#consent discourse

In our modern world, consent can be just as important when it comes to not eating a housemate's food without permission or asking before you post a photo of a friend online. Respecting boundaries or asking for boundaries to be clarified in any situation is the same thing as respecting consent.

I think this is something that is perfectly normal for children, teens, and even young adults to struggle with, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical. (For the record, I don't mean s*xual assault or someone committing violence because they either enjoy hurting someone else or don't care if they do.) For example, a toddler might not understand the need to ask before taking another child's toy, or two teenage siblings might poke or purposefully annoy each other. People of all ages can struggle when you add in the often confusing and overwhelming emotions that come with developing romantic attraction towards someone, but especially so for young people who may have never experienced it before. This is why communication is so important in relationships, as it is how people can confirm their defined boundaries, figure out what new boundaries may exist or need to exist, and approach how their boundaries may or may not have changed/will change. Additionally, learning how to apologize and do better after disrespecting someone’s boundaries (intentionally or unintentionally) is extremely important.

In the ATLA universe, the concept of respecting others is complicated by the fact that there is a war going on. When everyone is afraid of death and are therefore in survival mode, it can be exceedingly difficult to think about the outcomes of your every action. Not only are there several characters who disregard consent in order to harm others, maintain control, or exert power over other people (Ozai, Azula, most of the Fire Nation army, General Fong, the Dai Li, Hama), there are situations where consent might not be asked for without intent to harm. For example, when Katara had to bloodbend Sokka & Aang to stop Hama from hurting them, or when Suki kissed Sokka on the cheek on Kyoshi Island because she thought they would never see each other again. Perhaps there might not be time to get someone's consent to remove part of their clothing in order to heal a potentially fatal wound.

In regards to Zuko, I think we can see from how he treats others in season 1 (the Gaang, his shipmates, even some interactions with his Uncle) that he often struggles to respect others' boundaries. Perhaps this is because he is in survival mode and is purposefully isolating himself from others; perhaps it is because growing up in the Fire Nation taught him to dehumanize others and therefore not care about how his actions affect them. Of course we see him change for the better as the show goes on, as he does learn how to humanize, protect, and show compassion towards other people. Additionally, we see Zuko navigating the concept of consent (with mixed results) in a romantic environment in Seasons 2 & 3, when he and Mai's relationship is onscreen. In "The Beach", for example, we get a front row seat to what problems a lack of communication (and therefore a misunderstanding of boundaries and disrespect of consent) can cause.

I think a major reason Zuko struggles so badly in this area is the influence of the Fire Nation--after all, how can one practice consent culture (based on mutual respect, compassion, and healthy communication) inside such an oppressive, violent system built on the core belief that other nations and their people don't matter? Imo you are correct that Ozai has never cared about or respected the boundaries/consent of anyone--his people, other nations, his children, and yes, his former wife Ursa. I don’t think he would ever apologize or do better.

All this to say, I do think Ursa and Iroh may have brought up the topic of consent with Zuko, albeit not in a s*xual sense as he was so young when Ursa left, and honestly I believe Iroh could tell he needed to get a hold of a platonic foundation of consent before moving on to the s*xual version (which comes with its own complexities). I think Zuko's largest amount of growth in this area came after he joined the Gaang and was surrounded by positive examples of people who respect and show compassion for each other, as well as people who apologize and do better if they do something wrong. Once he becomes Firelord, I think he would usher a new age of consent culture for the people of the Nation in platonic relationships that would naturally extend to romantic & s*xual relationships as well. 

the difference [between me and the character i was writing] is that I’m really not into consent or “consent” I have to put any effort into getting

so even before ethics comes into it there is just no interest in coercion because literally all of the fun is then gone, look, it’s gone

like ethics also comes into it fairly soon but that is why hurting people nonconsensually isn’t fun

if they aren’t letting you, wanting you, what is the point? oh boo hoo you strongarmed them into it good for you literally anyone could

THAT IS LAZY and THAT IS BORING and THAT IS TEDIOUS and THAT IS SO UNEXCEPTIONAL MY JAW AND KNUCKLES HURT. do LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.

so the idea of manipulating or threatening someone into the thing is fun for fantasy and fic and all but in practice no, still lazy

instead of… making someone pretend they don’t mind you hitting them… what if… you just… went and found someone who’d beg you to unprompted

there. fuckin blew your mind didn’t I. fucking lazy boring shitbirds.