HarveyWabbit-Writings

Demo: What kind of drink is that?

Hacker: It- It's not drink, D, it's just fizzy water.

Demo: ...Woodford Reserve 1921!

Sniper, takes a bottles from Hacker and reads label: …

Soap: Nah, you’re thinkin’ of someone with two knives.

Ghost, from another room: What the hell was that?!

Soap: I fell.

Ghost: Oh. Okay.

Soap:…

Soap: Yer not even gonna ask if I’m okay???

Ghost: Are you okay?

Soap: Yes.

Ghost: Then what’s the point? 

R/n: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real?

Ghost, eating an apple: Uhm, never seen one.

R/n: Okay, I mean, there’s a lot of things that you can’t see that are real.

Ghost, amused: What can’t I see?

R/n: You can’t see gravity. That’s real.

Ghost: Yeah, I can drop this apple.

R/n: …Fuck. 

(Suddenly, a huge gust of wind causes R/n to flinch look away, while she was distracted Ghost shoves his half-eaten apple down the throat of some reptilian looking creature that was sneaking up on them, The creature holds it’s throat while gagging as Simon roughly shoves it off the bridge.]

R/n, jumps hearing the splash: What was that?

Ghost, shrugs: I dropped my apple.

R/n, while investigating a haunted house: Visitors and employees claim that doors lock themselves shut, footsteps can be heard, shadows follow you…

Ghost: Shadows do tend to follow you though. That’s sort of how they work.

R/n, oblivious of the shadowy hand coming out of the floor reaching for her ankle: Dude, you are such a wet blanket. *turns around*

Ghost: Yes...(He stomps on shadowy hand hard and dug his heel in.) 

R/n: And now the end near~… And so I face the final curtain…*hums*

Soap: Jeez, R/n’s singing to her ball again.

Gaz, who’s checking the scores: Yeah, and she’s bowling a 280!

Soap: Oh, yeah? *shifty eyes*...

Soap, singing to his bowling ball: There’s a kind of hush All over the world tonight.~

[the others follow suit.]

Ghost: Somewhere over the rainbow.~

Ghost: Honestly, I was kind of under the impression that you already knew… You know… given your own nature.

R/n:…My what?

Ghost: Don’t play coy, yer a vamp too.

R/n: Uh, no I’m not.

Ghost: Yes, the hell you are I can smell it.

Soap [werewolf]: I think yer nose is broken.

König [werebear]: Ja, she’s a Vere-animal like us!

Soap: Right!

R/n: Wait, y-You guys are-

Gaz [Elf]: No! Your all wrong, look at that point on her ears! she’s obviously an Elf!

R/n, fidgets with her ears: My ears???…an Elf? What-

[R/n looks at everyone baffled that they were all monsters, as the monster men bicker with each other on what she was, Price does the smart move and just takes R/n to a fairy doctor to figure it all out.]

R/n, glaring down at her results: What the hell?! This is bull-crap dude!

R/n, tries to push the gun back: Oh no, I don’t really use guns unless they use water for ammo.

Horangi: Well tough luck, things are gonna get bad from here on out…Well, bad for you you’re a woman, they’ll just kill me. 

R/n, reluctantly takes the gun: Um, shouldn’t you like teach me to use it?

Horangi: Shouldn’t be hard for you figure out, just think of it as a camera. 

R/n, looks confused:

Horangi, flatly: Point and shoot. 

R/n: Oh…Right. *under her breath* ‘Cept cameras don’t kill people or take yer eye out from the knockback! 

Horangi, grabbing some other things of the dead soldier: Alright, let’s go before this guys friends notice he’s missing.

Horangi: Please understand, I am not emotionally invested in any of this.

R/n: Damn, that’s the nicest way of saying “I don’t give a fuck” I’ve ever heard.

Horangi: I don't eat junk food.

R/n:

Ghost, to soap: Do you really want know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Soap: Yes.

Ghost: I was hula hooping. Ivy signed me up for a class for fitness and for fun.

{Ghost shows Soap his phone with pictures for proof.]

Soap, looks at the pics in amazement: Oh my God.

Ghost: I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Soap: Why are you telling me this?

Ghost: Because no-one… will ever believe you.

Soap: Huh?

[Ghost deletes the pictures]

Soap: No, no!

[Ghost chuckles menacingly and makes his way back to his office.]

Grady: Whaddya mean?

Charlie, leaning on her desk: I'm 32 and work as a toilet inspector...with criminal record to boot!

Grady: No...32 with no criminal record, remember? the upper management said they'd drop the charges if you took your sentence and worked off the damages.

Charlie: 84 years... that's how long it's gonna take to work off that debt, 84 years; I'll be dead before then!

Grady: No you won't! Remember? The other requirement of the deal? You had to consent to having experimental nanites injected into your body; you're practically ageless!

Charlie, breaks down sobbing: Oh, I never should've went looking for my father! I should've stayed home ran the flower shop with grandma!

Customer: Do you do any detailing here?

Riley: Yes, I do vehicle cosmetics and details are ye gearin' for a new look?

Customer: No, I'm not looking for anything fancy, I just really need to get my car sodomized today.

Riley she stares at them:

Riley: ...I'm sorry, ye need what?

Customer: Oh, Are you not offering that, do you know anyone who will?

Edo: *walks in* What's up?

Customer, looks at Edo: Do you know a good sodomizers? It’s been ages since I had it done.

Edo: ... *walks out*

Customer: Y'know, I can just Sodomize it myself, do you sell any coat safe car wax?

Riley: Excuse me...Are ya tryin' to say simonize?