Wow. Jewish life really is just constant exuberance and terror mixed together isn’t it?
I am waiting for a flight, and I saw a girl reading a book about Golda Meir. I sort of knew the name, and wanted to chat with her, and I started the conversation the way I always start book conversations: “oh, what are you reading?”
I hadn’t thought anything about it, until I saw her jaw drop open and her shoulders hunched forward while she formed what should have been such a simple answer. She haltingly went “it’s uhhh. About a prime minister of….Israel”.
And I realized she might be worried I was about to start something, so I held up my copy of “Entering Jewish Prayer” and quickly was like “I ask because I’m converting and it looked interesting!” And her face lit up and she relaxed and was like “oh that’s cool! What kind of congregation are you attending?” And we chatted a bit and then she boarded her flight.
And like. The fear at having to say the “I word” out loud in public, the clear discomfort at having to admit in public that she was, horror of horrors, reading a book about a historic figure. I am angry. I’m so angry that she felt afraid. I’m so pissed off that that wasn’t a question she was allowed to just openly and excitedly answer, that we should all be able to answer. “What book are you reading” should never be something anyone has to be embarrassed, scared, or ashamed to answer, it should be everyone’s favorite thing to answer. I hate that we’re in a space where someone would be reluctant to answer it.
And then to see the relief and excitement to see someone take interest, it was wonderful to be able to talk to someone about a shared faith experience, and I hope she felt the same. It was wonderful to be there, and I’m excited to have that community actually be a part of my heart as opposed to just close to it.
It just. Idk it felt like something.
