#tyga

50. “Buy Me a Condo” – Weird Al

I hate putting Al on here, but I can’t mince words here: This song is utterly atrocious. The repetitive lyrics and the borderline offensive accent Al puts on really makes this the weakest link of his entire catalog as far as original songs go.

49. “Rockstar” – Nickelback

I’ve made my peace with Nickelback over the years. I don’t necessarily think they’re great or anything, but as far as post-grunge butt rock bands go they’re perfectly serviceable albeit a tad overplayed in their heyday. Hell, “She Keeps Me Up” is a top 10 song of all time for me—I’m dead serious. All that being said, their past hate wasn’t entirely unwarranted when they were shitting out songs like this. It’s not exactly bad for any discernible reason, it’s moreso awful because it is emblematic of the shortcomings of Nickelback and their style.

48. “All About That Bass” – Meghan Trainor

Back in the day, you’d get artists who would cover songs by black musicians to make them more palatable to the racist white audiences; Trainor’s big breakout hit feels just like that, being a vapid doo-wop pop song with a quote-unquote “inspirational” “body positivity” message… a message Trainor happily subverted after she lost weight, changing the lyrics when performing it. If you’re upset this is low, worry not! I have a lot more beef with Trainor, who I think may be one of the most soulless artists of the 2010s.

47. “Beverly Hills” – Weezer

In the same way “Rockstar” is emblematic of everything that makes Nickelback contentious, this is an encapsulation of what makes Weezer contentious. Listening to this, you’d find it hard to believe this is the same band that did “Buddy Holly” and Pinkerton; this is the sound of selling out, of making a vapid and disposable pop jam to get radio attention. I can’t really begrudge them wanting to make some serious bank, but maybe they could’ve written a less tedious song.

46. “Ebony and Ivory” – Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

This song’s reputation really preceded it, but it didn’t quite live up to it. Oh, it’s still pretty awful, don’t get me wrong—it has its heart in the right place but it is the corniest, most saccharine anti-racism song imaginable—but it still is almost listenable thanks to the sheer power of its two singers. Almost.

45. “I’ll Be Missing You” – Diddy feat Faith Evans and 112

This one is honestly kind of hilarious. Like, it’s a song about how much Diddy misses Biggie, how sad he is that he’s gone… but… he totally is the one who killed him, yeah? Obviously it’s not as 100% as his other crimes but I choose to believe it. I mean, it’s not like the song would be any better if he didn’t kill him, between the bizarre use of the stalker anthem “Every Breath You Take” as a sample and Diddy’s disinterested delivery, this is the opportunism of the revolting rap star at its most egregious. Frankly treating this like him dancing on his victim’s grave makes it more interesting. But you know what, I will give Diddy the benefit of the doubt—something no one has ever said or will say again. If he didn’t kill his pal and this is actually how he processed his grief, so be it. It’s still awful and leaves a bad taste in my mouth but I’ll spare it any more ire than necessary.

44. “Bedrock Anthem” – Weird Al

I hate putting Weird Al on here twice, but I want to highlight the worst of his parodies as I already did with the worst of his originals. This is a completely nothing parody that seems like it was shamelessly cobbled together to get on the soundtrack of the John Goodman movie from the 90s. It has no substance at all, just a bunch of descriptions of characters from The Flintstones with barely any attempt at humor and certainly no attempt to make “Under the Bridge” and “Give It Away Now” flow together into a cohesive parody. It’s pretty easy to see why the boys of RHCP hate this one.

43. “Disco Duck” – Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots

One of the single worst novelty songs of all time, and probably at least partly to blame for the hatred of disco. Who actually wants to hear a song with a bad Donald Duck impersonation in it? I used to have this way, way higher on my shit list but I’ve kind of made my peace with it. This is essentially a musical shitpost, a silly novelty song made for a cheap laugh, and while I (or most people) don’t think it’s funny there are much more egregious songs out there.

42. “I Want My Baby Back” – Jimmy Cross

A satirical jab at songs like “Leader of the Pack” and “Last Kiss,” this is a relntlessly unfunny song that is mostly spoken word delivered in one of the most obnoxious voices imaginable. Getting mad at a novelty song is barely worth my time as mentioned above, but this one has the added bonus of ending on necrophilia—at least no one tried to fuck the disco duck.

41. “Rich Men North of Richmond” – Oliver Anthony

The ugliest dork you know sang a song full of conservative talking points disguised as a simple tune for blue-collar workers, chickened out when he saw the kinds of people who were supporting him, and then dropped off the face of the Earth. Anthony having no sort of longevity that more vile stars like Jason Aldean have makes it hard to get too mad at him, but it doesn’t save him from this list.

40. “Cinderella Snapped” – Jax

You know all those shitty public domain horror films where they take a character popularized by Disney and make a low-budget slasher film that sucks donkey dick? Imagine rhat as a song, and you have this. Here I thought Jax was a rabbit, but I guess she’s really the clown of the circus if she thought this played out girlboss shit was going to be all that.

39. “Afternoon Delight” – Starland Vocal Band

A legendarily shitty song about the joys of fucking, disguised with the nastiest, stupidest innuendo imaginable. It might genuinely be the least sexy song about sex ever conceived, beating out even “Closer.” Its use in Anchorman is about the only nice thing I have to say about it.

38. “God Bless the U.S.A.” – Lee Greenwood

Patriotic glurge to the extreme, and something that you’ve likely been forced to endure at dozens of sport stadiums, graduations, and other events.

37. “American Life” – Madonna

You gotta hand it to Madonna—when she sucks, she at least sucks in fascinating ways. This song is genuinely deranged in ways I don’t think any other artist could even possibly pull off. Like, she fucking raps about soy lattes. Who else could even think of something like that?

36. “Potty Mouth” – Ugly Duckling

I love a good rap song with a message; “White Lines” is one of the finest songs ever made in my opinion, for instance. But I think it’s really easy to come off as preachy and up your own buttif you’re not careful, and this song is guilty of that to extreme. It’s an obnoxious shot at anyone who says naughty words in their songs, a diatribe against rappers who keep the genre “limited” with their naughty words. It’s so juvenile and honestly a bit Sunday school, but most of all it is so completely and utterly lame. These dudes are dorks.

35. “Illegal Alien” – Genesis

I love Phil Collins, I love Genesis, but hoo boy did I have to repeat both things over and over in my head while listening to Phil go full Speedy Gonzales in this horrifically misguided attempt at satire. It’s honestly hard to wrap my head around why anyone thought this was even remotely okay, particularly the music video which layers on even more offensiveness.

34. “It’s Everyday Bro” – Jake Paul

I wanted to leave this off because it feels like cheating to put a song by one of the Pauls on here, but… no. It genuinely is that bad. Thankfully neither Jake nor his brother Logan ever did anything as awful as this diss track ever again!

33. “Me Too” – Meghan Trainor

I really can’t overstate how much I hate Trainor. She might be the single worst big name singer of my lifetime—no easy feat. This song perfectly encapsulates why that is—maddeningly catchy but bland beat, self-absorbed lyrics, and a radical departure from the sound that made her famous. It’s a perfect storm of mediocrity, and yet the worst from her is yet to come.

32. “Literally I Can’t” – Play-N-Skillz featuring Redfoo, Lil Jon, and Enertia McFly

Boring, sexist, and with features that probably required little more than a ham sandwich and a nickle to get on the track, this is one of those awful and substanceless songs that is impressive for the sheer fact that at no point in the creative process did anyone think this was an awful idea. This is the song everyone thought “Blurred Lines” was, a whiny reactionary song targeting girls using caution when drinking around greasy frat bros. I mean, if they’re gonna make songs like this, I think their hesitancy to drink around them is more than justified.

31. “Georgie Porgie” – A Tribe Called Quest

If this track wasn’t unreleased and probably a mark of shame for a band of socially conscious rappers like this one, it would be a lot higher on my shit list. It’s not like the 90s were particularly kind to gay people, but this is just nasty on a whole new level. This makes the ending of Ace Ventura look like a Jane Schoenbrun movie in comparison. But, again, this was technically not an official release—they still sang it, it’s still their voices, but it’s pretty clear even they see this as a black mark on their discography.

30. “Another Way to Die” – Jack White and Alicia Keys

There are Bond themes I hate more on principle, but this is the objective worst from an artistic standpoint. I already talked about it a bit here, but I will add that this song feels like both singers are trying their damndest to meet each other halfway and just missing each other by a mile every time.

29. “Am I the Only One” – Aaron Lewis

Good rule of thumb: If you have to ask if you’re the only one, you probably aren’t. You’re just a whiny little bitch. And indeed Aaron Lewis of Staind is a truly whiny little bitch.

28 “Bad Blood” – Taylor Swift

Taylor’s Katy Perry diss track is an utterly abysmal work of lyrical nonsense. The chorus barely even rhymes and leads to the entire song feeling disjointed and janky, and not even a feature from Kendrick Lamar of all fucking people can save this from mediocrity. It feels like a teenager’s rabid scribblings in their diaries about someone they hate… but hey, at least it’s better than Perry’s response!

27. “Swish Swish” – Katy Perry

It’s honestly kind of impressive that in a feud as stupid and pointless as this one, and one that already contained an awful diss track, the dissed party came back with a diss track that makes the other one look like “Not Like Us” in comparison. And speaking of Kendrick, Perry’s guest rapper is none other than the drug-addled Republican bimbo Nicki Minaj! This really is “We have Bad Blood at home.”

26. “Do They Know It’s Christmas” – Band Aid

Condescending Compassion: The Song! Yeah guys, I think that perhaps Ethiopia which has a very large Christian population that is suffering starvation might be aware of which day Christ was born. Considering this was a charity single and made by people who wanted to help, featuring celebrities who really didn’t want to be there, makes me at least a little lenient; the money did go to a good cause, it’s just the way they got that money was incredibly stupid, racist, and condescending.

25. “Look What You Made Me Do” – Taylor Swift

I don’t really mind her taking shots at Kanye or the Kardashians, but the fact she wrapped it up in some edgy mean girl techno dance fart is something I do mind. Taylor Swift’s diss tracks are genuinely the most embarassingly white attempts at disses I’ve ever seen, and it’s all the more impressive when her targets are such low-hanging fruit she should have these in the bag. In a cultural sense, sure; West and Perry both have publicly spiraled, crashed and burned, but that really doesn’t make this song any better.

24. “Lips of an Angel” – Hinder

This song is to me what Dinkleberg is to Timmy Turner’s dad. This is my archenemy, a song I love to hate. It is the nadir of the post-grunge butt rock movement, a glurgey ballad that glorifies cheating on your girlfriend, and I had to listen to it so fucking much as a kid since my parents had the CD—and I hated it then, too! I didn’t even understand the lyrics but I just instinctually despised this insipid anthem to infidelity! I loathe this song more than any other, it is genuinely my worst nemesis musically, but setting aside my own biases I still wouldn’t call it the worst song I’ve ever heard. Oh no, that spot is reserved for something truly reprehensible, and even before that there are songs I think suck on far worse levels than just being an annoying bane on my ears

23. “Rubberz” – AI

Normally I wouldn’t even care about an AI generated song, because why would I? They aren’t art and therefore aren’t worth my attention. Should I put “We Are Charlie Kirk” on here too? But in the process of making this list I found out a slop song actually hit the Hot 100. I’m not going to bother crediting the artist who slapped their name on this, because as far as I’m concerned they made nothing. If you generate something with AI, a computer created it, not you. This has zero artistic merit and has even less worth than that, and the only reason it isn’t higher is because genuinely who fucking cares? This song will be forgotten in a couple of weeks and will be relegated to lists like this in ten years time just like all the awful novelty songs of the 70s. AI is harmful, stupid, and ugly, but it’s just a fad for stupid and uncreative people. The bubble will burst soon enough.

22. "I'm With Her" - Le Tigre

The best way to lose all of your punk "rebel girl" credit is to openly endorse a Clinton, and boy is that what Kathleen Hanna did. Decades of goodwill for the Bikini Kill and Le Tigre singer just completely evaporated due to the clueless decision to support one of the most un-punk establishment Democrats possible. I know the pickings are slim when it comes to American politics, but Bernie Sanders was right there. Still, I agree with the points made in the song regarding Trump, abortion, the NRA, but... well...

21. “Earth” – Lil’ Dicky

Lil’ Dicky is one of the most relentlessly unfunny guys to ever make comedy music, with each new song of his being more awful than the last; he’s like the Rob Schneider of music. This is essentially his attempt at making a sendup of awful charity singles, but he missed a very important detail: Making the song actually fun or funny instead of just being a cavalcade of gags and guest stars that are relying on toilet humor and naughty words to get a cheap laugh out of you. Kyle Gordon he is not.

20. “The Christmas Shoes” – NewSong

Don’t you just love glurgey poverty porn where a small child is forced to suffer so that some guy can learn the true meaning of Christmas? This is just a truly gross song, an audio version of a Hallmark movie with all the quality that implies. It’s especially gross when our narrator claims God sent this kid who has a mom dying of cancer just to teach him the meaning of Christmas; if that’s really the case, God is a massive cunt.

19. “Try That in a Small Town” – Jason Aldean

Yeah, yeah, this is a disgusting pro-lynching anthem that is glorifying vigilante justice committed by small towns, but it’s being song by a dumb hick LARPing as someone from a small town when he’s really from a big city that likely had a robust police force who would protect him if he saw something scary like a person of a different color or a rainbow flag. It’s honestly more cringey than anything.

18. “Dear Future Husband” – Meghan Trainor

Weird, clingy, and toxic—these were the first signs that Trainor was not that great behind her cutesy whitewashed doo-wop image. This song paints a picture of Trainor as a domineering diva who will refuse her husband things like being able to see his family more than hers while demanding respect even when she’s acting like a lunatic. If it’s meant to be a joke or ironic, it kind of falls flat especially when taking her body of work into account, where she constantly comes across as an egotistical girlboss; whatever the case, it makes me feel worried for the dude from Spy Kids.

17. “Facts” – Tom MacDonald feat. Ben Shapiro

Do I need to say anything? It’s a rap song where a grown man goes on an anti-woke rant and guest stars the whiny theater kid manlet who’s barely a step above what Charlie Kirk was. Tom really wants me to be mad about this song, he wants it to offend me, but I’m more secondhand embarrassed than anything at what is the musical equivalent of shitting your pants and then saying you did it on purpose.

16. “Don’t Tell Me How To Live” – Kid Rock

Kind of impressive Kid Rock didn’t make the list at all until this, especially since he has the legendary song where he sings the praises of statutory rape on the Osmosis Jones soundtrack. But I think this song kind of sums up everything wrong with him and how he is just a complete simpleton incapable of maturing as an artist or person. He’s still making greasy trailer park music for people who beat their wife and whining about shit that doesn’t even remotely matter. Keep in mind he is a grown ass man dropping songs like this… it’s genuinely sad. Frankly the YouTube comments on the music video or more entertaining than the song itself, from people saying KR is the Steven Seagal of music to someone noting Kid Rock is the only artist who stops at nothing and then stays there.

15. “Brandon” – Motley Crue

I saw a YouTube comment describe this as “an intentionally oversentimental South Park joke,” and boy did they hit the nail on the head. The painfully on-the-nose lyrics that sound like a first draft mixed with the most overdone ballad instrumentation ever heard really make this feel like it’s pulling your leg… but no. You are supposed to take this shit seriously.

14. “Bad Day” – Daniel Powter

This is one of the single most repulsive pop songs ever concocted, an absolutely atrocious and annoying ear worm for the ages. The lyrical content isn’t offensive only because it’s just so basic it pretty much lacks any sort of emotional response at all. Sure, you can balk at it beating out so many songs with genuinely offensive lyrics, but a song that is essentially a weapon of torture used against retail employees ever since its release is deserving of a high spot on my shit list I think.

13. “Cousins” – Kanye West

STOP FUCKING SINGING AND GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST HOLY FUCKING SHIT MAN. YOU NEED HELP.

12. “Actually Romantic” – Taylor Swift

Say what you will about Taylor’s other diss tracks, but they’re not only aimed at deserving targets, she owns them. She belts the lyrics out with her whole chest. This, though? This is purportedly her taking jabs at Charli XCX for the crime of mentioning Taylor while venting her insecurities in “Sympathy is a Knife,” a far cry from the completely valid shots she aimed at Katy Perry and Kanye West. But the validity isn’t the only problem; no, this really has a lack of commitment. If you’re going to say that all the thoughts from your enemy make you wet, you say that shit with your whole chest, you don’t whisper it and let the Pixies rip-off instrumental drown it out. This is the worst song on a terrible album, and keep in mind said album contains a song that is an ode to her husband’s penis and contains the blood-boilingly awful “ah-matized.”

11. “Just Lose It” – Eminem

Marshall Mathers is no stranger to juvenile or edgy content—it’s his bread and butter—but there have been many, many times where that novelty has truly worn thin. This is the most egregious of those times, a relentlessly obnoxious and unfunny mishmash of third grader humor, pop culture references, and edgy jokes; it’s like a really bad episode of Family Guy.

10. “Mother” – Meghan Trainor

This is the nadir of the career of a woman whose entire career is nothing but nadirs, a truly repulsive throwback empowerment song where she drops the word “mansplaining” and butchers “Mr. Sandman” just to call a guy a bum. If you think about it, this is kind of what Sabrina Carpenter would do later with songs like “Manchild.” Except, you know, that song isn’t excruciating dogshit. The story behind this is apparently some asshole dude said her being pregnant would ruin her career, so in essence this is a diss track to the guy. In that light, I am sympathetic to Trainor, but quite frankly she could have made a way better song to get her point across and not some vapid attempt to go viral on TikTok that co-opts queer slang.

9. “Fight Song” – Rachel Platten

There are few songs that are as catastrophically cursed as this one. In an era where awful, weightless empowerment anthems like “Scars to You’re Beautiful” and “Roar,” this song reigned supreme as the most meaningless and toothless of them all, a girlboss empowerment anthem so basic and pointless it feels like it was generated by an AI—so of course Hillary Clinton used it for her ill-fated campaign. I think there’s a not unreasonable thought that this song, with how awful and weak it is, cost her the election, so in a way this song is responsible for Donald Trump.

8. “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” – Toby Keith

The aftermath of 9/11 changed the world forever, mostly for the worst, and nowhere is that more evident than with country music. What was once a genre home to rebellious lawbreakers and people who stuck their middle finger up at authority morphed into a bunch of boot licking jingoists who would rip you apart if you dared criticize the government. Is Toby Keith singlehandedly responsible for the ruination of country? Of course not, but he has the biggest and most emblematic piece of music that highlights the dreadful shift. It’s easy to say in hindsight how whipping people into a patriotic fervor to get them to support a pointless eternal war in the Middle East was bad, but if you weren’t stupid it was easy to say back then as well. Unfortunately, Toby Keith was a real dumb fucker.

7. “Flatline” – B.o.B.

This is the sound of a man having a mental breakdown. Antisemitism, science denial, weird disses at Neil DeGrasse Tyson for things other than the fact he’s a joyless pervert… it’s like InfoWars if it was a song. B.o.B. completely tanked his career with this deranged rap, and quite frankly it’s well-deserved. We don’t need any more Jew-hating lunatics in a genre that already has Kanye West.

6. “Happy Ending” – Hopsin

I’m tired, guys. I’ve had to listen to so much shit to make this list, and right when I thought it was over I listened to some dude’s racist jerk off fantasy. This is revoltingly stereotypical and features the kind of accent you’d expect Rob Schneider to put on in an Adam Sandler movie—a real mood killer if there ever was one. This is the kind of song that could only be released under the first Trump administration, because that’s when vulgar edgelord behavior had its final dying gasps before people woke up in the 2020s. Depressingly, this still isn’t the most racist or misogynistic song on the list.

5. “Accidental Racist” – Brad Paisley feat. LL Cool J

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. This is a song about a country guy and a rap guy trying to bridge the gap and end racism, and failing miserably in every regard. This song is a true buffet of bafflingly bad lyrics, from Paisley trying to say wearing the stars and bars on his shirt is just being a Skynyrd fan to LL Cool J saying he’ll forgive slavery if you except his bling to—most insanely of all—LL saying RIP to Robert E. Lee. The title truly is an apt one, because this is the single most accidentally racist song ever made, the musical equivalent of saying “Oh, I have a black friend!”

4. “Stimulated” – Tyga

Have you ever wanted to hear a rap song where a guy talks about how stimulated the underage girl he’s fucking feels in graphic detail, all while openly admitting he was told he “should’ve waited??” If the answer is yes, you’re a sick fuck, but boy do I have a song for you! How was this even allowed?

3. “Big Foot” – Nicki Minaj

These days Nicki is known for being a MAGA lunatic and a hypocritical asshat who goes on coke-fueled rants on Twitter and is just generally an unpleasant weirdo only outdone in the rap game by Kanye West, and tracks like “Big Foot” really cemented that status for all time. A diss—er, sorry, a response directed at Megan Thee Stallion for a perceived slight towards her sex offender husband in the song “Hiss,” this is awful lyrics that make no attacks of any substance (oh no! Megan has big feet! The horror!) combined with a terrible beat that culminates in a cringeworthy ASMR section that feels like the ending of “Hit ‘Em Up” if Tupac had zero understanding of what makes music good. This is a level of bad that quite frankly should tank a career for good.

2. “I Admit” – R. Kelly

This is the musical equivalent of O. J. Simpson’s If I Did It. For 19 minutes (!!!) Kelly admits he’s “made mistakes” while dancing around his misogyny, his pedophilia, his abuse of women, what he did to Aayliah, and so on. It’s like if “Trapped in the Closet” took itself dead seriously and tried to deny peeing on underage girls was a big deal without outright admitting to that. The only other thing to be said is that I feel bad for his lawyers, cuz if my client dropped this I’d be playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.

1. “You Dun Goofed” – Blood on the Dance Floor