still the bone remembers, still it wants | eddie+wanting fic | 20k/146k | chapter 1/9 | read on ao3
The thing is, wanting has always been easy.
The thing is, wanting has always been so hard.
or, eddie goes to therapy and learns how to want. buck helps.
snippet:
Eddie looks at Frank head-on, painfully aware of the weighty, purple bags under his eyes and the hunch of his shoulders and the bleak sensation of being lost that is probably stretched across his face, and he runs Frank’s question through his head once more.
What do you want?
It sounds a lot like What are you afraid of? even if the voice is less cherished and a different tenor, even if the question is lacking that particular brand of Buckley care that feels like you are being handed pieces of sunlight. The intention of it is the same, the gentle dig of it into the soft fleshy bits of himself that Eddie has worked so hard to keep hidden and is now working so hard to uncover, well, that’s the same too.
Eddie was honest with Buck, and he thinks he can be honest with Frank. He thinks he might even want to.
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uploaded two new chapters on my buddie fic! if you have the time, please check it out! if you want eddie & chris el paso fix-it, introspective eddie, eddie gay realization and buck being christopher's other parent all the way from LA, this fic is for you!
Ohkie since buck said the whole marisol and Chris knowing about this imma need chris to NEVER meet Kim. He doesn't need to know about this AT ALL. That boy has had enough truamato last him multiple lifetimes. He doesnt need anymore. No more. Pls he cannot find out about or know anything about this.
So again, I'm re-watching 9-1-1
In 2x14, there's the side storyline of Michael getting jealous of Bobby because Harry views Bobby as his dad. Michael and Harry get into a fight, so harry runs away to Bobby, his step-dad, aka his other father figure.Â
Do you know WHO ELSE got into a fight with his dad and ran away??Â
CHRISTOPHER
Do you know WHO HE RAN AWAY TO???
BUCK
HIS OTHER FATHER FIGURE
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6x10 spec: Something icy settles in Bobby’s chest. Chris. It’s not often Eddie is in the hospital overnight, but every time he has been, it was Buck letting Christopher know. Buck was the one that would stay with him. Buck was the one that would bring him to the hospital if they could.
[AO3]
Despite being clearly reluctant to let go, Eddie hands off Buck to the doctors with relative ease. Bobby’s pretty sure it’s the shock. The fight comes in when Hen tries to guide him to a bed in the ER to get checked out himself.
“You got thrown off the ladder, Eddie,” she says sternly but not unkind. “Don’t waste time arguing with me.”
Thankfully, the man’s concussion isn’t so bad that he’s lost all sense to start a fight with Hen, but he definitely does have a concussion and along with a few other bumps and bruises. The doctors want to keep him overnight. Eddie tries to put up a fight, which Bobby almost laughs at, considering he would be spending all night in this hospital standing vigil for Buck otherwise.
“Chris…” he tries to argue.
And something icy settles in Bobby’s chest. Chris. It’s not often Eddie is in the hospital overnight, but every time he has been, it was Buck letting Christopher know. Buck was the one that would stay with him. Buck was the one that would bring him to the hospital if they could.
“Don’t grab your phone. I’ll call Carla, have her bring him, if you want?”
Eddie nods and finally seems to settle somewhat at that.
Bobby leaves Hen with him and moves out into the waiting room to make the call. Maddie has finally arrived, curled up in Chimney’s arms. He knows the Buckleys are in town - he got several stressed-out rants from Chimney - but no sign of them. Of course not. Buck had told him how they weren’t good with their kids in hospitals after Daniel.
At least not all of your kids are dead, he thinks. At least Buck made it to the hospital.
He almost didn’t. He flatlined before they got him to the ambulance. But Buck made it further than Bobby Jr and Brooke got, so Bobby would take that as a blessing.
Chimney’s eyes found his as the call connected. He explains in vague terms to Carla, leaving out why it’s him that’s calling.
“God, that kid has gone through so much,” comments Chimney once he’s hung up.
“Well, he’s not lost anyone else yet.”
The two wander in about an hour later - quite frankly a miracle with the weather. Bobby hopes it’s not the last one they’ll get today.
“Hey, Chris.” Bobby kneels in front of him.
The boy looks tired, and Bobby has a feeling that’s not because of the late hour. “Hey, Cap. What happened to Dad?”
“He had a fall. He’s going to be perfectly fine, the doctors just want to keep an eye on him for the night.”
Chris nods, but his eyes are distant. He bites on his bottom lip before asking in the softest voice Bobby’s ever heard from the kid, “Where’s Buck?”
Because he’s used to Buck being the one here when his Dad is hurt. Because Buck is his family. Yes, all of the 118 are family, but not in the way Buck is to this kid. Because whilst it should be Buck telling Chris his Dad is hurt, it should also be Eddie telling him that Buck is hurt.
Because when one parent is hurt, they let the other parent break the news.
Bobby tries to keep his tone steady - the one he uses for families at a scene. “He also had a fall. He’s in surgery right now.”
“It’s bad, isn’t it?”
Bobby manages to choke out, “We’re gonna find out.”
He leads the pair to Eddie’s room. Hen has stepped out, leaving Eddie hunching over on the bed. His head is in his hands, and his shoulders are shaking.
“Dad!”
Eddie looks up and frantically wipes at his eyes. “Hey, buddy.”
Chris looks terrified, and it briefly occurs to Bobby that the last time he probably saw Eddie cry like this was the night of his breakdown.
And the last time he saw Buck like this was when Eddie got shot.
Chris almost trips over a chair in his haste to reach his Dad. The two Diaz boys embrace each other, and Bobby can’t help but think about the missing piece of their family.
Bobby goes to give them some privacy, to let Eddie answer Chris’ questions, when Eddie calls out his name.
He turns back around and puts on his best smile.
“The second you hear anything? OK?” His grip on his son tightens. “I don’t care what time or if I’m asleep. You tell me, and you take me to him, alright?”
Like Bobby could stop him if he tried.
Marcy, Athena… he knows all too well what it was like when the person you love, your partner, is clinging to life. He remembers the importance of their pulse beneath his fingertips, their breath in his ears, to be there when their eyes opened.
“Of course. The second we hear a thing.”
Bobby isn’t sure if he knows (or if even Maddie knows), but Buck made Eddie his first emergency contact after the shooting. He’s already let the nurses know, so chances are Eddie will be the first to know anyway.
Because the three of them? They’re a family. And the two of them? Well, only time will tell.
I can't stop thinking about 7s idea where Chris is cold to Buck and then Chris' words lead to buck's breakdown, but what if Buck's breakdown would be sometime after but before it he would give Chris and Eddie some time without him, but Eddie who didn't know about Chris words, introduce his bf to team, Chris and Buck, and Buck sees three of them together laughing, and Eddie and he has another divorce era(which is actually divorce era only now cause 3s it was little break) and Chris not talking to him cause he thinks Buck would leave him and Buck sees them happy without him and thinks "well I already lost them so what the damage" he tells Eddie he loves him during the fight they would have soon after that when Buck wouldn't be around and Eddie would be angry like in 3x5 and Buck just "i love you. But i can't have you. And Chris hates me. So that's the point to hold onto you when you doesn't need me?" and then after that he has breakdown and Eddie is around and they look for the path to healing and to be family again together
May: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to Fre sha vaca” how are you feeling?
Harry: in between “it's an avocado, thanks” and how did you defeat captain america, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanging” How about you, christopher?
Chris: Probably “road work ahead”
Eddie: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.
