#constitutionsgrief

((Am I too late to join the party?))

Karkat let out a harsh sigh and frowned, logging off of Trollian completely this time. Obviously Vriska’s help was not going to be what he agreed to, and he was due to back out of this whole thing now. Maybe he’d troll Sollux instead and ask if there was an easier quick and painless way to die than by being mind controlled.

He stood up on his quest bed, a circular brown slab of rock with an emblem in the center that appeared to be a wound with three trails of red blood leaking out of it, and prepared to leave for now before he heard somebody behind him.

joylessNeonaticide began trolling constitutionsGrief at [??:??] JN: is this the JN: ugh JN: short and angry fucker named karkat CG: WOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE WHOEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT ME HAD SUCH A *PLEASANT* DESCRIPTION OF HOW I AM AND HOW I INTERACT WITH OTHERS. I COULD PRODUCE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WHATEVER SLUDGE-LIKE MATERIAL PRODUCES THE FLYING FEATHERED SCREECHBEASTS ON THIS PLANET IN JOY. JN: wow JN: no kidding youre an angry guy JN: that makes things less awkward i like it JN: ok JN: what is grey and bleeds all over JN: btw im right behind you —joylessNeonaticide stabs— —joylessNeonaticide stabs again— —joylessNeonaticide like a fuckload of times— —constitutionsGrief dies— —constitutionsGrief gave up trolling joylessNeonaticide at [??:??]

It was quick after Karkat heard whoever this person was mention that he was right behind the mutant. There were multiple sharp pains in his back and his chest, and they were so sudden, he couldn’t resist what was happening.

It wasn’t dying with dignity, but it wasn’t suicide and by this point he couldn’t back out. If he did, the death would be permanent.

His body fell against the brown stone slab with a thud and almost instantaneously, chains began to coil around his arms and legs as it was elevated and his dream self transported to Skaia, the same symbol as the one on the quest bed being projected against the large entity in black.

It worked.

Karkat woke up on a white checkerboard ground, suddenly aware of two tiny extensions to his back that weren’t there before, and upon reaching a hand back to feel them realized that they were small wings. However, due to their size, they were completely useless and he wouldn’t be flying any time soon.

Clearly they were just some idiotic motif because oh look, being a fairy is certainly godly enough.

Sighing, he sat himself and looked around, before looking down and examining himself.

It was then that he realized that what he was wearing did not involve any pants outside of what appeared to be clingy undergarments.

[02:39] -- constitutionsGrief [CG] began trolling aristocraticGambit [AG] at 14:39 --

[02:39] CG: OH LOOK, I FOUND THE PATHETIC ROUND SLAB THAT YOU TOLD ME TO FIND AND SOMEBODY KNOWS WHAT I'M DOING. DO YOU THINK I'M A METAPHORICAL "PANSY" NOW, SERKET OR ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME OFF MYSELF IN A PAINLESS MANNER?

[02:41] AG: Painless? I think it will 8e quick, 8ut please, painless is a lot to ask for you know.

[02:42] AG: Listen, I'm even going to give you a chance to die with dignity! Unlike me, that is, suicide is so lame.

[02:42] AG: Soooooooo laaaaaaaameeeeeeee.

[02:44] CG: SO I'M NOT GOING TO BE COMMITTING SUICIDE THEN? I'M GOING TO NEED TO KNOW WHAT EXACTLY YOU'RE DOING WITH ME IN CASE I DON'T THINK I WOULD WANT TO DIE THAT WAY.

[02:45] AG: I think you should just stand on your 8ed and w8 for it, it will 8e quicker that way. :::;)

[02:45] AG: Or, less painful, as you would say.

[02:45] AG: 8ecause, you know, you wouldn't see it coming.

[02:45] AG: I feel as if I could've said this a lot cooler.

[02:47] CG: LOOK, JUST CONTROL ME SO I DON'T RETALIATE AND KILL ME. IT SHOULDN'T BE SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE POWERS FROM THIS GOD TIER THING.

[02:51] AG: I told you, Karkat, suicide is lame! Do you want to 8e lame? I am trying to m8ke it so you 8n't lame!!!!!!!!

[02:53] CG: WELL HOWEVER I'M DYING, I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO NOT ATTEMPT TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING IN MY IDIOTIC COWARDICE THAT YOU COULDN'T EVER GROW TO UNDERSTAND.

[02:55] AG: Now is your time to grow out of your cowardice cocoon and 8lossom into a 8eautiful 8utterfly of courage and determin8tion!

[02:58] CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE USELESS. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MANAGED TO DENY THE ONE PART OF MY REQUEST THAT I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON BEFORE.

[02:58] AG: Useless???????? I'm of more use to you than any8ody has ever 8een in your entire life right now!

[02:59] AG: Now, I do hope you took my advice and are standing on your quest sla8.

[02:59] AG: Have a 8loody good night, Karkat.

[02:59] AG: :::;)

[09:32] -- aristocraticGambit [AG] began trolling constitutionsGrief [CG] at 09:32 --

[09:32] AG: Hey Karkat, how are you liking the game so far?

[09:32] AG: Didn't get mortally injured yet, did you?

[09:35] CG: OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT GETTING MORTALLY INJURED, AND IF YOU ACTUALLY LEARNED ABOUT HOW FAITH IN IDIOTS WHO AREN'T YOU WORKED, YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL THA YOURSELF. THE WORST I'VE GOTTEN IS TOO MANY WELTS ON MY FACE FROM THE STINGERS AND SOLLUX GAVE ME SOMETHING TO TREAT THOSE WITH.

[09:36] AG: What a shame, I mean, a shame that you haven't 8een mortally injured. If you knew anything a8out this game, you would know that getting killed is how you win!

[09:37] AG: Don't you pay attention to what your friends are saying? If you would pay attention, you would know, you would knoooooooow.

[09:40] CG: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT GOD TIER THING, AREN'T YOU? WELL LISTEN TO THIS, SHITPRICK WHO WAS VOMITED OUT OF THE SWEAT GLANDS OF AN ARACHNID, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF DYING YET AND I WOULD PREFER TO USE THIS GOD TIERING PROCESS AS A WAY TO SAVE MY ASS IF I NEED IT. MAYBE I'LL CHANGE MY MIND LATER, BUT FOR NOW, THE CONCEPT OF OFFING MYSELF IS TOO HORRIFYING TO FOLLOW.

[09:40] CG: ARE YOU HAPPY TO KNOW MY REASONING?

[09:40] AG: Yeah, I'm happy with it.

[09:41] AG: Other than the fact that it totally doesn't m8ke any sense! Silly Vantas, don't you know once you 8ecome God Tier you 8ecome immortal? That's what it's a8out, 8ecoming a God. What's the point of saving it for l8ter when you could never have to worry a8out saving your ass ever again?

[09:41] AG: Not that saving my ass is something I worry a8out, you know, 8eing as powerful as I am.

[09:45] CG: AGAIN, I THINK I WANT TO WAIT UNTIL I'M EITHER COMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF DYING WHETHER IT'S TO BECOME A GOD OR NOT OR AT LEAST UNTIL I'M DYING ANYWAY AND WOULD PREFER FOR IT TO NOT BE PERMANENT, BUT AT THE MOMENT I'M NOT SURE I COMPLETELY TRUST THIS THING AND I AM SURE THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE FEELING THE PAIN OF SOME MORTAL INJURY AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH REASONING FOR YOU.

[09:48] AG: Am I not living proof enough? I could always push you along, your small thinkpan is never too much effort for me, after all. Of course, I would never do that without asking you first, 8eing the thoughtful person that I am. You wouldn't even have to worry a8out worrying, even though that's all you do. You know, you're a worrier. A worrying whining worrier.

[09:51] CG: YES, I KNOW YOU'RE PROOF THAT THIS WHOLE THING WORKS AND I'M PRETTY SURE SOLLUX HAS OFFED HIMSELF BY NOW TOO, BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMFORTABLE FACING NY OWN DEATH EVEN IF I KNOW I'M COMING BACK. I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY ASCENSION IS SUPPOSEDLY SO IMPORTANT TO YOU.

[09:52] AG: 8ecause I don't want pansies on my team, Vantas, I already have to deal with two of them as it is!!!!!!!!

[09:39] CG: I AM *NOT* A "PANSY"; I'M JUST BEING REASONABLE. I SPENT SWEEPS ON ALTERNIA TRYING TO PREVENT MY OWN DEATH AND SO IT SEEMS KIND OF COUNTERINTUITIVE TO OFF MYSELF RIGHT NOW, EVEN IF IT WILL MAKE ME IMMORTAL. AND IT ISN'T AS IF I CAN CONTROL WHETHER OR NOT YOU FORCE ME TO DO IT, SO GO AHEAD AND TRY IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, BUT DON'T COME WHINING TO ME WHEN I FLIP EVERY CONCEIVABLE SHIT IN MY FINAL MOMENTS BEFORE ASCEN

[09:47] AG: I'm suuuuuuuure our entire team will 8e frozen in fear as the mighty Karkat Vantas m8kes his rampage through the Medium and o8liter8s everything in his path! I'm pratically wetting myself thinking a8out it right now.

[09:48] AG: I'm just going to go ahead and t8ke that as a stern "no." I guess you don't want to win the easy way, after all, you know it shows determin8tion t8king the long road like that.

[09:49] AG: Either way the offer 8n't going nowhere, it's still here, as it will 8e until you ascend.

[09:49] AG: Since I'm such a good friend and all.

[09:49] AG: ::::)

[09:50] CG: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO AT THIS POINT, SINCE IT ISN'T AS IF I COULD EVER STOP YOU. I JUST HOPE YOU'D AT LEAST GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO WARN SOMEBODY ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

[09:52] AG: Damn str8 you couldn't stop me. I guess you're lucky Karkat, lucky that I'm a merciful god.

[09:54] CG: "MERCIFUL" INDEED. JUST NEVER USE YOUR OBVIOUSLY *SUPERIOR* MENTAL POWERS TO DO ANYTHING THAT I WOULD END UP REGRETTING AND THEREFORE DETESTING MYSELF EVEN MORE THAN I DO ALREADY, IF IT'S EVEN POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LOATHE MYSELF ANY MORE THAN I ALREADY DO.

[09:58] AG: For fucks s8ke, you need to 8e a little more discreet a8out your o8sidian feelings. It's like you want to h8 every8ody, sooner or l8ter you'll 8e h8ting your self.

[09:58] AG: Ooooooooh please tell me that might actually happen, that would just 8e too hilarious for words to descri8e!

[10:19] CG: I ALREADY DO HATE MYSELF MORE THAN WORD COULD EVER DESCRIBE BECAUSE I'M A COWARDLY BULGESACK OF HOOFBEAST VOMIT LEFT TO DRY IN FEATHERBEAST SHIT OVER THE THOUSANDS OF SWEEPS AS CORPSES ROT IN IT, SO YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.

[10:19] CG: JUST MAKE SURE I DON'T FEEL IT IF YOU DECIDE TO FORCE ME TO ASCEND TO GOD TIER.

[10:21] -- constitutionsGrief [CG] changed their mood to OFFLINE --

[10:22] -- constitutionsGrief [CG] changed their mood to CHUMMY --

[10:22] -- constitutionsGrief [CG] changed their mood to RANCOROUS --

[10:24] AG: Sorry, I was 8usy laughing all I wanted, 8ecause you really do descri8e yourself well. Congratul8tions, knowing your pro8lem is the first step to curing it.

[10:24] AG: Nah, it's okay, no need to 8e so scared, even if it is kinda cute. I won't 8e controlling you, not today anywaaaaaaaay.

[10:24] AG: Unless, of course, if you're reconsidering my offer in a serious manner.

[10:26] CG: I'M JUST SAYING THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD BE DOING IT ON MY OWN NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED, UNLESS I WAS ALREADY DYING TO BEGIN WITH.

[10:29] AG: Ugh, do you even know where your quest 8ed is?

[10:30] AG: May8e you should find that first, and you know, actually reach the top of your echeladder. You're not as skilled as me, so you pro8a8ly won't want to skip any.

[10:36] CG: SERKET, I WAS THE GRAND THRESHECUTIONER OF SECTOR THREE AND PROBABLY MORE SKILLED THAN YOU WILL EVER BE WITH A SPECIBUS THAT RELIES PURELY ON LUCK. UNLIKE YOU WITH THE DICE THAT WOULD BE MORE USEFUL IF YOU SHOVED THEM UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE AND CHOKED ON THEM AS THEY GOT SHIT OUT, SICKLES AND THE FIGHTING WITH THEM ARE RELIABLE EVERY TIME.

[10:41] AG: Oh, alright, we'll just ignore the fact that I was one of the 8est in the aristocratic com8at art of 8ladekind. Even so, I wouldn't ever have to 8ring that out, 8ecause even my most pathetic roll could t8ke you handling a pair of sharp o8jects.

[10:41] AG: That's just dangerous for yourself.

[10:41] AG: Oh man, I was right! You do h8 yourself, especially if you get all up and down on that level of self-harm.

[10:42] AG: Now are we a8out done flirting? I mean, I wouldn't want you to get caught cheating on yourself.

[10:43] CG: YOU CAN PROMPTLY GO FUCK YOURSELF IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE ORIFICE, PREFERABLY WITH SOMETHING SHARP THAT WOULD GUT YOU ALIVE, SERKET, AND I AM SURE THAT IT WOULD BE A JUST DEATH.

[10:44] AG: I've only 8een trying to help you, I don't see how that could 8e considered in any way just. :::;)

[10:46] CG: WELL THEN FINE. PROCEED WITH WHATEVER ASSFUCKERY THAT WILL RESULT IN NOTHING BUT EXTREME FAILURE AND HORRIBLE NIGHT TERRORS FOR SWEEPS AFTERWARDS EVEN WITH SOPOR SLIME THAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE HELP. SEE JUST HOW MANY FUCKS I ACTUALLY GVE. OH WAIT, IT'S A NEGATIVE NUMBER.

[10:57] AG: Actually, I don't indulge in that sopor shit anymore, due to a friend's request.

[11:04] CG: WELL I DON'T CARE. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO AT THIS POINT, AND I GUESS I'LL BE FORCED TO DEAL WITH WHATEVER MENTAL TORMENT COMES AS A RESULT AFTERWARDS ON MY OWN.

[11:04] AG: And I really do not think you're understanding that it is literally impossi8le for me to fail. I can't lose. I have control of all of the odds, Karkat. All of the odds, all of the chances, and they all point in my favor.

[11:05] AG: So I will continue to do what I want, and you will watch. You'll watch and w8 and do your own thing, sucking your own 8ulge and hopefully 8ecoming a decent player on MY team.

[11:06] AG: 8ut until then, you know my offer still stands shoudl you man up, and of course, feel free to talk to me whenever.

[11:06] AG: Don't 8e such a stranger. :::;)

[11:06] CG: CONGRATULATIONS THEN. I HOPE YOU ENJOY PLAYING WITH ALL THE LUCK YOU HAVE AND RELYING ON A SET OF DICE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO USE A SENSIBLE WEAPON ALL THE TIME.

[11:07] AG: You seem a little jealous of my dice. I don't think you are understanding how dangerous they really are.

[11:07] AG: You see, Karkat, I control ALL of the luck. All of it. Therefore, I can choose wh8ver roll I want. The outcome is up to me.

[11:07] CG: AS FOR YOUR OFFER, I MIGHT JUST TAKE YOU UP ON IT. IT SEEMS TO HAVE WORKED ON SOLLUX AND I THINK HE WOULD BE THRILLED TO HAVE ONE LESS PIECE OF MY HOOFBEAST SHIT TO BE WORRYING ABOUT.

[11:08] AG: Excellent, excellent! You know what to do, just find your quest 8ed, and leave the rest up to me.

[11:10] CG: I'M SO GLAD WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION, EVEN IF I'M GOING TO END UP REGRETTING IT AFTERWARDS. I'LL TROLL YOU WHEN I'VE FOUND THE IDIOTIC SLAB OF ROCK.

[11:11] -- constitutionsGrief [CG] gave up trolling aristocraticGambit [AG] at 11:11 --

[11:11] AG: L8ter, Karkaaaaaaaat. :::;)

-constitutionsGrief [CG] began trolling arbitrarilyTenacious [AT] at [??:??]-

CG: AS MUCH AS I *LOVE* OUR USUAL CONVERSATIONS THAT ARE ALMOST ALWAYS ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IMPORTANT AND COMPLETELY DERANGED, I THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE SHOULDN’T BE HAVING ONE OF THOSE RIGHT NOW, SO YOU DO NOT GET TO BRING UP RANDOM TOPICS THAT NOT EVEN A RAVENOUS BARKFIEND COULD MANAGE TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT.

AT: „„w-wHATEVER YOU SAY BOSS,

CG: I’M GUESSING SOLLUX SENT YOU THE FILES FOR THIS DEATH TRAP OF A GAME, AND TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS JUST FINISHING MY PART OF THE CONNECTION CHAIN.

AT: aLRIGHT, i HOPE YOUR HAVING FUN WITH, uM, tHAT„

CG: ARE YOU GOING TO RUN THE CLIENT FILE OR DO YOU NOT HAVE THE THING?

AT: i-i DO, iM JUST UHH„„ lOOKING FOR IT„,

AT: iM RUNNING IT NOW, i THINK„

CG: YOU DIDN’T JUST PUT IT ON THE HOME SCREEN WHERE IT COULD BE EASILY LOCATED FOR WHEN YOU WOULD NEED TO RUN IT IN ORDER OT ABOUD HAVING YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE WIPED AWAY BY METEORS?

AT: oKAY

AT: iM SORRY OKAY, tHAT IDEA NEVER CAME TO UH, mY MIND AT THAT TIME„

AT: bUT IM SURE IM RUNNING THE FILES NOW„,

CG: CONGRATULATUONS, YOU FIGURED OUT THE EASIEST AND LEAST EMOTIONALLY TOLLING PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, WHICH IS JUST CONNECTING TO THE SERVER PROGRAM.

CG: I’M JUST GOING TO ASK NOW, WHICH OF THE MANY USELESS ITEMS IN YOUR HIVE ARE YOU NOT GOING TO REGRET HVING ME DESTROY ACCIDENTALLY?

AT: nONE„

AT: wAIT„, lET ME CHECK,

AT: „„oKAY, tHERES NOTHING I NEED FROM MY HIVE OR IN YOUR CASE, *uSLESS ITEMS*

CG: THEN THAT’S A GOOD THING. NOW GIVE ME A MOMENT TO DEPLOY THE MACHINERY REQUIRED TO ACTUALLY GET YOU INTO THE GAME.

-constitutionsGrief deploys Cruxtruder.-

-constitutionsGrief deploys Alchemiter.-

-constitutionsGrief deploys Totem Lathe.-

AT: aLRIGHTY THEN, jUST TAKE YOU TIME ITS NOT LIKE I WAS UM, gOING ANYWHERE,

-constitutionsGrief deploys Pre-Punched Card.-

CG: ONCE I OPEN THE CRUXTRUDER, YOU CAN DEAL WITH PROTOTYPING THE SPRITE. JUST THROW IN ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO BE YOUR GAME GUID OF INFINITE WISDOM THAT WAS SO CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS COMPLETE STUPIDITY THAT WILL GIVE YOU MIGRAINES FOR A SWEEPS AND THROW IT AT THE SEIZURE-INDUCING SPHERE WHEN IT POPS OUT.

AT: o-oKAY, bUT IT CAN BE ANYTHING?

CG: YES, IT CAN BE WHATEVER YOUR BLOOD PUSHER DESIRES IN THIS CASE.

AT: oH, alRIGHT, jUST WANTED TO KNOW THAT„

-constitutionsGrief drops a chair on the Cruxtruder.-

CG: … ARE YOU GOING TO PROTOTYPE OR NOT? I DON’T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WATCH YOU FAIL AT TRYING TO ENTER THIS GAME AND ENDING UP GETTING CRUSHED BY SOACE ROCKS SENT TO DESTROY ALTERNIA AS WE KNOW IT.

AT: iM WORKING ON IT, iM JUST LOOKING FOR A *USLESS ITEM*„,

AT: oH NO, uM„ k-kARKAT? i THINK I DID SOMETHING„,

CG: DO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT DEMONSTRATION OF THE VERY DEFINITION OF THE WORD IDIOCY YOU MANAGED TO DO WHILE I WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT THE NEXT STEP OF THIS WHOLE PROCESS WAS?

AT: „„,mAYBE ITS BEST IF YOU DIDNT KNOW WHAT I JUST UM, tROWN INTO THE PROTOTYPE THING THEN„

CG: JUST TELL ME WHILE YOU SET UP THE PRE PUNCHED CARD IN THE TOTEM LATHE SO I KNOW WHAT OTHER ANNOYANCE WE’RE GOING TO END UP FIGHTING?

-arbitrarilyTenacious [AT] gave up trolling constitutionsGrief [CG] at [??:??]-

CG: SHIT.