#closed int

well , she did not expect his follow up question to be so ...... forceful. it appears he is very shocked that she even said this , and she semi flinches at his tone. ever since all that ..... happened , she was slipping more and more into her mind , and she was spending less and less time in reality and with those who are both lucid and .... sane ? “ i j—just ..... it feels like e—ever since you told me about ...... well , e—everyth—everything you informed me of , i have b—been ..... “ she shakes her head as she sighs , wrapping herself in her arms. “ it is s—silly , but the ..... the s—shadows .... it seems .... “ ‘ someone is watching me. ‘ she thinks to herself , feeling even more mad and off her head.

she saw wishes as something selfish , an indulgence she should not be allowed , as she should be there for others. she never did focus on herself , as she thought that would be horribly selfish. she did have an idea , though it did not take the roots it should have , as she would not allow herself to consider this. what could she say really ? “ t --- to be l --- loved. t --- to be c ---cared for as i --- i n --- never was as a c --- child. “ this is accompanied by a small smile , though she looks about to break down at the ache this caused in her chest.

it is caught in her throat , the lie on the tip of her tongue. perhaps if she bows her head and avoids eye contact she will be able to. she chokes on it , unable to get it out of her , chest tightening. what was the matter with her ? she never had a problem with this. she goes to speak , though again she is not permitted to tell the falsity. she clenches her hues shut , frustrated tears leaking from the corners. well , no use forcing the impossible. “ . . . . . e --- ever --- everything. “

her face works itself into being emotionless , as if it were anything else she would project the horror she felt for what was happening. she had a feeling in the pit of her gut that this was not going to be a pleasant interaction or a conversation she would be jumping at the chance to have , though her eternal mission of being someone not to offend and being opposed to everything impolite , valerie just nods. her eyes might have given her away , as they were too expressive , and she was much too terrified. “ y—yes , miss. v—-very much s—-so. “ she somehow is able to choke out , a bile rising from the depths of her throat as she mulls over the words she has said. of course , valerie has a good amount of blood that usually floods to her cheeks in moments of embarrassment, though right now , her pallor is a ghostly white as she gazes down at her feet praying she would not be harmed.

why did she never think that she was not wanted around ? when she has been told multiple times that her company is very much enjoyed and even appreciated , she still believed that she was nothing but a nuisance , and she should remove herself from the situation for both of their sake. the way he says this causes her to pause , nearly like he has reached out with his hand to catch her wrist before she had the chance to go towards the door and make her escape. it is not so much that she would be escaping , more she is saving them both from her stuttering and her awkwardness when she is attempting to speak in a way that would be even close to coherent to the common person. she starts at his words , though she is somewhat used to the manner he would exclaim things when he was speaking , and that he did not mean to be so gruff. she shrinks back and pales when he reminds her of this , glancing down and fixating on her shoes. " oh ..... r—right. i .... f—forgot. " she admits , though she did not ; she has been charting the phases of the moon , and she knew. she nibbles on her bottom lip as she shakes her head. " p—peter .... " she is hopeless , and it shows in her tone. " i .... i am t—terri—terrified. " she tells him with candor , no use hiding this. she has not changed till now , and the horrors she saw when he did ......

in many cases , she believes she has not been genuine about most things. even if she was unable to be anything less than authentic , her emotions and what she felt continued to live deep inside her chest , ready to burst , the pressure unbearable as it remained there. the longer it was , the more and more agony she was in. “ c --- cannot p --- pretend i am okay. “ normally she would never admit this , out loud or to herself , though the trust they had was not measured like any other , and even she did not know why. she did not have the instinct to retreat as he advanced , just stood stock still as she ruminated on her misery and even guilt for concealing a part of herself that could have been the most important. she is not able to return the smile , and she bows her head with a heavy sigh.

“ i --- it …. it f --- feels n --- nice a ---- actually ; to s --- smile. “ she informs him as she leans into his side a bit , brightening up in his presence ; he was a great person , she hopes he knew that. she would tell him if he did not , as many times as she has to.

her father   .   .   .   she   had a   father ! and   not only   this   ,   he   accepted her   even   with   all of her   flaws   and   shortcomings. he   saw them   with   the   eye   of the   craftsman   he is   ;   he   saw them   as   beautiful. orange   morphs   to a   blush   combined   with a   yellow tinge   ,   caught between   whether   she should   allow   her love   for him   to show   in her   hues   ,   or   happiness   like   nothing   she has   ever felt. “   h   ---   he   .   .   .   he is   my   dad.   i   .   .   .   i   h   ---   have   a f   ---   father.   “ tears gather   to display   the   gratitude   and the   plethora of   joyous emotions   she has   as she   reminds herself   she   finally   has a   family   ,   a   father ! “   h   ---   he   does not   c   ---   care   if i   am not   as   o   ---   outg   ---   outgoing   as   he is   ,   he   .   .   .   he   l   ---   loves me   for   m   ---   me.   “ wiping away   the   wetness   from her   lashes   ,   she   beams   so brightly   and   brilliantly. more   to   herself   than the   other   ,   she   whispers   under her   breath. “   i   ---   i   have a   h   ---   home   ,   i   b   ---   belong s   ---   somew   ---   somewhere.   “