#cod hutch

Soap is lucky he's pretty

Hutch: Now, your joystick...

[He holds joy stick at crotch level as he demonstrates how to use it, not realizing how it looks from R/n’s perspective.]

R/n: Pfft...Hawhaaaahawhawhaa.

Hutch: Is there something funny about your joystick, R/n? As I was saying, your joystick must be harnessed as the instruments of digital devastation. You must master your joystick like a fisherman masters bait.

R/n, doubles over: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Hutch rolls his eyes then notices König is missing he hears a weird grunting noise coming from the Men's room down the hall; Hutch goes to investigate he opens a bathroom stall revealing König sitting on the toilet holding a joystick]

Hutch: König! What is your major malfunction?

König, in a creepy voice: Heyy guyy. I'm mastering my joystick!~ hehe...

Hutch, my man, is a computer genius

However his true power remains long unknown UNTIL a bet comes around

During one of the team game nights, König loses and is forced to reveal a story about a scar not gotten in the field

He shares a long scar running up his forearm and says it’s from a dirt biking accident, mentioning that there may be footage of it somewhere

He doubts anyone actually saw it since it was only aired locally

Hutch says ‘if I find it, can I show it to everyone?’

König responds (he is a little drunk) ‘I bet you can’t find it, but if you do I’ll owe you one favor AND tell you another story of a scar, just you.’

Time passes and people move on. It’s a while before they are all able to have a full team game night together

Before they can start, Hutch gets them all to the rec room, his computer hooked up to the TV

A long video file ready to play as everyone sits down.

‘I win our bet König’ was the only warning everyone got before Hutch started a video of a 15 year old König dirt bike racing in the mountains on old footage.

Clear as day, near the end battling for 1st, a kid nicks König’s bike and he falls off the hill into the deep mud on his arm

Quickly getting back up, he fights for the top spot. In the final stretch, König passes the kid and flips him off

Then proceeds to mock him while on the podium with his still bleeding arm, gesturing that he’s crying then laughs and points

Safe to say a fight broke out and the footage cut off

Hutch was standing there a little to proud of himself, and he does receive his special story

Out of solidarity, he has not looked at anyone’s search history on base.

Hutch, Declan, Oni, Roze, Zeus, and Horangi are great singers and have amazing range

Stilletto, Zero, and Askel should never be allowed to sing and aren’t banned but they will get glares

All of KorTac are a little sadistic in battle, but there is definitely a range.

Surprisingly König, Stiletto, and Oni are at the top of this list. Callisto is the only one who will force them to stop.

Oni can, will, and has cut off arms with his katanas just to leave them to bleed out

König likes to use a sledgehammer when available, he swings so it hits the enemy’s head but there is usually a wall of floor to meet them.

He has a biting problem too. If you put your hand on or near his mouth he will bite you through the mask if need be, fingers have been lost and König thinks it’s hilarious.

All of them carry a spare balaclava in case comeones is ripped, most often Horangi’s or König’s.

Some of them take medication for many things

Most for PTSD and depression, König for those and anxiety and insomnia (caused by his anxiety and depression)

The man is bad WITH his medication, without it he is so much worse. As an unmedicated kid who needed meds, he would hardly leave his room and would panic attack upon returning

The days that he misses, he locks himself in his room and cries all day

Though one of the lesser religious of the group, Klaus embodies the Christmas spirit the most

Though, he acts more like a demented Santa

Singing carols with twisted lyrics as he completes his missions, finishing with a ‘ho ho ho, and have a merry Christmas in hell’

He gained an affectionate nickname of ‘Krampus’ given to him by Fender and König who grew up with it.

It was not out of kindness or humor that they gave him this name like everyone believes.

To strengthen his bond with the name, he researched several different traditions over many countries with the creature and began to terrorize them all.

Fender and König were terrorized the most and their childhood trauma/fear was used against them.

Declan found this especially funny. You could tell Klaus just pranked them is Declan was seen with tears in his eyes.

Eventually, Fender and König call him Krampus throughout the year, while the rest stick to just Christmas time.

Zeus, although very polite, can be incredibly judgemental.

If someone eats something he deems as disgusting, he’ll scrunch up his face and give this horrified look.

This look has spared no one and made several people cry.

The reveal of König as a Colonel had shaken everyone. Apparently Zero was the only one who guessed right but was under the impression König had no idea how he got there

Someone better appreciate this I literally took 3 pages from my fucking notebook to write all this shit down

Captain John “Bravo-6” Price

I think John would definitely be an Oriental cat if not that then probably a Burmese. Smart, quick on his feet and pretty loyal seems about right.

Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley

I think Simon would be a Norwegian forest cat or a British Short hair.. for obvious reasons dude is a fuckin Brit through and through. I chose NFC becuase they are bigger types of cats and used to harsh climates

Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

For Gaz I chose an Abyssinian cat, they are pretty, usually have pretty eyes (like him) and are pretty smart and playful. Very Gaz coded

Sergeant Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

Johnny boy would be a Scottish Fold or a Siamese cat. They are very vocal, love people and are just a joy to be around honestly. Plus they suffer from pretty boy syndrome so… yeah

Sergeant Gary “Roach” Sanderson

Gary my baby boy, I chose an OciCat cause of his name it’s so random? I thought him being a more exotic and weird cat would fit his aesthetic. Very pretty cats too!

General Hershel Shepherd

Fucking hell I hate this dude and for that I gave him a Sphynx cat, they are mean, bald and bossy as fuck. Sound about right for mister Shepherd no?

I want to kill him

Kate “Watcher-1” Laswell

Kate one of my favorites! She would definitely be an American Curl. Very pretty cats with a unique personality and it just fits her. That or a Bombay cat I couldn’t choose

Nikolai “Gaz fell out of the helicopter again”

Nik our lovable transportation buddy, of course he would get a Russian blue there is no need to elaborate here he would be a Russian blue. Very cool cats ngl

Farah “Kilo Actual” Karim

She is so pretty and such a girl boss istg. But I’m giving the Bengal cat or an Ural Rex very curly hair and just very funny kitties, I think it fits her

Alex “Echo 3-1” Keller (Jr Price fr)

Pretty boy gets a pretty cat!!! He gets to be a Manx cat cause of the no tail (and his one leg) nahh jokes aside very pretty kitties for a very pretty boy

Phillip “Shadow-1” Graves

I hate this dude with all my atoms but he’s tolerable compared to Shepherd.. But I gave Graved an American shorthair. One becuase he’s American and two his hairline makes me wanna cry

Vladimir Makarov

I hate you so so much for what you did in MW3… but you are a character so I’m still giving you a cat. If you were a cat my guy I think you’d be an Peterbald or a Karelian cat

Andre “Alpha 2-1” Nolan

Surprisingly not a bad character imo but he could use some more character development! I’m giving him a Korat cat or a Singapura. I wish he got more development in MW3 honestly :/

Alejandro Vargas

Alejandro! Our favorite Mexican man gotta love him and the cowboys. He’s a petty boy as well so I’m giving him a pretty chill and cool cat as well. A color point shorthair, not necessarily a *breed* per day but still he deserves a petty kitty

Rodolfo Parra

Rudy! Another cowboy we love what a gentleman <3 I’m giving him an Egyptian Mau kitty, it has spots and I think Rudy would be a spotted kitty. Very good boy

Valeria “El-Sin-Nombre” Garza

Mommy issues fr love this women. I support women rights AND wrongs 💪 she gets a Donskoy or a Savannah cat. Both wild kitties to match her wild and unpredictable personality I think it fits very well

König

Anxious King gotta love them! For obvious reasons he’s a Maine Coon cat, the biggest house cat there is. For being an absolute UNIT of a man he deserves a very loyal, pretty, and big kitty. God I just wanna smother this man

Kim “Horangi” Hong-jin

Toyger need I say more? It’s a literal house tiger, his name is fucking Tiger he gets to be the tiger damnit! 😤

Darnell “Hutch” Hutcherson

Dunno the rest of these guys very well (besides Nikto) but I’m giving Hutch a Chartreux cat. I wish the more obscure characters got more attention, no they may not be apart of the MW part but still they deserve love

Nikto

I love this man with every fucking atom of my body. My baby boy deserves the best cat in my opinion the Lykoi. Very cool, funny and amazing cats one of the best he’s just a goober I wanna pet him and keep him in my closet away from all the bad things

Mace

Mace heard some things about you here and there and decided I couldn’t leave you behind. You my friend would be an Oriental Longhair dunno why but I think it suits him

Velikan

Idk if this man is even part of the fandom? Either way I’m giving you a cat deal with it. You would be an Highlander cat if not then an Tonkinese kitty.

Keegan P Russ

Oh Keegan my dear boy, you would be a Devon Rex kitty, very smart, mischievous and overall just a joyful cat. You deserve the world my dear

Logan Walker

Ragdoll. You will get a ragdoll take it or leave or my guy. Just know I’m only adding you and everyone else because of Keegan

David “Hesh” walker

Hhhh.. hesh dude idk I’d probably give you a Havanah Brown kitty. Seems like a good fit. Unusual brown kitty for a unusual cool character

Elias T “Scarecrow” Walker

I literally know nothing about you? But I’m still giving you a cat! Uh I think possibly a Javanese cat would fit you my dude.

Alex v “Ajax” Johnson

Same with you like? I have never heard about you either but whatever. I think a Australian Mist or a Khao Manee cat would work

Alright so that’s all the CoD characters I think? I’m not sure if I missed anyone, if I did tell me and I’ll assign them in the comments or whatever.

No I’m not adding the other characters such as Diego or any other unknown Ghost team people or random background people that only have like 2 lines of dialogue or is barely even known within the CoD community.

König gets along really well with Askel and Klaus for obvious reasons. If any of them heads home, they’ll bring back the good beer and treats that they all know

Everyone will eat whatever is in the fridge, nothing is safe. Maybe if it has a not from a family member will some of them leave it alone. But that is no guarantee.

Horangi, in an attempt to ‘chill Oni out’, slipped marijuana drops into his tea and got him high as hell.

Oni laid on the common room couch for 6 hours without moving and said the weirdest shit.

Horangi was there the whole time and loved every moment, unfortunately, some others didn’t agree

Declan, Stilletto, Askel, Klaus, and Horangi openly laughed while Calisto and Zero were the only ones who didn’t find it funny at all

Oni quickly got Horangi back by replacing some of his nice kimchi with weird cheap stuff he found for online. He mixed it together to blend the flavors

At dinner that night, Horangi got half way through before leaving to throw up. Oni laughed the whole time

Horangi quickly returned to dinner and tackled him over the table, attempting my to shove some of the bad kimchi down his throat.

The yelling foreign languages at each other was funny. Mostly since it was Oni mocking Horangi and Horangi yelling rather than vice versa.

Horangi has seen everyone’s face, mostly because he doesn’t knock and has weird hours

This includes Ghost, even if they only worked together for a week

Fender is the only one who’s seen almost everyone’s face because they showed it to him willingly, König will wear a medical mask but won’t show his face

The medics know a lot of secrets about everyone, not important ones though, very stupid ones

Know Roze stole a loaf of bread from her family’s kitchen when she was 8 and felt bad so she tossed it in a lake

Know Zero once a had a crush on a middle school girl when he was in elementary and tried hard to get her attention but failed miserably

They won’t tell anyone because of Patient-Client Confidentiality and consequently become the secret keepers of the group

König only one who has seen Fender’s face.

KorTac tries to have dinner together and push the tables into a square, it’s really fun and they have game night (without gambling)

König has the highest tolerance and is has never gotten past drunk before.

He doesn’t really get drunk, he just gets wobbly and that’s all. No one knew the first time til he tried to get up and immediately tripped over his own feet, stayed on the floor and groaned, saying ‘damn, drank to much’

No one could remember how much he drank that night.

Everyone once saw him have like 14 beers (he has his own stash from home that’s strong and no one else likes) and said he felt tipsy and didn’t know his limit

Declan and Oni come in close second and Declan will brag about this to anyone who listens

Stilletto and Horangi are third but they don’t really care. Calisto, Zero, and Gromsko are the same way but have a lower tolerance

Zeus is really bad at drinking games and refuses to play, so they don’t really know his limit

He has admitted to being in the third place group, much to Declan’s amusement

Hutch has hacked into devices with weird search history’s. He doesn’t talk about it but if drunk enough he will tell some of the weirder non sexual ones.

R/n: (to Rudy) This “Snake Juice” is basically Rat poison. Everybody’s wasted.

[cuts to a drunk and crying Gaz]

Gaz: You don’t even know one thing, I didn’t even say one thing and then he asked me the whole thing and I didn’t even do it once!!

[cuts to a drunk König]

König: I’m like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room, it’s like OK, he’s in there.

[cuts to a drunk Horangi]

Horangi: I’m gonna tell you…That…That bitch over there (points at random person) …I’m…I’m gonna tell..I don’t have to…I don’t have to brag.

[cuts to a drunk and giggling Hutch]

Hutch: Baba booey.

[cuts to a drunk Soap]

Soap: Turn this music down. (Starts singing to Gaz) Farts and boobs and love and stuff… macaroni potato salad…

[cuts to a drunk Alejandro]

Alejandro: [rapidly speaking Spanish]

[cuts to a drunk and laughing Price who starts coughing then drinks more snake Juice]

[cuts to a drunk Ghost, who is wearing R/n’s pink glow-in the dark cat ear headphones frantically dancing]

[Cut to R/n who has all the drunk people packed into her Van]

Ghost: (groggily) Is this everybody, Love?

R/n: Alejandro and Rudy took a cab, Gaz is in the trunk, König’s on the roof. Alright, where to first?

Soap: Yer mother’s butt!

[Everyone laughs]

Hutch: I’m so alone…

R/n: If even one of you thinks about dry-heaving in my van, you’re all walking home.