#csakuras

——

“What the hell?”

Mai slumped face down over her desk, clutching her head.  Her dream from this morning still hadn’t left her mind.

It wasn’t all that significant of a dream, really.  She probably would have forgotten about it if not for one detail.

Why was she dreaming about Naru?  Now of all times?

No, no, no.  She’d learned her lesson once.  She wouldn’t fool herself into thinking this might mean anything.  After all, it wasn’t as if he was being especially kind to her in the dream.  He was just being his usual aloof self.

But…was it really him?

Since he was playing with cards, she’d immediately assumed it was Naru.  But couldn’t it just as well be Gene? And the way he’d responded at the end…that definitely sounded more like a Gene thing to do.  If it were Naru, he would have just called her childish for being excited by sheep. He wouldn’t agree with her, let alone waste time watching the scenery with her.

So it must be Gene.

A thrill of excitement ran through her.  He’d come to visit her, even outside of a case?  But at the same time, she wasn’t convinced, precisely because of the fact they weren’t on a case (in fact, they had just finished one a few days ago).  Why would Gene appear to her now? It didn’t make sense.

Still, she hoped it was him.  What if Gene had figured out a way to stay awake even off of cases?  What could that possibly mean?

The door to Naru’s office opened then, and he stuck his head out.  “Mai. Tea.”

“Okaaay…” she sighed, and got up from her seat.  Seeing him act as usual made her ideas suddenly seem silly.

It was too soon to get her hopes up.  After all, it could have just been a dream.

  ——

And yet that night, just like clockwork, they were back on the train again.

Mai bounced in her seat.  This was it.  It was one of those dreams.  It had to be.

Gene sat across from her, engrossed in reading through a bundle of papers.

Mai smiled.  Leaning forward, she asked gently, “Gene…?  That’s you, right?”

He froze.  Then looked up with a smile.  A deeply cynical smile. “I’m sorry to disappoint.”

“Naru?!”  Mai drew back, mortified.  Oh god, no. She didn’t mean to confuse them again! 

The shock was enough to jolt her awake.  The next thing she knew, she was in bed, hiding her burning face beneath her hands.  

——

  The third night on the train.  Naru sat across from her again, this time writing in a notebook.

Mai felt stupid.  In hindsight, there had been every indication that it was Naru the whole time, save for that one moment with the sheep.

But now that she was sure it was him, what to do about it?

She moved to sit next to him, watching him carefully.  After a moment, she peered over to take a look at what he was writing.  It was all in English, of course, so she couldn’t read it. But soon she realized that he was just rewriting the same line over and over, crossing words out before penning them in again.

Fascinating stuff…not.

“Do you like this face that much?” Naru suddenly asked, giving her a quick glance.

Mai jumped and looked away.  “N-No…I’m just bored.”

Truthfully, she was a bit disappointed.  If she was going to have actual recurring dreams about a guy, the least she could ask for was that they would be a little more interesting.

She sighed.  “What am I even doing here?  I want to leave…”

“Be my guest,” Naru muttered.

“Fine.”  Mai huffed and got up from her seat.  “I’m getting out of here.”

She opened the door of the compartment and closed it behind her without looking back.

Now she stood in a narrow corridor connecting several compartments.  Beautiful countryside continued to stream by in the windows. No other passengers were in sight.

“Hmm, now what…”

Mai took a few steps down the corridor, and out of curiosity, peered into the next compartment.

“Huh?”

Naru sat in this one as well, reading a book.

“Wait…”  

She went back to the compartment she had just left.  Naru was still in there.

“Whaaa?”  

She walked down the corridor, peering into every compartment she passed.  Naru. Naru. Naru. He was in every single one of them!

“Okay, now this is scaring me.”  Just how obsessed with him was she?!  No, don’t answer that!

Mai crossed over to the next train car, hoping there would be some way off this damn train, or at least another soul she could talk to.  But the compartments in this car were full of Naru too.  

She walked faster, giving each compartment only a passing glance.  She only stopped when something caught her eye.

“Wait, is that…me?”

This compartment was different from the others.  Instead of Naru sitting alone, there was another person sitting across from him.  Someone who looked exactly like her.

The Other Mai was saying something.  Mai pressed her face against the door’s glass, trying to overhear.

“Why’d I have to get stuck with someone so boring anyway?” she whined.  “I wish Gene was here instead.  That’d be so great.” She sighed forlornly.  “He’d smile at me and be so nice and actually talk to me like a normal person.  It’s just my luck…”

Mai couldn’t help but cringe.  Not that she didn’t totally agree, but wow, did she really sound like that?

But it got worse.

“I mean, why are you even alive right now?  That doesn’t make anyone happy. What’s the point?”

Her blood chilled.  “Wait…that’s…”  

Going too far.

The Other Mai let out a loud sigh.  “I wish you were the one who died instead!  Now that would make me happy…”

Mai slammed her hand against the door.  “No! I’d never say that! I would never…!”

“Can’t you do something about it?” Other Mai asked.

Naru didn’t say anything.  The entire time, he just stared down at the floor, expression blank.

Mai banged on the door.  “Stop it!”

Why wasn’t he talking back?  Why did he just sit there and take it?  He didn’t deserve this. No one did.

Hastily, Mai found the handle of the door and slid it open.

“Stop—”

But when she entered the compartment, no one was there.  Both Naru and the Other Mai had disappeared.

“Wha—”

The door slid shut behind her.  Mai whirled around. “Hey!”

She pulled at the door handle, but now it would not budge.

That was when she heard the water.

Mai turned at the trickling sound, just as it started to pool around her ankles.  Cold, dark, muddy water, rising fast.

She threw her weight on the door, straining to get it open.  “What is this?!” she said through grit teeth. The water rose to her knees.

“Come on!  Please!” It rose up her thighs.  Panicking, Mai banged on the door.  “Help! Someone!”

The water was nearly up to her chest, when a pair of slimy, decomposing arms emerged from the depths, encircling her waist.

“Huh?”  She only had a second to react before the arms tightened, and tugged.  She screamed. They were trying to drag her under the water!

“NO!”  Mai clung desperately to the door.  “Naru! Help! Naru, please! NARU!”

She heard footsteps running down the corridor.  There he was, outside the compartment, eyes wide.  “Mai!”

“Naru…”  She nearly cried in relief.

He immediately began pulling at the door.  He seemed to have better luck at it, and the door finally slid open, causing the water to rush through the opening, dragging Mai with it out into the corridor.

“Oof!”  She landed on the floor with a splash.  Except it felt harder than the carpeted floor of a train.  It was colder, uneven…were these…cobblestones?

Mai opened her eyes.  She lay in a narrow alley, dark but for a dim streetlamp at the far end, just enough light to cast stark shadows from the dumpsters and trash bins lining the walls.

“Wh-Where am I…?”  Mai struggled to her feet.  She was dripping wet, shaky, and cold, but at least the arms were gone.  But so was…

“Naru?”  She hugged herself, shivering.  “Where are you?” There was no other sign of life anywhere.

Slowly, she made her way down the dark alley.

“Naru?  Where did you go?  Na—“

She tripped on something and stumbled.

Mai fell to her knees, catching herself with her hands.  Reflexively, she looked back at what she had tripped over.  Her eyes widened.

A body lay on the ground behind a dumpster, hidden in the darkness except for a pale arm outstretched into the alley.  And a pale face.

Naru’s face, speckled with blood.  His eyes, lifeless.

After making his way through another tunnel of torii, Gene stopped by a small shrine to catch his breath.  The hike was tougher than he’d anticipated, and the humidity didn’t help. He sat on a mossy rock and sipped from his bottle of tea.

He sensed it before he saw it.  A familiar tingle up his spine. He turned to his left, just in time to see it appear from behind a tree.

A white fox.  Said to be the messengers of the Inari Okami, he had seen many statues of them along the way, many of them holding keys in their mouths.  This fox didn’t look quite as fearsome; actually, it looked downright adorable.

“Hey, there,” Gene said.  “Come to check on me?”

The fox stood still, staring at him.

“I’m no threat, I swear.  Just visiting.” He gave it a disarming smile, and a short bow for good measure.

It sat, tilting its head curiously at him.

Slowly, Gene set down his bottle of tea and raised his digital camera, getting the fox into frame.

“Shhh…just hold still a second, okay?”

Briefly, he wondered if this might be considered disrespectful.  Well…hopefully he wouldn’t be cursed afterwards.

The camera clicked, and the picture was taken.  The fox didn’t seem perturbed; it merely stood and wandered away, having seemingly lost interest, and disappeared in a sunbeam.

Gene looked at the preview screen of his camera.  There was no sign of the fox anywhere in the picture, even when he zoomed in.  No smudge of light or anything. Just background scenery.

He smiled wryly.  Gene knew that a camera couldn’t capture everything that he saw.  Not even SPR’s high tech cameras could do that.

It was a shame.  Noll might have actually liked to see this one.

The main reason for this trip was a client’s request, of course.  And some research on the side. But also, Gene had hoped to visit his ethnic homeland someday, so he had been grateful for the opportunity.

Their ethnic homeland.  Unfortunately, Noll hadn’t been interested enough to join him.  But Gene still wished he could share what it was like. In one form or another…

——

It was on the weekend after the Agawa case.  Mai brought Naru tea in his office as usual, but instead of leaving right away, she spoke up.

“Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you something.  I mean, I would’ve told you when you first came back, but we had that case…  Anyway, Mori-san already approved it, but since you’re my boss, you should know too.”  

Naru sipped at his tea.  “Please get to the point.”  

“I won’t be here next weekend.”  

He blinked.  “Huh?”

Mai grinned.  “That’s right, this time I’m the one going on a trip!  To Kyoto!”

He stared at her, looking a bit lost.  

She took a moment to enjoy that rare look on his face before explaining.  “It’s my school trip. Do you have those in England? My whole class is going for a few days.”  

Understanding dawned in his expression.  “I see.” Then he nodded. “I will make note of it.”

“Come to think of it, you went to Kyoto too, right?  A little after I started working here? How was it?”

“Hot.”

She waited for him to continue, but that seemed to be all he had to say about it.

Then again, he didn’t exactly go there to sightsee, did he?  He had gone to search for Gene…

“Wait, does that mean Gene went to Kyoto too?”

Naru nodded.  “I’d been retracing Gene’s steps during his trip, and learned that he had gone there to meet with a spiritualist.  As far as I know, the man was one of the last people to have spoken with him before the accident. I went to ask if he had any idea where Gene had planned on going next.”

“Did he know?”

“No.  It seemed they only discussed mediumship or trivial matters.  If it had gone that easily, I would have found him much sooner.”  Naru sighed.

And then, within only a few short months of them meeting, Naru would have left.  And Mai would have never found out anything— about Naru’s identity, why he was here, or…about Gene.  Selfish as it was, she was almost glad that things played out the way they did.

“Hey…” she began, hesitantly.  “Do you think I could meet with that spiritualist too?”

Naru frowned.  “Meet him? Why?”  

“I guess…I’m just curious.  Maybe if I talk to him, I could find out where Gene visited in Kyoto.  I could see the same things, walk the same places…and stuff.” She blushed and shook her head.  “N-nevermind, it’s stupid. You wouldn’t understand anyway.”

She took her tray and quickly exited his office.

What was she thinking?  There was no use trying to explain something so sentimental to him.  As if he’d even care.

——

Later that afternoon, John dropped by the office for a quick visit.  Mai welcomed him eagerly; she had been hoping they could talk.

“Hey John, you lived in Kansai for a while, right?  Do you have any recommendations for places to visit?”

John did indeed have a few recommendations, beyond just the usual tourist sites too.  Mai took notes, nodding with excitement.

But partway through, the door to Naru’s office opened, and he poked his head out.

“Mai.  Bring me a large trash bag.”

“Huh?  Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

She pouted.

John gave her an understanding smile and whispered, “We can talk again later, Mai-san.”

She sighed.  “Sorry.”

Grumbling, she found a trash bag and took it to Naru’s office.  “Here, I got you the—” she stopped.

A heap of maps, travel guides, notebooks, and paper was piled on top of Naru’s desk.  As she watched, he rummaged through a desk drawer, pulling out another handful to add to the pile.

“Bring it here,” he said.

She closed the door behind her and walked up to the desk.  “Don’t tell me…you’re throwing all this away?!”

“I found Gene.  I don’t need them anymore.”  

“That’s true, but…you should at least sort them for recycling!”  

“Then I’ll leave that to you.”

Mai groaned.  She just had to create more work for herself.

Having cleaned out his drawers, Naru sat on the edge of his desk, sifting through the pile.  He gave each item a cursory glance before tossing it into the trash bag she held open for him.  

This might take a while.  She was tempted to just leave the bag with him and return to her conversation with John, but since Naru hadn’t dismissed her yet, she decided to stay for now.

Besides, she was curious what had spurred on this sudden cleaning spree.  It had to be what they talked about earlier, right?

“I kinda forgot you still had all this stuff,” she admitted.

“Yes, well, I didn’t have time to throw them out before I left for England, and I didn’t have time when I came back, as someone immediately forced me to take on a case.”

Jeez, he was still holding a grudge about that?

Mai peered inside the trash bag.  “You know…this stuff has been here since before I began working at the office.  It feels weird to see it all go away. Like it’s the end of an era…”

She thought back to all those times she caught Naru in the office, pouring over maps.  She used to think it was just a weird hobby. But she should have suspected; that look of concentration he had while tracing his finger over roads, mountains, lakes…she should have known the reason couldn’t be so frivolous as that.

Naru tossed several travel books, clicking his tongue.  “Madoka had plenty of time while she was here,” he muttered.  “She could have cleaned this out herself.”

“She probably thought you’d complain about her touching your stuff,” Mai sniffed.  “Besides, she was busy. Actually teaching me stuff.”

He frowned.  “…She never cleaned Gene’s desk either.”

Now this got her attention.  “Gene’s desk?”

“At the Pratt Laboratory.  I didn’t get around to cleaning it before I left for Japan, as I had too many other things to worry about.  But I assumed Madoka would do it eventually. And yet when I returned, after the funeral, I found it exactly the way it was two years ago.”  He shook his head. “Ridiculous.”

Mai gulped.  If she were in his position, coming back to see that desk unchanged after all that time would have felt like a punch in the gut.  “So…you cleaned it out yourself?”

“What little there was to clean, yes.  It was mostly odd scraps of paper he had doodled on.  He was active in the field, but the rest of us generally took care of the paperwork.”

She bit her lip.  Now she felt torn.  It seemed like such a waste.  Gene would never put pen to paper again.  To her, even little doodles would be priceless.

“But…if there wasn’t even that much stuff, it couldn’t have hurt to just leave it that way, right?  Did you even need the space?”

“That is not the point.”  

She looked at him, inviting him to explain.  

He sighed.  “My parents are free to preserve Gene’s bedroom as they wish.  But we don’t need a shrine in the workplace as well.”

There was something about the way he said that.  Not quite annoyance, more like…a deep discomfort.  It made her hesitate. But at the same time, the dismissiveness of his words bothered her.

“And why do you get to decide that?  Gene was an important member of Mori-san’s team, right?  Are you saying her feelings don’t count, just because she’s not family?”

Naru paused.  “…Even so, it’s been two years.”

“You don’t get to decide how long it takes!”

“It’s just paper.”

“Maybe to you, it is.  That doesn’t mean you have to remove everything that reminds you of him!”

She had been wondering for a while.  Why exactly Naru decided to return to Japan.  He said it was for research, and that might really be all it was.  But she also wouldn’t be surprised if he was just running from something.

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Isn’t it?”

A bitter smile crossed his face.  “I see his face every time I look in the mirror.  What other reminder do I need?”

Mai shut her mouth.  She couldn’t argue against that.

An awkward silence passed.  Naru lowered his gaze back to the notebook in his hands, flipping through the pages.  Mai looked away.

When he finished flipping through the notebook, Naru tossed it in the trash and picked up another map.  “Okinawa,” he said, looking at it with disgust. “He made me go to Okinawa.”  This also went in the trash.

Mai rolled her eyes.  “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“I never intended to come to Japan in the first place.  But he ended up dragging me here after all.”

“He didn’t drag you, Naru. Complain all you want, but no one forced you to come here.  You made a choice.”

He scoffed.  “The only other choice was to leave things to the incompetent police.  He would have never been found.”

“But he was.  Thanks to you.”

That was one thing she could say in his favor.  Whatever his reasons— whether out of brotherly love, or merely because he wanted to dissect his brother’s brain— despite all the odds, Naru didn’t give up.  She could admire that level of dedication.

And now, this clearing of the past seemed to signal a new start.  His life had been in stasis for nearly two years, devoted to the search.  Now, he could finally live for himself again. So, did that mean…that this time, he was here because he actually wanted to be?

Mai glanced at him.  Maybe that was just wishful thinking.  But it would be nice, if that were the case.

Minutes later, Naru was flipping through another notebook, when he stopped to tear a sheet out of it.

“Here.”  He held it out to her.

“Huh?”  She took the paper.  “What’s this?” On it was a name, written in romaji, and a phone number.

“The man I met in Kyoto.”  

She gasped and looked at him in surprise.  “You found it for me?”

“It turned up while I was cleaning.  It’s going in the trash anyway, I don’t care if you feel like salvaging it.”

“Uh-huh.”  She wasn’t entirely sure she believed that excuse.  Mai turned back to the paper and read the name out slowly.  “Suzuki…Akitarou?”

“I’m surprised you could read that much,” Naru smirked.

Mai glared at him over the sheet of paper.  “What’s the kanji?”

“I don’t remember.”  

“Pfft.  Even if you could, I bet you couldn’t write it.”  Mai grinned, in better spirits now. “So I should just give him a call, ask if we could meet?  Can I tell him I work for SPR?”

“Yes.  He might be more willing to see you if you mention my name.”  

“Which name?”  

There it was.  The ‘Are you an idiot?’ look.  “Oliver Davis, obviously.”

“Well sorry.  How was I supposed to know you didn’t introduce yourself as Shibuya Kazuya?”  

He sighed.  “It doesn’t take more than two brain cells to figure out that if I went asking about my identical twin named Eugene Davis, using an alias would be pointless.”  

“My bad.  It’s just that you have sooo many names, it’s enough to confuse a girl.”  

“I have, at most, three.”