#confused rant

i keep getting horny trans stuff on my feed 😭 like i dont mind it at all its fine im just so confused how i got here i didnt search it up or nothing its just all over my feed?? like ALL the posts are either about tboys or girl cock and im so confused i feel like im in enemy territory but not enemy, like walking into the wrong class in high school and sitting down and just staying there?? 😭 but on the other hand im learning a lot

I find romantic relationships confusing. Once it's deemed 'serious' enough it's perfectly acceptable for those in the relationship to spend all their time together, but if it's not seen as 'serious' enough, people outside of the relationship judge - friends judge those in the relationship for spending too much time together and not enough time with them(the friend). I understand wanting to spend time with a friend but also, if they are happy spending time with their partner then why give a negative opinion that can cause problems in the relationship? I've never been one for high maintenance friendships. I'd much rather have an understanding that I care about someone but I don't need to be in constant contact with them. I find social interaction very tiring, preferring time alone or with a small number of people in which not very much is demanded of me socially. Having a catch up with someone is one of my most favourite things - a few hours together with a cuppa nattering about all the things that has happened in both your lives since you last saw eachother - is so much more enjoyable than seeing eachother all the time and having nothing to talk about. Maybe this is just a problem that I have as the people I have surrounded myself with don't make me feel comfortable - rather they make me feel constantly judged and less than they are. But maybe I'm just slightly paranoid. My boyfriend makes me feel comfortable and relaxed, spending time with him is not a chore and not something that causes anxiety for me. Of course I'm going to spend the majority of my time with him. If he's my best friend and someone I get on with and have many things in common with, what's the difference of spending time with him to a platonic friend? Just because he isn't 'you'? Rant rant rant.

So, I just had my hours at work threatened BC of my performance. I have barely been working at this job for two weeks, and my training has been mostly ignored during that time. And yet the Customer Service lead is threatening my hours already. I actually??? Don't??? Understand??? I keep getting told contradictory things by different people too. Idk. Shit like this makes me wonder if going back to 80 hour work weeks would be better. Certainly easier. At least they trained me better over there and the people are better and the company amazing. The only reason I left was because I couldn't afford life on the pay they are able to give without working ridiculous hours.

Tbh im not even sure if i actually am cupiosexual because maybe i do have sexual attraction and i just dont know it?? I mean i dont even know what it feels like, if i do then i dont recognize it as sexual attraction. like i cant even tell very well when i have romantic feelings. I may not be ace but you know i just dont know anymore and im p confused but im just gonna go w/ cupio til i figure it out