#colic

"If you drink that water, you'll get colic." 

In my turn, I stared at the word "colic" in this ask and thought it meant, you know, horrific gastrointestinal distress coupled with a biological inability to vomit that would cause me to roll around on the ground trying to ease my discomfort until I twist my stomach and die horribly. [wikipedia]

I did NOT know colic in human children was "episodes of crying for more than three hours a day, for more than three days a week, for three weeks in an otherwise healthy child," [wikipedia, again] honestly.

I thought it always meant a GI problem and when people talked about "colicky babies" they just meant they had belly aches and were sad about it. Which. Like. Seemed legit...? I know I am sad when belly ache?

Huh.

when you have a huge urge to defecate and are trying not to make any noise, in the WC of friends who have invited you to dinner and are waiting in the next room to start eating…💩💩💩

I have had a rough year and a half. I have lost 4 family members, one of my closest friends, and my long ago first love who I dated through both high school and college and remained one of my most beloved people on this earth. For various unrelated reasons. Alzheimer’s x3, heart attack, illness, suicide. And both my horses also died suddenly, one for no reason we could deduce. Just fell to the ground and passed away. The other from colic which is just always sudden and shocking. But both were old. Throughout this journey of loss and grief, I have started to realize more fully the temporary nature of everything. Sometimes in a very philosophical way and sometimes in a rage induced “why the fuck is everything so cruel? The best feeling is attachment. The most real thing you can do as a human. And every time. Every single fucking time - That attachment gets broken by death either theirs or yours. It is an only matter of time. But it is always true.”

And through this process I have started to question what it means to be alive in the first place. And what it means to be me. And what am I? A sentient piece of meat? A soul in a temporary body? Nothing? Coagulated energy? What?

Which has led me on an artist project of cell phone self portraits. Which I share with no one. Because they are on a cell phone. They are not professional. I am 60 years old and that is not the best age to start photographing yourself. And I really don’t know how to edit anything beyond cell phone settings. And yet here I am.

I wanted to apologize for the delay in posting today, it took me a while because I have cramps.

But that's not what I came to talk to you about. On 10/01/25, I'll be on vacation. I'll go to the beach house to enjoy time with my family and relax a little, so I probably won't post.

But if I can post I will post simple drawings and photos of the beach obviously but I will always try to maintain the frequency,

He will probably come back someday17/01/2025 But I will let you know if there is any change.

And once again, thank you for everything, affection 💓💓💓 I love you guys

Treating GI stasis is bad for my nerves. Cakepop dropped from three to two feedings of Critical Care yesterday, and her appetite has NOT improved, so she’s making less poop. Tomorrow I am stopping the lactulose and meloxicam and I am so worried that she’s not ready. I’m clinging to the fact that she eats greens consistently, so she WILL EAT.

Her medical team also let me know today that her stasis was so severe by the time she got to the hospital that her liver was involved, which is no doubt slowing down her recovery.

She doesn’t hate her tummy massages, and when they’re feeling really good she licks my arm while I’m doing it.