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He had the marvellous instinctive sanity of the middle class. In him - more than in Jolyon, with his masterful will and his moments of tenderness and philosophy - more than in Swithin, the martyr to crankiness - Nicholas, the sufferer from ability - and Roger, the victim of enterprise - beat the true pulse of compromise; of all the brothers he was the least remarkable in mind and person, and for that reason more likely to live forever.
John Galsworthy, The Forsyte Saga
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When you wake up at 4 am, sometimes you just feel cranky and want to say a long stream of expletives for no reason. I feel that way today. I am feeling cranky and angry and uncomfortable, and I need to just swear at things. So with that in mind, here's my very cathartic post of anger and agitation. No offense to any of my followers who like stuff i'm about to swear at:
Fuck Deltarune. It's a creepy game that is a sequel to an even creepier game. I don't like how it sucks me in, despite traumatizing me. I didn't need my switch reminding me it existed, especially not when I already hate it. I just wanted to use my switch, but no! I had to see that and get all sour. Fuck you, Nintendo. I just wanted to relax, but then you reminded me of something I don't even like. So I hate that.
On a related note, fuck me and my sleep schedule. And fuck my bad habit of masturbation. I do it so often, and I don't even like it. It just leaves me awkward and uncomfortable, but I feel this almost addiction to it anyways. It probably keeps me awake. And I also hate how I seem to sleep poorly whenever my dad isn't home. I hate all of this. I hate it so, so much. And I just don't know what to do besides swear about it all.
Oh! Final one now. You know that band, mountain goats or whatever? Yeah, I like them once. Now they're far too depressing and bleak for me, and they remind me of media and things I find freaky. So fuck them too. Sorry to their fans and to them as people, but i'm angry and they just happened to catch my angered eye today. Nothing too personal.
Oh, there's so much more to swear about. But I don't know quite what to target. So maybe we'll just have to end this here. But I just woke up early, and now my brain is just overloading and overworking. I don't like it, and I just had to get all of this off my chest to vent and stuff. sigh...
This semester
My academic week ends with a 2 hour meeting (Friday 2:30-4:30) of the Committee on the Faculty, the committee that provides most of the interface between the administration and the faculty. Not the most relaxing way to go into the weekend.
When I made the post about Mara's lightsaber, my point was figuring out if the novelistic EU gave her a lightsaber like her old one. I didn't think so based on what I've read...and I've read a lot.
So re the lightsaber: I've read the comics and both Allegiance and Choices of One (as far as the EU is concerned). I'm aware Mara has her own lightsaber pre- Endor (the starter for the crystal of it which in-text is mentioned to have been given to her by Palpatine). I'm aware a source book has her losing it to Lumiya.
I'm irritated that we never see Mara never get to construct her own lightsaber. As I've mentioned to many of my buds -- if in canon, constructing your own lightsaber is a Jedi coming of age ritual, then I want to see that, even if implicitly, addressed by Mara having her own blade. It's a nice parallel to Luke who started with his dad's blade and then made his own.
But writers were too lulled by the nostalgia (laziness?) of having Mara keep Luke's old lightsaber, which while nice in theory doesn't hold water on a meta level. Mara is already Luke's second as far as the Academy is concerned (something that was never adequately developed either). If there was enough forethought (was there, ha? or did they just happen upon it -- that's probably it), to make MARA the family pilot (i.e. all the ships she and Luke use belong to her, she's the pilot, Luke is her co-pilot or navigator), as a tribute (however randomly they got to this, I suppose-- I still find it moving considering who Luke is and what it means for him to cede that to her), to what Mara sacrificed to join Luke, then I'm disappointed the lightsaber (such a key thing for Jedi!) wasn't viewed that way.
The lightsaber issues are pretty indicative of just how little development Mara gets as a Jedi in the NJO and after.
Sloppy, sloppy.
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Today’s Mood
You Are Not Always Deserving …
Have A Nice Day 😜
Some May Call It Dating In This Day & Age! 🤣🤭🙄😫
Them: "U good? " "Ano nangyari? "
Me : Wala. Nairita lang ako and I don't wanna talk about it.
Them : Saan?
Me : Ano yung hindi mo na intindihan sa "I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT"? at pag sinabi ko hindi mo rin naman maiintindihan.
