H: What?
E: Nothing
Five minutes later
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seen from Jordan
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seen from United States

seen from Singapore
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H: What?
E: Nothing
Five minutes later

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EMILY PRENTISS Criminal Minds 2.14
The realist thing in CM ever is Reid getting propositioned by every sex worker the BAU interacts with.
the virgin reid going full hermit over a girl he talked on the phone with for a few months vs. the chad hotch coming right back to work after his wife was murdered in front of his son
Hotch casually agreeing with Garcia that altruism is sexy in season 8 episode 2 is not talked about enough! I love rewatching this show because I catch small stuff like this, it’s like a little treat
(I have my period anything that makes me smile right now is a treat) (and hotch always makes me smile) (Garcia too) (god I love this show)

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In honor of pride month, I'm doing a criminal minds rewatch from the moment Emily showed up. Love a good queer-baiting, amarite? I really am a glutton for punishment...
Hotch: ok everyone what's my worst quality? I'll start, I have no sense of humour.
JJ: you're a bully 👀
The Secret Girlfriend Theory (1)
Hello all! Here is chapter one of six of my Hotch x OC. 2251 words and trigger warnings for alcohol use, kidnapping, dark themes, canon-level violence, fighting, death. I tried to make the bau team as in-character as possible also this isn't beta read so good luck
Chapter One: The Secret Girlfriend Theory
“Hotch is missing,” JJ said. “We need to get everyone here, now.”
Garcia’s eyes widened. “W-what? How do you know?”
JJ held up her phone, the screen black as she waved it in the air. “He changed his voicemail to include a codeword. It’s probably the last thing he did before whoever took him took his phone or knocked him out.”
Garcia was typing messages to send to the team’s PC’s as her eyes welled up with tears. “I can’t believe this happening again.”
“Focus, Penelope,” JJ said. “I need you to analyze the voicemail. The code word he chose was “animals”, and I was so focused on that I couldn’t pay attention to the background. Please, find what I couldn’t.”
“I’m on it,” Garcia said quickly, turning back to her computers and pleading to them with her eyes to give her all the answers.
JJ was already at the door when she said, “Tell them to meet me at Hotch’s place. And see where his last known location was.”
Emily was the first to meet JJ, a frown gracing her lips as she stormed in, past the FBI techs who were carrying their equipment out.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” JJ admitted. “But whoever took him didn’t do it from here. There’s no sign of a struggle and nothing out of place.”
Emily pulled a pair of gloves on and said, “There might still be something here. I’m just gonna look around, let me know when the others get here.”
Rossi was the next to arrive, striding in. “I checked the garage and his cars not there. Does Garcia have a last known yet?”
JJ nodded, grateful to finally be able to answer a question. “She says his phone last pinged in an apartment building downtown, but I’ll have her check his car GPS too.”
Reid walked in, gloves already on. “I have her on the phone right now guys,” he said, quickly moving the device away from his ear and placing it on Hotch’s coffee table in front of the couch. “Go ahead, Garcia.”
“I’m checking his car GPS right now, but there’s something you all need to see,” Garcia started. “A note was delivered to the FBI five minutes ago. It says, “There will be no wind in the trees, there will be no music in the song. And there will be no bodies for you to bury. Goodnight.”
Derek arrived in time to hear the last of it. “Sounds like a female author. Men wouldn’t be that poetic.”
“I agree. But why would a woman kidnap Hotch? And more importantly, how?” Rossi asked. “He’s a highly trained FBI agent. He’s overpowered men twice his size without breaking a sweat.”
“So, we think Hotch knew his attacker?” JJ asked. “Subdued him with a weapon maybe?”
Emily tilted her head. “Not necessarily him. She might’ve threatened a loved one to ensure his obedience. We should pull Jack from school, just in case.”
“Is anyone else bothered by the phrasing of the last sentence?” Reid asked. “There will be no bodies to bury. Not body. She’s speaking of bodies, plural.”
Derek grimaced. “The note says she’s organized. If we’re about to have an organized serial killer on our hands…”
“Let’s not assume the worst yet,” Rossi interceded. “If Hotch isn’t injured, he can think straight and handle himself. Let’s focus on the note and getting Jack to safety. JJ, Morgan, you two go pick him up. Emily, we’re going to the apartment building where he was last. Reid, go back to HQ and look at that note.”
The team began to move out, just as Emily noticed something. “Guys, does anything here feel off to you?”
Rossi hesitated as well. “What are you thinking?”
Emily turned in place. “Its not right,” she said. Then she moved. “We know Hotch is neat, and we know he was probably on his way to work when it happened, based on the absence of his briefcase and the timing. But we also know that Hotch eats breakfast every morning, and look—there’s no dishes in the sink or in the strainer.”
Derek caught on what Emily was getting at and looked around as well. “We know he complains about junk mail but look at the table by the door. There’s no mail, junk or otherwise.”
JJ said, “There’s no sign of Jack at all. No toys, no pictures, no cups, no report cards on the fridge.”
Reid took the short hallway down to Hotch’s room and glanced inside. He shouted, “Bed hasn’t been slept in. There’s a layer of dust on the dresser and all the lamps are unplugged.”
“Like you do for a vacation,” JJ said.
Reid arrived back in the living room. “And his closet is almost empty. Only two outfits in there and one of them is for a workout.”
“So, we’re saying that Hotch hasn’t lived here lately?” Rossi said. “That doesn’t make sense. Where else would he be staying? And why would he keep this apartment in his name if he wasn’t going to use it anymore?”
Garcia chimed in suddenly, the phone rustling with noise now that she’d unmuted herself. “Guys, I don’t know who all is still there but I called the school to let them know someone was on their way to get Jack, and they said he was picked up an hour ago.”
JJ looked like she was going to be sick. “By who?”
“By a woman named Mia Foster. The admin I talked to said that she was new to the role but that Foster has picked Jack up from school every day since she’s worked there, and Jack is always so happy to see her.”
“Get us everything you can about Mia Fosters,” Rossi ordered. “JJ, I still want you to go to the school and find out more about Fosters’ behavior. Morgan, go back with Reid and get into Hotch’s office.”
Emily seemed impressed by the apartment building that Rossi had pulled up to. “This is nice. Do we think Hotch moved here?”
Rossi shrugged. “Or he was taken here before his phone turned off.”
Emily winced. “Right. I guess I just want to believe this was all a big misunderstanding.” They got out of the car and walked into the lobby side by side. “It doesn’t feel real yet.”
“Last time it felt real because you walked into Hotch’s hotel room and saw all the blood. Your brain had no choice but to believe it was real,” Rossi reminded her.
Prentiss didn’t have time to answer before the receptionist was greeting them. “Hi there! Are you here for the penthouse viewing?”
“Actually, we’re here with the FBI,” Rossi said, and both agents showed their badges in unison. “We’re looking for Aaron Hotchner. Can we show you a picture and see if you’ve seen him?”
The receptionist laughed. “Of course, I know Mr. Hotchner! No need for a picture.”
“You know him?” Emily repeated.
“Yes, he’s been living here for quite some time. It’s such a shame he’s moving, though. He’s a better tipper than most,” the receptionist said casually. “Why are you guys looking for him? Aren’t you coworkers?”
Rossi glanced at Emily before stating, “We believe he’s missing. This is his last known location.”
“Missing?” the receptionist’s friendly and casual demeanor dropped. “What about Mia and Jack? Are they okay?”
The agents shared a look of pure confusion. “What apartment has he been staying in? We’d like to take a look if you don’t mind.”
The receptionist stumbled over her words. “Yes, o-of course. The manager of the building is already up there, doing a showing.”
“A showing?” Prentiss repeated. “He’s moving out of the penthouse? And selling it?”
The receptionist nodded. “We’ve been doing showings for them all week.”
“Them being Mia and Aaron?” Rossi said. When the woman nodded again he asked, “What can you tell us about Mia?”
The receptionist looked worried. She whispered, “Is she missing too?”
“Not that we’re aware of,” Rossi said smoothly, not eager to let anyone know that currently, Mia was a suspect.
“Mia’s a sweetheart,” the receptionist said. “She’s lived here a lot longer, and I’ve known her longer. She’s a bit of a workaholic, if I’m being honest. But she used to come home real sad and stressed, but when Mr. Hotchner and Jack moved in, she really lightened up. She just kinda glows, you know?”
Emily sucked in a breath. “When did they move in here?”
The receptionist thought for a second. “I’d have to check the records for an exact date, but it must’ve been a year ago now.”
Rossi sighed. “Thank you,” he said. “We might have more questions later.”
The receptionist nodded. “I’ll be here until five, but Joanna takes over for the night shift, and she knows Mia and Mr. Hotchner well too. I see them when they leave for the morning and she sees them when they come home.”
“When Hotch left this morning, did he seem upset or distressed in anyway?” Emily asked.
“Actually, yes,” the receptionist said. “He usually waves goodbye as he leaves, but he looked really worried as he walked out. He didn’t wave because he was talking on the phone.”
“What was he saying?” Rossi pressed.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I was too far away to hear but whatever it was, he was real unhappy about it.”
“And did Mia leave before or after him?”
“A couple hours before.”
“Thank you,” Rossi said again as they walked away, towards the elevators.
Prentiss lowered her voice. “Is it really possible for Hotch to have had a secret girlfriend for the past year?”
“It would’ve had to have been longer,” Rossi said. “He wouldn’t have moved in with someone he barely knew.”
“We would’ve known,” Emily said assuredly. “We would’ve been able to tell.”
Back at HQ, Morgan was shuffling through Hotch’s laptop in the round table room as Reid dissected the note on the whiteboard.
“What do we have?” Rossi said as he and Emily burst through the door.
“There’s nothing on his work computer,” Morgan said defeatedly. “The only mention of Mia Fosters that I can find is an old email thread where he emailed her an introduction of himself and the BAU and she emailed back her phone number and a winky face. After that, nothing.”
“That’s quite forward,” Emily commented. “But it might’ve worked somehow. Receptionist at the apartment building says that Mia Fosters and Hotch have lived together in the penthouse for a year.”
JJ walked in, hanging up the phone as she went. “Mia Fosters is a registered guardian, according to the school. All of Jack’s teachers say that they see her more than they see Hotch, and that Jack adores her. Today’s early pickup has been planned for three weeks.”
“So, the secret girlfriend theory is correct?” Emily asked.
Garcia knocked on the door, not wanting to interrupt the profilers in their element, but Derek waved her in anyway.
“I can help with proving that theory,” she said softly. “But you aren’t going to like it.”
“Go ahead, baby girl.”
Garcia sat down beside JJ and ranted, “Mia Fosters and Aaron Hotchner’s meeting has no record, but the night of their first email, Hotch called her a little after 9pm. Since that day two years ago, their phone numbers have called each other at least twice a day. She calls him in the morning, and he calls her in the evening. Sometimes the calls only last for a minute or two, and there are occasional random calls, like in the middle of the night or late afternoon.”
“When we get cases,” Reid guessed. “He’s calling her to tell her he’s leaving town.”
“There’s more,” Garcia said. “In early January of last year, Hotch put her down as one of the three people capable of pulling Jack from school. The school only allows three, which means he put Mia in JJ’s place, the third place, of course, being Haley’s sister.”
JJ shifted sadly, but Prentiss grabbed her hand in comfort.
“One month after that, Hotch and Mia appeared in court together and signed some papers. Bing-bang-boom, she’s now Jack’s legal guardian, giving her the exact same rights over Jack as Hotch does.”
“Why on earth would he do that?” Derek asked, frustrated.
“Last thing,” Garcia said quickly, knowing the team wanted to talk about what she’d already said. “Two weeks ago, both of their bank accounts showed a substantial withdrawal. They paid cash for a house, and both of their names are on the lease.”
Everyone sat, stunned.
“I don’t like this,” Morgan said suddenly. “I just don’t believe that Hotch would have a secret life that he wouldn’t tell us about. I mean, I get having a work life and a home life, but this is just weird.”
“I agree,” JJ said. “When he and Haley were together, I was always fielding calls from Haley because she was worried about him. If this Mia person really is Hotch’s girlfriend, why haven’t we heard from her?”
“But Jack is the most important thing to Hotch. If he trusts her with his son, maybe that says something,” Emily defended.
Reid shook his head. “I’m with Morgan and JJ. Its too weird to think about Hotch never even mentioning this woman to us and then suddenly buying a house with her. And JJ’s right. If he’s been missing since this morning, why hasn’t she called us for help? And how convenient is it that she scheduled an early pickup for Jack the exact morning that Hotch goes missing?”
Rossi drummed his fingers on the table. “We won’t be able to make a decision about Mia Fosters if we don’t have a profile to compare her to. Let’s go back to the profile.”
“We know the unsub is organized and intelligent enough to somehow manipulate Hotch into being kidnapped,” Emily said. “But without a crime scene, there’s not much else to get information from.”
“What about the note?” JJ asked Reid.
“It was typed, so there’s not much to get from the handwriting, but look at the stationary,” Reid said, pushing the bagged note into the center of the table. “Even through the bag you can feel how thick the paper is. Anyone recognize it?”
They all knew it as soon as they felt the paper through the bag.
“That’s the paper our court orders and warrants come through on,” JJ said.
“Official state prosecution’s office paper,” Rossi said.
Garcia made a noise. “Mia Foster works at the prosecutor’s office.”
Emily and Derek made eye contact.
“Let’s go,” Emily said quickly. Both agents launched out of the chairs and grabbed their jackets, hurrying out the door.
JJ stood as well. “I’m going to release Hotch’s photo to the public. People need to be looking for him even if we don’t have a profile to give about the unsub yet.”
Rossi reached for Hotch’s computer, asking Garcia to tell him more about Mia Foster’s life. Reid went back to the note, hunched over it, muttering the lines to himself.
There will be no wind in the trees, there will be no music in the song. And there will be no bodies for you to bury. Goodnight.