#circle verse

Hi there! As of now, @dnteverdoubtme and I don’t have any plans to further pursue the history of Max’s death. Our head canon re: his death at the Mumbai Institute was actually that Alec knew Maryse was behind the explosion, but that Max’s presence in the area of the blast was an accident. The reason why he got so angry when Jace brought up his mother’s dossier in chapter 3 was not because he didn’t believe that Maryse was behind it, but because his family also suffered a huge loss during that attack (albeit accidentally). The Lightwoods do believe (as did Alec and Isabelle during the beginning of the verse) that they’re on the right side of the conflict, and both sides have fought and bled and sacrificed for their ideals. 

bless you picking my actual fave and forever in my heart circle verse <3 probably no secret how much i love that one, it has set me for the way i write alec to this day (canon? never heard of it), helped define my style for novella rps and remains to this day my most prolific work when it comes to the sheer massiveness of it. besides, nothing quite beats the finger tingles @ourheartsbeatas1 gave me with each reply there, that is definitely THE ONE for me and i do recommend a re-read 

first off you’re the sweetest nonnie! it took me a while to get to that circle verse reply but i have to say that story feels like my baby and it will forever be my baby. it was the first really plotted story @ourheartsbeatas1 and i did and i feel it has set the tone for our writing style and helped shaping all the novella rps we now have going. i was away for a while and messages like this are the nicest thing to return to and they remind me that we write not only for ourselves but also for the people that also enjoy jalec as much as we do. 

so this amuses me because my dear friend cy is reading circle verse for the first time and giving me her very awesome commentary as she goes and she just reached this chapter yesterday so i was re-reading it this morning, and commenting on how it was one of my favorites. not only this chapter is one of my favorites because it marks a point where i think @ourheartsbeatas1 and i finally reached the formula that makes our rping style distinct but because i see this chapter as the culmination of the buildup of the first 4 chapters and the circle verse’s first arch. 

this particular scene, and the dialogue you sent is one of my favorite lines in the whole fic and not without reason one we have highlighted before in playlists and sets a like. 

“His father had his head, the Clave had his body. All Jace really had left was his heart.” 

this passage is such a perfect summary of who jace is this fic i honestly can’t think of a better way to describe him. it shows the way he has been spread thin, how he has given parts of himself over and over again hoping for love and approval, to his father, his adoptive parents, the clave, clary… all he has left at this point is his heart, precious little, as bee would put it, and he offers it so readily because even as he says no to alec he still wants him to stay. 

( i will spare this essay from how i love that alec says no to this and, symbolically, to owning jace in this way, so in the future they get to the point where jace realizes he doesn’t have to belong to alec and can just be with him instead, how he decides to be selfish for once and not just give.. and i’m ranting)

so the thing with alec at this point is: he’s falling in love. he might not be there quite yet but he knows that’s where things are heading and he can feel how much os a slippery slope it is, how easy it would be to just fall. he went from seeing jace as this interesting indulgence to recognizing him as someone he would want at his side while he is always honest with himself about his feelings, or at least tries to be, it is very hard for him to externalize them. 

alec was raised in the circle under a strong influence of valentine all his life. to love is to destroy. jace heard that until he was ten, alec has been listening all these years. it is a big thing for him to ask jace to change sides, to ask him to choose him over the clave, to open up, and while he might not look particularly vulnerable in this moment to all he is definitely being so in his own way and the fact that jace says no? well it’s heartbreaking. 

alec says he doesn’t want it because it’s true, he doesn’t want to feel like this, doesn’t want the vulnerability that comes with it and, above all, he doesn’t want to want it, if that makes sense. 

“They knew who they were from the beginning, knew what they were getting themselves into… Alec knew before he first saved Jace’s life, and he still did it. He still cared.”

he didn’t ask for it, he didn’t save jace with the goal of falling in love, but it all happened regardless and now he sees himself at a point where he’s being denied, having his offer and sacrifices he has done so far for jace sort of thrown in his face, and realizes he still can’t tell jace no, can’t ask him to leave not even after all this. even his anger that at first was directed at jace like when he slams him against the wall in chapter three is now carefully aimed away from because even in his pain alec can no longer bring himself to hurt him and it all sort of proves valentine’s lesson right - in loving him he is destroying himself. 

not a behind the scenes note but i also love how jace reads alec in this, how he’s understanding him more and more to the point where he sees alec’s outburst of violence exactly for what it is and gives his actions more weight than to his worlds. i always joke about how circle alec will think for 5 paragraphs and say a single line, and with time jace learns to judge alec and others through their actions more than through their words, this scene in particular marks the beginning of that in my opinion. 

“He was outwardly harsh, as if he’d never been taught anything else in his life, but everything he did for Jace, (to Jace), always spoke of a tenderness that he could never lend voice to.“

same as that line at the beginning summarizes jace so nicely i think this one is a good description of alec at this point of the story, from the way he can’t put his feelings into words to how jace and their relationship is his very first contact with this sort of affection regardless of his age. 

sadly there’s no simple answer for this one... circle verse was definitely plotted beyond what was written, but sadly my partner for it ( and many other verses ) has taken an undetermined hiatus from her blog so i can’t make any promises for it. As You Like It is still in my drafts and i intend on giving it a worthy closing. further than that nothing is certain, though i wanna try to at least one-shot some verses to give them closure since leaving things incomplete bothers me deeply. 

          They wouldn’t listen tohim. Lydia, Raj, even Clary, all blind to the gravity of the situation, thewarning signs that screamed at him as each red dot lit up on their map of NewYork. Jace was in danger, Alec had no doubt that this attack was about him, andeven betraying the fact Jace was Valentine’s son wasn’t enough to sway theClave’s hand in this. By the time he foughthis way out of the Institute, it already felt like it was too late.

         Trust was broken, the painfully built confidence between him and LydiaBranwell shattered the moment he held a blade to her neck and took her stelefrom her. Alec had more help he’d thought he would ever have, Isabelle andMeliorn holding back the brunt of the Clave’s forces as he made his way towardsa portal and from there to Jace’s last known location, the harbor.

         The selkie lair was eerily silent, his steps, no matter how silent,echoing on the stone walls. If that wasn’t enough of a sign of how wrong thingswere, the dead bodies on his way certainly were. Adam and Alicia, close to theexit but not quite there, both fallen along with a couple of Circle members.Alec didn’t take the time to look closer, as soon as he saw them he ran, thecold blood in his veins propping him forward.

         Praying was something he did often, but he did then, with more fervorthan he’d ever called for any angel, he prayed to Raziel himself that Jacewould have made it out of this, that Valentine would have spared his life ifonly to make him suffer for denyinghim.

         His illusions were shattered by the time he made it to the main chamber,hands shaking on his bow’s handle as his eyes settled upon the single occupant ofthe room. Slumped forward on his knees – a blade still stuck in his leg keepinghim from falling further – Jace looked like he was praying himself, could havealmost looked alive still if it wasn’t for all the blood that surrounded him.  

         The clatter of his bow to the floor fell into deaf ears, no soundregistering as Alec walked forward. He didn’t run, there was no reason to,instead his steps were slow, each one revealing more of the gruesome seen andallowing the time for the nephilim to take it all in.

         Jace had fallen with a sword to his chest, across his heart. Thecrossing blades were what kept him somewhat upright, making a reverent pictureof his demise no one would ever witness but him. His vision blurred as heapproached further, and belatedly Alec realized he was crying, silent tearsmaking their way down his cheeks as he came to stand beside Jace and allowed himselfto fall to his knees then and there.

         He would have to hold him if he were to take the blade out, Alec toldhimself logically, and he would have to take it out at some point, but for amoment he simply remained there, frozen into place.

         Eventually he moved, pulling the sword out in a swift motion and takingthe brunt of Jace’s weight against his shoulder, gently lowering him into thestone floor with his head resting upon Alec’s lap. If he closed his eyes, itwould almost look like Jace was sleeping, but Alec knew the moment he closedJace’s eyes it would be the last time he saw them and he didn’t want that- Notyet, so they remained open as he gazed down on the blue and golden iris, his owntears staining Jace’s face where they fell.

         I’m sorry, he wanted to say, butAlec forced himself to swallow down the words he knew to be meaningless. Theirlives had no place for weakness, and neither for mourning. This, right here, this would be all he would allow himself, andonce his tears have dried and Jace’s eyes were closed forever, then Alec wouldnever cry again.

“I love you,” he said instead, soquietly the words weren’t more than a whisper. They meant nothing as well, asJace was no longer than to listen to them, but more than mere words or theconfession of a hurt lover, they were a promise. Out of everything he’d seen inthe world, the hurt, the pain, the endless wars they fought, nothing had beenas good or as bright as Jace, and Jace was gone.All that Alec had left now were two things, the wish that his lover’s deathwasn’t for nothing, and the burning certainty that he would avenge him.

         The Circle and the Clave meant nothing to him, they were bothresponsible, both to blame, and Alec would deal with them one at a time. Thesword he took from Jace’s chest would be the weapon he would kill Valentinewith, and the fire that consumed Jace’s body and all of the cave once he wasdone saying his goodbyes? That same fire would burn the New York Institute tothe ground for daring to keep him from rescuing Jace. They took what was leftof the good in him that night, and now they would answer to whatever was left.