#chiskz

The older girl sighed, before sitting on the floor in front of him. She didn't want to move over to the couch in the corner of the practice room - too afraid that it would be comfortable and she'd lean onto him like she always used to do. It was something she couldn't do anymore.

It didn't take Changbin long to sit down aswell, facing her. He thought she would not notice the way his hands were shaking. It was confusing to the fake maknae - Why was he nervous, when she was the one with a broken heart? She took a deep breath and lifted her head, finally looking into the boys eyes. "You want to talk, Changbin? So talk."

His heart ached for her calling him by his name. She always called him Binnie. Everytime without fail. But she was in too much pain to do that. And he couldn't help but hear the venom in her voice. He knew she didn't mean it - it was a mere attempt to push him away in order to reduce the pain for herself. But that didn't make it hurt any less for him. With a slightly quivering lower lip he finally started speaking.

"I want to apologize to you, bunny. I have been wanting to do that for a while now, but whenever I tried to talk to you, you did everything in your power to avoid me. You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself!", he stopped himself before the passion in his voice would become too strong and he'd get loud. He knew he shouldn't blame her. She was only trying to protect herself.

Chichi wanted to leave. She wanted to run away from this again. But she knew she couldn't. They were locked in a room by their friends and she was sure that they would not allow them to leave until they finally solved the issue that had been clouding both of their minds throughout the last days. So she bit her lower lip, sucked in her cheeks harshly and kept every mean word in her mind from spilling out. If she yelled at him again she not only would start another fight, but also wasn't sure if she would forgive herself for hurting him again. Her heart may have been broken because she lost her love, but he lost her best friend.

Changbin looked at her expectantly - wanting to get a reaction out of her. Any reaction, really. But when he saw the the pinkish color slowly drawing from how much force she was using to bite down on her lip, he knew what he needed to do.

Shuffling over to her was kind of awkward from his cross-legged position, but he still made his way over to her and got closer. He lifted his arms, streching them away from his body as a way to offer her a hug. It was a way to make sure she was okay with this - with his embrace. He would never need to ask her permission for a hug, but he wasn't so sure right now. And it didn't take long for the tears to spill out of the corners of her eyes. Her heart was racing, unable to control her emotions anymore. Chichi basically jumped into Changbins arms and after barely a second he went and closed his arms around her, successfully pressing her body into his chest. The hug was tight, but he knew she needed it.

Ichi let her tears fall, her body still shaking. She couldn't voice her fears to him. She was so sure she lost him. Yet all she really wanted was his embrace.

The younger man removed one arm from her back and put it to the back of her head. He brushed through the strands of her hair carefully, like he had done so many times before.

It was difficult for him to find the right words - he opened his mouth to speak so many times, only to close it again. But when he heard her sobs he decided to just let his words spill out. He was going to let his heart speak.

"Park Ichi, can you not tell how much you mean to me? When I wake up the first thing I think about is how much I hope we can go to the gym together again. When I fall asleep you are the last thing on my mind. I constantly think about your beautiful bright smile, especially when I am the one that makes you show it. I never stop thinking about how I can be closer to you than the day before. When you were with Seungmin, even if it was only for show, I could feel my heart break. I could feel it shatter. When I see you in a shirt you stole from me I could start crying from how adorable you look in it. And when you give it back I hope that it smells like you."

The girl couldn't see his tears, but she felt the wetness of them on her shoulder - seeping through the material of her shirt. He was shivering but continued, "I would give up everything in life to be with you. To get another minute with you. I wrote a whole damn song for you! Even STAY figured out that Doodle was about you, but you were so goddamn oblivious. And that day, when you told me how you felt about me-", he stopped in the middle of his sentence when he felt Ichi loosen their mutual embrace. She pulled back to look into his eyes. Her arms had found his back a while ago.

The hand that Changbin had rested on her head moved to Chichis cheek, softly holding his palm there. He was sunbconsciously drawing small patterns on her chin and she leaned into his touch - her eyes closing for a moment to feel his touch more vividly.

When the rapper continued talking she looked at him again. "The reason why I didn't react was because it didn't feel real. I felt like a teenager who's crush just confessed to him. Which is kind of exactly what happened, I guess.", he sighed, annoyed that he still couldn't find the right words to tell her how he felt.

Both of them stopped crying slowly, only staring into eachothers eyes. They were stuck in this moment. And all they found was pure adoration and love. For the first time in days both of them felt that comfortable piece that always surrounded them when they were together. Not a single sign of hesitancy was in either of their faces when they both leaned in simultaniously.

It felt like a firework exploded the second their lips touched. Ichi noticed that his lips were softer than she imagined, when she thought about kissing him during some intimate moments they shared. And now - for the first time - those thoughts became reality. He let out a tiny, almost inaudible, sigh into the kiss when Chichis arms moved from his back to his neck. He pulled her face even closer into his, if that was even possible.

Neither one of them wanted to release the other. Not one of them wanted this moment to end. But the need for oxygen in their lungs unfortunately won over and they pulled apart breathlessly.

When their eyes met for the nth time this day, both of them started smiling. Changbin tried to keep his smile subtle, but he couldn't stop from grinning widely. Ichi blushed visibly, but so did he.

The young man moved the thumb from her chin to her lip, touching it carefully, as if he couldn't believe what just happened and needed to relive the moment.

"Seo Changbin, I love you. So, so, so much. So much, that it hurts."

"Aishiteru, usagi."

Ichi broke out in loud laughter, "Let's work on your japanese pronounciation, boyfriend!" "Boyfriend? I like the sound of that, bunny!"

A loud knock on the door stopped the boy from puting, "Ayo, are you done being all gross now? We're all going out to eat. Wanna join us?" "Only if you pay, Seungmin!", Chichi jumped up, slid her hand into Changbins and pulled him up and towards the door. The singer let out a disapproving huff. "Maybe I'll just leave you locked in, then." "YAH, LET US OUT SEUNGMIN-AH!"

"Aishiteru, usagi." - "I love you, bunny.

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It took the younger man some deep breaths to process what she said. And when he did it felt like everything around him stopped. The soft white-noise from the lamps was gone at once. The taste of his lunch left his tongue. The room stopped smelling of lemon-y cleaning detergent. He was engulfed by Ichi. All he could see was Chichi. All he could smell was Chichi. All he noticed was Chichi.

The world stopped moving. For a few moments it was completely still. And, unfortunately for both of them, so was he.

And while Changbin was still trying to perceive the information, the oldest member moved her hands from her face. She turned around faster than he ever saw her move before and started to run. He tried to grab her arm, to pull her back to him. He never wanted to hug her more than right this moment. If only he was fast enough.

Changbin was an intelligent guy, he knew that, except right now he was beating himself up for acting like the biggest idiot he ever encountered. His brain was working through her confession for so long, that he took too long to react to it whatsoever. And this lack of reaction broke her heart.

He wanted to move, to run after her, but he couldn't. His feet felt like they were glued to the floor. Only when the door slammed close did he completely understand what just happened.

Ichi just confessed that she was in love with him. And he didn't react.

The stillness was gone. He knew it wasn't actually possible, but that didn't change the fact that his world started spinning faster. Adrenaline started pumping through his veins. It reached every last limb in his body. He yanked open the door, sprinting into the hallway. "Chichi!"

But Chichi couldn't hear him. She was gone and already sitting in the backseat of a cab. "Where to?", the driver asked.

Technically the dorms were where she lived, so why did she feel like she just lost her home?

That night the oldest member went straight into her room - not even batting an eye at her friends greeting her - and didn't leave it for a while. The boys were worried - of course - but she wasn't telling them anything whatsoever. Chichi was clearly distraught. She avoided Changbin every chance she got. She didn't look at him, didn't listen to him unless absolutely necessary and she did not talk to him - no matter how often he tried to clear things up.

Seungmin, Jeongin and Felix sat together one evening, sharing a coffee - actually the aussie was drinking a hot chocolate because his younger friends didn't allow him to consume any caffeine - and trying to share what they knew to cheer up their female member.

Chichi told Seungmin about her feelings for Changbin a while ago when they were forced to fake date. And Felix was the person who caught her crying that night when the SeungChi-breakup was finally approved by JYPE. They both understood how she felt and had their ideas as to what must have happened. Ichi didn't exactly tell them, but she shared what had gone on with her best friend, Jeongin. And through a series of events all of them found out that they had pieces of the story and together they combined the puzzle pieces. Which led them to come up with a plan.

Dance practice went fairly okay, a few mistakes from some of them every now and then, but that was to be expected when learning a new choreography. It surprised the fake maknae when Jeongin asked her to help him out in the dance studio - appearently he was struggling with a few things and wanted some one-on-one lesson from his favourite dancer. Of course she could never say no to her baby, so he went to the studio as soon as possible.

What she didn't expect was to enter an empty room. Assuming that the youngest member was going to join her soon she kept herself busy, scrolling through her phone and waiting patiently.

The door opening made a small creaking sound, so she turned around with a big grin on her lips, "Jeongin-ah, what took you so long?" The smile was gone mere moments after when she noticed that it wasn't Jeongin who was standing in the doorway. Instead Felix gently slapped Changbins shoulder, "Sorry man, I actually don't need any help with my rapping right now.", he gave him a lopsided smile, encouraging the dark rapper to enter the room.

"Oh hell no! This isn't happening. I'm going to leave!", Ichi walked towards the door. "Can't we just talk?", Changbin sighed, "Please." And for the first time in days she actually looked at him. His hair was messy, as if he hadn't brushed it in a while. He had dark circles under his eyes. His entire face was puffy and his shoulders were slumped. He looked like he had a couple of difficult nights. It broke her heart even more to see him with so much depseration. She missed him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now.", her voice was quiet.

She was about to leave again, but this time he was fast enough to grab her wrist. He didn't apply any pressure, but the young woman had no fight left and let him hold her in place.

Seungmin appeared in the doorway. "Sorry guys, but you need this.", he closed the door to the practice room. The two best friends knew they were locked in when they heard a key turning in the look. How the hell did Seungmin even get a key for the room?

Taglist: @longingpurity @hyujinnie1 @sensitiveandhungry @minvho @hee0soo @minnnie-binnie @zoe8stay @l3visbby @bbyquokka @imafivestarkpopstan @mxnsxngie @serenitysoda200 @lino-jagiyaa @notastraykid @alixnsuperstxr @chanlovesme

Changbin didn't look too different either. There was a damp sign of exhaustion on his grey shirt aswell and he had to continuously dry off his hair with a towel to keep the drops from running into his eyes.

Yet neither one of the idols really cared, both of them blasting music through their earphones, working out tirelessly for two hours already. It was something they did regularly. They had their little routine, rarely ever skipping a day. Sometimes Minho, Chan or Jisung would join them, but today it was just Changbin and Chichi.

They hadn't talked in a while, just enjoying eachothers company in silence. There was no need for them to make conversation. A lot of times they understood eachother nonverbally, sometimes reading the others body language but more often just having a feeling as for what to do. Which was why Chichi made sure to finish what she was doing as quickly as possible, when she saw Changbin get ready to do some squats with weights. It's not that he couldn't lift the weight - she knew he could. He had done it several times before, with impressive weights added at that. But sometimes, Ichi noticed, her friend tended to be a little careless about his safety in the gym - especially when something was bothering him.

The rapper already started squatting a few times, but set the weight down again when he saw Chichi approaching. Sometimes, during this part of their routine, they would talk about their dinner plans or make fun of another dramatic thing Hyunjin said that day. So both of them took off their headphones silently, knowing this would be the last part of the workout.

Changbin seemed to be very preoccupied with his thoughts, though, so the girl didn't bother making conversation, instead moving around the man to watch his backmuscles contract. It was quite aesthetic to watch... The rapper was so in thought, in fact, that he was only able to do one more squat with the added weights before he lost the strength in his legs, clearly struggling to lift it back up. He couldn't let the bar fall carelessly either, as it would risk hurting his feet with the position he was standing in.

Chichi, luckily, noticed his inbalance and struggle fast - his huffing noticeably loud enough for anyone to hear and she worked out with him so many times by now, that her observation came to her easily. She ran towards him, moving her arms around his sides and helping him take some of the weight. Both of them were able to set the bar back into its designated spot together quite quickly, only then noticing the position they found themselves in.

The womans front was pressed into his back. Her arms were slowly moving to his biceps, squeezing a bit as a way to comfort the overworked man. "Are you okay, Bin? This was dangerous...", Chichi forrowed her brows in worry. "Yeah.", Changbin lowered his head a bit. He knew overworking himself like this was stupid, but he thruthfully didn't even notice he couldn't handle it. His mind was elsewhere and he just tried to distract himself from his thoughts. Unsuccessfully at that, taking into account the situation he was in right now. "Just...", his voice was a mere whisper, "Can we just... stay like this? Just for a little while longer?"

The rapper couldn't see her, but Ichis ears changed color, a soft red glow showing up. She didn't respond, instead she removed her hands away from his arms and put them around his stomach, pressing herself closer into his back. In any other moment she probably would have made sure of his sweaty shirt, but she needed this just as much as Changbin did. He leaned back a bit, feeling his heartbeat slowly calm after the original shock. His hands found hers as he layed them on top.

The hug ended after a while, lingering touches disappearing. Throughout the entire rest of their day Chichi still felt the warmth of his palms, even though it was more like the ghost of a memory.

Changbin would never tell her, but the hug she gave him that day helped him a lot to finally be completely sure in what he felt.

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Chichi radiated confidence. Her eyes looked like small crescent moons because of the wide grin she was giving Changbin. He sat across from her, seperated by the glass wall in the recording studio. "How did I do? I think this is it!", she was satisfied with the ad-lips she just sang into the microphone. They were recording them for their upcoming album. All of the other members were already done, but with her busy schedule for Troubl3mak3rs, some personal projects and life in general, the oldest only now got the time to record. And who better to create some ad-lips with than Seo "Yooooh" Changbin.

She took of the headphones she was wearing all throughout the process and put them in their designated space. When she looked at the rapper through the see-through wall, he seemed anything but happy. His hands were moving through his hair, pulling it back and out of his face. He seemed stressed, his eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong, Binnie?" Ichi couldn't hear his sigh, but it was obvious that something was bothering him. Were her recordings not as good as she thought?

"Why are you being distant with me?", he didn't look angry at all, instead a hurt expression became clear through his glossy eyes. The girl knew what he was talking about, but she couldn't tell him that. There was no way she could explain why she stayed away from him, so she did the only thing she could think of in this moment; She lied. "What are you talking about?"

He stood up fast, pushing his chair back with so much strength that it got shoved into the dark couch behind him. It would definitely leave a mark on the leather, but that didn't matter to Changbin right now. What mattered, was to find out why his best friend was lying to him right now. "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" The young mans eyes widened, he didn't mean to yell at her. He knew of her past and the damage it could do, but he was so afraid to loose her, almost intoxicated with that fear, that he lost control of the volume. She didn't even flinch, sure he would never hurt her. Yet he still apologized instantly - ashamed that he shouted at her.

Instead of panicking, Ichi grew furious. She walked towards the door seperating the recording room from all of the mixing-technology and opened it with all her strength. It didn't slam against the frame, because it was secured with rubber, but it still visualized her anger well.

"What the actual fuck, Changbin?" He visibly cringed at the name, not used to being called anything but loving nicknames by her. Tears built up in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. She may trust him with her life, but showing weakness - which crying in front of the members felt like to her - was not something she took lightly. It was almost trivial. Of course they had all seen her with tears on her cheeks, but never like this. Never because she was the one causing someone else pain.

She stepped closer, now directly staring at the muscular man in front of her. "You know I care about you. I'd never want to hurt you. Ever...", towards the end of her sentence her voice grew quiet. Enormous amounts of guilt spread through her entire body. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Then why the hell have you been ignoring me? You say you don't want to hurt me...", before his voice could become more forceful he caught himself, not wanting to get too loud again. His next words were quiet, a mere whisper. Anyone observing would think he was saying something sweet or comforting. His voice was warm and almost soft, "But you have been the cause of most of my pain during the last weeks.", his voice broke, tears pooling in his eyes aswell, "I needed you! I needed my best friend to cheer me up, but she wasn't there...she was the reason why I needed cheering up in the first place."

Chichi couldn't practically feel her heart break into a million tiny pieces at his words. Her bottom lip quivered, her mouth drying up in an instant. Her chest felt heavy, but not in a comfortable way. Instead of feeling heavy with love, it felt heavy with pain. It was like someone filled her chest with thousands of stones and told her to keep moving. Every single breath felt like a burden on her body. She knew she couldn't keep it a secret anymore. It was eating her alive to be the cause of so much pain for him; To be the reason her best friends heart was aching. She was fighting with herself. The girl knew she owed him this honesty, but she was deadly afraid of what would happen once he knew. Ichi didn't think she would survive it if she lost him. Especially not like this.

This was the moment where Park Ichi let go of her restraints for the first time in years. She released all the built up emotions, all the fear and pain and anger that she stored in her body for so long. And with that release she also rid herself of the control for them. Ichi let the tears roll down her cheeks a while ago, her pupils widened in stress. "You want to know, why I've been ignoring you, huh, Changbin?", she took one last step closer, pointing her finger at his chest. With every word she said she got louder and louder. "I was ignoring you, because I can't be close to you anymore. I want to cry because I can't touch you. My heart aches because I just want you to tell me THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE, BUT IT WON'T BE!", she was yelling now. Enraged by her own emotions. "I'M IN MOTHERFUCKING LOVE WITH YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING IDIOT!"

Chichis eyes widened in shock. She unconsiously threw her hands over her mouth. The tears she was releasing were not from anger or sadness anymore. They were filled with regret. She could never take this back. This would change everything. She probably just destroyed her most dear friendship and there was no way to change that.

And the only thing Changbin did was stare at her...

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The oldest Stray Kids member had been stuck in the dorms, not finding the motivation to really do anything productive. The enthusiasm to continue studying was long gone, considering she had done nothing else but fill her brain with information about law in the last month. Today was the groups one day off, leaving everyone to spend time with friends or family. More or less at least. Chris was in the studio, producing, as per usual, and Seungmin also stayed at home, not really wanting to hang out with a lot of people.

Or so she thought, because just as she finished sending a meme into her groupchat with Felix, Hyunjin and Keeho, a knock on her door made her raise her head. Logically thinking, this could only be Seungmin, her new fake-boyfriend. "Come in!", Ichi exclaimed, waiting for the door to open. She was right, it was the singer. Seungmin didn't say a word and just threw himself onto her bed, groaning in frustration. "I'm bored.", he sighed. The girl raised an eyebrow, "And what am I supposed to do about that?" "I don't know. I thought maybe as my fake-girlfriend that I am fake-dating we could go on a fake-date.", he waved his hands in front of her face, waving his hands into all directions and getting louder whenever he said a word relating to their situation. "Hmm.", Chichi thought about it for a moment, "I guess JYP did tell us do get sighted on a date or something like that..." She pouted a little at the thought of having to leave the comfort of her warm home during the current weather. Chichi ended up throwing him out of her room so she could get changed for their outing, agreeing to his plan.

The singer took his oldest member to a café, treating her to her favourite drink. Thinking back, the newest addition realized, that this was the first time she had ever spent any time with Seungmin alone. They hung out within the group, but it was never just the two of them. They didn't dislike eachother or anything, there was just never a chance or need for them to get into further conversation. Which was why this was a great chance to change that.

"Did I ever tell you how intimidated I was by your singing?", Chichi mumbled into her non-existent beard. He barely heard her words, "What do you mean?" "Well...I was so impressed by your vocal control. It made me realize I still had so much to learn. But I was always to afraid to ask you for help." Seungmin tilted his head slightly, trying to make sense of the information he just learned, "But I was intimidated by you!" The young woman started to giggle loudly, "Why the hell would you-" "You may have been new, but you were already so good at both singing and dancing. I was kind of afraid you would take my spot...", the boy got more quiet towards the end of his sentence. He was clearly embarassed by his feelings.

"Well-", Chichi clapped her hands, "I'm glad we got that out of the way. That kind of explains a lot." She smiled at the young man in front of her, changing the topic so they wouldn't be forced into an awkward conversation, "And now that we are dating, madly in love with eachother, I feel like we should get to the juicy details!" Her smile went from something warm and comforting into one you would probably run away from if you saw someone look at you like that. Anybody that didn't know her would likely consider her expression crazy. Seungmin was about to ask her what she meant by that, when she started speaking again. "If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why."

Throughout the date both parties realized, that they had no idea why they never really hung out before. They found a lot of similarities between them. At one point, when they noticed that they were currently both watching the same drama, they decided to schedule movie-nights to watch it together from now on and get more chances to spend time.

Chichi was sure this fake-dating thing could work. Now that they understood their similiarities, they could easily sell that they were in love. Of course it would still hurt, acting like she liked someone, when the person she really wanted to be with was so close and yet too far away, but she would figure this out somehow. Ichi was strong and some stupid publicity stunt wouldn't change that.

A server at the café ended up kicking them out at around closing time, because the two idols had completely missed how much time passed. The sun had already set by the time they went back outside and the way home was filled with loud laughter and slight friendly shoves. Their original mission of being seen in public was long forgotten - it had turned from that into an actual hangout of two friends. Ichi was glad that she gained a new friend through this generally unfortunate situation, instead of just seeing him as a colleague, knowing that acting like they were dating was going to be more of a fun activity, rather than a chore. Of course they had noticed a couple fans not so subtly photographing and filming them throughout the day, but they used it as a chance to cuddle up to the other a littlem, holding hands, basically making it look like they were actual partners.

Back at the dorms Seungmin went to have a conversation with Hyunjin, who had come back from spending his time with Kkami and family a few hours ago. Chichi knocked on Changbins door, wanting to tell him about the day she's had, only to find his room empty. "He's still out with his parents.", Jisung mentioned when he noticed the confused Chichi, while he was walking by. Her view lowered onto the floor, "Oh. Thanks." She went over to her own room, getting comfortable on her bed, but not before changing into some comfortable clothes again. It was weird for the rapper not to be home yet, considering they had plans to hang out and watch a movie tonight. Maybe he forgot?

Chichi tried to wrap her head around what may be going on, snuggling into the sweater she stole from Changbin a few days ago, inhaling the scent of his perfume that still covered the fabric.

x ~~~~~ x ~~~~~ x ~~~~~ x ~~~~~ x

Taglist: @longingpurity, @hyujinnie1, @sensitiveandhungry, @minvho, @skz-jisoo, @minnnie-binnie, @zoe8stay, @l3visbby, @bbyquokka Feel free to let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!