I am just tired of being ‘should upon’.
I think a vast majority of our lives we are ‘should upon’. We are told at a very young age by those older than us that we ‘should do this’, and ‘should believe that’, and ‘should live like this’. And eventually what I found was that those who ‘should upon’ me were nothing I wanted to be like. Not only that, but there were profound inconsistencies in what they ‘should’ on me and then how they played out their own lives.
In a spiritual sense, once I was caught in the cycle of ‘should’, I eventually began to question whether or not my yearning for God was true or not. I found that most of the ‘shoulds’ stemmed from a lack of faith. The Western religions are so fascinated with their respected rituals, and I would go so far as to say trapped by them, that they miss the mystic traditions on which they are founded. No one in Judaism, for example, seems to care about the experience Moses had on the Mountain, but rather what he brought down. And no one in Christianity cares to understand the consciousness and metaphysics of Christ, but rather the dogma created by the apostle Paul fifty years later.
I feel I was born into the Christian tradition for some reason and I would like to know why. But every time I get near people who would like to tell me why, the vibration of the reason they give me turns me off. It’s often that an evangelical relative or pastor will come along and want to get me to recognize my Christianity, or lack thereof, but their desire is not pure – there is something in them that is coming from an infected source… almost as if their true agenda is to rationalize the way in which they are already living their lives… what it is specifically I am not sure…