#coronawedding

Dear baby,

January 1st 2021

I don't know why I stopped blogging or writing to you. I've always loved writing but never had any confidence in it. I never got round to writing your birth story and in the 2 and a bit years since I said it, I've realised it was the birth trauma that has stopped me from knowing where to start with writing it down. Anyway, I'm determined to write to you more often now.

2020 was without a doubt the weirdest year of my life, of anyone's life really. It started with your daddy turning 30, then my birthday, then the day after that, your daddy asked me to marry him. We got straight into planning the wedding because neither of us wanted a long engagement, but 1 month later, everything changed. In march, Covid-19 came to the UK and we got put into a national lockdown. It was supposed to last 3 weeks but 9 months later, things still aren't back to normal, in fact they're worse than ever. We had a long lockdown, then bizarrely we were actively encoraged to go out and 'Eat Out To Help Out', but then blamed for the second wave of the virus. The country was separated into tiers with different restrictions, me and nannan T ended up catching the virus, the whole country was put in another lockdown for a month, Christmas was almost cancelled and for the first time ever, nobody was in London to see the fireworks in New Year's Eve. Yet, despite all of that, your daddy and I managed to plan and pull off a wedding in less than 8 months. We got married on 2nd October 2020, with only 8 guests allowed inside the ceremony, all wearing masks, and no reception to celebrate. Hopefully we'll be able to go ahead with the party we've planned for our 1st anniversary this year. After all of that, none of the restrictions mattered when I signed the marriage certificate that meant I'd have the same last name as you and your daddy.

You're now 2 years and 6 months old, and you are an absolute whirlwind. You are crazy, fast and determined. Your smile makes my heart soar and your laugh makes everyone happy but boy are your tantrums something to contend with! You still don't speak much. You only say single words and even then you struggle with multiple syllables, but you have no trouble letting us know when you're not happy with something and you've learned enough words to tell us what you want. You know how to say all of your family: daddy, nannan, aunties and my favourite... Mama. What a wonderful turn of events after that's how I've always signed off these letters. We've never taught you to call me mama, everyone calls me mummy, we thought you'd call me mummy, but you never have, it's always been mama.

You do not sleep well at all. It takes you ages to fall to sleep, then you wake up and come into our room several times a night, and take ages to fall asleep again. We've tried everything but nothing makes a difference so I guess we just have to hope it will happen one day.

We don't know when, or if, we'll give you a sibling. I'd have loved for you to have one close in age to you but between the birth trauma, the lack of sleep and your daddy's fear of having a daughter (which I'm sure he's at least half joking about), we just haven't been ready yet. Of course that doesn't stop people asking!

I've gone on for a while so I think I'll stop now, but I promise I'll try to write to you again soon.

All my love forever,

HICE ESTE TAG EN LA TARDE

EN LA TARDE

The first time I said no, I was straight up with them about not feeling it was safe, so they suggested a picnic instead. I don't feel like they would adhere to the rules I would have for something like that, so we just gave a noncommittal "sure, let's plan that soon".

A couple weeks ago, we tried to take off a bit of the pressure by doing a video call after dinner. That didn't work. At all. We got a text the next Sunday "are you coming to dinner?" "No; it's still not safe."

This weekend, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend are visiting from North Carolina (we live in Utah). Rumor is he's gonna propose during family dinner. So now I'm the bitch if I don't agree to the compromise of a Saturday evening picnic to see the proposal and welcome the newest member of the family.

Oh, and my sister wants to start a monthly girl's night thing. Me, her, our sister-in-law, and mom. I told her a couple weeks ago that that was a great idea for when this is all over. She was very disappointed that I didn't show up for the first one last week.