So where, what circle do i march towards? For what do i burn, yearn, and turn away from, for? The delights that delight in me in word, and deed yet Is it for me– or for me? I have read much of great love and yet Experience is a cruel governess to chide me so Cruelty is found in many forms, and indifference Is such a boring blade to bleed from Hell is full of fools – Is that why I must open my window Frightful of humidities smother Oh, brother– where art thou? You set such a divine example and vanished Like lightning you flashed – and dashed

Spring has sprung from my step Jovial nay jestorial i am the fool to think Love is a game best played jaded Jagged with jowls and howls in the night Biting and tearing save the one whom once torn i find i am falling up Just as worried as ones descent Should the rocks and waves below shatter me So the sun above burn me Is nowhere truly safe? Save love’s embrace Where daggers most patiently wait behind pursed lips Such ides, eyeing march onward

What greater role in stagery than the fool? Absent of the melodrama heights and lows Yet er’ present to the humilities and ‘ations i look back and it all seems to appear Yet stories tell me it should vanish It should be ripped from my hands All i feel is the blood from my palms And the stones in my belly Won’t some eagle come pluck this from me Spare me, pare me, and serve fare me Am i marching – with the soldiers Promised by Shakespeare in battalion after battalion Not to sleep nor slumber nor rest but to sorrow What awaits this springless march?

Idle Steps Vol. 2, 3.1.25 “Falsified Thoughts”

6/7/2016

Reading this book….because I do want and need some change. I use tumblr to speak up. I use it as a way to ‘trying to put my figer on the problem’. I want…..I need to understand the real problem…so I can deal with it.

But most of the time I find it hard to write. Finding the right word….finding the words that accurately describe my feelings at that moment.

I was at the library and found a book that maybe could teach me a better way to put my word/feelings on paper.

In the book it says that people go to psychotherapist…..to talk.

Well…..I has been troubling my mind for so long now, that co-workers want make conversation with me. They are just not interested with me. And because I have to spend the biggest part of my week at work…..it would be nice if I could share my thoughts. Make small talk. Just have people to tell so things to…..anything.

I just ended up feeling so lonely in a room full of people.

And then I had to go to hospital. It had nothing to do with work.

Bit now….co-workerd want to talk to me….just to hear about my time in hospital and the year I recovered at home… And I don’t want to talk about that. They don’t really want to know. They just want to talk about it…because it give them something new to talk about…….till the new wears off….

….

…and then I will be all alone again.

I have accepted the change. My work is not my life. I have to do something I’m good at and love to do. But my house has to be my home. My job isn’t my home. People don’t have to talk to me. But I don’t want to feel pressured into a conversation that only triggers my into sad/horrible/painful feelings from the past.

So my current problem is….that I don’t know how to tell them this in a polite way.

“I don’t want to talk because it upsets me.”

It seems so easy to say…

I’m asking others headcannons of non huntsmen teens, gonna need some brainstorm ideas.

if kids who has no talent/interest in being a hunter, they would go to normal school(like IRL of ours ?)?? , even they showed talent later wards, it will be hard for them to catch up (but they have other advantages to catch up?)