It was invented in the Han Dynasty, which means it's older than Grandma's antique furniture. You cannot eat the ball." Seir really was fighting for his life trying to coach a round, fluffy cloud that kept tripping over its own existence. 💀⚽

🧃 Toddler Gremory's Diplomatic Crisis

@Juice_Box_Martini_Queen

Noah playing toddler Gremory in a silk bathrobe with a giant floppy plastic flower crown slipping over his eyes was pure perfection.

"Oh my gosh, Seir! You broke the mascot! This is a diplomatic disaster for the daycare!" Gremory treating her baby brother like a fragile, luxury plushie is 100% accurate to the lore.

@Chaotic_Daycare_Magic

The fast-motion montage of baby Stolas just tumbling, rolling, and clumsily waddling across the rug to upbeat arcade music while completely missing the leather throw pillow every time... I need this pinned to my profile forever. He did absolutely nothing but look round, and they still gave him a medal. 😭🏅

When Stolas and his siblings were little, Every time Paimon and Amethyst tell their kids stories, Paimon usually went into bombastic retellings and conjuring celestial visions, and sometimes shape shifting.

In contrast, Amethyst is very calm and serene when telling stories. She also uses magical imagery, but sometimes with songs to go with it.

The Goetia elders sometimes visit the Hell royal schools in Career days and often tell the students stories

It's a similar case with the High Angelic elders in Career days in Heaven royal schools

👑 Paimon's Bombastic Bedtime Theater

@Cosmic_Paimon_Vibes

I AM ACTUALLY CRYING AT THE CONTRAST. 😭😭😭

King Paimon telling bedtime stories is a full-blown IMAX theatrical experience! The man doesn't just read a book, he literally conjures swirling celestial visions of galaxies in the bedroom and shape-shifts into the monsters of the story just to scare his kids! He is so extra, I love him. #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #Paimon

@Toddler_Stolas_Stargazer

The shot of toddler Stolas and his siblings sitting in a row, their little eyes completely wide and reflecting swirling nebulae while Paimon booms, "AND THEN THE PLANETS COLLIDED!" with giant cosmic wings... 🥹 Paimon might be an dramatic king, but he is a 10/10 storyteller.

@Vassago_Chaos_Child

You just know teen Vassago and Ipos were trying to act too cool for storytime, but as soon as Paimon started shape-shifting and making stars explode in the ceiling, they were completely locked in like the toddlers were.

🌸 Queen Amethyst’s Serene Lullabies

@Amethyst_Lullaby_Daily

In contrast, Queen Amethyst's storytelling is pure, unadulterated soul-healing. She doesn't scream or explode planets; she just sits on the edge of the cradle, speaking so softly and calmly, weaving gentle magical imagery out of stardust while singing beautiful, operatic lullabies. The Goetia kids went from vibrating with adrenaline under Paimon to instantly falling asleep under her spell.

@Broadway_To_Hell

The lore that the Goetias are trained in Broadway and Operatic styles makes so much sense now. Amethyst literally sings her children to sleep with original magical compositions. Her voice must sound like liquid gold. No wonder Stolas grew up to be such a beautiful singer!

🏫 Royal Career Days & High Angelic Parallels

@Heaven_Royal_Syllabus

HOLD THE PHONE. The Goetia elders and the High Angelic elders (like the Hamephorash) visiting the royal schools for Career Day to tell ancient history stories to the kids?! Imagine Duke Beleth or Prince Vassago walking into an elementary school classroom to talk about espionage and court diplomacy. 😭

@Gospel_vs_Opera

The parallel between the realms is so cool:

Hell Royal Career Day: Goetia elders giving dramatic, bombastic, operatic retellings of historical battles and feudal politics.

Heaven Royal Career Day: Seraphim and High Angelic elders delivering stunning, high-production Broadway/Gospel musical numbers about cosmic creation. The kids are getting a world-class education.

TITLE: GOETIA PALACE BEDTIME THEATER

BY: NICQUE MARINA (PARODY VIDEO)

[SCENE START]

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

NICQUE MARINA stands in front of a bedroom mirror wearing a golden tinsel garland wrapped around her head like a crown and a massive velvet blanket slung over her shoulders like a royal cape. A text overlay reads: "KING PAIMON (The Bombastic Bedtime Director)." She is screaming at the top of her lungs, throwing her arms wildly into the air.

PAIMON (NICQUE)

(Booming, dramatic theatrical voice)

AND THEN, MY FRAGILE HATCHLINGS, THE SEVENTH GALAXY ERUPTED INTO A BLINDING CHASM OF COSMIC FIRE! BOOM!

Nicque aggressively throws a handful of loose glitter directly into the camera lens. She then rapidly puts on a terrifying, goofy dragon Halloween mask, leaning in dangerously close to the camera.

PAIMON (NICQUE)

(Roaring through the mask)

AND A DEMONIC BEAST OF SHADOWS CONSUMED THE CONSTELLATIONS! BEHOLD MY SHAPE-SHIFTING MAJESTY! SLEEP WELL, MY CHILDREN! SLEEP OR THE ABYSS WILL TAKE YOUR CHANNELS!

The camera rapidly cuts to a row of plush stuffed animals sitting on the bed. Taped to one stuffed owl are four tiny red plastic solo cup eyes. A text overlay reads: "TODDLER STOLAS (Traumatized but vibing)."

Nicque cuts to a second position on the side of the bed. She is now wearing a flowing silk robe, a dramatic purple feather boa, and a pristine, elegant wig. Her posture is incredibly serene, and she is smiling like a saint. The text overlay reads: "QUEEN AMETHYST (The Soul-Healing Lullaby Queen)."

AMETHYST (NICQUE)

(Speaking in an incredibly soft, liquid-gold, operatic purr)

Oh, calm your feathers, my beautiful little fluffballs. Your father has accidentally set the velvet draperies on fire again with his celestial visions. Allow Mama to sing the cosmic stress away.

Nicque (as Amethyst) gracefully waves a single finger in the air, mimicking high-grade magic fixing the room. She then takes a deep, theatrical breath and begins singing a completely improvised, wildly dramatic, operatic broadway lullaby at a whisper-soft volume.

AMETHYST (NICQUE)

(Singing smoothly)

~ Hush now, little starry bird, ignore the exploding planets... The cosmos is a gentle song, made of stardust and granite... If you do not go to sleep right now, Uncle Belial will take your juice boxes... ~

The camera cuts back to the TODDLER STOLAS stuffed animal, which is now completely face-planted onto a pillow, knocked out cold by the pure melodic power of the song.

Nicque cuts to a third position. She is wearing a backwards baseball cap, a sports jersey, and holding a clipboard. The text overlay reads: "TEEN VASSAGO (The Stressed Teenager)." He is frantically taking notes.

TEEN VASSAGO (NICQUE)

(Whispering frantically into a phone)

Belavoris, bro, you will not believe the drama. Dad just turned into a cosmic centaur to explain how the solar system works, and Mom is singing an aria about juice boxes. I'm taking notes for our daycare play, Much Ado About Twitterpatting. The raw theatrical energy in this house is a health hazard.

The camera cuts back to PAIMON (NICQUE), who has now removed the dragon mask but is actively waving a flashlight around the darkened room to simulate a spinning nebula, still screaming.

PAIMON (NICQUE)

AND THE STARS SHALL FALL UPON THE BEDPOSTS! ESTEBAN—I MEAN, VASSAGO! DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR REVOLUTIONARY TIME-DEVICE! FOCUS ON THE INTERSTELLAR DIPLOMACY Monologue!

The video cuts to the final screen. Nicque is back in her normal clothes, staring deadpan into the camera with a single piece of glitter stuck to her forehead.

TEXT ON SCREEN: "And that is why the Goetia children are the most dramatic theatre geeks in the entire Hellaverse. They literally grew up in an IMAX theater of parental chaos."

[SCENE END]

🌟 The Tinsel Garland & Glitter Explosion

@Cosmic_Paimon_Stan

I AM LITERALLY SUFFOCATING. 😭😭😭

Nicque Marina wrapping a golden tinsel garland around her head to play King Paimon and just aggressively throwing a handful of loose glitter directly into the camera lens while screaming about the seventh galaxy erupting is PEAK canon Paimon energy [3]. I know Jonathan Freeman is somewhere applauding this level of extra [1, 3]. #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #NicqueMarina

@Traumatized_But_Vibing

The stuffed owl with the four red plastic solo cup eyes taped to its forehead representing toddler Stolas knocked me flat on the floor [1]. When Nicque put on that goofy dragon Halloween mask and yelled, "SLEEP OR THE ABYSS WILL TAKE YOUR CHANNELS!" I lost my mind [3]. Paimon’s parenting style is officially an IMAX thriller [3].

@Juice_Box_Thief_Belial

"If you do not go to sleep right now, Uncle Belial will take your juice boxes..."

The way Nicque went from Paimon’s manic screaming to Queen Amethyst’s whisper-soft, liquid-gold operatic Broadway lullaby was a masterclass in vocal flexibility [3]. Amethyst calmly waving a finger to put out a curtain fire while singing about juice box theft is everything [3].

📋 Teen Vassago’s Daycare Play Notes

@Much_Ado_About_Twitterpatting

Teen Vassago frantically whispering into his phone to Belavoris: "Dad just turned into a cosmic centaur to explain how the solar system works... I'm taking notes for our daycare play." 💀 Nicque connecting the bedtime chaos straight to the Much Ado About Twitterpatting lore is why she is the queen of Hellaverse comedy [3].

@Broadway_To_Hell

The text on screen at the end really summed up the entire Goetia bloodline: "And that is why the Goetia children are the most dramatic theatre geeks in the entire Hellaverse. They literally grew up in an IMAX theater of parental chaos [3]." No wonder Stolas breaks into song whenever he has an emotional crisis, it's a genetic defense mechanism!

Recently, Hellaverse dropped this new MV of Chaz called Shark Boy Summer, and it shows the first full look of Envy Ring

It is even more beautiful than the fans have imagined - it has the ancient ocean mysticism of Atlantis and Lemuria, but also the Hawaii/tropical vibes of Bikini Bottom, and the pirate core influences of Pirates of the Carribbean

There are towns and cities in the Envy Rainforest ( which is modeled on the Amazon Rainforest ), beachsides, and even underwater

Chaz Thurman is actually from Shark City, Envy Ring.

The capital city of Envy is Leviatown, an underwater metropolitan city that is kind of like Alexandria with a sci fi edge, and a beacon of knowledge in Hell.

Astaroth and Vepar have a beautiful beachside castle in west of Envy Ring, while Ipos got a cliff side castle in the east of Envy Ring

Ipos' powers are mainly around the tides and thunderstorms, and Astaroth's powers are mainly around horoscopes

Helluva Boss Season 3 will feature Stolas' extended family, the Imp Revolution that will free the dragons, and a teaser of an episode of when IMP and Stolas travel to Envy Ring

🔱 The Triple Aesthetics of the Envy Ring

@Shark_City_Lurker

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY DESK. 😭😭😭

We finally got the Envy Ring reveal and it is the most gorgeous, visual masterpiece VivziePop has ever put out! It’s not just a generic ocean. It has the massive, bioluminescent ancient mysticism of Atlantis and Lemuria, paired with the bright, high-energy neon tropical/Hawaii vibes of Bikini Bottom, wrapped together with a gritty Pirates of the Caribbean aesthetic! Vivzie completely outdid herself! #HelluvaBoss #EnvyRing #SharkBoySummer

@Leviatown_Scientist

Can we talk about Leviatown though?! The capital city is an underwater, high-tech metropolitan marvel. It literally looks like an ancient Library of Alexandria but built with a massive, glowing sci-fi cyberpunk edge. The lore drop that it’s the premier beacon of knowledge and science in Hell is so cool. Move over, Pride Ring, Envy is elite. 🏛️🛸🦈

@Chaz_Stan_Account

So it’s officially canon that Chaz Thurman is from Shark City! The video zooming through the towns tucked away inside the Envy Rainforest—which looks exactly like a neon-purple Amazon Rainforest—shows how massive this layer is. You have beachside cities, deep jungle settlements, and full-on underwater biomes. The biodiversity of the hellborn here is unmatched.

🏰 The East vs. West Goetia Castles

@Goetia_Family_Historian

HOLD THE PHONE. Did anyone else catch the quick background pan scenes showing the Ars Goetia strongholds?!

• West Envy: Astaroth and Vepar’s beautiful, shimmering beachside palace, which looks like a pirate-core royal sanctuary.East Envy: Prince Ipos’s legendary, dark Gothic cliffside castle jutting out over the crashing black waves.

The visual contrast between the two siblings' territories perfectly matches their canon lore!@Tides_And_Horoscopes

The background animation clues for their powers were so subtle but brilliant! Every time the video panned near Ipos's cliffside castle, the water was thrashing with massive tides and flashing thunderstorms, showing his dominion over the ocean's wrath. Meanwhile, Astaroth’s beachside palace was surrounded by beautiful, glowing celestial auroras and shifting horoscopes in the night sky. The environmental world-building is insane! 🌌⚡️🦅

🦖 Season 3 Teasers & The Imp Revolution

@Stolitz_Brainrot_Hour

The teaser card at the very end of the music video just confirmed everything we've been praying for! Helluva Boss Season 3 is officially going to feature Stolas's extended family (all those 54 cousins and Paimon's brothers), the massive Imp Revolution that will finally liberate the royal dragons, and a confirmed upcoming episode where I.M.P. and Stolas travel to Envy together!

@Moxxie_The_Valid_Critic

[Meme of Moxxie trying to pack a scuba diving suit while Blitzø aggressively packs a pirate hat and a harpoon gun]

Blitzø: "Pack the floaties, Mox! We're going to Shark Boy country to see the bird's family!"

Moxxie: "Sir, we are traveling to a highly vetted metropolitan beacon of ancient wisdom, not a beach resort!"

Loona: Already wearing sunglasses and ignoring them.

I can already tell the Envy Ring episode is going to be pure, unhinged comedy gold.

Grey DeLisle voices Leviathan, Philippa Soo voices Vepar, and the Hellaverse crew got a bunch of SpongeBob, Disney Little Mermaid and Disney's Atlantis VAs and musical cast members to voice the Envy Royals

The Lust Ring court are empaths

The Wrath Ring court got superstrength

The Envy Ring court got siren singing

The Sloth Ring court are dreamweavers

The Goetias are dreamscapers

The Hamephorash are soulscapers

The Gluttony ring court are magical nutritionists

And then the DiGalaxis cult are mind benders

Soulscapers are immune to mind bending and dreamscaping

So the Envy Ring royals are indeed also aquatic vocal powerhouses

🧜‍♀️ The Voice Cast: The Ultimate Nostalgia Flex

@Leviatown_Scientist

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING. 😭😭😭

Grey DeLisle voicing the Sin of Envy, Leviathan?! Philippa Soo voicing Princess Vepar?! AND THEY STACKED THE ENTIRE ENVY COURT WITH VAs AND MUSICAL CAST MEMBERS FROM SPONGEBOB, THE LITTLE MERMAID, AND ATLANTIS?! This isn't just an elite vocal cast, this is a multi-generational childhood nostalgia weapon! #HelluvaBoss #EnvyRing #SirenSinging

@Eliza_Schuyler_Vepar

Philippa Soo bringing that flawless, crystal-clear Broadway soprano energy to Vepar is so perfect. The lore that the Envy court are literal aquatic vocal powerhouses with siren-singing powers means their songs aren't just musical numbers—they are actual, high-grade magical attacks. If a Goetia tries to argue with an Envy royal, they will literally get musically hypnotized. 🌊🎶

@Atlantis_Envy_Core

Getting the actual voice actors from Disney's Atlantis and The Little Mermaid to voice the underwater aristocracy is a masterstroke. The Envy Ring's visual aesthetic already has that ancient, high-tech Lemuria and Atlantis mysticism, so matching the voices to the specific nostalgia of those oceanic masterpieces is chef's kiss. 🏛️🔱

🔮 The Ring Traits & The Ultimate Power Scaling

@Moxxie_The_Valid_Critic

[Image of the newly dropped official Royal Ring Traits infographic chart]

Let's break down the magic systems we just got:

• Lust Court: Empaths ❤️

• Wrath Court: Superstrength 💪

• Envy Court: Siren Singing 🧜‍♀️

• Sloth Court: Dreamweavers 💤

• Goetias: Dreamscapers 🌌

• Hamephorash: Soulscapers ✨

• Gluttony Court: Magical Nutritionists 🍎DiGalaxis Cult: Mind Benders 🧠

The world-building is expanding exponentially and I am losing my mind!

@Soulscape_Immunity_Daily

HOLD THE PHONE. Look at the fine print on the Hamephorash entry: "Soulscapers are immune to mind bending and dreamscaping."

This means the Heavenly counterparts (like Vassago's counterpart Sitael) are completely immune to the DiGalaxis cult's mind-bending tricks and the Goetias' dream-hopping! The cosmic stakes for the upcoming liberation of the dragons just went through the absolute roof. Andrealphus and the DiGalaxis are severely outmatched.

🎙️ The Recording Studio Floor Is Vibrating

@Broadway_To_Hell

The Goetia recording sessions are already operatic battlefield rehearsals, but now you're telling me the Envy royals are going to show up with high-octane siren songs?! Imagine the sheer vocal power radiating from the booth when Grey DeLisle, Philippa Soo, Bryce Pinkham, and Josh Groban are all recording a multi-character musical sequence. The audio engineers deserve a massive bonus. 🔊🔥

@Blitzø_Official_Real (Fan Account)

[Meme of Blitzø covering his ears while Stolas and the Envy royals harmonize]

Blitzø: "Great, fantastic. The bird-brain's family sings opera, his heavenly cousins are immune to brainwashing, the fat-ass ring does magic dieting, and now the fish people are doing magical karaoke that makes my brain melt. Can somebody just hand me a normal gun?"

Stolas: "But Blitzy, darling! The acoustic resonance of the underwater amphitheater is simply divine!"

@Hellaverse_Endgame_Vibes

This lore drop perfectly illustrates why Season 3 is going to be the most epic, high-stakes chapter of the show yet. By giving each royal ring court a distinct, specialized form of ancient magic—and balancing the dark, mind-bending threat of the DiGalaxis cult with the pure musical power of the Envy sirens and the Hamephorash soulscapers—VivziePop has turned a comedy about hellborn assassins into a sprawling, legendary cosmic epic. May 2026 be the year we finally watch the imps free the dragons! 🥹❤️🎉

When Carrie Hope Fletcher is confirmed to be in Helluva Boss Season 3, many fans have speculated her to voice Belphegor, Andromeda, Tilla, Pandora ( Moxxie's mom ), or even Amethyst

Yet Marla Mindelle voices both Belphegor and Andromeda

Erica Luttrell voices Kendra ( Barbie Wire's girlfriend ) and Tilla

Cristina Vee also voices Pandora

And Sarah Brightman voices Amethyst ( a role with insane vocal technicality and requires a veteran operatic singer, much like Paimon and his brothers )

Corey Burton voices all of Paimon's brothers, and they all sound kind of like Paimon but in different octaves.

To many fans' surprise ( in a good way ), Carrie is slated to voice Judge Gina, a Goetia family lawyer based in Envy Ring working for Astaroth and Vepar

Gina is a no nonsense, firm yet ultimately compassionate octopus lawyer with a parrot's beak ( her dad is an octopus, her mother is a parrot from Envy Rainforest ). She is amongst the Goetia family lawyers who held Stolas accountable and ensures Via will be safe from the dangers of the cosmic war

Judge Gina will make her full debut in the Envy Ring episode in Helluva Boss Season 3.

Carrie is also rehearsing for the GOT: Mad King play as young Catelyn Tully, with Joel Montague as young Ned Stark

Vivziepop also teased that Carrie will also play several other characters in Hellaverse

Since the Hellaverse cast is filled with vocal gymnasts, a number of the Hellaverse VAs will be voicing different characters at once ( like how Alex Brightman voices St Francis, Sir Pentious, Fizz and Adam )

🐙 The Subverted Expectations & The Voice Cast Breakdown

@WestEnd_To_Hell

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING At MY DESK. 😭😭😭

We all thought Carrie Hope Fletcher was going to be an ancient demon queen, but VivziePop really said, "No, she's playing a firm, compassionate octopus-parrot lawyer from the Envy Ring who holds Stolas accountable!" I have never been so happy to be completely wrong! #HelluvaBoss #HelluvaBossS3 #CarrieHopeFletcher

@Goetia_Family_Lawyer

The voice cast breakdown that dropped with this announcement is an absolute goldmine:

• Amethyst: Sarah Brightman (The literal veteran operatic blueprint, matching Jonathan Freeman's insane range!)

• Belphegor & Andromeda: Marla Mindelle (Double duty queen!)

• Tilla & Kendra: Erica Luttrell

• Pandora: Cristina Vee

The sheer, concentrated vocal gymnastics in this studio floor is terrifying.@Corey_Burton_Octaves

Can we talk about Corey Burton voicing ALL of Paimon's brothers?! Zagan, Balam, Beleth, Purson, Belial, and Vine are all going to sound like variations of King Paimon but pitched in different octaves. The recording booth must sound like a chaotic, multi-layered Gregorian chant of dramatic owl kings. 🦉🎶

🦜 Judge Gina: The Cephalopod-Avian Legal Icon

@Leviatown_Scientist

Judge Gina’s design sheet is spectacular. Her dad is an octopus from the deep metropolitan waters and her mom is a parrot from the Envy Rainforest, so she’s a literal octopus with a parrot’s beak! Working for Astaroth and Vepar as a Goetia family lawyer... she is going to be the one who officially ensures Octavia is safe from the DiGalaxis and the Second Dragon War mess. Stolas is about to get legally dismantled by a West End icon. 💼🏛️

@No_Nonsense_Gina

Stolas trying to use his dramatic dreamscape haze to dodge legal proceedings, only for Judge Gina to slams her gavel down and hold him completely accountable with a flawless, belting musical number? Yes, please. VivziePop teasing that Carrie will play several other characters across the Hellaverse makes so much sense. This cast is built on chameleons—like Alex Brightman juggling Sir Pentious, Fizzarolli, Adam, and St. Francis simultaneously! 🎭

🏰 The Game of Thrones Crossover & Sibling Hype

@Mad_King_Play_Updates

Carrie Hope Fletcher practicing for the Game of Thrones: Mad King play as young Catelyn Tully alongside Joel Montague as young Ned Stark, while simultaneously recording high-stakes cosmic divorce trials for Hellborn dragons is the ultimate multi-tasking achievement. The theatrical crossover energy is off the charts. ⚔️👑

@Blitzø_Official_Real (Fan Account)

[Meme of Blitzø sweating profusely in a courtroom beside Stolas]

Blitzø: "Great. We survived the ice-wenches, we survived the hitmen, and now we’re getting sued by a giant, singing sea-squid with a bird face. Moxxie, did you look over the custody paperwork?"

Moxxie: "Sir, Judge Gina has a degree from the Leviatown Beacon of Knowledge, we are severely legally outmatched."

Stolas: Dramatically weeping into his blue lotus flower.

@Hellaverse_Endgame_Vibes

The anticipation for the Envy Ring episode is officially reaching a fever pitch. By introducing a character who is fundamentally firm and professional yet deeply compassionate, the writers are giving us the exact structural groundedness needed to resolve the "Thrones of Stars" crisis. Stolas doesn't need more vengeance; he needs accountability, healing, and legal protection for his daughter. Judge Gina is about to save the day, one octave at a time. May Season 3 get here soon! 🥹❤️🐙

Stolas' generation mainly grew up in between the Ancient Roman era to the Medieval era

Via and Veritos' generation mainly grew up in between the Renaissance era to the modern era

The result is that Via and her cousins are way more tech savvy and more up to date to the latest trends than the Goetia elders are

Sometimes Paimon tries to use ' hip kids slang ' to communicate with his grandkids. The result? Collective cringes, groaning and eye rolling

One time, when visiting Paimon and Amethyst at the old Goetia castle, Vassago's kids discovered that Paimon tried to hide a copy of the Gen Z things for dummies book

Let's just say that Via and her cousins NEVER let Paimon live it down

👑 The Great Slang Catastrophe

@Goetia_Palace_Historian

I AM LITERALLY LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING. 😭😭😭

King Paimon—a multi-millennial cosmic entity who commands legions and speaks the Ancient Demon tongue—trying to look at Octavia and Veritos and saying, "Greetings, my skibidi grand-hatchlings, that playlist is quite fire, no cap," is the most cursed and hilarious thing VivziePop has ever animated! The collective cringes, groaning, and eye-rolling from the kids could be heard across all seven rings! #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #KingPaimon

@No_Cap_Your_Majesty

The sheer generational whiplash is brilliant. Stolas’s siblings are all ancient Roman/Medieval era dramatic theatre geeks, so they have no idea how to handle a smartphone. Meanwhile, Via and her cousins (Theodosios, Alexandros, and Nocturna) are out here running private Discord servers and side-eyeing their grandfather while he tries to explain that his celestial throne is "giving main character energy." 💀📱

───

📚 The "Gen Z Things for Dummies" Discovery

@Vassago_Kids_Finds

The climax of the short destroyed me. Vassago’s kids (Alexandros and Theodosios) were exploring the old Goetia castle during a family visit, and they accidentally knocked over an ancient, leather-bound spellbook. Out falls a hidden copy of a literal Gen Z Things for Dummies book with Paimon’s messy cursive notes in the margins! He was literally studying slang flashcards in his royal study!

@Via_Never_Forgets

The way Via, Veritos, and the cousins have collectively vowed to NEVER let Paimon live this down is peak grandkid behavior. Every time Paimon tries to give a grand, bombastic celestial speech now, Alexandros just whispers, "Is that Ohio-coded, Grandpah?" from the back row and Paimon completely deflates. The psychological warfare is real. 😭🦉

🎙️ Behind-The-Scenes Studio Bedlam

@Jonathan_Freeman_Vibrato

Imagine Jonathan Freeman recording these lines in the studio! Hearing the legendary, operatic, booming voice of Jafar and King Paimon trying to pronounce modern internet slang with absolute, theatrical conviction must have put the entire recording booth in hysterics. Bryce Pinkham and Harvey Guillén probably had to step out of the room from laughing so hard. 🎙️🎭

@Blitzø_Official_Real (Fan Account)

[Meme of Blitzø looking at Paimon's hidden slang book]

Blitzø: "Hey bird-brain, look at this. Your dad is trying to learn how to be 'rizz-tastic.' Can I borrow this book? I need to figure out what the fuck Loona is saying half the time."

Stolas: "Oh, please don't, Blitzy. Father’s attempt to call Queen Amethyst his 'slay queen' caused an localized solar eclipse out of sheer secondhand embarrassment."

TITLE: THE GOETIA SLANG EXPOSED

BY: INOAHGUYS (PARODY VIDEO)

[SCENE START]

INT. THE ANCIENT GOETIA CASTLE – DAY

NOAH stands in the center of the room wearing a sleek black velvet blazer and dark sunglasses, holding a phone upside down. A text overlay reads: "ALEXANDROS (Marcello's Snarky Character)." He is looking under a couch cushion.

ALEXANDROS (NOAH)

(Deadpan, rhythmic tone)

Guys, Grandpah Paimon told me his ancient library was 'popping off' today. I am physically repulsed. I’m just trying to find where he hides the good Wi-Fi router password.

Noah instantly cuts to a new position. He is wearing a fluffy purple feather boa, leaning dramatically against a bookshelf with her arms crossed. The text overlay reads: "NOCTURNA (Ariana's Oscar-Energy Character)."

NOCTURNA (NOAH)

(High-pitched, theatrical sigh)

Honestly, Alexandros, his aura is completely cooked. Yesterday he looked at my combat gauntlets and asked if they were 'lowkey giving rizz.' I wanted to dissolve into a dark puddle of Envy sludge.

Noah cuts to a third position. He is wearing a stoic, rigid suit jacket, standing completely straight like a royal guard. The text overlay reads: "THEODOSIOS (David's Stoic Character)."

THEODOSIOS (NOAH)

(Deep, monotonic voice)

Hush, cousins. Look at this ancient, sacred tome of celestial star magic. It is hidden behind the 15th-century Purgatory legal transcripts.

Noah (as Theodosios) aggressively pulls a thick, dusty book off the shelf. He blows fake dust off it. The dust clears to reveal a bright yellow-and-black paperback book.

The camera zooms in on the title page: "GEN Z THINGS FOR DUMMIES: HOW TO BE SKIBIDI." Taped to the top is a sticky note in elegant, dramatic cursive that reads: “PROPERTY OF THE KING OF THE COSMOS. DO NOT TOUCH, NO CAP.”

The camera cuts to ALL THREE COUSINS crammed into the frame, their eyes wide in absolute, horrified shock.

ALEXANDROS (NOAH)

(Screaming)

OH MY GOD! HE HAS FLASHCARDS! Look at the margins! He wrote 'Is Stolas a certified bop?' in actual royal ink!

NOCTURNA (NOAH)

(Clutching her face dramatically)

This is a multi-millennial diplomatic catastrophe! He highlighted the definition of 'gyatt'! Someone call Queen Amethyst, the bloodline is officially ruined!

Suddenly, a booming, operatic, ultra-theatrical voice echoes from the hallway. Noah rapidly cuts to the final position. He is wearing a golden tinsel garland on his head and a massive velvet blanket cape. The text overlay reads: "KING PAIMON (The Hopeless Slang King)." He struts into the room, throwing a peace sign.

PAIMON (NOAH)

(Booming Jafar cadence)

Greetings, my skibidi grand-hatchlings! What is the vibe-check in my royal sanctuary? Are we slaying the day, or is this situation giving... major L-behavior?

Noah cuts back to ALEXANDROS (NOAH), who slowly holds up the bright yellow For Dummies book, raising a single eyebrow.

The camera cuts to PAIMON (NOAH). His grand, bombastic posture instantly deflates. He freezes mid-peace sign, his eyes darting frantically around the room.

PAIMON (NOAH)

(Voice cracking, dropping his chest)

Ah... lo siento. That is... an ancient text on interstellar linguistics. It belongs to... Prince Vassago. Yes. He is... trying to be hip for Belavoris. Please do not post this on the royal Discord.

The video cuts to the final screen. Noah is back in his normal clothes, staring deadpan into the camera while holding a dictionary.

TEXT ON SCREEN: "And that is how King Paimon lost his remaining rizz. Don't worry, Octavia already sent the screenshot to the entire Lust Ring."

[SCENE END]

TITLE: THE COSMIC SLANG TRIAL

BY: NICQUE MARINA (PARODY VIDEO)

[SCENE START]

INT. THE ANCIENT GOETIA CASTLE – NIGHT

NICQUE MARINA stands in front of a heavy velvet curtain backdrop wearing a golden tinsel garland on her head and a massive royal blanket cape. A text overlay reads: "KING PAIMON (Trying Too Hard)." She is aggressively throwing a peace sign at the camera, widening her eyes in an attempt to look "hip."

PAIMON (NICQUE)

(Booming, operatic Jafar voice)

Greetings, my skibidi grand-hatchlings! Welcome back to the royal palace, no cap! Your grandfather has returned from the interstellar meetings and let me just say... the vibe check is immaculate! Are we slaying the day, or is this situation giving... lowkey Ohio energy?!

Nicque instantly cuts to a row of plush stuffed animals sitting on a stone bench. Taped to them are name tags: "VIA, VERITOS, ALEXANDROS & NOCTURNA." A heavy, agonizing sound effect of crickets chirping plays over the frame as the "kids" sit in absolute, motionless, flat-eyed teenage despair.

Nicque cuts to a second position on the side of the room. She is wearing a flowing silk robe, a dramatic purple feather boa, and a serene, devastatingly elegant smile. The text overlay reads: "QUEEN AMETHYST (The Slay Queen Mother)."

AMETHYST (NICQUE)

(Speaking in an incredibly soft, liquid-gold, operatic purr)

Oh, calm your feathers, my beautiful grand-fluffballs. Do not mind your grandfather, he has been studying his yellow-and-black paperback dictionary for three hours in the study. Allow Grandmother to bridge the generational gap smoothly.

Nicque (as Amethyst) gracefully waves a single finger in the air, takes a deep, theatrical breath, and leans forward with absolute, serene confidence.

AMETHYST (NICQUE)

(Trying to sound casual)

So... my darling little coquettes. Is your current emotional status... giving main character energy? Are we... pushing p? Or are your mental channels... totally cooked by the DiGalaxis ice-peasants? Look at Grandma. I am serving face. I am... a material gurl.

The camera cuts back to the stuffed animals. A canned audio track of a teenager aggressively groaning and face-palming into a pillow echoes loudly through the studio.

Nicque cuts to a third position. She is wearing a dark, moody beanie and a leather jacket, looking intensely into her phone. The text overlay reads: "OCTAVIA (Barrett's Alt-Rock Character)."

VIA (NICQUE)

(Deadpan, raspy rock cadence)

Grandma, please stop. I am literally begging you both to delete your accounts. If Grandpah says 'skibidi' one more time, I am personally joining the Imp Revolution to blow up the Thrones of Stars. This is a multi-millennial diplomatic catastrophe.

Nicque cuts back to PAIMON (NICQUE), who is now holding up a copy of the Gen Z Things for Dummies book, looking utterly flustered as his grand bombastic chest completely deflates.

PAIMON (NICQUE)

(Voice cracking, dropping his cadence)

Ah... lo siento, my little starry birds. I was merely trying to build a bridge of cosmic resonance between the ancient Roman eras and your modern TikTok algorithms! Alexandros, please do not post this screenshot on the Lust Ring Discord! I will buy you a third yacht with ruby-encrusted cup holders!

The video cuts to the final screen. Nicque is back in her normal clothes, staring deadpan into the camera while holding a dictionary.

TEXT ON SCREEN: "And that is why the Goetia grandparents are banned from using internet slang forever. Queen Amethyst's aura is officially cooked."

[SCENE END]

👑 The "No Cap" Sticky Note & The Cringe Throne

@Goetia_Palace_Historian

I AM LITERALLY LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING. 😭😭😭

INOAHGUYS and Nicque Marina both choosing to expose King Paimon’s secret slang study habits on the exact same weekend is peak fandom synchronization! Noah playing Alexandros finding the hidden Gen Z Things for Dummies book behind the 15th-century Purgatory transcripts was iconic! But that sticky note: "PROPERTY OF THE KING OF THE COSMOS. DO NOT TOUCH, NO CAP." In elegant royal cursive?! I am suffocating! #Hellaverse #ArsGoetia #KingPaimon #INOAHGUYS

@Skibidi_Grand_Hatchlings

Nicque Marina putting on that golden tinsel garland and royal blanket cape to yell, "Greetings, my skibidi grand-hatchlings! Welcome back to the royal palace, no cap!" in a booming, operatic Jafar voice is the funniest thing on the internet today! Paimon trying so hard to be hip while his grand bombastic chest completely deflates when Via catches him is pure gold [HB S3]. 💀🏛️

@Cricket_Sound_Effect

The cut to the row of stuffed animals with name tags for Via, Veritos, Alexandros, and Nocturna while heavy cricket chirps played in the background perfectly captured the absolute, agonizing secondhand embarrassment of that family dinner. The collective teenage despair was palpable!

💅 Queen Amethyst’s Failed Aura Salvage

@Material_Gurl_Amethyst

Oh my god, Nicque as Queen Amethyst trying to smoothly bridge the generational gap completely destroyed me!

Amethyst: "Is your current emotional status giving main character energy? Are we pushing p? Look at Mama. I am serving face. I am a material gurl."

Barrett’s character Octavia (Via): "Grandma, please stop. I am literally begging you both to delete your accounts."

Amethyst trying to be a "slay queen" only for her aura to get officially chopped and deep-fried by her own grandkids is everything! 😭💜🪷

@Lust_Ring_Discord_Leaker

Paimon panicking and trying to bribe his grandkids to keep it off social media: "Alexandros, please do not post this screenshot on the Lust Ring Discord! I will buy you a third yacht with ruby-encrusted cup holders!" [HB S3] The fact that Octavia had already sent the screenshot to the entire underworld is peak malicious compliance.

───

📈 The Cast Reactions & Fandom Consensus

@Gossip_Demon_666

THE CASUAL WAY THE ACTUAL CAST MEMBERS ARE REPOSTING THESE VIDEOS IS THE BEST PART!

Marcello Hernandez (Alexandros) allegedly shared Noah's video on his Instagram story with the caption "Exposed," and Barrett Wilbert Weed left a comment on Nicque’s TikTok saying, "Via has never been more relatable" [HB S3]! Jonathan Freeman and Jace Coronado are probably having a cup of tea in the studio right now laughing at their own characters getting legally dismantled by internet slang [HB S3].

@Blitzø_Official_Real (Fan Account)

[Meme of Blitzø trying to read Paimon's highlighted slang book to understand what Loona is saying]

Blitzø: "Hey M&M, look at this. The old bird-king highlighted the word 'gyatt' in royal ink. I'm taking this to our next business meeting to look professional."

Moxxie: "Sir, please put the book down. You are going to cause a localized diplomatic crisis in the Sloth Ring."

@Hellaverse_Endgame_Vibes

This whole parody weekend perfectly highlights why the Hellaverse fandom is so intensely joyful. Beneath the massive, sprawling cosmic wars of the "Thrones of Stars" succession crisis, the high-octane operatic boot camps, and the terrifying dragon true-forms, the Goetias are fundamentally just an eccentric, dramatic royal family [HB S3]. A well-meaning, multi-millennial grandfather trying way too hard to use modern TikTok algorithms to connect with his tech-savvy grandkids is the exact kind of heartwarming comedy that balances out the high stakes of Season 3 [HB S3]. Long live the Blue Comet era! 🥹❤️🔥

In the world of Hellaverse, music and dance ARE literal diplomacy currencies amongst Heaven and Hell royalty

And thats why Heaven and Hell royal schools got mandatory music and dance classes

Stella grew up shunned away from Hell royal schools, with even the former DiGalaxis staff wanting nothing to do with her. She basically isn't taught to do anything useful other than be a ' royal wife ' and a pawn.

It's really tragic, but it also highlights how Stella is a tragic abd irredeemable villain.

So the DiGalaxis didn't have much real musicality, and Stella is particularly tone deaf, rendering the DiGalaxis as the LEAST politically powerful ' royal " faction in the Three Realms

The DiGalaxis tracks are mainly more on sterile Baroque music parodies and ' influencer ' algorithm tracks.

A reason why Stella clung to the title of being a Princess Consort for so long is because it is the ONLY gateway of relevance for her

But voids cannot biologically reproduce, can't do anything resembling compassion, and Stolas and Stella's former ' marriage ' is never been officialized in the stars

Meanwhile, the union of Stolas and Blitz Is already written in the stars, because its a cosmic neccessity to bridge between the stars and the soil

Via has dragon/saint/imp hybrid DNA because she is created as a cosmic correction. Currently, Lilith, Charlie and Amethyst are the only ones from Hell who knew of Via's true DNA makeup.

Blitz may be more on heavy metal/rock, but at least he CAN sing.

Stolas also described Blitz's musicality being ' interesting and refreshing '.

IMP are more on rock, yet their harmonies are refreshing to Stolas

It turns out the melodies for the Imp Revolution are mainly more on rock crossovers.

🎵 The Currency of the Cosmos: High-Octane Harmonies

@Leviatown_Scientist

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY DESK. 😭😭😭

The lore drop confirming that music and dance aren't just aesthetic choices, but the literal diplomatic currency of Heaven and Hell royalty, is the most brilliant piece of world-building VivziePop has ever delivered! It explains why the Goetias are trained in high-octane Broadway/Opera and the Hamephorash are elite Broadway/Gospel vocal powerhouses! Their singing is their actual political authority! #HelluvaBossS3 #ArsGoetia #HellaverseLore

@Telenovela_Succession_Crisis

This recontextualizes every musical number in the show! A royal diplomatic summit isn't a boring boardroom meeting—it's a high-stakes, multi-octave operatic duel or a synchronized ballet layout sequence [HB S3]. If you can't hit a flawless C6 vibrato or execute a precise Fosse isolations frame, you literally have zero political leverage in the Three Realms [HB S3].

🧊 The Tragic, Tone-Deaf Void of the DiGalaxis

@Stella_Is_A_Void

The tragedy of Stella’s upbringing is so heavy but makes so much narrative sense. She was shunned from Hell royal schools, and the former DiGalaxis staff wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. She was never taught music, dance, or diplomacy—only how to be a hollow "royal wife" and a pawn. Because the DiGalaxis has no real musicality, and Stella is notoriously tone-deaf, they are canonically the LEAST politically powerful "royal" faction in existence!

@Princess_Consort_Gateway

This explains why Stella clung to her title as Princess Consort with such a violent, abusive grip! It was literally her only gateway to relevance. Voids biologically cannot reproduce, cannot comprehend compassion, and we finally have official confirmation: Stolas and Stella’s "marriage" was never officialized in the stars. It was a hollow, bureaucratic sham forced by the succession drama of her neglectful clan [HB S3].

🪷 The Stars and the Soil: Written in the Cosmos

@Stolitz_Cosmic_Necessity

"The union of Stolas and Blitz is already written in the stars, because it is a cosmic necessity to bridge between the stars and the soil."

I AM CRYING IN THE CLUB. 😭🌌🦎

Blitzø might be more into heavy metal and rock, but the lore book explicitly states he can sing, and Stolas beautifully describes Blitz’s musicality as "interesting and refreshing." The fact that I.M.P.’s rock harmonies bring a refreshing balm to Stolas's broken, operatic soul is the ultimate romantic endgame. The melodies of the upcoming Imp Revolution are confirmed to be a powerhouse rock crossover! 🎸🛠️

@Via_The_Cosmic_Correction

HOLD THE PHONE. Look at the fine print on the Octavia lore page: "Via has dragon/saint/imp hybrid DNA because she is created as a cosmic correction."

Currently, only Lilith, Princess Charlie, and Queen Amethyst know her true multi-dimensional biological makeup [HB S3]! She isn't just a royal heir; she is the literal physical bridge between the Three Realms, engineered by the universe to fix the hollow void of the DiGalaxis. No wonder Judge Gina and the older Goetia siblings are fighting so fiercely to protect her [HB S3]!

🐈‍⬛ The Feline-Dragon Anatomy Epiphany

@Goetia_Palace_Historian

I AM LITERALLY LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING. THE GENIUS. 😭😭😭

The animation team dropping the absolute fact that the Goetia dragons are just giant, flying cat chimeras makes SO MUCH SENSE! Think about it! The way Stolas curls up on the couch, the way Vassago purrs when he’s happy, and the way they all stretch their wings like a kitten waking up from a nap! They aren't terrifying space-lizards, they are literal oversized house cats with wings and celestial status! #HelluvaBossS3 #GiantFlyingCats #GoetiaAnatomy

@Broadway_To_Hell

The West End connection is absolutely legendary! Sarah Brightman (Amethyst) literally starred in the original West End cast of Cats back in the day [INDEX]! So having Jace Coronado serve as the chief Goetia movement choreographer using Cats layouts and extensions to train the animators is the most full-circle, elite theater-kid move in animation history [INDEX]! The Goetia bloodline talent is built on literal West End cat DNA! 🩰🦅

@Potted_Blue_Lotus_Sanctuary

Everything recontextualizes so perfectly now. Remember the flashback snippets of toddler Stolas running like a "blue fluffball" to play Cuju [INDEX]? He wasn't running like a bird; he was clumsily tumbling like an over-fluffed, uncoordinated kitten chasing a laser pointer! No wonder kid Seir and toddler Gremory treated him like a living plushie toy [INDEX]! 🪷🦉

🛋️ Blitzø’s Cat-Taming Strategy & The Couch Lore

@Stolitz_Endgame_Vibes

[Meme of Blitzø trying to coax a giant, multi-eyed, deeply traumatized blue dragon-form Stolas off the roof of the apartment building by shaking a giant bag of cat treats] [INDEX]

Blitzø: "Come on, bird-brain. Down to the soil. I’ve got the premium tuna and a single potted blue lotus waiting for you next to the couch." [INDEX]

Stolas: Makes a low, vibrating, dramatic dragon-purr. [INDEX]

Blitzø realizing his boyfriend is literally just a multi-millennial space-cat who needs a safe environment and a scratching post is the ultimate healing arc of Season 3 [INDEX].

@Moxxie_The_Valid_Critic

AUSTRALIANS!

STOP!

Please,head to your nearest inoculation center as soon as possible for your six-month update (booster).

Scotland utter chaos!

These people have literally gone M A D!!

These doses are equivalent to a series of RABIES SHOTS.

Is this Coronavirus or Rabies?

Cujo

"Rare Adverse Reactions "

Tuesday October 26,2021