Chuuya After Dazai's death in Beast
Strange observation about people, you might be extremely good at reading them, know the minutest of details about them. Might even have predicted certain patterns of behaviour as an afterthought. Might have gone so far as to suggest them, blatantly.You never see it coming. Or at least not the repercussions those behaviours might have. Or maybe Chuuya Nakahara undoubtedly did see the patterns. However he’d truthfully never thought of him, someone who was like a knife in flesh, best kept in to avoid bleeding to disappear. He suggested it multiple times but he didn't see it coming. That…that…Dazai might.Chuuya observed, sometimes a certain pair of eyes, blank, open and static. They were dry and irritated, viscerally tired. Mori gave him eyedrops. His eyes were dry, yes, but never pool of blood. There were no visible eyes, no whites, no pupils, or iris. His eyes were just blood filled orifices. Chuuya just kept thinking about eye medicine he'd gently let drop. It will probably remove the crimson colour he'd look at him again.Chuuya’s hands follow the streaks of blood on the cheeks tenderly as he smudges the blood.The silence is a bitch really. Dazai should complain about something, call him dumb or just lose stare at him. Not lay in deafening beats while chaos erodes and misaligns everything around him permanently.“I uhm got-.” A sob breaks through him, still breathless. Tears keep dripping down, and Chuuya keeps trying to wipe them to speak, sadness cuts through his bones, so profound it becomes him. Dazai’s always been fucking falling apart, wounded, wrapped up, bathed in blood but never. Never, never this mangled, disfigured, unrecognizable… he's just another body in a bag! Dead mass of flesh and bones ground together by gravity, an ironic turn of events.Chuuya eventually croaks out “you need a bodyguard mackerel. A-” shaky breath, try one, try two, “an asshole like you” another sob, try one, try two, try three. Cries through saying “should be,” “be, protected from him-selves.” Which comes out more as a pathetic mewl.Chuuya loses vision, feeling overdosed with pain. Vividly he watches someone caress him. Twisted pale corpse- an ugly dead body. That person's kissing it, whispering something and then other under the illusion it's alive. Everything is just so heavy, unbearably heavy and dissociating.
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The tiger kid says he's not in the Mafia. Is there a Mafia, what was it's point again? Something is missing, most definitely missing. What is it? What crushed him so? Oh he knows he thought he forgot for a second he didn't. He never can. It's part of him now. Grief? Hahaha, what a curious fucking sick sentiment. Should he be allowed grief?Chuuya is semi-aware of the chains, semi-aware of the dungeon and to the pain he is numb. Can someone still feel shit after their heart has been cut out. To be gifted of course. To be gifted. There was no other logical recourse. No one else he could throw it at so he just threw it at him. A silly joke, hilarious. With pools of blood. Profoundly Mafia, profoundly soukoku. Was there an us? Did he really think that? Was it a joke? A silly final joke.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60393091/chapters/154148089
