#cs19

because I love how Bellum and Medic are so alike <3

“Okay,” Player says in Carmen’s ear, aghast. “What on planet Earth is a polynomial?”

I don't remember the exact canon age gap between Player & Carmen, but the way I wrote it in this fic (and in all of my fics tbh) is that they're 4 years apart.

Black Sheep entered VILE academy at 16, was held a year until 17 and then ran away, so Player is 12-13 in this fic. which is why I have him doing basic algebra. in my head, this is the perfect signifier, but that's only bc 8th grade math was pre-algebra at my school.

Also, I just think its cute that this genius hacker child can't figure out rise over run lol

Carmen shrugs to herself, because she might actually go insane without pretending that Player is right next to her.

This specific vibe is hinted at a few more times through this fic, but number one thing about my post runaway Carmen is that she is queen of extroversion in forced isolation on a boat alone. its giving covid lockdown, its giving loneliness, its giving I need to pretend this isn't happening to me so I don't drop dead!!

“Oh,” Player says. Then, “Ohhhhh. So like. A multi-variable function. That makes sense. I guess it doesn’t matter though.”

there is secret beta version of this fic where it was from Player's POV, and this section went like

Then he looks at both his functions; they both have at least two terms, so they’re both a ‘more than one number thing’, but only the first equation has more than two. “Okay…” He mutters, then rereads the question. Find the coordinate where the polynomial intersects with the other equation. Well. “It doesn’t really matter though, I guess."

I couldn't really get player to cooperate with me for this fic tho, so after a couple hundred words I switched to Carmen POV and it went far better. The "doesn't matter" line is mostly just a carryover

And there’s maybe, maybe a tiny part of her that is enjoying listening to him suffer. It’s only fair; he’s always listening to her rants without a single complaint against his life. It’s great to know that her Mister Regular Civilian who is also coincidentally Mister Self-Hired Hacker has something to be upset about. She’s so normal. Promise.

Some more juicy details about Carmen's inner workings post VILE island escape!! I think she would get reallyyyyy in her head in believing that she's actually uniquely fucked up (which is true) & the only person to suffer like this because she's cosmically evil (which is false), and Player is practicing the weirdest form of internet safety in that he isn't telling her anything about his life (he doesn't see a point to talking about that borefest + he's a pretty private person) so he really isn't helping.

Whenever he does complain about anything though, Carmen is like Whew!! glad to know I'm not the only person with problems Ever. which is kind of funny to me but also kind of sad.

“Algebra.” He groans, finally. “The bane of my existence.”

Oh, buddy. Just wait until you get to geometry. (<- girl who almost failed middle school geometry)

She hears the telltale clickity-clacking of keyboard keys, and then she receives a new photo of a… arc trajectory graph. Like, the jumping ones. Or, an axis graph, before that became irrelevant and turned into a trajectory graph. 

in the secret Player POV version of this fic, this section went like:

He opens up Desmos -- thank God for Desmos, it’s carried him through many a last-minute assignment -- and pastes in both functions.

because thank GOD for Desmos guys. it's the best. but Carmen doesn't know what Desmos is so this like couldn't be fit in unfortunately. But it's there in spirit.

Also, arc trajectory was essentially how the VILE academy students learned how to jump/throw stolen items/whatever. Black Sheep's tutor education included a brief overview of basic algebra, but she had to work like 4x as hard as the rest of the students to actually learn the details when it came time for the VILE academy arc trajectory unit lol.

which is to say: she doesn't have a lot of the experiences that literally everyone on VILE island had because the island is all she's ever known. little detail in my head that couldn't really translate into the fic.

“A whole dimension spanning forever,” Carmen chants. She always thought Bellum said that like a skipping rhyme.

Saira Bellum, the woman that you are. She's one of my favorite CS19 characters like. auditorily. just because her voice sounds so interesting to me. there's so much CHARACTER!! shout-out to her voice actor fr

Carmen flips back to face the sky. It’s getting cold, but she doesn’t quite want to get up yet. Maybe she’ll reach for the rag in the maintenance compartment; it could probably work as a blanket.

I will have you know right now I know nothing about boats. However, I had just watched the Turkish Netflix drama, Old Money, purely because it was the #1 watched show in Saudi over the course of like 2 days, and I think there was a scene where she opened a compartment and grabbed a rag and I was like hey. What the hell.

“Honestly, though, she’s so real for that.” Player says. “When inspiration strikes, you better do something about it before the idea is gone for good. Do you know how many apps I’ve forgotten the concepts for? I almost invented UberEats, you know.” Carmen… isn’t betrayed. This is a normal sentiment to maintain, even if this agreement is towards someone who would undoubtedly call for her death now. Don’t wince. She’s pretty sure Player isn’t exactly aware of that fact, anyways.

Theres a lot going on in this section, but I would like to start with the fact that I don't give a single flying fuck about UberEats. However, this is a preteen nerdy boy who is interested in computers, he's very much still under the silicon valley illusion. He learns better, I promise.

Did he actually almost invent UberEats? not really. it was a passing comment he made to his mom when he was like 6 and when UberEats actually became a thing, his mom told him this. He has been distraught over it ever since.

about Carmen's non-betrayment.. bbg is struggling fr. Player didn't really mean to be on VILE's side on anything, and had he known what she was thinking he would probably cry, but carmen's whole thing is that she won't tell him because she's desperately pretending that this is a normal situation they can joke around about while also fearing for her life.

Also, Player is very much aware of the stakes. He just cares more about Carmen, which makes her think that clearly he doesn't understand what he's getting into.

She has a hard time believing that there’s not enough people for the restaurants to hire to do the delivering, considering the nine billion people on the planet.

this fic is marginally connected to all my runaway era Carmen fics, especially atlantic/pacific, which is where she is made aware of the global population + some other misc things

“Ohhhhh,” Player laughs, but it's unconvincing. “How many of my VILE facts are you messing with me?” That hopefulness is… oomph. “Dude,” She laughs, probably at least half convincing, “If i meant this to be a long-con, I wouldn’t have showed my hand so early.”

one of my favorite tags i've ever written is "reads like a shitpost hurts like a bitch" which is, obviously, for this fic. I COULD have gone into how Carmen feels about the fact that Player was so hopeful that VILE wasn't actually that bad, and the misunderstanding that happens in my heart that she has where she thinks he's hoping they're not that scary in case he does get got, but instead its oomph. Yikes. eepers. y'know?

There’s some vague, slightly strangled hum in her ear, then quiet. She lets herself pretend that he’s just working on his homework; maybe he really is studious, and not struggling to put together a response! Maybe she isn’t incredibly overwhelming and horrible at conversations!! Maybe she isn’t entirely ruining his life!! Maybe his grades haven’t been slipping dramatically, because he has to take care of her, and he’s totally getting enough sleep even though she wakes him up in the middle of the night, and he’s okay with this new and crushing pressure of dealing with her!! Maybe she isn't as costly as it seems!! Maybe they're both perfectly fine and chilling and thriving in their lanes!! Maybe VILE won’t find her and kill her before she can convince Player to let her- Bad thoughts. She thinks firmly, and lets out her next breath slowly. Player would be really upset. He doesn’t deserve that.

here it is!! dramatic unfolding of all of her inner conflict in shitpost form. she's feeling a lot of big feelings right now.

the exclamation points were a struggle because in my heart of hearts I wanted to keep adding a few every sentence, but then this paragraph would be like 8x the length because I have so many already.

also, this is where the implied suicidal ideation tag comes in. this one's a doozy, y'all!! this is also the faint link to ketchup chips (which by the way, I hate with a burning passion. The food, not the fic. I'm pretty proud of the fic). in general, my fics are connected in theory of what I remember of them alone. ketchup chips didn't happen in-universe, but the underlying characterizations are still there, if that makes sense.

He’s sweet.  She’s going to poison him. “Math is so fun, though,” She says, teasing. And it almost sounds convincing.

i have no comments here. I just think that this particular section was so bigbrained for me. like !!!! I wrote that!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You already said that. And untrue!” She says, just to be contradictory. They glossed over algebra, clearly, as made obvious by his graph equation thingie.  He doesn’t take the low-hanging fruit, thankfully. She doesn’t know what she would have said if he’d made a comment on her lack of basic Normal knowledge. “Fine, then. Do you wanna do my homework for me?”

"the low-hanging fruit" being that she didn't fully know what the graph & equation were. I have this fear that this didn't come across at all and I need to say it now.

Also, basically what i'm trying to say with the Normal knowledge thing is that Carmen has suchhhh a complex about not having a childhood outside of the island. like this isn't even my personal characterization this is basically canon.

It’s just… he never answers questions like this. For all the gory details of her life Carmen has spilled on him, he hasn’t revealed much of anything in return. They’re good instincts, all things considered. VILE can’t get anything out of her if they learn of his existence. But… It doesn’t sting. It doesn’t. Maybe if she repeats it enough, it’ll magically become true. 

its so interesting to me how in the original series we know so little about pPayer's living situation. Even in the books, we don't get a ton of elaboration, and that's supplementary material anyways.

I've taken this to mean that player's characterization is that of a pretty private person who hasn't taken to the general social convention of sharing/oversharing (depending on who you ask lol). which is a hard thing for me to write!! I'm very much a "tell you my life story" kind of person. But it was a fun challenge <3

She’s got to stop. She’s got to pull herself up by her bootstraps, because this is unsustainable, and his mom doesn’t even know why he’s so unfocused recently, and Carmen has heard her get on his case about playing video games too much, and he can’t deal with the stress of Carmen’s disastrous life and getting his schoolwork done. She wishes she could help him.

i would like to say now that in a different fic (you, waiting for the snow of my sunlight au), I use the line

Come on, she pleads with herself, put on your big boy pants.

That line almost made it into this fic too, as a replacement for the bootstraps thing. I thought that it was too referential to the Outside World through the teddy roosevelt quote.

"What teddy Roosevelt quote?" you may ask. Well, this is where I have to explain to you that I very often believe things that are complete figments of my imagination and untrue because I somehow half remember it.

I think at some point, someone compared his strenuous life philosophy to pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, so I thought that he made the quote. and then I googled it to make sure (thank god) and realized that's simply not true. and was like "yeah this is just a phrase idk where I was going with this." and it made it in!!

She does know, though. She knows what he wants to say. And she needs to stop getting upset over him trying to help her, because he’s already throwing away his schoolwork for her without telling her. If he hadn’t forgotten to mute himself when his mom came to talk to him, Carmen wouldn’t have even known. The least she can do is be grateful. Which she is! It’s just… hard. Not to be angry that he can’t give up, like she has. He has a whole life ahead of him. How can’t he see that she doesn’t?

because I'm writing this from carmen's POV we don't get to see what player is thinking, but I'm taking this opportunity to plug THE Carmen sandiego fic of all time by @fedorah-the-explorah

it's a ~serial killer (as in yes he's a serial killer but it's complicated to ME ok!!! he's justified in my heart because I love him) player post canon au that is incredibly one of the most in-character and fascinating fics I've ever read: the blood red caper. absolute banger. you need to read it.

but point is they have this section where player's POV explains why Carmen is so interested in his education (because she's basically living vicariously through him & doesn't believe she could get that otherwise) and its like YES YOU GET THEM!!!! Carmen sees all the potential he has as just Some Guy and is like "that can't possibly also apply to me" even tho she could really just choose to step away. so she fights VILE.

honestly any suzie_snail fics are like supplementary reading for mine they convey the characterizations so clearly and its kinda the same vibe I write my versions of the CS19 cast so it clicks so much better with their writing. just go read them. I cant recommend it enough

It’s reassuring, even if he can’t see her right now. Even if he can’t protect her. He’ll know if something goes wrong eventually, and she trusts him to find something to do about it. He’s incredible like that.

nowww I put this here because we ALL know what canonically happens when something goes wrong with Carmen and how helpless Player was for so long. we all know >:)

because of course Carmen trusts him!!! he's the only person she can trust!!!!!! she has literally no choice guys. and yet we all know how this would play out should it happen.