HarveyWabbit-Writings

Prism: Raisins???

Phenomamon: Raisins are nature’s candy!

Sonar, brought gummy Dracula fangs: Then why do they have to cover them with chocolate to sell them at the movies?

Waterboy, taking a few raisin boxes: I like 'em.

Styx: And why's that Peanut?

Arke: Can ya stop it with the "Peanut" crap?

Styx: Why? I think it's a nice name.

Arke: Look...Whatever, Okay. I would be probably the worst hostage for you and not because I could just annoy the hell out of you.

Styx: I think I could stand having you around...you seem smart and smell better than the usual shits I have to take in.

Arke: Look, I may be the granddaughter the Snow elves governor, but I'm also an illegitimate half-breed. Why the fuck would he give up his time and resources for some by-blow half-breed brat sired by his whorish son?

Styx: I think that's an exaggeration, you're his only grandchild....that I know of.

[Cut to negotiations]

Governor: Why would I give up my time and resources for some by-blow half-breed brat sired by my whorish son?

Styx:...

Arke, dully: Told you....

(she notices someone else standing next to her grandfather.)

Arke: Oh, hi dad! Long time no see. Wanna talk to mom? She's around my neck... *Arke gestures to a tiny urn on her necklace shaped like an hourglass*

{Arke's father awkwardly looks away, as one of the archers takes aim and shoots at her and Styx, the goblin dodges but one of the arrows manages to hit Arke in the chest the half elf's body cracks and shatters like it was made of glass, much to Styx's confusion before the real Arke clears her throat and uncloaked herself; revealing she was sitting on a crate nearby watching the whole thing go down.]

Arke: My mom was a low level illusionist...that's the other reason dear old granddad hates me.

Prism, as Flambae and R/n try to convince her to leave: I am not giving up this apartment.

R/n: It's haunted.

Prism: It's rent-controlled.

Flambae: Alice, it says "DIE".

Chase: I met your dad in person once, y'know?

R/n, washing coffee mugs: Really?

Chase: Yep, I was chosen to act as a spy for the brigade, he gave me a tour of his lair and then he took me up to his office...

R/n, gets a creeped out look on her face: This isn't turning into a story where you boned my dad is it? 'Cos I really don't wanna hear it!

Chase: I did not bone your dad!

{Two random heroes stare at Chase, before he awkwardly waves at them, then turns back to continue his conversation with R/n}

Chase: Anyway, it went a little like this...

{Flashback, to young Chase in Mad Magnus's office]

Mad Magnus: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. (Turns Chase around) Now, I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?

Chase, very reluctant: ...Right.

Mad Magnus: Three... Two... [his phone goes off] One second...

[Mad Magnus turns around to answer the call and hears a loud thud behind him; turns back around and sees Chase on the ground.]

Mad Magnus Oh, crap, the guy's on the floor. [goes to help Chase] Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.

Chase:...

Mad Magnus: But on that note, I've been inform by the folks down in intel of your real identity: Track Star. Luckily for you I'm a very generous man; I'm giving you five minutes to vacate the premises before I have to detain you. You'll find my secretary April waiting down in lobby with you coat freshly dry-cleaned, and a little something to remember your visit, have a nice day!

{present}

Chase: On my way out his secretary, gave me my coat and a little basket of cookies, a bottle sparkling water along with this little metal frog desk ornament, Fuck, I know he was evil but that man the was probably one of the friendliest guys I ever met! I was really tempted to join his operation.

Invisigal: I've probably had worse, lay it on me.

[R/n sends link.]

Invisigal, 15 mins later:

R/n: Uh, there's one...It's called Titane, basically, It's about this chick who has a metal plate in her head from an accident and she loves cars and I do mean romantically, *Invisigal gives her a look.*

R/n: I know, lemme finish. And she does the deed with a car, not with some bloke in the car, with the car. She then goes on killing spree; Oh yeah, she's also a serial killer...

R/n: Anyway! She then steals the identity of this firefighter's son who went missing years before, this poor guy is in such heavy delusion that he genuinely believes she really is his son, Oh and she somehow got pregnant from her encounter with the car and the end of the movie she dies giving birth to this half metal baby.

Invisigal:....

Invisigal: What the fuck?

R/n: Yeah, that's what I said.

Invisigal: There's no way that's a real movie.

R/n: It's real. Go look it up and watch it.

Invisigal: I'll do just that!

{Later that night Invisigal calls R/n who is fishing off the side of her house boat.}

Invisigal: Holy shit! what the hell?!

R/n, starts laughing: Did you watch it?

Invisigal Did I watched it?! I need to bleach my brain!

R/n: Told you it was screwed up.

======================

[Hands Waterboy a random outfit without looking at it first.]

Waterboy, in the changing room: Oh, I hope that Beulah likes my cool new attire.

Sonar: Look, I told you man, you need to get over her; there's plenty of more fish in the sea.

Waterboy, leaves changing room: How do I look, crypto man?

[Sonar looks at Waterboy whose dressed like a really bad trench coat edge lord wannabe.]

Sonar: Sure, is $60 enough?

Sonar's kid: It's $1.50.

Sonar: Wow, prices sure have gone down since I was your age.

Sonar's kid: For Cherry Cola?

Sonar: Oh... that's what you mean...

Prism: I guess he's ir-illiterate.

------------

R/n, gets her switch out: Alright, fine.

Sonar: Nope, not gonna happen!

R/n, starts playing Subnautica BZ: Of course.

Sonar, crossing his arms: Right!

[a few seconds later...]

Sonar: Do you want to have sex?

R/n, building a Sea truck: No, I'm being punished.

Flambae: In that case, I expect emotional damage, unresolved grudges, and a group chat I immediately mute.

Invisigal: I hate my family. That makes this place worse because at least with my family, I'm getting an inheritance.