#dnteverdoubtme

SEND 🌙 FOR YOUR MUSE TO WAKE MY MUSE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE

           Searing pain shoots through his chest, spreading like a wildfire to his arms, his spine, his neck. His blood runs down the cold blade, hot and thick and black like pitch - and the sight of it makes him want to retch. This can’t be his blood, it cannot be - not this foul venomous substance pouring from his open heart. He’s not that man anymore, he’s not a MONSTER anymore! ----But you are, a voice is whispering in his head, an old familiar voice. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself, not even Alec. Isn’t that why the other’s blade is tearing through his chest, sawing at his life’s thread with every cruel twist? In the end it didn’t matter how much he wanted to change for Alec, or how much he believed he already had. This is how it always would have ended between them.

Jonathan cries out when his chest contracts painfully.. but strangely this makes the pain fade. He sits up, panting hard, hand clutching his chest where the blade broke through his flesh, only to find nothing but smooth unharmed skin. He’s confused, disoriented - and flinches when he becomes aware of the hand on his shoulder. Alec. It must be what woke him in the first place. There is no blade, no blood, black or otherwise, and Alec doesn’t look anything like a man ready to kill him. It was just a dream, a dark fragment of his mind stirring, nothing more.

“A dream..” Jonathan says out loud, half to reassure himself and half to explain his behavior to Alec. His breathing slowly calms but he doesn’t lie back down. His skin feels sweaty and cold and the thought of simply going back to sleep is not a very inviting one. Peeling away from Alec, Jonathan pushes his blanket aside and climbs out of bed.     “I need a shower,” he says curtly and in the dark of the room makes his way to the small attached bathroom. He makes a point of not looking down at his arm but from the corners of his eyes he can see his veins pulsing black under his skin; just for a moment, but it’s enough to send a chill down his spine.

“You broke up with me. Was this one of those to love is to destroy moments? Where you thought I deserved better?” “You do deserve better.“ “And you don’t?” “No. I don’t. Not after what I’ve done.” “So New York is your punishment?” “..Idris is my punishment.” “What’s wrong with Idris?” ----------You are there, and not here with me.

Jonathan would listen to Simple Plan's Perfect and thought it represented him

Underneath the Apple Tree

England 19th Century: Jonathan Herondale grows up on the countryside as a son of a wealthy family, alongside his best friend and son of their housekeeper, Alexander. The two boys, bonded through a happy childhood, grow up to struggle with what the world demands of them and find love in each other’s arms.

A recollection of their tragic fate.

Winter Song

The year is 2017 and Jace Wayland just witnessed his parabatai try to throw himself off a roof when the memories start coming. A garden’s landscape, trees covered in white fluffy snow and Alec’s equally pale face, lips as blue as death…

For @dnteverdoubtme and @ofgoldenblood‘s What Remains series.

“You go into the drift and you leave all the baggage outside the pod,” Hodge said, and Alec was eighteen years old again, nodding at his instructor and standing at the Academy’s test rig before he turned to see Jace coming in his direction dressed in a piloting suit for the first time and as stunning as ever.

         Inside his chest his heart picked up the pace, palms sweating even through his gloves and a lump in his throat so big Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe. Jace had been so sure they would make a great team, the best team, but the only thing Alec felt sure of right then was that he couldn’t do this.