shit. theyâre in dangerous territory now, âcause when sasukeâs this deep in his head itâs almost impossible to pull him out. thereâs that old adage, suigetsu thinks, the one that practically every kid in kiri knows; you canât save everyone thatâs drowning, even if you want to. âcause sometimes people are too far gone, and thereâs too little air in their lungs, and if you or anything gets close they will claw and fight and push you down trying to keep their head above the water, and youâll both die.Â
they could stuff that, though, cause suigetsuâs made of water, and thereâs no fuckinâ way anyoneâs drowning him by accident.
he deflates a little, tension leaving him the more and more sasuke talks. some of itâs hard to hear; some of it, not so much. suigetsu knows sasukeâs not the type to get into the weeds about it, but he does love, even if he thinks he canât. hell, the guy was a total fucking mess of emotion, but suigetsu can tell he cares. no one would be trying this hard if they didnât care, suigetsu knew that for a fact, âcause heâd never tried at anything until he met sasuke. and if he couldnât express love as long as he lived, so what? who cared? suigetsu wasnât some needy little bitch, right?
the mahjong tiles clack against the table one by one, as sasuke sets them right. putting it all back into place, himself with it. cleanup on aisle breakdown.
suigetsu wishes he got it, really, wishes all of this wasnât so far above his head; sasuke could jump from point a to point b and suigetsu would have no fuckinâ clue how he got there. selfish? how the hellâ suigetsu had only led âem down this path âcause he was upset sasuke was being too selfless. because suigetsu wanted to be a little selfish, and he wished sasuke would partake with him. how did a guy whoâd given his life to a cause think of himself as selfish? orochimaru, now there was someone selfish. kabuto, in his own way. people who shamelessly did what they wanted, went to any length, hurt anyone, âcause it was what they wanted. maybe sasukeâs made a point with this whole i need a cause thing, but suigetsu doesnât think so.Â
maybe he is too stupid to understand. whatever. all suigetsu knows is, even if what sasukeâs saying is true, he doesnât really care. at least, not in the way sasuke does. suigetsu would be happy just to bitch a little bit about it over some drinks, get it outta his system, then get the hell back to work at sasukeâs side where he belongs. he doesnât care if heâs used. if anything, itâs better that way, âcause at least sasuke knew what to use him for. suigetsuâs never known.Â
â  ⌠you think too much, man. youâre⌠going in circles. sânot good for you. â
sasuke needed people, suigetsu needed to be one of those people. that was simple, wasnât it?
â  you donât want me to leave. i donât wanna leave. canât we just leave it at that, sasuke? karin told me about this cool thing, uh, âoccamâs razorâ. there was a whole fancy explanation for it, but basically, the gist is that you cut out all the bullshit, just go with the most obvious option. which is that nothing changes. yeah? all that other stuff, look, sasuke, it really ⌠doesnât bother me. youâre saying itâs fucked up, but, i mean ⌠isnât everything? we ainât perfect. so what? itâs still ⌠good. i mean, i think it is. whatever you wanna call it, fucked up, abuse, a spadeâ whatever this is, i donât want it to end. âcause i donât think of it like that. no-one does. youâre just ⌠youâre stressed, thatâs all. â donât send me away, donât send me away. thereâs literally nothing else for me out there.
maybe it was safer to just stay quiet. suigetsuâs pretty sure anything he says at this point will make things worse. but how the hell was he going to get sasuke out of this thing otherwise? he got them into this mess, he had to get them out of it. had to try and make a barrier between sasuke and how much the dumb idiot hated himself. how the hell do you protect someone you care about from himself? ( fuckinâ unfair, man. this wasnât in his job description. )
exhaling softly, suigetsu takes the risk of sidling up beside sasuke, closing the distance between them again, placing one of his hands over sasukeâs where it clutched the last awry tile at its proper place. ducks around a little, tries to get a look up at sasukeâs face. he couldnât fix this like sasuke wanted him to, but maybe he could distract long enough for it to go away.
â  you ⌠dâyou want me to take your mind off all this? â
avoiding and delaying problems is all suigetsu really knows how to do.
sasuke, like most people he knew, was immensely guilty of underestimating suigetsu. sure, he wasnât a particularly skilled statesman or strategist or researcher or orator, but for what he lacks in the intellectual disciplines, he more than makes up for in an unnerving ability to cut to the heart of the matter as accurately as he had decapitate a man with kubikiribocho. suigetsu is a man intelligent enough to be a masterswordsman, exceeding the ability of anyone else sasuke knew in his mastery of such a wide range of blades. sasuke often forgets this, although he shouldnât. suigetsu is a man intelligent enough to become the emotional backbone of otogakure, mitigating and minimising damage from the emotional fallouts of its trifecta of leaders. sasuke often forgets this, also, although he shouldnât.Â
suigetsu really notices everything, even if he doesnât necessarily know how to contextualise and synthesise all he observes. suigetsu knows him.Â
sasuke fiddles with the game piece a little longer, rubbing his fingers over the design engraved in it, the same design engraved over his familyâs quadrant of the uchiha compound. he shores up his courage, something heâs unused to doing, because he usually acts before he can overthink what heâs doing and chicken out. he turns to suigetsu, twisting his hand around so that he can tangle his fingers together with suigetsuâs. a gentle hold, just the soft pressure of their knuckles against each other, the rough tips of suigetsuâs fingers catching on sasukeâs calluses.Â
â youâre right, â he says, looking into suiâs eyes, giving him a little smile. â youâre really smart, yâknow? youâre good at this stuff. emotions. reading people. much better than me, anyway. â he darts forward, warmth filling his belly thinking about suigetsu, and how much suigetsu just fucking cares for him, and uses his courage to press his lips against suigetsuâs cheek, a peck at best, a soft kiss to show suigetsu that he also cares, that he also wants him here, even if heâs bad at expressing it.Â
â youâre right. we want the same thing â we both want to be here, with each other. stupid to try and push that away, right? youâre right, weâre not perfect, but perfectâs a stupid goal. weâre good, yâknow? youâre⌠youâre really good to me. itâs training, itâs never finished, you just have to keep trying and improving because thereâs always room to do better. i donât want you â or anyone else â to be okay with me being shitty. like, thereâs a difference between being strict and being a dick. it shouldnât be a fucking zero sum game, where you either have to put up with me being a shitheel or leave otogakure. i want you to tell me when iâm being shitty, and i want to remember to not be such a fucking asshole all the time.â
he has to look away, this whole conversation making him feel raw and exposed, like a fish that has just been gutted or a victim just put to sleep for surgery. his eyes are still glossy with unshed tears, the trackmarks of a couple that escaped drying along his cheeks alongside the snot bubbling up in his left nostril. â iâm stressed but⌠i also donât want this to end. â