#consenting

“Please, ma’am. Not today.” Even as they tried to refuse, they followed her order, unbuttoning their jacket and handing it to her.

Anastasia did not reply, taking Kai’s jacket and shirt before unceremoniously throwing it onto the table in the centre of the room, her hand never leaving Kai’s back. They closed their eyes, silent as she pulled out a knife and carved a straight line down their back, from their left shoulder blade to their waist.

“Anastasia, please,” Kai tried to turn to face her as soon as the blade lifted from their skin, before she could continue. “I’ll be good, I swear. Could we please do this some other time?” She could do this whenever she wanted, they knew that, and they did not have the choice to fight her. Still, they squirmed as they asked, trying to get her to understand that they really didn’t want this.

“It’s okay, Kai, I won’t take long. You just have to take it.” She pressed them harder into the wall, but the only touch she gave them was one hand, the other not even resting on their skin as only a few millimetres of metal dug into their back. They weren’t sure if it would be better if there was more of a gentle touch, a hand brushed over exposed skin to soothe. Maybe that would only add to the unwelcome burn of pain now, every sensation filling what little free space was left in their mind after a long day.

The lines kept digging in, each one deeper than the previous and more painful. Kai alternated before straining their head back, trying to pull away as much as possible without it counting as fighting back, and resting their forehead on the cool concrete, tears streaming down their face. “I can’t-” They gasped out when half of their back was covered in long cuts, and the latest ran down their spine until it dipped into the divot at their waist, sending a spark through their body and seized every muscle they could feel. “Please, Anastasia, I can’t.” Can’t relax like they always did. Can’t enjoy it after what they did today, their head filled with images of how they hurt someone who was not like them, who couldn’t enjoy it but had to face it anyway.

“Please, please, no,” The next cut cued more tears, no longer silent as they choked on a sob, and they repeated the same two words over and over like a prayer. They knew what Anastasia thought, that they wanted this and she was only doing it for them. Maybe they deserved it for what they did today, but they didn’t want it now, couldn’t even try to want it. Please, Anastasia, no more. Please. They couldn’t tell if Anastasia heard them, if they even succeeded in forcing the words past their lips. The only relief is that Anastasia was always predictable when she was like this, and Kai knew that they could be done once the right side of their back was laid full with the same long lines of red. Before then, all they could do was beg, hoping the pleas would fill their mind more than any memories.